Read Job 27, 28 and 29 – take your time on this one!
“But do people know where to find wisdom? Where can they find understanding? No one knows where to find it, for it is not found among the living. ‘It is not here,’ says the ocean. ‘Nor is it here, says the sea. It cannot be bought with gold. I t cannot be purchased with silver….It cannot be purchased with jewels mounted in fine gold…. But do people know where to find wisdom? Where can they find understanding?” Job 28: 12-15,17, 20 NLT
Where have you looked for wisdom and understanding?
I’ve stared into the face of the ocean and thought to myself – if I got to do this every day, my life would be wonderful.
I remember once upon a time a firmly held conviction that if my kitchen was renovated to my specifications, I’d be happy.
I love that wedding ring upgrade I got a few years ago. I enjoy it every time my eyes hit its sparkle.
I thought if my children made a certain team and played a certain position, got into the right schools (big debate on what that means at my house), and at the right time find the right spouse – I’d be perfectly content. I’ve even thought that if I could raise kids who didn’t self-medicate and loved God with all their hearts, mind and strength – I could be considered wise! Boy, was that delusional thinking!
But Job is right. Even if we acquire those things, wisdom and understanding do not tag along with them.
I love my ocean vacations, but running away and joining the navy isn’t in my future. I got that kitchen renovation – and I’m still a mediocre cook who lets her dirty dishes pile up in the sink (although the sink is really awesome). My wedding ring upgrade didn’t bring with it new skill sets for how to stay blissfully wed. I’ve had to look elsewhere for that kind of wisdom. My children have made a variety of choices – and I’ve learned that I really had very little to do with them – whether they were for good or not quite right (Who’s to say which decision falls in which category?).
So – where have you looked for wisdom and understanding?
Thought for today: Take a few minutes and inventory all the places you’ve looked to find your hope, your peace, and your purpose. How’s that working for you?
Thought for tomorrow: God alone understands the way to wisdom; he knows where it can be fund, for he looks through the whole earth and sees everything under the heavens…. And this is what he says to all humanity: “The fear of the Lord is true wisdom; to forsake evil is real understanding.” Job 28: 23-24, 28 NLT
April 29
Read Job 22, 23, 24, 25 and 26 (skim it)
I have these two cabinets in my kitchen that are always messy. I hate that. I like my cabinets neat and tidy. I swear, I think elves show up in the middle of the night and rearrange my pots and pans into a jumble of chaos just to make my life miserable!
I also hate it when my garage and car are messy.
Closets? I like those neat as a pin too.
You would not know this if you visited my house. What I like, and what I tolerate are often two different things. In a previous devotional I talked about an inventory experience I had while I was in Los Angeles. One of the insights that sprung from that time of needed self-assessment was how I was living simultaneously with both over and under-responsibility issues. In some areas of my life, my inventory revealed a dedicated commitment to the next right thing.
I felt like John Mayer in his song Something’s Missing. He says: guitar – check; car – check, etc. Well I did that too. I was doing well in the area of exercise, nutrition, and personal devotions. I was paying appropriate attention to my children (although they might argue that I’m paying too much or too little depending on the day and their needs) and Pete and I were faithfully having fun and great date nights. But other areas I couldn’t check off with satisfaction. One of those areas was my emotional temperature. I was a bit too anxious for a person who has been given the promise of peace that passes all understanding.
Further investigation led me to some areas of irresponsibility. I was so busy in some areas, that I wasn’t taking care of my stuff. And my insides (both literally and physically) were getting messy. So after further processing, I decided my next right step was to respond appropriately to this insight (translation – don’t freak out and drive the family crazy) and rearrange my priorities just a bit.
Since then, I’ve managed to get some things straight. A bit at a time. And here’s the funny thing about it. It’s really helped my peace of mind. Not only that, doing it has taken a lot less time than I was spending worrying about it in my mind. Pete and I completely redid our master bedroom closet – in under three hours. But I can’t count the number of minutes I spent each day fretting about that closet. Why hadn’t I just taken the time and straightened it months ago? Inspired by all those endorphins of pleasure rushing through my brain, we’ve tackled other projects in much the same manner. What fun we’re having!!!
