August 12

Scripture focus: God spoke: "Let us make human beings in our image, make them
reflecting our nature
So they can be responsible for the fish in the sea,
the birds in the air, the cattle,
And, yes, Earth itself,
and every animal that moves on the face of Earth."
God created human beings;
he created them godlike,
Reflecting God's nature.
He created them male and female.
God blessed them:
"Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge!
Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air,
for every living thing that moves on the face of Earth." Genesis 1:26-28 (The Message)

God designed us to take responsibility for our lives – both relational and purposeful. When we fail to set limits and boundaries, we end up with all sorts of signs and symptoms (that are not the issue – the issue is boundary boo-boos).

Drs. Cloud and Townsend have provided some symptoms that plague people who don't know how to properly use boundaries. These are warning signs that we've confused taking responsibility for and to. Here are some of their suggested signs that we might have boundary issues: depression, resentment, rage or anger, obsessive and compulsive behaviors, a vague sense of loss of both freedom and love, procrastination as a lifestyle, extreme disorganization, low energy level, problems concentrating, feeling overwhelmed, physical ailments like high blood pressure, allergies, obesity, ulcers, fatigue and headaches, self-pity, feeling left out, envy, addictions, chronic worrying, and crying spells!

That's quite the list.

Bottom line: if we don't figure out what we are responsible for and distinguish that from who we are responsible to we're going to be in big trouble. Clearly, we will be unfit for God's grand epic adventures.

Recommended reading: 1 Kings 10-12

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 11

Scripture focus: Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces. Matthew 7:6 (NIV)

I crack myself up when I think back to the day when I spent so much time taking responsibility for things that God never, ever intended for me to shoulder. For years I lived under the impression that if Jesus said, and he did, that the truth will set you free, then it must be my job to tell everyone the truth. Unfortunately, this is quite the distorted application of the text – and pretty arrogant too!

Jesus taught some other important principles that help clarify the issue of responsibility. He told us not to give pearls to pigs. In Proverbs we're told that if we rebuke a scoffer, we might end up dead. Before you think I've abandoned bad boundaries for judgmental thinking – hear me out.

Although it is not my place to judge another person in any area, I have been given responsibility for becoming a person who possesses discernment. We have, after all, been told we can have the mind of Christ; we can know God's will; we can have our minds renewed. So I know it's not my job to decide if a person is a pig or a prince(ss). But I do have a job.

Here's what I can do:

• Take responsibility for learning what is sacred and what is not – for myself. I have responsibility to intentionally seek to know God. How that knowledge will be used in the future isn't my problem. My work is to acquire it.
• I have a responsibility to my fellow man to aid in his/her restoration process (Galatians 6:1-4) if I am a spiritual being (and anyone who has turned their life over to God's care and control has the capacity to become a spiritual being).

Save time and energy, learn from my goofy ways: running around spouting "truth" (assuming we know what that is) has never helped a person steeped in shame. It just sends us scurrying for cover. Healthy boundaries instruct us in the proper handling of the truth.

May God reveal a timely word of truth to each of us today.

Recommended reading: 1 Kings 7-9

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 10

Scripture focus: Be very sure now, you who have been trained to a self-sufficient maturity, that you enter into a generous common life with those who have trained you, sharing all the good things that you have and experience. Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life. So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith. Galatians 6:6-10 (The Message)

When we learn how to appropriately use healthy boundaries to receive good and reject bad, we will find ourselves taking responsibility for ourselves. Does this sound selfish? It's not. If we've grown up without healthy boundaries, this advice may feel counter-intuitive. Sort of like the first time I flew on a plane with my children. I was appalled that the stewardess would suggest that I put my oxygen mask on before I put them on my children. Upon reflection, I began to see the wisdom of her advice. After all, if I weren't able to be strong and able to assist my children out of the plane, those little masks probably wouldn't provide all the support they would need in an emergency.

In the same way, God provides plenty of words of encouragement, teaching us principles that will help us not get too fatigued in doing good. He's not suggesting that we become selfish people; he's demonstrating how we might experience the abundant life without precipitously burning out halfway through our mission.

Recommended reading: 1 Kings 4-6

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 9

Scripture focus: Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life. Galatians 6:5 (The Message)

I love to study people; I find the human race utterly fascinating.

In my studies, I'm amazed at the peculiar way we humans de-value our natural strengths and talents. Time and again I've watched how we admire the strengths that we observe in others but don't possess – giving them great accolades for their amazing abilities – while taking our own strengths for granted, even minimizing them as "no big deal."

I have a friend who regularly whips up dinner for large numbers of people. She thinks this is normal and natural. Her food is always delicious, homemade and exquisitely presented – and according to the Food Network, all this is very crucial for the enjoyment of the guest. I can feed lots of people too. But I do it by helping the economy flourish – I utilize bakeries and fast food chains, takeout restaurants – whatever it takes to feed my guests. I'm more of a food deliverer than a "hostess with the most-est."

I happen to have musically inclined children. If I try to sing, people ease away from me or put in ear plugs. My kids think perfect pitch and maintaining a regular rhythm and even learning how to play various musical instruments is something anyone can and should do – they simply don't understand that this isn't about me not wanting to play or sing. I simply can't do it.

Maybe that's why Paul reminds us that while we're learning how to take responsibility for ourselves, it will be best if we don't waste time comparing ourselves to each other.

