Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Week 18 - Day 120 Scripture focus: I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 NIV If you and I were sitting in front of a cozy fire with a hot cup of tea, what would you say if I asked you to describe a "full life"? When I was a young girl, it meant finding Prince Charming. As a newlywed, I dreamed of a home. As a couple struggling with infertility issues, it meant a baby. My preconceived notions of a "full life" certainly have changed over the years. Some of my dreams have been realized, others crushed. I've had cravings, that once fulfilled, proved to be disappointing at best. I've experienced events in my life that I entered into with dread, only to end up delighted. My big dream picker hasn't been particularly reliable. So here I sit. I am wondering about my big dreams and full life potential. I'm surprised that I can't really find one! Oh, I have desires. And I've got plenty of ideas. I still have a few ambitions I'm chasing. As I'm practicing the spiritual discipline of trusting God, part of that "trusting" involves letting go of my expectations of what the "full life" means to me. Instead, I'm asking God to give me the discernment, wisdom, and courage to recognize the "full life" HE'S dreamed for me. Yesterday I had some personal struggles and family challenges, but for a couple of hours I sat, listening to a woman tell me her story - and I was able to sit with her, completely present and engaged. My mind didn't skip away, worrying about my own troubles. We had a sweet time together - a full experience. Afterwards, I returned to my troubles and found them, right where I left them - no worse for a few hours of neglect. Last night I watched my son's lacrosse game. Every time he got in the game someone tripped him, poked him, and generally tried to rough him up. His team won, but he didn't score any goals - a personal frustration. In the stands, I huddled in the cold evening air with the other parents; we've begun our countdown - a small number of games that we'll watch out boys play together before they head off to college and career (as compared to those of the past). We've been together since elementary school - playing on the same team, meeting on the sidelines for seven years - seen a bunch of victories and defeats, watched them score big and go scoreless, agonized over injuries both large and small. None of those things made our lives fuller. The full life isn't in the wins and losses, the good games or the bad - it's in the relationships. It's in the knowing and caring about each other's lives. That's the full life - a life I might have missed altogether, distracted by brain cravings and ambition for personal achievement and keeping score - if someone hadn't told me about the road to trusting God. May you recognize your full life - as you trust God to deliver on his promise. Recommended reading: Judges 10 and Psalm 99 in the morning; Psalm 100 in the evening Month at a Glance - Day 121 Scripture focus: The Lord will not let the godly go hungry, but he refuses to satisfy the craving of the wicked. Proverbs 10:3 NLT In summary: · God desires for us to trust him, because in this state of 'being' there's lots of room for Him to guide us into what he wants us to be 'doing.' · Ambition is God-given, and is best experienced when we are God-led. · Brain cravings all focus on survival (self-centered); Soul cravings are an expression of hope. · Spiritual fitness is going to push us to our limits - and beyond. Recovery fit people will need to develop spiritual muscles. We're all going to have to learn a lot of languages, so that we can speak to any hurt, habit or hang-up that presents itself in our community. · We must become a people who trust God more than our strengths, skills or tools. We need to learn how to appreciate our strengths and preferences, but develop a willingness to work out of our weaknesses, too, if it be the Lord's will. · We need to learn how to trust God, especially when we don't understand his ways. · We need to become spiritually savvy - God is creative and doesn't follow protocol. · God uses the most unlikely people and circumstances to reveal his glory. Pay attention. · Prepare to be surprised - I'm surprised by the willingness of God to continue to redeem the supposedly unredeemable. If this is his way, I suppose we're to follow. · Whatever excuses we've used to let ourselves off the hook of passionate living - we're busted. God can do anything, use anyone. We have no excuses. We do, however, have a host of opportunities. · Sometimes, when we don't know how to measure success, or we get blinded by the bright lights of disappointment, we become dream stealers. We lose our dreams, and we become committed to making sure others join us in our misery. · Expect dream refinement. My husband thought his big dreams would include a stint as Superman. I believe he's a super man, but it probably looks far different than he imagined it would when he was a little tyke running around in a cape and tights. · Metamorphosis is hard work. Butterflies don't get those gorgeous strong wings by letting someone else crack open their cocoon! They have to fight for freedom. And so do we. In the process, it'll get messy. Whining will happen. Patience