Day 128 - Loving Within The Pegs Scripture focus: Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:7-8 Contemporary English Version "I'm sorry you feel this way," Cathy said to Frank through her tears. "But something has to change; our way isn't working. You refuse to change. Our son appears to be incapable of change. I have to move toward a solution. I want to tell you how I've processed through our issues, and why I'm leaving. I'm not asking for you to agree; I'm not inviting you to give me feedback. My only objective here is to share my thoughts with you. I hope that over time, this will make sense to you. I'm trying to live my life within the pegs that God has set before me." "Pegs? What the heck are you talking about? God hates divorce! God wants us to love our children! Are you trying to blame this crazy decision of yours on God?" "No, Frank. I'm finished with blaming others, even God. I'm trying to step as God speaks. And God has told us to love him, love others, and love ourselves. I haven't done a decent job of that in years. I'm trying to find my way back to him, and I hope that eventually leads me back to you. I want our family restored. But I can't pretend any longer that what we're doing is restorative. We're coming apart at the seams. Something has got to change. I love you. But we have violated God's principles of loving, and although I can't compel you to change, I believe I have a responsibility to live my life differently. I want to ask you to listen to me. I want to try to explain my rationale to you. If you don't want to listen, that's ok. I'll respect your decision. But unless you listen to me, I see no reason to continue this pattern of you screaming at me. So what's it going to be - listen, or I'll leave and we can have this conversation at a later date." Frank chooses wisely; he sits down and shuts up. For the first time in a long, long time, Frank listens. Slowly, calmly, his wife begins to share with Frank the meaning of the words she learned in her codependency support group, and the parameters of those pegs she's trying to ski within. "Teacher, which command in God's Law is the most important?" Jesus said, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them." Matthew 22:36-40 The Message To be continued. While waiting, please consider how you're doing in the fine art of loving God, others and self. Recommmended reading: 1 Samuel 1 and 2 in the morning; John 6 in the evening

Day 127 - Risky Business: Running with stakes Scripture focus: Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:7-8 Contemporary English Version "I feel like I'm being asked to choose between the two people I love most in this world!" And if we fail to pause to prepare, many would agree with this father of a young addict, whose wife had enough of the drama and left them both. "I'm done." His wife, Cathy, and the mother of this wayward child announces in the presence of a "neutral" third party. What her husband hears is, "I'm abandoning you and our son at your time of greatest need." He feels as if she is withdrawing her support, loyalty, hope, and trust. He misunderstands - but we can empathize with his viewpoint. She's not "done" because she's cold-hearted, self-centered, or neglectful. She's not "done" because she no longer loves her husband and has flown into the comforting arms of another. She's "done" with lousy love. And when her husband continues to stubbornly resist looking for solutions to their family's very serious problem, she must make some tough choices. Eventually, after months of counseling, education, prayer, and pausing - she moves out of the family home and into a small apartment with sturdy locks. This is her perspective. Her best friend is appalled by her decision. Her mother calls her brave. Her pastor believes that this decision seems intuitively wrong, but he readily admits he doesn't know the next right step to recommend to this hurting family. Everyone seems to have an opinion when it comes to the ways of love. Listening to the story, I am amazed at the varied approaches people take when dealing with suffering. I've heard too many stories and seen too many surprising outcomes to judge another for their choices. I do, however, appreciate the lengths this woman has gone to as she paused to prepare. There are no easy steps and cookie cutter solutions when it comes to family problems. Unfortunately, without steps and cookie cutters, many of us unwittingly make it up as we go - and end up stabbing the ones we love in the heart with a sharp stake. "Life can be like a stake through the heart." Soul Cravings, Erwin McManus, entry 4, Meaning. As we continue with our devotional study this week, I'd ask that we all join together in asking God to give us all new ways of understanding old issues. McManus is right - "Life can be like a stake through the heart." And we don't need to contribute to the carnage by running through life all willy nilly, carrying stakes. Lord, may we become a people who are better at deciphering what it means to be supportive, loyal, hopeful, trusting and successful at love. Recommended reading: Ruth 3 and 4 in the morning; John 4 and 5 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 126 - Week 18 At A Glance Scripture focus: The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back. Isaiah 50:4-5 NIV In summary - when we follow the Lord's instructions, we learn how to live within the limits. We may crave limitless living - but that's not what will sustain us. As we set aside our youthful rebellions, and draw near to God, he provides us with all we need for the abundant life - a life he's promised us. Trusting God to deliver on his promises will require us to navigate life on his terms. Recommended reading: Ruth 1 and 2 in the morning; Psalm 105 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 125 Scripture focus: A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. Proverbs 14:29-30 NIV I appreciate today's scripture focus; it provides clues that help me learn to appreciate the need of limits. In this verse, a patient man is portrayed as one with great understanding. But a quick-tempered man is foolish. In the recovery community, those who've gained experience along the road to recovery have devised a short phrase to help us live within out limits: H.A.L.T. - don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. These experienced sojourners get the point - bad things happen when we are under stress. A patient man can look understanding, because when we are calm and not stressed it's easier to make good choices. A