Day 32 – Everybody hurts sometime

Scripture focus: Return, O Lord, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love. I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred with grief. Psalm 6:4,6,7a NLT

“I know I shouldn’t feel this way. God is good. I just need more faith. I’m thinking about joining a second bible study group – maybe that will help.” He slumped in his chair, eyes averted. This was a man wearing a heavy cloak of shame and it didn’t suit him.

“It might.” I’m a big fan of bible studies. And maybe redoubling his efforts at a study of God’s word is just what the doctor ordered – maybe not.

“You don’t sound convinced.” My friend is very astute when he makes this comment. I’m not convinced that productive suffering is ever achieved by berating one’s self, doubting one’s faith and redoubling one’s efforts at good behaving – simply because the suffering is producing tears, sleepless nights and grief. Is he doubting his faith, and hoping to shore it up? I wonder….

“Well, I’m just wondering about your assumption that if you had more faith, you wouldn’t feel so wretched.”

“Could you give me some feedback?” Ahhh, those magic words – when a fellow sojourner invites feedback I get excited. Often it’s an indicator that the person is both humble and willing (two essential elements if one is going to suffer productively). Together, we turn to Psalm 6. In the sixth Psalm, (and a host of other places in scripture) the psalmist is unapologetic when describing the effect of suffering. He hurts. He’s broken. Body and soul are in agony. He’s exhausted from sleep deprivation. My friend seems reluctant to acknowledge his pain. I ask him if he believes his painful response to suffering is a sign of weakness and an anemic faith. He nods in agreement, but I’m not convinced that the Holy Spirit is in the moment. It would be easy to comfort him with an example of the Psalmist’s honest portrayal of misery, and remind my friend of his place in the story. Bolstered by words of encouragement from me, perhaps he could leave our meeting feeling better about himself. Fortunately, his humility stops us from marching down that particular path.

“I guess you’re right,” he said. “But to tell you the truth, I don’t think that’s my issue. It’s not so much that I think my anxiety and depression are signs of weakness so much as it is that I just don’t want to feel this way. I want to feel good. I want the abundant life – and for me, that means that my life is relatively problem-free. I want to be happy.” Wow. That’s awesome. Like the psalmist, he chose honesty over faux spirituality. Like the rest of us, he finds suffering unpleasant. Eventually, he admits that productive suffering isn’t his first priority. What he really wants is to feel good – all the time. This is a great confession! Now I think I understand what he’s really trying to communicate! He feels shame, not because he has the false belief that faithful followers never suffer in unperky ways. My friend is saying that he realizes that he cares more about how he feels than he does about what God might be doing in the midst of his sorrow. He doesn’t care about God’s prevailing purposes or finding his big dream or experiencing his grand epic adventure – he just wants to feel good. I get that – don’t you? Sometimes I think we ask for more faith when what we really want is an easier, gentler way to develop strong and brave hearts. We must resist the temptation to run from our pain! Stand firm! Lean into your suffering. In tomorrow’s devotional, I’ll explain why.

Recommended reading: Exodus 14 and 15 in the morning; Matthew 22 and Psalm 26 in the evening

Day 31 – Month in Summary

Scripture focus: . . .I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 11:19 NIV

(1). The silence of God, suffering, and even sin – both ours and others, does not mean that God is punishing us, withholding himself from us, etc. We must develop a foundation of belief in the character of God that is consistent with truth and not dependent upon upbeat feelings or pleasing circumstances.

(2). God has big plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11, John 10:10) and not a single item from #1 above makes this truth any less true. Our true identity and purpose is found only in Christ (See Ephesians 1:11)

(3). It takes a big heart to accept the challenge of such a gigantic adventure. Our hearts are vulnerable, and must be guarded. Cyclical suffering is bad; productive suffering is medicine for the heart.

(4). The world can be cruel – get used to it. Suffering is inevitable but not enviable. We must reframe our perspective on suffering in order to guard our hearts.

(5). Mercy is when God takes pity on the suffering; grace is God’s unmerited favor towards those who have caused suffering. Transformation is the by-product of humbly accepting God’s blessings even when they arrive wrapped in suffering.

(6). There are five roadblocks to recovery that can derail our best intentions: stubborn resistance, good intentions, arrogant entitlement, resentment and disconnected isolation.

