Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 18 - The antidote of intimacy Scripture focus: I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me. [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency.] Philippians 4:13 AMP "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." He glares up at me - daring me to question his decision in light of such clear biblical precedent. My son was convinced that it was time for him to move out and get a place of his own. I'm a big fan of kids growing up and getting their own pads. In this case, I thought six was a little young. Armed with his Buz Light Year backpack filled with snacks and GI Joes, my son was ready to take on the world. It had been a tough day on the home front, and my boy desperately desired a little isolation. "Have you decided where you're going?" "On an adventure!" "Well, of course you are! I mean where are you going to sleep tonight? It'll be dark soon, and cold. Have you got warm covers and a flashlight? What about taking a thermos of hot chocolate - you love that on cold nights!" "Maybe you could get it for me?" He asks tentatively. "Actually, I'm starting dinner - tonight is taco night, remember? I don't have the strength to do that and pack too." He stares off toward the front door and freedom. "Maybe I'll stay for tacos and then leave for my adventure." It sounds cute now, but back then, we were in the midst of a messy moment. I've forgotten all the particulars, but feelings had been hurt that day. One of the difficult things about intimacy is that it is so darn imperfect. We hurt each other's feelings. It's uncomfortable. On bad days, we want to pack up our backpacks and head for freedom. "One of the difficult things about intimacy is that if we have been hurt in the past, it is the opposite of what we think we need and want. We think our greatest need is protection to prevent any further damage. But it is not protection we need, it is safe connection to help us view the world in a different way." (p. 58 in Reframe Your Life) "The beginning of a reframed life is making the move to connect in deeper and more intimate ways with others. It does not fix everything, but it is a giant step toward seeing life as it really is." ( p.59) Dinner, dessert, and wrestling with dad ended all talks of moving out that night. But we've had other challenges in our family and I imagine we will have more in the future. We're choosing intimacy - imperfect, messy and inconvenient - over isolation. Sometimes it's hard. I guess that's why living life on God's terms requires heart. Recommended reading: Genesis 37 and 38 in the morning; Psalm 16 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV Click "Comments" Below to Join the Discussion Scroll down to the Archive Section to View Previous Devotionals.

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World ====================================================== Day 17 – Disconnected Isolation Scripture focus: Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2 NIV So far in our devotionals we’ve covered several roadblocks to recovery: stubborn resistance, intentions, arrogant entitlement, and resentment. (See the book Reframe Your Life for a more thorough treatment of the subject.) Arterburn calls the next hurdle “disconnected isolation.” In a beautifully crafted description that hits a little too close to home for me, Arterburn claims that he has no problems with people – so long as he is alone! How true is that? He goes on to make a compelling case for why this kind of thinking could land us in big trouble. “It is when I gather with others that I have to come face-to-face with who I am. The worst in me can lie dormant for years as long as no one is around to awaken the sleeping giant. It is amazing just how easy life is when I’m isolated. You would really like me if you observed me alone. But the “perfection” that many of us experience when we are alone and disconnected is flawed. Life is easier for us, but it is emptier. We don’t have to face who we really are so we don’t know the areas in which we need to grow. Stagnation becomes comfortable and we stop developing the maturity and wisdom God wants for us. I can remain in complete denial. I can feed all my bad habits and deep resentments and allow them to shrink my life and potential. I can take my place alongside the millions of others who have decided to surrender to a life with the least resistance and least chance for meaning and purpose. For those who have settled into this rut, it seems like the perfect way to live. In reality, it is the perfect setup to miss life as it is meant to be.” (p.55) I’ve lost count of the number of people I know who have walked out on their families, trading them in for a more controlled environment – without all those nasty complications that arise when we have to get along with others. At first, I’m told it seems like a relief. Imagine a world where the only dirty socks left lying around were yours! No one cares which end of the toothpaste you squeeze! Every meal can be your favorite! No arguments over whose turn it is to take out the trash (never mind the small fact that every turn is now your turn)! Currently I live in a virtual fraternity house. My three guys are constantly reminding me of our connectedness. They come into the kitchen where I’m happily watching television in blissful isolation as I prepare dinner – and change the channel (without asking)! They have friends over and play instruments plugged into amps until my chandeliers shake, rattle and roll. But these frat boys aren’t messing with a relationship rookie. I’ve had one little chick leave the nest. The daily dirty sock dispensers, toothpaste globbers, pizza party throwers, reluctant trash-taker-outers, tv hoggers, and musical maniacs will one day fly the coup like their big sis. And I’ll hate it. I’ll look at my calendar and eagerly wait for the day when these chicks come home and ruffle my feathered nest. Arterburn is right. Isolation may be tidy, but it’s also lonely. For those who find a way to live in disconnected isolation – watch out. Your world may be tidy, but your life will become anemic. Recommended reading: Genesis 35 and 36 in the morning; Matthew 12 and Psalm 15 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV

NSC Devotional Jan 16

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 16 - Justifiable Resentment Scripture focus: Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple. Job 5:2 NIV Once upon a time I lived with a huge resentment lodged in my gut. I dragged it with me and laid it out in all its ugliness, telling a trusted friend the nature of my suffering. It was messy. My friend listened empathetically, nodding gently, and at one point, crying softly. It was music to my ears when she said, "It sounds like your resentment is justifiable." "Yes!" I cried in agreement! It's great to be in the company of someone who both understands and agrees! She went on to list several ways this infraction was continuing to cost me - I was distracted, listless, depressed, unfocused - all as a direct result of the resentment I was so justifiably suffering. Then she asked a great question. "I wonder why you want to continue to be dragged down by this terrible prior bad act? At this point, it seems like the actual offense was less destructive than its aftermath - your reaction to the betrayal." Huh? How could this be? Wasn't the betrayal awful? Yes it was. But my friend was right - truly, the event caused fewer negative repercussions in my life than my reaction to the single act of bad behaving on the part of another. My friend totally gave me permission to live with the resentment I so deeply felt I deserved. But she loved me too much to let me marinate foolishly without throwing me a rope that I could choose to use to climb out of my pit of pity. Sometimes resentments are justified, other times they're just plain old petty. Either way, they are barriers to big hearts. Even the novice biblical student knows that scripture commands that we get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger (Ephesians 4:31). I know this because so many people want to have God conversations about this issue. In my personal experience, I've never met a single person who is shocked to discover that God wants us to be big-hearted, forgiving people. Most people have at least one piece of bitterness lodged deep within them that they believe - without a shadow of doubt - simply cannot be what God is talking about when he says "Get rid of it!" Surely, they say, God doesn't expect me to do such a thing in this instance. To be quite frank, he does. Why? Because he said so! Since he's our Creator God, and he knows how we are made, I can only assume that he knows more about our innards than we do. If he says get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, he knows what he's talking about. Resentment is worse for us that high blood pressure, cholesterol or diabetes. It's a killer. How do we get rid of resentment? Through a process that takes time and humility. It requires us to take a good hard look at ourselves, and acknowledge our own bad behaving (giving us a fresh perspective on another's sin). We have to be willing to rely more on God's character than our feelings on any given subject. That means we must discipline ourselves to believe the truth that God restores, transforms, heals, and more. Gradually all this truth-telling allows us to reframe the offense (and offender) with a renewed perspective. It allows us to refocus. Eventually, with liberal reliance on the grace and mercy of God - we learn how to forgive. Living with resentment requires getting up close and personal with suffering (cyclical - the kind that keeps us in a swivet but gets us nowhere fast). All this truth-telling and re-aligning causes suffering too. But it is productive - and provides a pathway to peace. Recommended reading: Genesis 33 and 34 in the morning; Matthew 11 and Psalm 14 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV Click "Comments" Below to Join the Discussion Scroll down to the Archive Section to View Previous Devotionals.