Thought for today: Honestly, there are probably some things that you’ve spent more time worrying over than it would have taken to acknowledge and resolve. I know that when we’re not living in healthy space we like having unresolved problems to distract ourselves with – but take it from me, when we do that, we’re wasting our time in needless anxiety. Even a halfway attempt at a fourth step can bring some awesome results. If you’ve been avoiding your fourth step like the plague, just do it halfway. I suspect that a half done fourth will be so rewarding that you’ll be pumped to complete it. Let me know if that works for you.
Thought for tomorrow: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NLT
I have these two cabinets in my kitchen that are always messy. I hate that. I like my cabinets neat and tidy. I swear, I think elves show up in the middle of the night and rearrange my pots and pans into a jumble of chaos just to make my life miserable!
I also hate it when my garage and car are messy.
Closets? I like those neat as a pin too.
You would not know this if you visited my house. What I like, and what I tolerate are often two different things. In a previous devotional I talked about an inventory experience I had while I was in Los Angeles. One of the insights that sprung from that time of needed self-assessment was how I was living simultaneously with both over and under-responsibility issues. In some areas of my life, my inventory revealed a dedicated commitment to the next right thing.
I felt like John Mayer in his song Something’s Missing. He says: guitar – check; car – check, etc. Well I did that too. I was doing well in the area of exercise, nutrition, and personal devotions. I was paying appropriate attention to my children (although they might argue that I’m paying too much or too little depending on the day and their needs) and Pete and I were faithfully having fun and great date nights. But other areas I couldn’t check off with satisfaction. One of those areas was my emotional temperature. I was a bit too anxious for a person who has been given the promise of peace that passes all understanding.
Further investigation led me to some areas of irresponsibility. I was so busy in some areas, that I wasn’t taking care of my stuff. And my insides (both literally and physically) were getting messy. So after further processing, I decided my next right step was to respond appropriately to this insight (translation – don’t freak out and drive the family crazy) and rearrange my priorities just a bit.
Since then, I’ve managed to get some things straight. A bit at a time. And here’s the funny thing about it. It’s really helped my peace of mind. Not only that, doing it has taken a lot less time than I was spending worrying about it in my mind. Pete and I completely redid our master bedroom closet – in under three hours. But I can’t count the number of minutes I spent each day fretting about that closet. Why hadn’t I just taken the time and straightened it months ago? Inspired by all those endorphins of pleasure rushing through my brain, we’ve tackled other projects in much the same manner. What fun we’re having!!!
Thought for today: Honestly, there are probably some things that you’ve spent more time worrying over than it would have taken to acknowledge and resolve. I know that when we’re not living in healthy space we like having unresolved problems to distract ourselves with – but take it from me, when we do that, we’re wasting our time in needless anxiety. Even a halfway attempt at a fourth step can bring some awesome results. If you’ve been avoiding your fourth step like the plague, just do it halfway. I suspect that a half done fourth will be so rewarding that you’ll be pumped to complete it. Let me know if that works for you.
Thought for tomorrow: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NLT
April 28
Read Job 18, 19, 20, 21 – feel free to skim!
Job and his friends were obviously confused and sometimes condemning when it came to trying to make sense of Job’s suffering. Can’t we all relate to that? But again, Job leads us well. Even in the midst of all this turmoil, Job is able to come back to some very basic and life-giving beliefs. Job totally gets who is in control.
People with a history of hurts, habits and hang-ups rarely relinquish care and control of their lives without a lot of kicking and screaming. Even as I write this, I realize that what I’m saying isn’t quite true. The truth is, we do relinquish control. We give ourselves over to abusers, we give ourselves over to temporary solutions, we give ourselves over to our own minds. Maybe it’s not as simple as saying we have control issues. Could it be that what we really struggle with is idolatry? We want to determine who or what we worship. And we like our small gods. They don’t ask much of us.
Thought for today: Boy, I’m having a brain freeze thinking about this. How easy it is to say, “I have control issues.” It’s a nice, neat, flip response. Say that, and people nod their head in understanding. So let’s pause in our nodding and think about this. Control issues? Really? That may be true. But could it also be that we are out of control, and trying to regain control by exhibiting CONTROLLING BEHAVIORS.