hungry, angry, lonely and tired person tends to be quick-tempered. These two guys might be of equal maturity, character and sincerity - but when stressed, we don't perform at our best. The proverb makes another great point. Peaceful people have healthier bodies than people who are struggling with negative emotions. Envy is nothing more than a person with a strong craving who believes that someone else has the very thing they crave. They fear the craving will go unfulfilled, and that is aggravating. Hungry, angry, lonely and tired folks are experiencing a "lack" and this often leads one to lust. Who do we want to present to the world? Our true God-created, patient, peaceful, lively self - or our quick-tempered, foolish, decaying self? If we want to live our life to the fullest, it's more likely to happen as we learn to live within the limitations of our "creatureliness" rather than pushing past these limitations in a misguided attempt to take a short cut to the good life. Recommended reading: Judges 19 and 20 in the morning; Judges 21 and Proverbs 15 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 124 Scripture focus: I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 NIV When we closed in our screened porch it provided me the opportunity to shop for carpet. I hustled over to my favorite carpet store in search of a deal. Over the years, I discovered that the pricey carpets in the display cases were attractive, but the remnants in the storage room were cheap. So when the sales guy steered me to the expensive samples, I hedged toward the back of the store. "Don't you have some remnants that would work? It's a small room, and the last time I was here." "Nope! No remnants. But I have some lovely designer rugs that would look fabulous in your new room." I didn't end up buying carpet from my favorite store. It's possible that there were no remnants that would work in my sun room - but I felt like this young man was holding back. Right or wrong, I intuited that he preferred to sell me the expensive stuff. As I drove off, I realized my assumptions about this salesperson mirrored my preconceived notions of God. I thought about how often I've tried to sidle past God - to get a look at the back room. I know God teaches me about limits - and asks me to live within them. But I wonder if I pushed past them might I find something cool behind the curtain (Remember the curtain in The Wizard of Oz?). James Pardue, former pastor of Bon Air Baptist Church, taught me that temptation is often a suggested shortcut to that which we believe will ultimately be for good. Temptations aren't all about the naughty. They're usually more about how to get to the nice faster. It turns out my instincts were right about the carpet. Eventually I found just what I was looking for at a reasonable price. But when it comes to God and my suspicions about the good life - I was wrong. Limits are gifts from God. When we accept our limitations, we invite God to push past them. He is far better at overcoming my shortcomings than I am. And any limitations that he chooses not to remove must be there for a good reason. If we want to experience the abundant life, we'll first have to practice the principle of trusting God with the limitations. Recommended reading: Judges 17 and 18 in the morning; John 3 and Psalm 104 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 123 Scripture focus: When the wicked die, their hopes die with them, for they rely on their own feeble strength. Proverbs 11:7 NLT One of my children loved his naps. He embraced his limits. After a hearty lunch or a busy morning on the play ground, he'd reach up for a hug and say plaintively, "Meme pug." Translation: I want my blankie and my pacifier. The kid knew his limits - and he didn't push against them. He didn't rely on his own feeble strength. Little did I know what wisdom was expressed in those two little words, "Meme pug." "There is a fundamental spiritual struggle at work here. Our dislike for limits is, at heart, the struggle of a creature who wants to be the Creator. At the heart of recovery for many of us is the struggle to acknowledge our creatureliness. Creatures have limits. Creatures are finite. Creatures get tired. Creatures cannot take care of everything. Accepting the limitations which are appropriate to a creature is for many of us an important step toward accepting God as our Creator. The disciplines of recovery involve learning practical ways to identify and respond to our limits." Dale and Juanita Ryan, "Rooted in God's Love, p. 117. I have had a short-sighted view of evil. My definition includes predators and bad people taking advantage of the hopeless and helpless. But the Drs. Ryan have challenged my perspective. Wicked can be as innocuous as a strong desire to push through our limits. When we work too hard, sleep too little, eat too fast - all in an effort to push past our limits, we're missing the full life. We won't recognize our large living experiences when our brains are stressed out because we're pushing past our limits. The good life is best experienced when we remember our limits. Recommended reading: Judges 15 and 16 in the morning; John 2 and Psalm 103 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 122 Scripture focus: The Lord will not let the godly go hungry, but he refuses to satisfy the craving of the wicked. Proverbs 10:3 NLT I watched the movie "Akeelah and the Bee" with rapt attention. Whoever came up with this idea for a film is a genius! While we starve and thirst after fame and fortune - this film captures the essence of the good life. Akeelah and her family have suffered - her dad died when she was young, leaving her with a lonely, scared and bitter mom. One brother is living his dream to become a pilot in the air force, but another older brother is headed down the road to destruction. Akeelah lives in a marginal neighborhood and attends a sub-par school. But the girl can spell. I won't spoil the movie for you except to say this: it is a struggle of epic proportions. And the fulfilling of a bunch of big dreams occurs as a few people choose to love others - even when it comes with suffering. We have lots of media attention and reality shows that stir our cravings for self-serving and seeking. But Akeelah and her community remind us of the value of defining the full life, the abundant life, in a way that aligns with God's prevailing purposes. I suspect the Lord is providing "full life" experiences for us regularly. I pray that we're catching the show. Recommended reading: Judges 13 and 14 in the morning; Psalm 102 in the evening