and helping others carry their hope helps. · Walking in the light of trusting God frees us to pursue our soul cravings. We need the light, because sometimes we confuse pleasing God with trusting God. Assuming that our purpose is to please God, we may actually be sabotaging our efforts! Increased stress does bad things to our brain, and that may trigger brain cravings - yukky things that hijack our capacity to live and love large. This completes the first one hundred twenty-one of your 365 step journey; I pray you are nearer to God as a result of the steps you've taken this week. Recommended reading: Judges 11 and 12 in the morning; John 1 and Psalm 101 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 119 - Week at a glance Scripture focus: "I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life." John 8:12 NKJV Before daybreak the next morning Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray. Mark 1:35 NLT Walking in the light of trusting God frees us to pursue our soul cravings. We need the light, because sometimes we confuse pleasing God with trusting God. Assuming that our purpose is to please God, we may actually be sabotaging our efforts! Increased stress does bad things to our brain, and that may trigger brain cravings - yukky things that hijack our capacity to live and love large. "Doing good" may actually be more attainable than we realize. If we choose to trust God, rather than rely on ourselves to figure out what it means to please Him, we are open to hear his Spirit guide and instruct us. We were created to experience pleasure - a whole brain experience that occurs when we have the sensibility to recognize God moments in our daily activities. Fun is fun. Pleasure is better. Pleasure is what we can experience when we realize - with our entire being - the deeper meaning carefully tucked into a moment. Pleasure takes fun to a whole new level - and it's awesome. Living wisely isn't about always doing the right thing, it's about finding God in the midst of all things. That's sensible! In a world where we long for community and often find ourselves lonely, it's important to realize that we'll get better at loving as we grow more committed to trusting. Loving relationships are the by-product of trusting God's hand, and trusting God's hand is easier when we've experienced loving relationships! This completes the first one hundred nineteen steps of your 365 step journey; I pray you are nearer to God as a result of the steps you've taken this week. Recommended reading: Judges 9 and Psalm 97 in the morning; Luke 24 and Psalm 98 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 118 - Memories Scripture focus: The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent. John 6:29 NIV When I was a little girl, I loved spending summers at my grandparents - mostly. The trouble would arise when my grandfather's favorite team - The Reds - were playing ball. Papa didn't have the dish network or cable television. His baseball "watching" required imagination. He listened to the radio. He didn't have a satellite connection or some fancy line to the announcer's booth - again, listening required his undivided attention. The crackle of the radio and frequent interference made hearing a challenge. So he made a rule. "No talking in the house during a Reds game." I didn't enjoy those moments as much as all the others. And I didn't follow his rules, either. A few years ago, Pete and I were headed to pick up a child from a friend's house and the timing was bad. The Minnesota Twins were in the playoffs, and the game was on. Pete doesn't miss a Twins game. He was trying to listen to the game on the car radio, and it was tough going. The interference was fierce. In an instant I was transported back in time. I was no longer in our car headed to pick up a gaggle of girls. I could feel and smell and taste the experience of 606 Ruby Street - my home away from home. By some neurological pairing and through a series of neurotransmitter firings, my brain was no longer receiving a message from the present, but was closely in tune with a memory from the distant past. And I wanted to go home. I yearned to return to that little brick house with the awning draped windows, the ancient radio, and the over-stuffed sofa. I desired to see my Papa in his leather recliner, puffing away on his pipe, listening to his beloved team push the game into extra innings. I desired to disrupt his concentration with childish play, and watch him choose his love for me over his passion for the game. "The truth is, we were designed for relationship, and when our relationships don't work, they affect how we see God, how we relate to God, and even whether we will believe in him. We are born to belong, we are created for connection, and whether we admit it to ourselves or not, we spend our whole lives trying to fit in, get in, and stay in. It almost doesn't even matter what "in" is; we just want to belong somewhere." Soul Cravings, Erwin McManus, entry 14, Intimacy. I agree with what McManus says in this passage. Let's turn it around. When we have relationships that DO work, they affect how we see God, relate to him and even whether we will believe in him. Believing in God is a labor of love, not an arduous task for me. My grandparents laid a