August 8

Scripture focus: Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Galatians 6:4 (The Message)

Clearly, God has called us to be responsible to others. Denying ourselves in order to do for others is part and parcel of sacrificial love (remember when Jesus taught us that greater love has no man than to lay down his life for a friend?)

We are also taught the necessity of taking responsibility for ourselves.

If we're going to be responsible for ourselves – we need to know who we are and what work God has called us to do. Then we sink ourselves into that work.

We study our strengths and we assume that God gave them to us for a reason. Clearly, he didn't give us talents like the sarcasm gene or the ability leap tall buildings with a single bound for the purpose of being impressed with ourselves!

God's willingness to bestow particular gifts and talents on each of us is so that we can sink ourselves into becoming who he called us to be and doing what he intended for us to accomplish.

I'm a really good reader. I love to read. I not only love to read, I enjoy remembering what I read. My brain likes learning something and applying it in new ways. I've often pictured heaven as a giant library filled with good books, a roaring fire, and an over-stuffed chair with an ottoman. I don't think God gave me this ability so that I can be impressed with the fact that I can read a six hundred page book in the time it takes Pete to read an article in The Economist. I don't think the ability to read is a virtue – it's a gift.

However, if I can take this natural part of myself, take responsibility for nurturing this ability AND then use it to lay down my life for a friend – that's a big win. Not impressive, but a gift.

Pete may be a slow reader but he's quick to serve. Perhaps one of the reasons he falls asleep reading The Economist is because he was alert during the day, laying down his life for a friend by being a good listener, a diligent employee, an excellent emptier of trash cans, a patient tennis partner and a fully present father. He doesn't think what he does is impressive. But I do. He's a gift.

When we take responsibility for ourselves, this nurturing of our gifts and talents shouldn't leave us puffed with pride, but it should equip us to serve others well.

I wonder. As you make a careful exploration of yourself, what work have you been uniquely equipped to perform, and how does that work benefit others who are carrying a heavy burden?

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 22-24

- click on the word comments and join our conversation

© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 7

Scripture focus: Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. Galatians 6:1-3 (The Message)

Little words are sometimes the key to understanding.

In the case of boundaries to and for are super important. "We are responsible to others and for ourselves."

When Paul is referring to burdens – those heavy loads that we cannot carry alone – he's reminding us that as we live in community we have a responsibility to help people with burdens too big for one person to bear. (I like to think of burdens as the way a girl packs for a weekend on an exotic island – she brings a steamer trunk so that she's prepared for every occasion.)

For example, if someone loses their job and are on the verge of losing their home, in our community we seek to find a way to help our friend carry his or her burden. But we must do so within the parameters of healthy boundaries. Maybe it's helpful to provide financial counseling, even pay a mortgage payment or two. Perhaps what the person most needs is help writing a resume or finding a job. Sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do is let the person lose their house.

Why is loss sometimes a good thing? Because, there are times when "[y]ou're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." Matthew 5:4 (The Message)

Suppose your friend comes to you and asks you for $1,000 to pay off a loan shark. You decide this is a burden your loved one shouldn't bear alone. You stroke a check. Then you discover that your friend went to Disney World for two weeks – a vacation that clearly your budget shows you cannot afford. What's up with that?

It takes a lot of creativity and prayer to figure out our part in the restoration process. Maybe giving the $1,000 was exactly what God wanted you to do – because he was asking you to be generous. Perhaps in your eagerness to help, you unwittingly enabled your friend to stay in denial about the true state of his family's finances. Who knows?

As you practice letting the bad out and embracing the good, opportunities to learn from practicing the principle of being responsible to help your brothers and sisters in need will abound. We'll learn together how best to help, and sometimes we'll get it wrong.

Tomorrow, what we're responsible for....

- click on the word comments and join our conversation

© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 6

Scripture focus: Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Galatians 6:1-2 (The Message)

My guys are now 18 and 24 years old, way past the age of "all-knowing" – hopefully!

But they've found that remembering that particular stage of development has been helpful. Both our boys have spent time working with children. I've heard them on more than one occasion say, "Yeah, he's at that age where he knows everything. He'll outgrow it."

I've observed how patient they're able to be with young boys sturdily in possession of the knowledge that they know everything and the rest of the world is struggling to keep up.