(7). Humility, willingness, and a commitment to healthy intimate relationships are antidotes to these roadblocks.

(8). God’s perspective on blessing is radical.

(9). There’s a danger in relying on false spirituality as a panacea for our suffering.

(10.) If Jesus relied heavily on clarity of vision, single-minded purpose, a strong sense of identity, discipline and big believing in the one who sent him – we should probably pay attention to his example.

(11). Acceptance and “making a decision” are two different concepts. Both are valuable.

(12). Suffering is not necessarily the result of sin (living independently of God). Sometimes it’s an invitation. Whether one’s suffering is self-inflicted or not, God’s response to our suffering is consistent. God’s prevailing purpose ALWAYS is founded upon his love, grace, mercy AND his commitment to our salvation. God wants none to perish.

This completes the first thirty one steps of your 365 step journey; I pray you are nearer to God as a result of the steps you’ve taken this week. You have 334 steps remaining.

Recommended reading: Exodus 12 and 13 in the morning; Matthew 21 in the evening

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World

Day 30

Scripture focus: Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the valley of Baca (weeping), they make it a place of springs…Psalm 84:5-6 NIV

“Tell me what to do.” She means it when she says it; she intends to follow through with any words of advice I manage to muster up on her behalf. I believe this with all my heart.

The problem lies in that her good intentions are trumped every day by her chemistry. Her brain is wired for addiction. In spite of her sincere efforts and best intentions, when she leaves my office she’s going to head downtown and acquire the very thing she hates – her drug of choice. Much of this is chemistry (for more information on this topic, go to www.northstarcommunity.com and watch the video on the physiology of addiction). It is also about vision, identity, purpose, discipline, and belief. In addition to exposure to massive amounts of drugs, genetic pre-wiring, poor choices, and a host of consequences – both neurological and others – this sad soul has some problems with the “five.” Her vision is clouded by both chemicals and culture. Her identity is intimately associated with a family that knows more about addiction, shame, and suffering than freedom, confidence and satisfaction. She has absolutely no reason to accept the premise that God has big plans for her life that include both hope and a future. In fact, death would be a welcome relief. It’s not the dying that terrifies – it’s the fear that this cycle of suffering might continue for years. Her daily disciplines include a crafty ability to prey on the pity of others and acquire what her body so desperately needs without a moment’s consideration of the deep thirst in her soul. Her beliefs are defined by life experience. Suffice it to say, that is not good news.

Sobriety is essential if she’s ever going to know a better life on planet earth. But it’s going to require more than abstinence from her drugs of choice to thrive. At some point in the process of renewal, she must allow her pain to be transformed into purpose. Stephen Arterburn’s book Reframe Your Life, makes a strong case for the necessity of this process. Using Jesus as an example of the ultimate reframer, Arterburn not only dissects barriers to this process (we looked at some of those in our first two weeks of devotions) but delivers antidotes (humility and willingness). He also casts a vision for us founded on belief in God and informed by the character of God. This reveals not only God’s prevailing purposes but our life’s work. Commitment to the discipline required for such a radical shift in thinking, doing and becoming will necessitate divine intervention. He concludes his study with these words: “Life is good when God is our strength and we have set our hearts upon a pilgrimage. In God’s strength, we are moving toward something better. We are on a journey, and all we are is focused on that pilgrimage toward something better. Our hearts are not set on the daily struggles we experience. Our hearts are not set on a past we cannot change because we are moving toward something far greater. It is a future of wholeness and healing, so we accept the challenge to keep on moving.” (pp. 225-226)

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." Albert Einstein

Many of us have been more focused on our struggles than solutions. Are you ready to try a new strategy?

Recommended reading: Exodus 10 and 11 in the morning; Matthew 20 and Psalm 25 in the evening

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV

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Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World

Day 29

Scripture focus: Come and listen to my counsel. I’ll share my heart with you and make you wise. Proverbs 1:23 NLT

I didn’t recognize the significance of the moment. Late one afternoon, when most young moms are feeding children and helping with homework, my phone rang. A good friend called and asked to visit. It didn’t sound much like a request. We sat in my living room as she told me her story. She was deeply hurt by an authority figure who had deeply disappointed her. Since both of us had the utmost respect for this community leader, it was a crushing blow to find out our leader walked around in the same kind of clay feet the rest of us possessed.