foundation that made big believing possible. It's my prayer that you will make big believing possible for those around you - as you learn to live and love well - even in the middle of a big game. It takes a big heart to tolerate a little munchkin while you're trying to pay attention to a game. But if we can do this thing called love, and create safe communities where we can experience the love and acceptance that I had the opportunity to know, we will make it easier for others to do the work of God. Recommended reading: Judges 7 and 8 in the morning; Psalm 95 and 96 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 117 - Pleasure Scripture focus: Doing wrong is fun for a fool, but living wisely brings pleasure to the sensible. Proverbs 10:23 NLT Living wisely brings pleasure to the sensible Is pleasure enough? I ask, because fun sounds - well, fun! Who doesn't love to have a fun time? When interpreting a proverb, we must beware. This particular verse is not suggesting that all fun is foolish and wrong. I think the writer of proverbs is trying to tell us that if we're foolish, we may not have what it takes to recognize that wrong doing is not only wrong, it's also not fun. And while I'm pontificating, I want to suggest to you that wisdom isn't the same thing as performing perfectly, doing right, and never, ever making a mistake. Sensible isn't what happens to folks who grow up and outgrow their ability to play. Sensible means, according to my dictionary - one who is possessed of good mental perception. Years ago, I had a girlfriend who invited me to go to the beach every summer with her family. It was fun. She had some great bathing suits, and she shared with me! We would get incredibly sun burned - which we all know is wrong, but back in the day, we called that fun. Other than the yearly sun-fests, I don't think we did anything too terribly wrong on those weeks (her dad was quite watchful) - but in hindsight, these trips were all about fun. Once I grew up and had my own family, I soon lost the ability to spend days in the sun in a skimpy suit worrying only about my tan line. Trips to the beach turned into treks. They required sun screen and life jackets, water and snacks, beach buckets and umbrellas. They required bathing suits that covered stretch marks and other signs of motherhood. As our family aged up, the requirements changed. Suddenly, we had become the adults with the watchful eye; a new generation was discovering skimpy bathing suits and the lure of a great tan. Skim boards and kayaks, sodas and beach chairs, protective gear for cell phones and ipods - all lugged down early by the adults but used mostly by the young. Frankly, going to the beach isn't as much fun as it used to be. But it is exceedingly pleasurable. The conversation that springs up under the shade of those annoying umbrellas is incredible. Nights don't find me cruising the boardwalk with my girlfriends, which was once so much fun. Now I love playing bridge or Cranium or simply sitting around chatting with those I love. There was a day when I could jog down the beach without worrying about whether I'd re-injure my heels - and that was fun. But it is pleasurable - and far more satisfying - to walk down the beach and engage in rich conversation with friends and family. Fun is fun. Pleasure is better. Pleasure is what we can experience when we realize - with our entire being - the deeper meaning carefully tucked into a moment. Pleasure takes fun to a whole new level - and it's awesome. Living wisely isn't about always doing the right thing, it's about finding God in the midst of all things. That's sensible! Recommended reading: Judges 6 in the morning; Luke 23 and Proverbs 14 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 116 - Questions Scripture focus: When the wicked die, their hopes die with them, for they rely on their own feeble strength. Proverbs 11:7 NLT "There is proof of God in all this, but we've been looking in the wrong place." Soul Cravings, Erwin McManus, entry 7, Meaning. No news flash there! We can't even figure out when we're thirsty! "Before you can find God in the answers, you have to find him in the questions." Soul Cravings, Erwin McManus, entry 7, Meaning. "Daddy, why did God pull the plug?" is a fine place to start. Implicit in the question is the believing. God does stuff. God is in charge. God can and will pull the plug if he so chooses. We may never find all the answers to our God questions, but what we will inevitably discover is that sometimes God answers our question with a question, "Do you trust me?" Our Myrtle Beach vacation was a grand adventure - and Scott soon acclimated to the rhythmical plug-pulling of God that we adults refer to as the ebb and flow of tides. "While we may disagree on what we believe in and we may argue violently about what is true, what we can't escape is that we are all on the same quest and our soul craving is to find something we can believe in." Soul Cravings, Erwin McManus, entry 7, Meaning. My prayer is that we never grow so acclimated to our world that we become insensitive to the proof of God, often found in all the "wrong" people and places. Recommended reading: Judges 4 and 5 in the morning; Psalm 93 and 94 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World