NSC Devotional Jan 15

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 15 - The Perfect Antidote Scripture focus:  So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in his good time he will honor you.     1 Peter 5:6 NLT "I need to run to the drugstore and get some Pepto-Bismol."  "Why?  Is your stomach upset?" "Well, no, but we're running low." "Ok. "  I say ok, but I'm really puzzled.  My husband does not like to shop in stores of any kind.  The only three things that I know he cares about running out of enough to go to the store for are:  Ritz crackers, peanut butter and orange juice.  Well, and computers,  televisions if they break on the night prior to a big game AND anything that hinders reception of any and every sporting event.  These passions I understand - but Pepto-Bismol?  It turns out that Pete believes that Pepto-Bismol cures just about everything from upset stomachs to the common cold.  Evidently this was a common medicinal staple in his medicine cabinet growing up.  In my family, we weren't too keen on over-the-counter meds.  If it didn't require a prescription, it wasn't worth having!  But we did believe strongly in the power of peanut butter.  And I can assure you that anyone in my family would travel through rain, sleet, snow or hail if that jar of peanut butter showed signs of depletion.  I wonder what your family system counts on to cure suffering - whether physical, emotional or spiritual?  Think about it - how does your family comfort itself when faced with suffering? According to Stephen Arterburn in his book Reframe Your Life,  neither Pepto-Bismol or Jif Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter hold the power to heal.  Arterburn says that the antidote for much of our suffering is found in true humility.  Last week we considered three barriers to transformation (stubborn resistance, good intentions and arrogant entitlement).  In this awesome book, he suggests that humility is absent when any of the three barriers are in place - especially entitlement.  In a culture that prides itself on the "me first" mentality, humility may sound like a dirty word to lots of us.  Listen to humility's description found in Reframe Your Life (and draw your own conclusions about its value). "Humility has no steps to climb up and over others.  It reaches out to connect with others, appreciating them for who they are, not just what they can do for you.  A humble person is not using everything within himself to further his own cause, but rather there is a desire to use whatever power, strength, or position to help others and meet their needs.  The result is a rich life full of valuable relationships with family and friends, amassing moments of wonder where others have been helped by the efforts of a humble heart reaching out." (p.42) I know that many of us have experienced life and concluded that we have been climbed up and over one time too many to continue trusting mere mortals.  Maybe you're one of those who decided to fight back with a little clever climbing of your own.  I understand how you feel.  You have a choice to make.  Do you want the small satisfaction found in Pyrrhic victories won by squashing others on your way to the top?  Or do you want more? People with big hearts can't afford the luxury of small-minded thinking. Recommended reading:  Genesis 32 and Proverbs 4 in the morning; Psalm 13 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.  Proverbs 4:23 TNIV   Click "Comments" Below to Join the Discussion Scroll down to the Archive Section to View Previous Devotionals.

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NSC Devotional Jan 14

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 14 Scripture focus:  So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor.  Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.  1 Peter 5:6-7 NLT The week in summary (1).  God delights in us.  This delight is not contingent upon us living up to his expectations.  He delights in us simply because he's our father and he loves us. (2).  God's delight in us is not a theological concept so much as it is a clarion call to reframe the way we view him, ourselves and our world. (3).  Unfortunately, many of us are stubbornly resistant to changing our worldview.  This is a tragedy because our wrong-headed views may be a greater barrier to fulfillment than any of the suffering and traumas we've experienced. (4).  If we want to change our current situation, we must be willing to be teachable. (5).  Two kinds of suffering were mentioned this week:  cyclical suffering and productive suffering.  There's a difference. (6).  Hopefully this week has provided an opportunity to consider our personal brand of suffering. (7).  "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" may not be a biblical quote, but it certainly can become a reality in our lives.  Good intentions may reside in our heads and hearts, but if we don't act on them, they are of no consequence in the grand scheme of things. (8).  People who go through life with an air of entitlement may get some goodies but may miss the good life.  Entitlement is a characteristic of arrested development. (9).  Willingness to see other people's perspectives is one way to break through the barriers of resistance, good intentions and entitlement. (10).  The cool thing about God is that his purposes prevail; he follows through on his intentions.  He intends for your life to have meaning and purpose; blessings and abundance.  This completes the first fourteen steps of your 365 step journey; I pray you are nearer to God as a result of the steps you've taken this week.      Recommended reading:  Genesis 30 and 31 in the morning; Matthew 10 and Psalm 12 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.  Proverbs 4:23 TNIV   Click "Comments" Below to Join the Discussion   Scroll down to the Archive Section to View Previous Devotionals.