We moaned and groaned and shook our heads. We wrung our hands. We cried. We railed. And then we got up, hugged and went about doing the next right thing. She went home to her family; I continued the evening with mine. I think that’s the evening we moved from friends to sisters.

There was no “counsel” uttered that night – in the traditional sense of the word. We shared hearts. I joined her in the suffering she was willing to share. I don’t think she left with a solution to her heartache, or five principles to pursue. I do believe our hearts grew a bit. What happened?

She told the truth. She didn’t minimize or embellish. I listened to her story without the necessity of playing the part of either judge or jury. Our small community of two made the decision to treasure this experience in our heart, without allowing it to define us or the clay-footed antagonist in this sad tale. We didn’t ignore or obsess over it. We moved on but we didn’t forget. Occasionally in the intervening years we revisited this story (in private) when we stumbled upon a new biblical perspective. We’d take our new-found knowledge and drag it back into the context of this painful moment in history and learn what we could from the re-telling. Today, we are different people because one of us suffered, and the other participated in the suffering vicariously. I think our hearts are a bit stronger. I hope we are both a bit wiser. Arterburn calls this “reframing.” Engelmann describes this as productive suffering. God commands that we do it.

The inner stirring of the heart is a mysterious thing. Spiritual clichés don’t promote wisdom nearly as frequently as spiritual “clingings.” Like the guy in Scott’s story who clung to the bridge. Or the time my friend clung to me while I suffered under the cumbersome weight of justifiable resentment. Or the weeks after my former friend ripped her precious child out of my arms and took him home to an uncertain, unclean, and under-nourished future. Or the young woman who clings to the tenuous hope that one day she too can find her freedom from addiction.

In the heat of suffering we cannot expect to understand the work of the Holy Spirit taking place deep within the recesses of our heart. It’s easy to fall back into the traps of self-reliance, isolation, pity, arrogance, or worse. Perhaps that’s why scripture reminds us that it’s only by faith that we understand how the universe was formed – and our place in the story.

Recommended reading: Exodus 8 and 9 in the morning; Psalm 24 and Proverbs 6 in the evening

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV

Day 28 – Week at a glance

Scripture focus: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs in the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” The words of Jesus in his famous Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew 5:3-6 NIV

1. God’s perspective on blessing is radical.

2. There is a danger in relying on false spirituality as a panacea for all our suffering. This week doesn’t dive deeply into what false spirituality is or how to combat it. I hope it raises enough questions that we have some intentional God conversations with trusted friends about what all this might mean.

3. Suffering is inevitable but not enviable. Jesus provides us with an excellent role model of one who appropriately handled suffering.

4. Cyclical suffering is bad; suffering does not have to be cyclical.

5. We may not have much confidence in our own ability to respond wisely to suffering. The great news is that we don’t have to trust in ourselves to make the right decisions all the time.

6. If Jesus relied heavily on clarity of vision, single-minded purpose, a strong sense of identity, discipline and big believing in the one who sent him – we should probably pay attention to his example.

7. Our true identity is revealed in Christ. (See Ephesians 1:11)

8. There are no simple formulas for escaping suffering.

9. Acceptance and make a decision are two different concepts. Both are valuable.

10. Suffering is not necessarily the result of sin (living independently of God). Sometimes it’s an invitation.

11. Whether one’s suffering is self-inflicted or not, God’s response to our suffering is consistent.

12. God’s prevailing purpose ALWAYS is founded upon his love, grace, mercy AND his commitment to our salvation.

13. God wants none to perish.

This completes the first twenty eight steps of your 365 step journey; I pray you are nearer to God as a result of the steps you’ve taken this week.

Recommended reading: Exodus 6 and 7 in the morning; Matthew 19 and Psalm 23 in the evening

Week 4 Bonus Material

Proverbs can seem contradictory unless you remember that they’re written to address specific situations. So be careful how you read! Consider Proverbs 26:4-5 – Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes. I suppose that’s why we ask God constantly to make us aware of our next right step. Sometimes we zig, other times we zag, according to what his prevailing purposes require.

Proverbs

Purpose: Proverbs is considered wisdom literature. This isn’t to be mistaken with the commands of the law or the plot of narrative. By definition, a proverb is a generalization. It’s useful but not a promise or a guarantee. Clearly, all proverbs point to two key truths: wise living is good, foolish living is destructive.

