August 5

Scripture focus: Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. Galatians 6:1 (The Message)

Our dog, Tilley, loved to fetch things. She liked us, but she loved chasing and catching and retrieving more. We often thought that she wooed us by pretending to like us so that we'd play with her. At the back of our property, one of our neighbors has a split rail fence that he fortified with chicken wire. One night during a rousing game of chase the tennis ball, Pete over shot the target and the ball landed in our neighbor's yard. This was not a deterrent to Tilley. She had a bead on the intended target, and she was relentless in her pursuit. She busted through that chicken wire like it wasn't there. Unfortunately, when she turned around to come back, the wire had fallen back into place and she was stymied, unable to return to her own yard.

She tilted her head, and looked at the fence like, "Hey, what are you doing here and why are you keeping me from that guy who I've trained to throw this ball?"

Like Tilley, sometimes we find ourselves on the wrong side of the fence as we seek to live out Galatians 6:1. On occasion, we lose our way – and I'm not talking about the "one who sins." I'm referring to us spiritual types, the people who are allegedly helping their brothers and sisters out of the ditch. Instead of helping with the restoration, we find ourselves becoming critical. We start taking other's inventory. We stop empathizing and start judging.

Dealing with sin – whether it is ours or another's – requires creativity and wisdom.

As we learn about how to appropriately appreciate healthy boundaries, I pray that we prepare ourselves for the journey. Exercising good judgment with regards to loving others while respecting boundaries is challenging. Some days we're going to over shoot the target. Other days we're going to miss an opportunity to assist in the restoration because we're so busy guarding our own walls.

May we be gentle with each other as we grow.

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 13-15

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 4

Scripture focus: The heart knows its own bitterness, and no one shares its joy. Proverbs 14:10

In one of Cloud and Townsend's many excellent books on the subject, they describe boundaries as an intangible fence with gates. The purpose of boundaries is to provide clear separation between what is self and what is other.

The gates serve the purpose of providing an exit for things that are bad, and an entryway for things that are good. In an ideal world, our families help us learn how to use both the fence and the gates appropriately. When that doesn't happen, we get into trouble.

When Scott had his physical and got his feelings hurt by the pediatrician, he had choices. He could have stewed in silence. Instead, he opened a gate and let it out – thereby giving me a window into his heart. Because he shared what he was experiencing internally, an opportunity for feedback presented itself.

This is a good example of how boundaries are intended to function.

The pediatrician was very helpful too. In his own humorous way, he was instructing both Scott and I that feeling really smart at age nine is not a bad thing, it's just a thing. It's normal. It's developmentally appropriate. No big deal. If Scott reaches the ripe old age of twenty-five and continues to think he's smarter than everyone else – he's got problems.

Notice that no one suggested to Scott that he develop more humility. That would be asking way too much for a nine-year-old boy to accomplish! When people ask either too much or too little of us, we may not learn how to use both the fence and its gates appropriately.

Growing up will provide all of us the opportunity to learn some important principles about personal responsibility.

• What's my part?
• What's someone else's part?
• How do I love others without jumping over their fence?
• When is it appropriate to allow others access to my heart?

In tomorrow's devotional, we'll begin addressing these questions and more....

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 10-12

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 3

Scripture focus: Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts. Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust. Proverbs 4:23-27 (The Message)

Spiritual boundaries are profoundly important – they are invisible markers to keep us from running off the road and landing in a ditch. We spend a lot of time at NorthStar Community talking about the "big markers" (according to Jesus) of loving God, and loving others as we love ourselves. These limits/boundaries/markers are good things. Part of the maturation process involves learning the value of limits. Growing up is a process. Testing limits is normal. Learning from them is just plain smart. Unfortunately, I'm not always smart – how about you?