Day 115 - Who pulled the plug?

Scripture focus: unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3 NIV

We pulled into the parking lot at the Myrtle Beach real estate office shortly before sunset. I was more impatient than our two children (at that time); Scott was very young, and this would be his first visit to the giant pool we call the Atlantic Ocean. I couldn't wait to show him the sand and waves!

Finally, Pete returned to the car and we headed out for our seaside condo rental. We were rapidly losing the benefit of sunlight, so instead of unpacking, we headed down the boardwalk and quickly dipped our toes into the salty surf. It was a short walk at high tide.

Early the next morning, I was up and eager to hit the beach. Slathered with sunscreen, we trudged down the steps and headed to our next great adventure. At low tide, the expanse of beach was wide and deep. The morning walk felt more like a hike.

Scott grabbed his dad's hand and headed for the water. Staring out at the sea, he said, "Daddy, why did God pull the plug?" It's moments like this when I understand more fully why God requires us to change - and return to our child-like state - before entering the kingdom.

Too young and inexperienced to have a more scientific explanation, Scott took what he did know and applied it to the moment. Last night there had been plenty of water and almost no beach. Today he saw tons of beach and much less water. When had he seen this before? His evening bath time. Pulling the plug was a nightly ritual; once pulled, the water slipped away. Who would have the power to pull a plug big enough to drain away massive amounts of water? God has the power - a simple, and profound conclusion.

Children understand what many adults forget. We try to compensate for our lack of control either by increasing our sense of power or by creating greater predictability in our lives." Soul Cravings, by Erwin McManus, entry 3, Meaning. Children aren't confused - they have no power. Children aren't experienced enough to depend on the patterns of predictability that so many grown-ups cling to. Children's souls seem to naturally connect with God. "If your soul is disconnected from its source, it will die we were created for God and we cannot, in essence, live without him. If we would connect to him, he would make our souls fully alive." Soul Cravings, Erwin McManus, entry 8, Intimacy.

Soul cravings are whole brain and body experiences. Soul cravings are rich in feeling, experience, meaning, and wonder. Soul cravings create a thirst for more. Soul cravings demand God contact. Soul cravings embrace imagination and dreaming. Soul cravings color outside the lines. Soul cravings aren't concerned with the laws of physics. Soul cravings transcend man's ability to control and predict.

Fitness gurus tell us that sometimes when we think we're hungry, we're really thirsty - identifying our needs and satisfying our desires seems to be confusing business. While our brain craves more stimulation and the fulfillment of desire, our soul craves something far more essential. Our soul was created to see the ocean and pretty much everything else in life - large and small - through the eyes of a child.