I think that's what Paul is telling us in this verse.

Scott and Michael are able to empathize with nine-year-old boys. They remember when they, too, needed a little patience thrown in their direction.

Perhaps that's why Jesus remarks in the beatitudes about how lucky we are when we suffer various things like being at the end of our rope, loss or even growing pains. It's not that God is glad when we get freaked out. But Creator God knows that with the appropriate use of boundaries, even the freaking out will refine us. It'll show us what we need to let go of and provide an opportunity for us to receive good stuff in return.

It'll keep us from being critical. It'll provide us with empathy.

Gates – those things that let the bad out and the good in – when working well, allow us to help the oppressed without becoming oppressive.

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 16-18

- click on the word comments and join our conversation

© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 5

Scripture focus: Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. Galatians 6:1 (The Message)

Our dog, Tilley, loved to fetch things. She liked us, but she loved chasing and catching and retrieving more. We often thought that she wooed us by pretending to like us so that we'd play with her. At the back of our property, one of our neighbors has a split rail fence that he fortified with chicken wire. One night during a rousing game of chase the tennis ball, Pete over shot the target and the ball landed in our neighbor's yard. This was not a deterrent to Tilley. She had a bead on the intended target, and she was relentless in her pursuit. She busted through that chicken wire like it wasn't there. Unfortunately, when she turned around to come back, the wire had fallen back into place and she was stymied, unable to return to her own yard.

She tilted her head, and looked at the fence like, "Hey, what are you doing here and why are you keeping me from that guy who I've trained to throw this ball?"

Like Tilley, sometimes we find ourselves on the wrong side of the fence as we seek to live out Galatians 6:1. On occasion, we lose our way – and I'm not talking about the "one who sins." I'm referring to us spiritual types, the people who are allegedly helping their brothers and sisters out of the ditch. Instead of helping with the restoration, we find ourselves becoming critical. We start taking other's inventory. We stop empathizing and start judging.

Dealing with sin – whether it is ours or another's – requires creativity and wisdom.

As we learn about how to appropriately appreciate healthy boundaries, I pray that we prepare ourselves for the journey. Exercising good judgment with regards to loving others while respecting boundaries is challenging. Some days we're going to over shoot the target. Other days we're going to miss an opportunity to assist in the restoration because we're so busy guarding our own walls.

May we be gentle with each other as we grow.

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 13-15

- click on the word comments and join our conversation

© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 4

Scripture focus: The heart knows its own bitterness, and no one shares its joy. Proverbs 14:10

In one of Cloud and Townsend's many excellent books on the subject, they describe boundaries as an intangible fence with gates. The purpose of boundaries is to provide clear separation between what is self and what is other.

The gates serve the purpose of providing an exit for things that are bad, and an entryway for things that are good. In an ideal world, our families help us learn how to use both the fence and the gates appropriately. When that doesn't happen, we get into trouble.

When Scott had his physical and got his feelings hurt by the pediatrician, he had choices. He could have stewed in silence. Instead, he opened a gate and let it out – thereby giving me a window into his heart. Because he shared what he was experiencing internally, an opportunity for feedback presented itself.

This is a good example of how boundaries are intended to function.

The pediatrician was very helpful too. In his own humorous way, he was instructing both Scott and I that feeling really smart at age nine is not a bad thing, it's just a thing. It's normal. It's developmentally appropriate. No big deal. If Scott reaches the ripe old age of twenty-five and continues to think he's smarter than everyone else – he's got problems.

Notice that no one suggested to Scott that he develop more humility. That would be asking way too much for a nine-year-old boy to accomplish! When people ask either too much or too little of us, we may not learn how to use both the fence and its gates appropriately.

Growing up will provide all of us the opportunity to learn some important principles about personal responsibility.

• What's my part?
• What's someone else's part?
• How do I love others without jumping over their fence?
• When is it appropriate to allow others access to my heart?

In tomorrow's devotional, we'll begin addressing these questions and more....

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 10-12

- click on the word comments and join our conversation

© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 3

Scripture focus: Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts. Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth; avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left; leave evil in the dust. Proverbs 4:23-27 (The Message)

Spiritual boundaries are profoundly important – they are invisible markers to keep us from running off the road and landing in a ditch. We spend a lot of time at NorthStar Community talking about the "big markers" (according to Jesus) of loving God, and loving others as we love ourselves. These limits/boundaries/markers are good things. Part of the maturation process involves learning the value of limits. Growing up is a process. Testing limits is normal. Learning from them is just plain smart. Unfortunately, I'm not always smart – how about you?