Our son Scott went for his yearly physical when he was around nine or ten years old and the doctor really hurt his feelings. He said to Scott in a joking tone, "Well, are you at that age where you know everything yet?" He was referring to that very normal developmental stage that young boys go through when they think they are the only smart people on the planet, and the rest of us are real dummies. This particular pediatrician did an excellent job at the yearly physical of talking to kids about what they could expect physically, emotionally, and mentally at their age. I loved this as a mom, it was a tutorial for me (and probably we parents were the true intended audience) and I hoped instructional for my kid. But on this day Scott was not a happy camper. He was completely insulted.

As we left the appointment, Scott began to vent. "Can you believe that guy? He doesn't know what he's talking about! Where did he get his degree anyway? Have you checked his credentials? For all I know, he could have gotten his license over the internet. That guy needs to stick with what he knows – whether I have strep throat or not. I definitely, definitely don't think I know everything. But I know this – that guy doesn't know much."

"Maybe you need to tell him how you're really feeling," I suggest.

"No way. Not worth my trouble. He has issues," Scott retorts.

I smile. I can't help it. Something larger than me takes over and I say, "Well, it sounds like you have this all figured out. I guess that doctor just got lucky, since he doesn't know anything, when he figured out you are so smart. Of course, your intelligence is obvious. You probably get it from your mother."

One thing all my children received at birth was the sarcasm gene. Scott turned his head, looked at me, took note of my grin, and gave a slight nod of acknowledgement – he got the point.

Learning our limitations is a good thing; accepting them as healthy and appropriate is a God thing.

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 7-9

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 2

Scripture focus: "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." Matthew 5:4 (The Message)

Neil Anderson, author of Victory over the Darkness and The Bondage Breaker once remarked, "When you find that God is all you have, you discover that he is all you need." He continued on with a story that illustrated a time in his life when he and his family lost everything and in the process found their way back to a renewed and refreshed relationship with God.

I love his story. But can I be honest? I don't want to live his story. I do not want to lose things that are dear to me. I want to experience God's embrace, draw near to him, offer myself willingly for his prevailing purposes and be part of his kingdom. But I don't like losing things that are dear to me.

Learning how to live with healthy boundaries helps us differentiate between what is truly dear to us, and what is an unhealthy attachment. I've discovered that some feelings of abandonment, loss, and betrayal are the result of my own lack of clarity about what is truly dear to me. An unhealthy attachment is anything that I believe I need to live independently of God. (Clearly, this is not what I'm actually thinking as I develop an unhealthy attachment – but it is what happens!) This unhealthy attachment can be seemingly small – like believing I need those two cups of java to rev my engine – to something pretty huge – assuming that my life isn't worth living if my children aren't happy, healthy and wise.

According to Cloud and Townsend (Boundaries: When to say yes, when to say no to take control of your life), boundaries define what is me and what is not me. They serve the same purpose that property lines provide – a way for the owner to determine what they are and are not responsible for. I am personally responsible for what happens on my property. I am not responsible for how my children cultivate their property.

Sometimes (and I really hate this because I don't like losing things) we end up losing things that we are unhealthily attached to. And it is in those moments that we find that we are blessed. We discover that we've been trying desperately to hold onto an unhealthy attachment, and this attachment has caused us to grow forgetful of God. When we forget God, we lose our self – the only piece of property we are truly, fully responsible for cultivating. As the author of Ephesians writes, it's only in Christ that we find out who we are and what we're created for – so forgetting God and losing self is a big deal.

I hope I'm clear – I don't like losing stuff I hold dear. But sometimes it's in the losing that we realize that we've gotten off track. God isn't in the business of taking stuff from us just so that we will feel bad and come running to him for comfort. Our heavenly Father is perpetually present for us, eager to embrace us on those occasions that we discover that we have unwittingly (or intentionally) lost our way. We're pretty lucky to have a heavenly Father who never leaves nor forsakes us.

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 4-6

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 1

Scripture focus: "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." Matthew 5:3 (The Message)

Eugene Peterson was interviewed about his work in translating the bible The Message – you can find the very lively discussion on YouTube. During that interview, he recounted a story about his efforts to translate Matthew five, a familiar passage of scripture commonly referred to as "the beatitudes." Peterson wanted to replace 'blessed' with lucky – and some of the editors reportedly wouldn't have it. They said that 'lucky' was a concept that wouldn't sit well with Christians. He submitted to their wisdom, and we end up with the translation "blessed."