God has a prevailing purpose in mind when he gives my friend the gift of amazing hospitality. God places different gifts and talents in individuals. As a community, we join together and leverage our various strengths to accomplish more than any single individual could ever manage in isolation. To the extent that we can identify and affirm these strengths, that's awesome. But if we find ourselves minimizing our own strengths and envying those given to another – we're probably off track and in need of a tune up.

The only person responsible for discovering and nurturing the strengths and abilities God placed within you is – you. We'd better get busy!

Recommended reading: 1 Kings 1-3

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 8

Scripture focus: Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Galatians 6:4 (The Message)

Clearly, God has called us to be responsible to others. Denying ourselves in order to do for others is part and parcel of sacrificial love (remember when Jesus taught us that greater love has no man than to lay down his life for a friend?)

We are also taught the necessity of taking responsibility for ourselves.

If we're going to be responsible for ourselves – we need to know who we are and what work God has called us to do. Then we sink ourselves into that work.

We study our strengths and we assume that God gave them to us for a reason. Clearly, he didn't give us talents like the sarcasm gene or the ability leap tall buildings with a single bound for the purpose of being impressed with ourselves!

God's willingness to bestow particular gifts and talents on each of us is so that we can sink ourselves into becoming who he called us to be and doing what he intended for us to accomplish.

I'm a really good reader. I love to read. I not only love to read, I enjoy remembering what I read. My brain likes learning something and applying it in new ways. I've often pictured heaven as a giant library filled with good books, a roaring fire, and an over-stuffed chair with an ottoman. I don't think God gave me this ability so that I can be impressed with the fact that I can read a six hundred page book in the time it takes Pete to read an article in The Economist. I don't think the ability to read is a virtue – it's a gift.

However, if I can take this natural part of myself, take responsibility for nurturing this ability AND then use it to lay down my life for a friend – that's a big win. Not impressive, but a gift.

Pete may be a slow reader but he's quick to serve. Perhaps one of the reasons he falls asleep reading The Economist is because he was alert during the day, laying down his life for a friend by being a good listener, a diligent employee, an excellent emptier of trash cans, a patient tennis partner and a fully present father. He doesn't think what he does is impressive. But I do. He's a gift.

When we take responsibility for ourselves, this nurturing of our gifts and talents shouldn't leave us puffed with pride, but it should equip us to serve others well.

I wonder. As you make a careful exploration of yourself, what work have you been uniquely equipped to perform, and how does that work benefit others who are carrying a heavy burden?

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 22-24

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 7

Scripture focus: Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. Galatians 6:1-3 (The Message)

Little words are sometimes the key to understanding.

In the case of boundaries to and for are super important. "We are responsible to others and for ourselves."

When Paul is referring to burdens – those heavy loads that we cannot carry alone – he's reminding us that as we live in community we have a responsibility to help people with burdens too big for one person to bear. (I like to think of burdens as the way a girl packs for a weekend on an exotic island – she brings a steamer trunk so that she's prepared for every occasion.)

For example, if someone loses their job and are on the verge of losing their home, in our community we seek to find a way to help our friend carry his or her burden. But we must do so within the parameters of healthy boundaries. Maybe it's helpful to provide financial counseling, even pay a mortgage payment or two. Perhaps what the person most needs is help writing a resume or finding a job. Sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do is let the person lose their house.

Why is loss sometimes a good thing? Because, there are times when "[y]ou're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." Matthew 5:4 (The Message)

Suppose your friend comes to you and asks you for $1,000 to pay off a loan shark. You decide this is a burden your loved one shouldn't bear alone. You stroke a check. Then you discover that your friend went to Disney World for two weeks – a vacation that clearly your budget shows you cannot afford. What's up with that?

It takes a lot of creativity and prayer to figure out our part in the restoration process. Maybe giving the $1,000 was exactly what God wanted you to do – because he was asking you to be generous. Perhaps in your eagerness to help, you unwittingly enabled your friend to stay in denial about the true state of his family's finances. Who knows?

As you practice letting the bad out and embracing the good, opportunities to learn from practicing the principle of being responsible to help your brothers and sisters in need will abound. We'll learn together how best to help, and sometimes we'll get it wrong.

Tomorrow, what we're responsible for....

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 6

Scripture focus: Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Galatians 6:1-2 (The Message)

My guys are now 18 and 24 years old, way past the age of "all-knowing" – hopefully!

But they've found that remembering that particular stage of development has been helpful. Both our boys have spent time working with children. I've heard them on more than one occasion say, "Yeah, he's at that age where he knows everything. He'll outgrow it."

I've observed how patient they're able to be with young boys sturdily in possession of the knowledge that they know everything and the rest of the world is struggling to keep up.

I think that's what Paul is telling us in this verse.

Scott and Michael are able to empathize with nine-year-old boys. They remember when they, too, needed a little patience thrown in their direction.

Perhaps that's why Jesus remarks in the beatitudes about how lucky we are when we suffer various things like being at the end of our rope, loss or even growing pains. It's not that God is glad when we get freaked out. But Creator God knows that with the appropriate use of boundaries, even the freaking out will refine us. It'll show us what we need to let go of and provide an opportunity for us to receive good stuff in return.

It'll keep us from being critical. It'll provide us with empathy.

Gates – those things that let the bad out and the good in – when working well, allow us to help the oppressed without becoming oppressive.

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 16-18

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© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community