So stop saying you have control issues as if that’s a virtue or a good excuse. List all the ways you attempt to control. Code words: rigidity and lack of spontaneity, manipulating others to gain approval, overreact to change, lack trust, judgmental attitude, intolerant, fear failure.
I attempt to control ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21 NIV If you still want to hold on to that control issues excuse, be my guest. But I’m warning you: you don’t have the power to over-ride the prevailing purposes of God. So knock yourself out, but don’t be surprised by the results.
Job and his friends were obviously confused and sometimes condemning when it came to trying to make sense of Job’s suffering. Can’t we all relate to that? But again, Job leads us well. Even in the midst of all this turmoil, Job is able to come back to some very basic and life-giving beliefs. Job totally gets who is in control.
People with a history of hurts, habits and hang-ups rarely relinquish care and control of their lives without a lot of kicking and screaming. Even as I write this, I realize that what I’m saying isn’t quite true. The truth is, we do relinquish control. We give ourselves over to abusers, we give ourselves over to temporary solutions, we give ourselves over to our own minds. Maybe it’s not as simple as saying we have control issues. Could it be that what we really struggle with is idolatry? We want to determine who or what we worship. And we like our small gods. They don’t ask much of us.
Thought for today: Boy, I’m having a brain freeze thinking about this. How easy it is to say, “I have control issues.” It’s a nice, neat, flip response. Say that, and people nod their head in understanding. So let’s pause in our nodding and think about this. Control issues? Really? That may be true. But could it also be that we are out of control, and trying to regain control by exhibiting CONTROLLING BEHAVIORS.
So stop saying you have control issues as if that’s a virtue or a good excuse. List all the ways you attempt to control. Code words: rigidity and lack of spontaneity, manipulating others to gain approval, overreact to change, lack trust, judgmental attitude, intolerant, fear failure.
I attempt to control ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21 NIV If you still want to hold on to that control issues excuse, be my guest. But I’m warning you: you don’t have the power to over-ride the prevailing purposes of God. So knock yourself out, but don’t be surprised by the results.
April 27
Read Job 15, 16 and 17
“If you will listen, I will show you. I will answer you from my own experience. And it is confirmed by the reports of wise men who have heard the same thing from their fathers” – Eliphaz uses personal experience and wise men’s agreement to support his advice to Job (Job 15:17-18 NLT)
Personal experience is an exceedingly important tool. I love listening to the life stories of others; I have learned some of my greatest lessons vicariously. But there are limits. Eliphaz had both experience and wise mentors – but his advice still stunk.
I had an interesting conversation with a fellow traveler on an extended flight to California. About the same age, we discovered a lot of common ground. Our children share similar interests and are close in age too. We discovered that we hang out at some of the same sporting events.
Both of us are in the middle of a tough semester of AP History and math. I asked about her life experience and she shared it generously.
Minutes into the conversation I was reminded of Eliphaz – and how similar we all are to him. My new traveling buddy did indeed share a lot of life experience with me – but we also had some glaring differences. As the conversation progressed, I realized that her world and mine were very different.
Like Eliphaz, both of us have 50 years of living life and listening to the reports of the wise men of our age. It so happens, she and I listen to really different wise men.
Her life is one of privilege. Her biggest complaint about her youngest child’s school and sports schedule had to do with an obstinate tutor and tardy chauffeur. We have an obstinate tutor totoo – called dad; our tardy chauffeur’s name is mom. My life is one of privilege too. It’s just a different kind of privilege.
Once we were flying above Vegas and hurtling toward Los Angeles, I realized that her experience – though extremely interesting – was going to require some serious interpretation if I were going to benefit from the pearls of wisdom embedded in her life’s story.
Sometimes the wrapping on a package can distract us from the gift that lies within. Last Christmas my most extravagant gift came in a small paper bag. Frankly, it would have been easy for me to tune out this gal with her complaints about the chef, gardener, and personal trainer.
I’m glad that I recalled that experience sharing has limits. And although 50 plus years brings with it aches, pains and wrinkles – it also brings with it the potential for developing new skill sets. I am learning how to use other people’s experiences even when they come with lots of limits.
Example: Sometimes a day gets so hectic that I begin to think that if I just had a little bit more help, I would be a much happier person. Other days I think if I just had more free time, I could morph into a modern day Ghandi.
It would have been easy for me to blow off my seatmate’s perceived stressors as the whining of a pampered poodle. If I had done that, I would have missed a teachable moment. As I listened to her anxieties, fears, and frustrations, I learned something about myself.
I realized that obviously more help and additional free time were not antidotes to the responsibilities of raising children. There was more going on with me than a too busy schedule. So early the next morning, when most West Coasters were snug in their beds, this Easterner got up early and inventoried her heart.
Thought for today: I see two problems with advice giving (and receiving). (1) Sometimes the advice is bad. (2) Sometimes the advice is good, but it comes wrapped in a package that turns us off and distracts us from the truth of the message. Discounting advice that is either bad or uncomfortably delivered can cost us a teachable moment.
Thought for tomorrow: Here’s one recommendation that might help prevent wasted truth encounters. When offered advice, always look for the opportunity to learn. Even bad advice can get us thinking. We can process through our response to it, and think long and hard about why we think it’s bad.
My flying buddy decided that more hired help was the standard response to her stress. This was neither practical nor right for me. But. I prayed and processed and realized in a moment of clarity that our fears have less to do with our schedules and a lot more to do with our beliefs about our schedules.
My new friend also enlightened me as to my own wrong thinking. She was under no illusions. A life of financial privilege did not come with a get-out-of-discomfort-free card. She got that. So in many ways, she is a lot wiser than me. I appreciated her guiding me to a new perspective.
As bad a counselor as Eliphaz was – God can take even his stinking thinking and use it to teach us.
All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 NLT
If you’re not sure if the advice you’re giving or receiving is good or bad, right or wrong – utilize scripture as a plumb line, testing to see if the wisdom of men is consistent with the wisdom of God.
“If you will listen, I will show you. I will answer you from my own experience. And it is confirmed by the reports of wise men who have heard the same thing from their fathers” – Eliphaz uses personal experience and wise men’s agreement to support his advice to Job (Job 15:17-18 NLT)
Personal experience is an exceedingly important tool. I love listening to the life stories of others; I have learned some of my greatest lessons vicariously. But there are limits. Eliphaz had both experience and wise mentors – but his advice still stunk.
I had an interesting conversation with a fellow traveler on an extended flight to California. About the same age, we discovered a lot of common ground. Our children share similar interests and are close in age too. We discovered that we hang out at some of the same sporting events.
Both of us are in the middle of a tough semester of AP History and math. I asked about her life experience and she shared it generously.
Minutes into the conversation I was reminded of Eliphaz – and how similar we all are to him. My new traveling buddy did indeed share a lot of life experience with me – but we also had some glaring differences. As the conversation progressed, I realized that her world and mine were very different.
Like Eliphaz, both of us have 50 years of living life and listening to the reports of the wise men of our age. It so happens, she and I listen to really different wise men.
Her life is one of privilege. Her biggest complaint about her youngest child’s school and sports schedule had to do with an obstinate tutor and tardy chauffeur. We have an obstinate tutor totoo – called dad; our tardy chauffeur’s name is mom. My life is one of privilege too. It’s just a different kind of privilege.
Once we were flying above Vegas and hurtling toward Los Angeles, I realized that her experience – though extremely interesting – was going to require some serious interpretation if I were going to benefit from the pearls of wisdom embedded in her life’s story.
Sometimes the wrapping on a package can distract us from the gift that lies within. Last Christmas my most extravagant gift came in a small paper bag. Frankly, it would have been easy for me to tune out this gal with her complaints about the chef, gardener, and personal trainer.
I’m glad that I recalled that experience sharing has limits. And although 50 plus years brings with it aches, pains and wrinkles – it also brings with it the potential for developing new skill sets. I am learning how to use other people’s experiences even when they come with lots of limits.
Example: Sometimes a day gets so hectic that I begin to think that if I just had a little bit more help, I would be a much happier person. Other days I think if I just had more free time, I could morph into a modern day Ghandi.
It would have been easy for me to blow off my seatmate’s perceived stressors as the whining of a pampered poodle. If I had done that, I would have missed a teachable moment. As I listened to her anxieties, fears, and frustrations, I learned something about myself.
I realized that obviously more help and additional free time were not antidotes to the responsibilities of raising children. There was more going on with me than a too busy schedule. So early the next morning, when most West Coasters were snug in their beds, this Easterner got up early and inventoried her heart.
Thought for today: I see two problems with advice giving (and receiving). (1) Sometimes the advice is bad. (2) Sometimes the advice is good, but it comes wrapped in a package that turns us off and distracts us from the truth of the message. Discounting advice that is either bad or uncomfortably delivered can cost us a teachable moment.
Thought for tomorrow: Here’s one recommendation that might help prevent wasted truth encounters. When offered advice, always look for the opportunity to learn. Even bad advice can get us thinking. We can process through our response to it, and think long and hard about why we think it’s bad.
My flying buddy decided that more hired help was the standard response to her stress. This was neither practical nor right for me. But. I prayed and processed and realized in a moment of clarity that our fears have less to do with our schedules and a lot more to do with our beliefs about our schedules.
My new friend also enlightened me as to my own wrong thinking. She was under no illusions. A life of financial privilege did not come with a get-out-of-discomfort-free card. She got that. So in many ways, she is a lot wiser than me. I appreciated her guiding me to a new perspective.
As bad a counselor as Eliphaz was – God can take even his stinking thinking and use it to teach us.
All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 NLT
If you’re not sure if the advice you’re giving or receiving is good or bad, right or wrong – utilize scripture as a plumb line, testing to see if the wisdom of men is consistent with the wisdom of God.
April 26
Read Job 13 and 14
Fortunately for Job, he understood baloney when it was served up to him on a silver platter. He had the good sense to realize that his friends were full of hot air. That’s awesome – but unusual. Most people tell me that they find the advice they receive confusing and contradictory. Sincere in their desire to do the next right thing, defining that next step is often far more challenging than one might expect.
That’s why I love the fourth step. It’s an opportunity for us to get alone with God and allow His Spirit to blow through our hearts. Later on we’ll begin to share all that we’re writing and thinking and feeling with another person. This is not the time to be asking others to instruct us about what we need to inventory.
I know we long for input from others, especially when working on something as challenging as a fourth step. I’d suggest you ask them about their personal experiences with their own stepping. Perhaps if you’re stuck on the “ how-tos” your advisors can share what’s worked for them.
But for today, I want to encourage you to follow Job’s example. He eagerly went straight to the top dog. He had a conversation with God himself. You have this same access. Isn’t that awesome? Maybe the only foolish thing you could do at this point is to ignore the privilege and deny yourself the opportunity of approaching the throne of grace yourself – without need of any mediators. Isn’t that awesome?
Think of it like this. If you find yourself in legal difficulties, you can’t just pop over to the judge’s house and hash it all out over a cup of cappuccino. Lawyers, court clerks and all sorts of paperwork are required for you to get your day in court.
Not so with God. Today you can have a conversation with Him. I pray that you will.
Thought for today: So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:16 NLT
Thought for tomorrow: I know other people are poor imitators of the God of mercy and grace. I also know that we are called to pursue our God-created identities – which include the ability to have the mind of Christ, imitate him, and even know and do his good, pleasing and perfect will.
That’s a lot of potential, and sometimes we all fall short. While we’re all growing up in our salvation, let’s be gentle with each other. Let’s look for our potential with at least as much energy as we pour into picking at each other’s wounds.
Fortunately for Job, he understood baloney when it was served up to him on a silver platter. He had the good sense to realize that his friends were full of hot air. That’s awesome – but unusual. Most people tell me that they find the advice they receive confusing and contradictory. Sincere in their desire to do the next right thing, defining that next step is often far more challenging than one might expect.
That’s why I love the fourth step. It’s an opportunity for us to get alone with God and allow His Spirit to blow through our hearts. Later on we’ll begin to share all that we’re writing and thinking and feeling with another person. This is not the time to be asking others to instruct us about what we need to inventory.
I know we long for input from others, especially when working on something as challenging as a fourth step. I’d suggest you ask them about their personal experiences with their own stepping. Perhaps if you’re stuck on the “ how-tos” your advisors can share what’s worked for them.
But for today, I want to encourage you to follow Job’s example. He eagerly went straight to the top dog. He had a conversation with God himself. You have this same access. Isn’t that awesome? Maybe the only foolish thing you could do at this point is to ignore the privilege and deny yourself the opportunity of approaching the throne of grace yourself – without need of any mediators. Isn’t that awesome?
Think of it like this. If you find yourself in legal difficulties, you can’t just pop over to the judge’s house and hash it all out over a cup of cappuccino. Lawyers, court clerks and all sorts of paperwork are required for you to get your day in court.
Not so with God. Today you can have a conversation with Him. I pray that you will.
Thought for today: So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:16 NLT
Thought for tomorrow: I know other people are poor imitators of the God of mercy and grace. I also know that we are called to pursue our God-created identities – which include the ability to have the mind of Christ, imitate him, and even know and do his good, pleasing and perfect will.
That’s a lot of potential, and sometimes we all fall short. While we’re all growing up in our salvation, let’s be gentle with each other. Let’s look for our potential with at least as much energy as we pour into picking at each other’s wounds.
April 25
Read Job 11 and 12
“Shouldn’t someone make you ashamed?”
The day began like any other, and unfortunately, ended like many. Another day when I sit and watch one person take on the job of shaming another. This, I think to myself, is why I sometimes despair. I have no idea why we seem to think that “making others ashamed” is of value. It seems to me that shaming is packaged like a value meal. Shaming is usually accompanied with a side dish of self-righteous indignation and a large size helping of anger.
During this particular meeting it is parental shame that makes my heart weep. “I expected more of you than this.” “You can do far better than this.” “Well, I know you want to change, but I am just not so sure whether you can. Son, you’ve proven to be a huge disappointment to me.” “I just don’t understand how you can be so stupid!” On and on it goes. Who knows where it will stop?
It certainly doesn’t end in a child saying, “Gee Dad! How right you are! I can do better than this! I’m ready to go to any lengths to become my best self!” It’s far more likely that this kid will comply and lay low – going through the motions of good behaving – and run out and self-medicate at the first distracted moment on the part of his hyper-vigilant parents.
I know the heartbreak of disappointed spouses, parents, siblings and friends. This time, they had so hoped it would be different. They hoped their optimism would not be misplaced. Relapse stinks. Living with disappointed expectations stinks too. I get that. What continues to baffle me is why caring people think that heaping shame on another is an effective intervention tool.
I understand that the shamer has noble goals. Like Zophar and Bildad, these folks sincerely believe that they are trying to inspire, encourage, and motivate positive change. Whether it is a parent, a spouse, a sibling or a dear friend – these masters of shame see themselves as helpers, not hinderers, in the restoration process.
This is another mystery to me – what evidence does anyone have that shaming has ever worked? I grant you, it sometimes bows the shoulders and head; it occasionally results in short term compliance – but has it ever in the history of mankind made the “shamee” a better person? I think not.
And here’s another thought. Zophar, in his misguided attempts to shame Job into better believing and behaving, gets it wrong. God was rewarding Job in his own mysterious God ways. Zophar is certain that this is all about punishment. Think about that – Zophar could not even shame Job with any degree of accuracy.
Two points not to forget: (1).Shaming doesn’t work and (2).Shamers generally make themselves look foolish. In fact, Zophar revealed more about himself than Job as he ranted on. Zophar was arrogant and ill-equipped to deal with Job’s suffering in a way that pleased God. Soon we will read about God’s utter displeasure with Job’s so-called friends – and his indictment of these friends. So let me leave you with this thought.
If you know and love someone who is in desperate need of a thorough fourth step experience, please get out of their way and not hinder their progress. There is no value in your attempts to shame, blame and manipulate them into compliance. Finally, if you are the one in need of a fourth step, and you’ve allowed others’ mishandling of your suffering to make you stubborn and recalcitrant – please rethink your position.
God judges each of us according to our deeds. He’s perfectly capable of handling your foolish friends. Since you are going to give an account of your actions too, why not go ahead and take the next right step?
Thought for today: the Lord finished speaking to Job, he said to Eliphaz: “I am angry with you and your two friends, for you have not spoken accurately about me, as my servant Job has.” Job 42:7 NLT
Thought for tomorrow: It is possible to handle misdeeds, pain and suffering without shaming. Consequences can be delivered – boundaries can be drawn – without belittling one another. We can learn how to treat each other with respect.
Job’s goofy friends provide me with lots of motivation. They remind me that it is possible to contribute to another’s problems instead of helping to alleviate them. I’ve got lots more to learn in this area – how about you?
“Shouldn’t someone make you ashamed?”
The day began like any other, and unfortunately, ended like many. Another day when I sit and watch one person take on the job of shaming another. This, I think to myself, is why I sometimes despair. I have no idea why we seem to think that “making others ashamed” is of value. It seems to me that shaming is packaged like a value meal. Shaming is usually accompanied with a side dish of self-righteous indignation and a large size helping of anger.
During this particular meeting it is parental shame that makes my heart weep. “I expected more of you than this.” “You can do far better than this.” “Well, I know you want to change, but I am just not so sure whether you can. Son, you’ve proven to be a huge disappointment to me.” “I just don’t understand how you can be so stupid!” On and on it goes. Who knows where it will stop?
It certainly doesn’t end in a child saying, “Gee Dad! How right you are! I can do better than this! I’m ready to go to any lengths to become my best self!” It’s far more likely that this kid will comply and lay low – going through the motions of good behaving – and run out and self-medicate at the first distracted moment on the part of his hyper-vigilant parents.
I know the heartbreak of disappointed spouses, parents, siblings and friends. This time, they had so hoped it would be different. They hoped their optimism would not be misplaced. Relapse stinks. Living with disappointed expectations stinks too. I get that. What continues to baffle me is why caring people think that heaping shame on another is an effective intervention tool.
I understand that the shamer has noble goals. Like Zophar and Bildad, these folks sincerely believe that they are trying to inspire, encourage, and motivate positive change. Whether it is a parent, a spouse, a sibling or a dear friend – these masters of shame see themselves as helpers, not hinderers, in the restoration process.
This is another mystery to me – what evidence does anyone have that shaming has ever worked? I grant you, it sometimes bows the shoulders and head; it occasionally results in short term compliance – but has it ever in the history of mankind made the “shamee” a better person? I think not.
And here’s another thought. Zophar, in his misguided attempts to shame Job into better believing and behaving, gets it wrong. God was rewarding Job in his own mysterious God ways. Zophar is certain that this is all about punishment. Think about that – Zophar could not even shame Job with any degree of accuracy.
Two points not to forget: (1).Shaming doesn’t work and (2).Shamers generally make themselves look foolish. In fact, Zophar revealed more about himself than Job as he ranted on. Zophar was arrogant and ill-equipped to deal with Job’s suffering in a way that pleased God. Soon we will read about God’s utter displeasure with Job’s so-called friends – and his indictment of these friends. So let me leave you with this thought.
If you know and love someone who is in desperate need of a thorough fourth step experience, please get out of their way and not hinder their progress. There is no value in your attempts to shame, blame and manipulate them into compliance. Finally, if you are the one in need of a fourth step, and you’ve allowed others’ mishandling of your suffering to make you stubborn and recalcitrant – please rethink your position.
God judges each of us according to our deeds. He’s perfectly capable of handling your foolish friends. Since you are going to give an account of your actions too, why not go ahead and take the next right step?
Thought for today: the Lord finished speaking to Job, he said to Eliphaz: “I am angry with you and your two friends, for you have not spoken accurately about me, as my servant Job has.” Job 42:7 NLT
Thought for tomorrow: It is possible to handle misdeeds, pain and suffering without shaming. Consequences can be delivered – boundaries can be drawn – without belittling one another. We can learn how to treat each other with respect.
Job’s goofy friends provide me with lots of motivation. They remind me that it is possible to contribute to another’s problems instead of helping to alleviate them. I’ve got lots more to learn in this area – how about you?
April 24
Read Job 9 and 10
I love Job. I love how truthful he is. I love the messiness of his honesty. I love how he doesn’t feel ite necessary to butter up God. He’s able to express how he feels – about himself, his circumstances, his theology – the entire enchilada.
Job has some things going for him that you and I may lack. Job has a history of relationship with God. Chapters one and two are proof of the intimacy between Job and God. And there’s a lot to commend Job for in terms of his knowledge of who God is and how God operates. In my Life Recovery Bible, the commentator makes a great point in Chapter nine. “Job knew more than he understood. He knew about God’s sovereignty and justice and that no man is blameless when seen in the light of god’s perfection. What he didn’t understand is that God is merciful and that it is only by grace that we do not receive our deserved fates, which would be far worse than
Job’s sufferings. When we feel that God isn’t being fair, we should remember that if he were, we would never be able to enter his presence. When god is ‘unfair,’ it is always on the side of mercy.”
Aren’t we all like that? We tend to know more than we understand. For example, a woman
may know that adultery is seriously not cool, but I wonder if she understands the impact if she follows through and commits adultery. Does she understand that her children may never be able to work through the betrayals and heartaches that will inevitably arise when the affair is discovered? In ten or fifteen years, will she understand why her son is unable to commit in a relationship? Does she understand that her adultery makes it harder for her spouse to take ownership of his own shortcomings in the marriage? Does she understand that her daughter may be suspicious and distrustful around even the nicest guy in the world? No. She may not.
Nor will she grasp the doubling of this tragedy if her affair is with another married man. It might be too painful to both know and understand the will of God as it applies to her choices. And that is also true for us.
I want to encourage you to take seriously the implications of your choices. I hope you will acknowledge to yourself and God that your knowledge and your understanding may be worlds apart. Speaking what we know without understanding what we’re missing produces about the same results as if we didn’t have any knowledge at all!
Thought for today: One compelling reason that I continue to make fearless moral inventories is because I have a healthy respect for my own capacity to be deceived. Denial is a powerful enemy. My hope is in the revelation of the truth to me by the Holy Spirit. I hope that I can allow God to transform me now, so that I won’t continue to harm myself and others AND that I can change so that no future harm is caused that could have been prevented. I hope this for you, too.
Thought for tomorrow: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
I love Job. I love how truthful he is. I love the messiness of his honesty. I love how he doesn’t feel ite necessary to butter up God. He’s able to express how he feels – about himself, his circumstances, his theology – the entire enchilada.
Job has some things going for him that you and I may lack. Job has a history of relationship with God. Chapters one and two are proof of the intimacy between Job and God. And there’s a lot to commend Job for in terms of his knowledge of who God is and how God operates. In my Life Recovery Bible, the commentator makes a great point in Chapter nine. “Job knew more than he understood. He knew about God’s sovereignty and justice and that no man is blameless when seen in the light of god’s perfection. What he didn’t understand is that God is merciful and that it is only by grace that we do not receive our deserved fates, which would be far worse than
Job’s sufferings. When we feel that God isn’t being fair, we should remember that if he were, we would never be able to enter his presence. When god is ‘unfair,’ it is always on the side of mercy.”
Aren’t we all like that? We tend to know more than we understand. For example, a woman
may know that adultery is seriously not cool, but I wonder if she understands the impact if she follows through and commits adultery. Does she understand that her children may never be able to work through the betrayals and heartaches that will inevitably arise when the affair is discovered? In ten or fifteen years, will she understand why her son is unable to commit in a relationship? Does she understand that her adultery makes it harder for her spouse to take ownership of his own shortcomings in the marriage? Does she understand that her daughter may be suspicious and distrustful around even the nicest guy in the world? No. She may not.
Nor will she grasp the doubling of this tragedy if her affair is with another married man. It might be too painful to both know and understand the will of God as it applies to her choices. And that is also true for us.
I want to encourage you to take seriously the implications of your choices. I hope you will acknowledge to yourself and God that your knowledge and your understanding may be worlds apart. Speaking what we know without understanding what we’re missing produces about the same results as if we didn’t have any knowledge at all!
Thought for today: One compelling reason that I continue to make fearless moral inventories is because I have a healthy respect for my own capacity to be deceived. Denial is a powerful enemy. My hope is in the revelation of the truth to me by the Holy Spirit. I hope that I can allow God to transform me now, so that I won’t continue to harm myself and others AND that I can change so that no future harm is caused that could have been prevented. I hope this for you, too.
Thought for tomorrow: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
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