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NSC Devotional Jan 13

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 13 Scripture focus:  After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, "Do you understand what I was doing?  You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and you are right, because that's what I am.  And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other's feet.  I have given you an example to follow.  Do as I have done to you.  I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master.  Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message.  Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them.  John 13:12-17 NLT I had been invited to speak at a gathering of fellow believers and was thrilled.   It was a long drive and the roads were rain-slicked.  Traffic was heavy.  What was usually a pleasant experience for me - solitary driving without my teenage children's musical selections to distract me - turned stressful.  No worries, I thought.  The meeting will be fun.  I arrived at my destination and was completely ignored.  Eventually I started introducing myself - a piece of cake for an extrovert.  But it was a bit disconcerting to be greeted with, "You aren't one of those long-winded types are you?"  I know it's a grand opportunity to bring God's message of hope; I didn't let this comment dishearten.  Surely God would bless this gathering!  They handled the "business" portion of the meeting and I waited patiently.  Business took a couple of hours, but I was unflappable - better that the group get all this off their chest; they'll be more open to the message if they're not distracted.  After all this strenuous discussion, they decided to break for lunch.  Fine by me, the food smelled delicious. Unfortunately, the group agreed.  Pushing and shoving, jostling and jiggling, these folks rushed to the serving line; I held back.  If I'm going to get crushed by a crowd, I prefer it to happen for something really big - like a grand opening of a mall, or a cool concert.  When I make it to the buffet, I find a couple stalks of broccoli and two rolls.  After lunch, I deliver the message I was asked to bring to a crowd dazed by over-indulgence.  The snoring was audible.  I soldiered on.  At the earliest possible opportunity, I fled the debacle and headed home.  By the time I rounded the bend in my driveway the entire day amused me immensely.  I knew that this memory would make a good illustrative story.  The trip was worth it.  I am convinced that embedded in the message I delivered that day was a message of hope from God himself.  I fear that a barrier was erected that hindered the listeners from receiving it.  Arrogant entitlement may hinder our ability to receive from God (and others) what we need to live the abundant life God intends for us to discover on a daily basis.  These folks believed that they were doing me a favor to ask me to drive the width of the state of Virginia to talk to them for twenty minutes; they felt entitled.  I agree with them (mostly).  It is always a privilege to deliver a message from the word of God; I also believe that hearing one is more a privilege than a perk. "Once you are into adulthood, maturity causes a change in the way you frame your options.  At least it should.  You stop doing anything and everything you feel entitled to, and you start doing the things you choose to be the best for you.  You eliminate a lot of options just because you know they lead to destruction and more pain.  With arrogant entitlement we never quite get to that next level of being concerned for others.  We just stay stuck between picking things we can do that are harmful and picking things not so harmful so we can continue on the path we have chosen for ourselves.  We may look less stupid because we are not getting into trouble or the hospital as often, but we are still living in a world where everything is self-focused."    (Stephen Arturburn, Reframe Your Life, pp. 39 and 40) Recommended reading:  Genesis 28 and 29 in the morning; Psalm 11 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.  Proverbs 4:23 TNIV Click "Comments" Below to Join the Discussion   Scroll down to the Archive Section to View Previous Devotionals.

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NSC Devotional Jan 12

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 12 Scripture focus:  What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don't show it by your actions?  Can that kind of faith save anyone?  Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, "Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well" - but then you don't give that person any food or clothing.  What good does that do?  James 2:14-16 NLT It's the kind of email that once read, I wonder what I should do with the information.  It was long and rambling, filled with critique and criticism of what I should and should not do.  I thought many of the points were valid.  A few were way off target.  Some points of correction were missing and should have been added to make it a more complete letter of instruction.  In the months subsequent to receipt of this letter, I've made some changes; and I'm reasonably happy with the process of transformation this letter sparked. But here's the problem.  It would have been easier to intend to make these adjustments than it was to actually change.  I resisted the urge to pave a road with good intentions, and instead, chose, reluctantly, to just walk the path of stepping as God speaks.  True, the letter wasn't from God.  But I asked God to use the letter to remodel me as he saw fit.  I initially found several excellent reasons to resist responding to the letter's clarion call to change.  (After all, the letter writer certainly had issuesthat needed addressing, some of the facts were way wrong, the tone was snippy, some comments hurt my feelings, my best friends would have read this letter and come to my defense.) Can I give you one silly example?  I hate a messy closet, and I intend on practically a daily basis to avoid the creep of clutter that mysteriously attacks my cabinets and closets while I'm away from home.  One day I recognized that the only thing I was doing about my frustration over messy storage space was whining about it.  Last year I made the decision to stop whining and actually do something different.  It's taken a year, but my plan was devised and executed.  I restructured and redid one closet a month - whether I was in the mood or not; whether I had time or not; whether it was bothering me on the scheduled day or not.  Today I am free from the stress of good intentions (in this one area of my life)! Are there dreams that you've talked about but never pursued?  Is something bugging you about yourself that you intend to rectify soon?   Do you find yourself speaking of your intentions and hopes but delay taking the next right step toward achieving them?  Intentions mean very little in the world of transformation, except to act as a barrier to achievement.   Intentions never show up on a resume because frankly, they count for little when it comes to measuring one's life. Are you convinced you that are willing but somehow not able to proceed with fulfilling God's big plans for you?  If so, you're kidding yourself.  If you are looking to maintain the status quo of your life, you will have no trouble finding a host of reasons to postpone change (see paragraph two).  But if you want the abundant life, you must resist the urge to believe that your intentions have merit.  They do not.  You must stand firm against the silly false belief that your intentions somehow make you a better person. What you do matters.  Do something different today that gets you one step closer to your true God-created identity. Recommended reading:  Genesis 27 in the morning; Matthew 9 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.  Proverbs 4:23 TNIV   Click "Comments" Below to Join the Discussion   Scroll down to the Archive Section to View Previous Devotionals.

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