Key themes: God is wise and doesn’t tolerate fools. He directs the path of those who trust him. He desires disciplined living because it is good for us.

Jan 27

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World

Day 27

Scripture focus: “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last.” John 15:16 NIV

Several days ago, in spite of my better judgment, I offered up a suggestion of five words that might prove pivotal in the building of heart (vision, identity, purpose, discipline, belief). I fear that we might falsely conclude that we have been presented with an opportunity to make a decision. Could grabbing hold of the principles we’ve been pontificating about propel us out of despair and into the abundant life (John 10:10)? Is our fate dependent upon choosing wisely? Am I suggesting that we redouble our efforts and hope that our skills and clever ways will win us the big prize – the relief of suffering and the reward of a big dream?

If that’s the answer, then we’re hosed. Like the fisherman in Scott’s parable, we’ve been there and done that. Some of us even won some prizes along the way. I love to win! But counting on our abilities to be the brightest, strongest, and richest (“The best Sneetch on the beach” – to quote that wise theologian Dr. Seuss) is not a fool-proof system. In fact, it’s downright foolish.

Let’s return to the enormously grateful fisherman. Pulled to safety and standing on terra firma (firm ground), I hear his voice cry out, “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I gotta tell you, in the instant before you pulled me to safety, I had my doubts. It was really, really hard to let go of that bridge. I wasn’t sure if you were strong enough to pull me out of harm’s way. Man, I am so glad I accepted your offer of salvation! Can I buy you lunch?” And off they walk to the nearest diner, where no doubt this man will begin a God conversation that ultimately may result in a completely reframed view of life.

Or not. You see, now is when he has some decisions to make. After a hearty meal and a well-deserved nap, this master fisherman might decide his best bet is to go find another lucky fishing rod. Sure, his shoulders will be sore and his fingertips bruised, but in a week or ten days, the soreness will pass – plenty of time to rethink his initial response of gratitude to the good shepherd who pulled him to safety with a strong hand and a trusty staff.

Recommended reading: Exodus 4 and 5 in the morning; Matthew 18 in the evening

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV

Jan 26 Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 26 Scripture focus:: Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me." Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.' " Matthew 4:8-10 NIV A Modern Day (sort of) Parable, by Scott McBean There once was a man who loved his family deeply. He desired to care for them and provide for their every need. He learned at an early age that he was a pretty decent fisherman. And thus, his big dream was birthed! Using his gifts and talents, he traveled every day to a bridge near his village, carrying his trusty (and very lucky) fishing pole with him. For days and weeks and months his plan worked. Sometimes he'd experience a season of low productivity, and begin to fear that his strategy might be faulty. But through perseverance and redoubling his efforts, these lean times always passed. Until one day, through no fault of his own, he fell off the bridge! Death loomed. In an instant, he had to choose. To save himself from the swift current and rocks below, he must grab hold of the sturdy bridge. This would require letting go of his faithful rod and reel. Reluctantly he drops the fishing pole, and grasps the lowest support beam of the bridge. He hangs from the beam, his strong arms and tenacious fingers (strengthened by years of fighting big fish and winning) begin to tire. His life flashes before him. He suffers physically and soulfully. His heart breaks at the thought that he will never again provide sustenance for his family. He becomes aware of footsteps on the bridge! He would love to cry out for help, but he's too weak to find his voice. Miraculously, a man's face peers over the bridge directly above him. It is a calm face, seemingly unfazed by the remarkable sight of a man dangling from a bridge over perilous waters. "Here, son, grab my hand." He says with confidence. Accepting the man's offer of help will require the fisherman to release his two-fisted attachment to the bridge. This is a tough choice. It's risky. He assesses the man. Is he strong enough to reach down and hold the weight of his entire body? Does he have the core body strength to not only hold him, but pull him to safety? Faced with certain death as his grip weakens, the fisherman takes a chance and let's go. His savior grasps his hand and pulls him up to safety. The End What does the man say in response to this miraculous display of the power to save? Does he cry, "Whew! I am so thrilled I made the decision to let you save me?" To be continued. . . Recommended reading: Exodus 2 and 3 in the morning; Psalm 22 and Proverbs 5 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV