Day 4

Scripture focus: For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

I learned something about myself that shocked me. I discovered (with a lot of help from God and others) that when I am most afraid, I often look angry. This can really confuse others! I didn’t set out to be confusing. I simply did not know what I was truly feeling.

I am practicing a new thing. I am practicing disclosing to God, myself, and others my true feelings about a scary situation. This is a lot better than scaring everyone in the house with ranting and raving that really isn’t even the issue.

I used to have a tendency to rant and rave about once a month over shoes strewn about the house. This was unpleasant for everyone. Most days scattered shoes were only annoying to me if I tripped over them. Usually scattered shoes were like little love notes from my family to me. The gorgeous heels mean my daughter is home; the men’s dress shoes signal Scott is back in town; random pairs of giant-sized sneakers mean either Pete or Michael is home and not wearing any shoes (because they only wear one pair of shoes each for almost all occasions). These shoes are sweet little (and large) endearments. Most days. But on those days when I was freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional – a stray shoe was cause for alarm.

Now, instead of getting my freak on, I practice saying things like:

* “Today I am feeling scared/anxious/worried/afraid (choose the right one). I am feeling scared/anxious about ________. I could use your help. Could you make a quick pass through the downstairs and grab up any shoes that are scattered around? I know it’s kind of weird, but on days like today, for some reason, I feel less worried/anxious/afraid if the kitchen and den aren’t a mess. Thanks for helping me manage my environment while I’m working through my emotions.”

* “Hey, can you stick these shoes up in your room? It’s one of those days when I care about this, and I appreciate your doing this. It is a way you can care about me!”

I ask you – do you think everyone runs around, grabs up their shoes and puts them in neat rows in a closet? I don’t think so!! But whatever their response – I have honestly self-disclosed. Oddly enough, most days, that’s enough. In the act of self-disclosing, I actually reset my own thoughts. I realize what the kids have been telling me for years is true, “Mom, this cannot possibly be about the shoes!” (Don’t you just hate it when your kids are right?)

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