I'm left pondering why a discussion over "lucky" or "blessed" was the issue.

What's not sitting well with me is the concept that when I am at the end of my rope, I'm instructed to believe that I am a lucky duck. Usually, hanging by thread makes me feel more lost than lucky.

Clearly God's ways and mine are not always synchronized.

One of the reasons for this disconnect is my own personal confusion over boundaries. I get confused and start thinking my life is about my own personal happiness. I forget that God doesn't stand on tippy toe at the precipice of eternity, wringing his hands in consternation every single time my life doesn't go according to MY plans.

This month we're going to devote a few minutes each day to thinking about boundaries – what are they, why are they good for us, how we acquire or repair them, and a few tough truths about the injurious nature of boundaries gone badly. We will rely heavily on the works of Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend – two men who are boundary gurus. You can visit their website, buy their books, watch their DVDs. You will find materials that relate specifically to all sorts of relationships – in marriage, at work, with children, etc. I hope you'll take advantage of those materials and enjoy their biblical, clear teachings.

During this devotional series, we're going to consider how this information could actually help us feel downright lucky – even when we are at the end of our rope.

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 1-3

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

July 31 - God's at home with you

Scripture focus: But if God himself has taken up residence in your life, you can hardly be thinking more of yourself than of him. Anyone, of course, who has not welcomed this invisible but clearly present God, the Spirit of Christ, won't know what we're talking about. But for you who welcome him, in whom he dwells--even though you still experience all the limitations of sin--you yourself experience life on God's terms. It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's! So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us--an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him! Romans 8:9-17 (The Message)

I remember hearing many a sermon challenging me to make my heart a place where God's Spirit could feel at home. I actually liked these messages. They gave me a sense of direction, a path to trod. But inevitably, I'd find my commitment to housecleaning diminishing, and soon I'd be right back at that low-lying black cloud living place.

One of the lowest, blackest days of my life was the moment I realized that I'd never ever be able to clean my house well enough to provide an appropriate home for the living Lord.

But then something really neat happened; I came to an understanding about God that was much bigger than my shame about myself. Somehow -- through continued study, prayer, community and defeat -- the Lord taught me that housecleaning was his department. My job was to be willing to invite him in.

God's Spirit, living in me, taught me that I don't owe him a do-it-yourself life. He isn't asking me to redouble my efforts and clean the corners of my life out with a toothbrush and a bucket of strong detergent. God's Spirit beckons. It cries out and invites me to receive a resurrection life from God. He'll show me who I really am. Both good times and hard times are part of the process. The hard times are not meant has an indictment and instruction to get busy cleaning. The good times are not meant to stir up feelings of arrogance and complacency. In all times, we are called to trust God. May today be a sweet time of fellowship as we all put down our scrub brushes and ask, "What's next, Papa?"

Recommended reading: Jude

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

July 30 - Risk Factors

Scripture focus: Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them--living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn't pleased at being ignored. Romans 8:5-8 (The Message)

There are documented risk factors that experts tell us are hinderances to the recovery process. Here are a few of those roadblocks that can stymie our transformation:

• Lack of community and a network of support
• Maladaptive coping skills
• Prolonged exposure to stress
• Substance abuse
• Family history of suicide
• Unhealthy social environment
• Extreme guilt reaction
• Sense of hopelessness and helplessness

One suggestion: prayerfully consider asking an unbiased, experienced, well-trained person to assist you in evaluating your risk factors.

One hope: When we invite God's Spirit to live in us, we can trust that God will intervene on our behalf. It may or may not seem like a miraculous instantaneous intervention. God heals one stitch at a time, and usually healing takes time.

One warning: Self-absorption is equivalent to ignoring God. That's never a good thing!

One prayer: May you discover today the living and breathing God, who has come to heal our afflictions and cure our diseases.

Recommended reading: 1 Samuel 30-31

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community