Our son Scott went for his yearly physical when he was around nine or ten years old and the doctor really hurt his feelings. He said to Scott in a joking tone, "Well, are you at that age where you know everything yet?" He was referring to that very normal developmental stage that young boys go through when they think they are the only smart people on the planet, and the rest of us are real dummies. This particular pediatrician did an excellent job at the yearly physical of talking to kids about what they could expect physically, emotionally, and mentally at their age. I loved this as a mom, it was a tutorial for me (and probably we parents were the true intended audience) and I hoped instructional for my kid. But on this day Scott was not a happy camper. He was completely insulted.

As we left the appointment, Scott began to vent. "Can you believe that guy? He doesn't know what he's talking about! Where did he get his degree anyway? Have you checked his credentials? For all I know, he could have gotten his license over the internet. That guy needs to stick with what he knows – whether I have strep throat or not. I definitely, definitely don't think I know everything. But I know this – that guy doesn't know much."

"Maybe you need to tell him how you're really feeling," I suggest.

"No way. Not worth my trouble. He has issues," Scott retorts.

I smile. I can't help it. Something larger than me takes over and I say, "Well, it sounds like you have this all figured out. I guess that doctor just got lucky, since he doesn't know anything, when he figured out you are so smart. Of course, your intelligence is obvious. You probably get it from your mother."

One thing all my children received at birth was the sarcasm gene. Scott turned his head, looked at me, took note of my grin, and gave a slight nod of acknowledgement – he got the point.

Learning our limitations is a good thing; accepting them as healthy and appropriate is a God thing.

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 7-9

- click on the word comments and join our conversation

© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

August 2

Scripture focus: "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." Matthew 5:4 (The Message)

Neil Anderson, author of Victory over the Darkness and The Bondage Breaker once remarked, "When you find that God is all you have, you discover that he is all you need." He continued on with a story that illustrated a time in his life when he and his family lost everything and in the process found their way back to a renewed and refreshed relationship with God.

I love his story. But can I be honest? I don't want to live his story. I do not want to lose things that are dear to me. I want to experience God's embrace, draw near to him, offer myself willingly for his prevailing purposes and be part of his kingdom. But I don't like losing things that are dear to me.

Learning how to live with healthy boundaries helps us differentiate between what is truly dear to us, and what is an unhealthy attachment. I've discovered that some feelings of abandonment, loss, and betrayal are the result of my own lack of clarity about what is truly dear to me. An unhealthy attachment is anything that I believe I need to live independently of God. (Clearly, this is not what I'm actually thinking as I develop an unhealthy attachment – but it is what happens!) This unhealthy attachment can be seemingly small – like believing I need those two cups of java to rev my engine – to something pretty huge – assuming that my life isn't worth living if my children aren't happy, healthy and wise.

According to Cloud and Townsend (Boundaries: When to say yes, when to say no to take control of your life), boundaries define what is me and what is not me. They serve the same purpose that property lines provide – a way for the owner to determine what they are and are not responsible for. I am personally responsible for what happens on my property. I am not responsible for how my children cultivate their property.

Sometimes (and I really hate this because I don't like losing things) we end up losing things that we are unhealthily attached to. And it is in those moments that we find that we are blessed. We discover that we've been trying desperately to hold onto an unhealthy attachment, and this attachment has caused us to grow forgetful of God. When we forget God, we lose our self – the only piece of property we are truly, fully responsible for cultivating. As the author of Ephesians writes, it's only in Christ that we find out who we are and what we're created for – so forgetting God and losing self is a big deal.

I hope I'm clear – I don't like losing stuff I hold dear. But sometimes it's in the losing that we realize that we've gotten off track. God isn't in the business of taking stuff from us just so that we will feel bad and come running to him for comfort. Our heavenly Father is perpetually present for us, eager to embrace us on those occasions that we discover that we have unwittingly (or intentionally) lost our way. We're pretty lucky to have a heavenly Father who never leaves nor forsakes us.

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 4-6

- click on the word comments and join our conversation

© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community