Recommended reading: Judges 2 and 3 in the morning; Psalm 91 and 92 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 114 - A fateful phone call Scripture focus: Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly. Matthew 11:28-30 The Message I hung up the phone and sat in silence. Through sobs and tears, a woman has spent hours telling me about all the reasons she believes God is punishing her. A husband's betrayal is paired with a child's untimely death; the conclusion reached is that the hand of God is smiting this family for serious bad behaving. A chronic illness is attributed to a lack of faith; grief and sadness are the only evidences this woman can present to me as a sign of her faithlessness. Financial misfortune is the result of failure to give more generously to their church - so she has been told, and thus she believes. Our souls crave to know the truth, and we need to pursue it at all cost. Whatever the implication, wherever it takes us, we must search for meaning, strive for understanding, struggle to make sense of life, never give up on the belief that the truth is out there. Soul Cravings, Erwin McManus, entry 2, Meaning. So what is the truth? Are there consequences for sin? Yes. Does a husband's adultery equal the death of a child? Some would say "yes" and reference the sad tale of David and Bathsheba. Others might pause to prepare, and consider that one bible story probably isn't enough to build a theological framework around. Perhaps other scripture verses might be helpful for fleshing out one's perspective. And so, following my own train of thought, I turn to Matthew 11. I reread Jesus' call to those that are tired. I hear his invitation to converse with those who are burned out on religion. My heart quickens to his command - "Come to me." That's just what I'd say to my children, if they were tired, worn out, and burned out. I'd say to my kids, "Come to me." And it would have absolutely nothing to do with punishment. Even a mediocre parent like me knows better than to correct, discipline, or discuss anything serious with a tired, worn out and burned out kid. Betrayal, grief, and loss leave us tired, worn out and burned out. It's easy to get confused and spiritually turned around in the midst of suffering. And although many mere mortals will be tempted to correct, discipline, discuss and chide the hurting, that's not the way of Christ. He says, "Come to me." And that's one truth worth building a theological framework around. Recommended reading: Judges 1 in the morning; Luke 22 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 113 - Doing good Scripture focus: Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:3-4 NLT "Tell me what to do!" "Do good." "Any other options?" "Nope." "Ok. That settles it. Thanks for the awesome advice; I feel great; I'm going to "do good" at home, at work and at play. My big dream is in sight! Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get started with my do gooding." Some day, maybe once in my lifetime, it would be fun to have a conversation like the one I just made up! I've never actually had this conversation before - but a girl can dream! Why is it that I'm not holding my breath, waiting for this conversation to become reality? Because We confuse trusting and believing. We assume that if we believe, we must trust. Therefore, we read this verse and skip right over the first instruction: trust. We think - hey, got that! What's next? Do good. Yikes! Now we ask for other options. We ask for other options any time we skip over the trust and rush to the doing good. We lack the discernment, wisdom, character, and courage to know what it means to "do good." (Stop and hear my heart - I'm saying that sometimes we're doing good and don't even know it! Or the opportunity to do good is right in front of us - attainable and sustainable - but because it doesn't involve herculean efforts, we miss our cue to do.) I used to think that doing good probably would require me to live in a third world country - an awesome calling - if that's where trusting God leads. I've found that there's plenty of need in my neighborhood and for the moment, that's where I seem to be called to plant myself. I've also discovered that doing good can be as simple (and profound) as taking time to listen to a friend, even though I had other plans for my day. Or sitting in the den, just in case my boy decides that this is the night he wants to share a particular struggle or discuss a theological point or rant and rave about a teacher or show me a funny video on You Tube or play a favorite new tune for me or lament about a favorite sports team that has yet again disappointed him. Just in case - I wait. I used to believe doing good required doing a lot. That's because I lacked discernment, wisdom, character and courage. That's ok. Once we settle into trusting, God has an amazing capacity to provide us with all that we lack. We get so busy telling God what we desire and how he should provide, that we never quite get around to delighting ourselves in him. Here we go again - getting it bassackwards! If our focus of concern continues to center around our own perceived desires (brain cravings) then you know where that takes us? We'll run right down that road of trying to please God. (We think if we please him, then surely he's going to give us what we desire.) What's wrong with that? GOD'S ALREADY PLEASED WITH US!!! HE DELIGHTS IN US!!! He's not asking us to please him; he's asking us to trust him. Big difference. Recommended reading: Joshua 24 in the morning; Luke 21 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 112 - Week at a glance Scripture focus: And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely (earnestly) seek him. Hebrews 11:6 NLT In summary, this week of devotional's touched on several areas that might hinder our passionate pursuit of purpose. They included: Poorly developed character. Without allowing God's Spirit to instruct us, becoming our "NorthStar" and guiding compass, we're going to get off track. God's goodness. Unless God's goodness becomes an intrinsic value that we trust, we're going to wander around in the desert of our own fantasies. Perfect peace. Perfect peace is acquired by those who trust, not as a by-product of flawless execution of a big dream. Success redefined. We've got to reconsider what a "big win" looks like. According to scripture, it has much more to do with our ability to listen than it does with our capacity to execute a perfect game plan. Sometimes, when we don't know how to measure success, or we get blinded by the bright lights of disappointment, we become dream stealers. We lose our dreams, and we become committed to making sure others join us in our misery. Expect dream refinement. My husband thought his big dreams would include a stint as Superman. I believe he's a super man, but it probably looks far different than he imagined it would when he was a little tyke running around in a cape and tights. Patience with the process. Metamorphosis is hard work. Butterflies don't get those gorgeous strong wings by letting someone else crack open their cocoon! They have to fight for freedom. And so do we. In the process, it'll get messy. Whining will happen. Patience and helping others carry their hope helps. This completes the first one hundred twelve steps of your 365 step journey; I pray you are nearer to God as a result of the steps you've taken this week. Recommended reading: Joshua 22 and 23 in the morning; Psalm 90 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 111 - Blown opportunity Scripture focus: I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed. I remember it all - oh, how well I remember the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. Lamentation 3:19-25 The Message Yesterday's devotional recounted a story of a friend I once had with a penchant for whining. We were both really young at the time, and I don't think I was a very good friend to her. I saw her whining as being "unwilling" - but I think there was more to the story. I think my friend believed that she was to blame for all her "lostness" - and solely responsible for finding the solution. Alone, she couldn't get from the problem to the solution. And soon, she simply gave up and started to whine. In hindsight, what she needed was permission. She needed permission to tell the truth. Before she could remember and get a grip on hope, she first had to acknowledge that she had hit bottom. "All God wants to do is to take you where you cannot go alone and make you what you cannot be alone. You were not created to live your life absent of God. There is a dream for your life you can't even begin to imagine without God. Without him you are settling for less. If you were meant to fly, not even running really fast is that impressive. You can spend your whole life trying to become what your soul longs for without God. You might resent him that he's made it so hard for you to live out your dreams or fulfill your destiny. It's never quite hit you that it's in the struggle, in the process, even in the search for God, that he is making you strong enough o take flight." Soul Cravings, Erwin McManus, entry 25, Destiny. I wish I could have done more for my friend than act like a mirror for her misery. I wish I had known that what she needed, and ultimately desired, was for someone to renew her hope. Hitting the bottom happens when we run down the road of trying to please God, rather than taking the perilously dimly marked trail of trusting God. My friend tried to please God as a wife and mother, and ended up feeling helpless and hopeless when her expectations weren't fulfilled. (Seeking to please always carries with it the unwritten rule that if we please, someone else will return the favor.) Trusting God with our troubles, lost ways, burnt dreams, and poisonous perspectives isn't for the faint of heart. Fortunately, God is in the business of heart renovation. Recommended reading: Joshua 20 and 21 in the morning; Luke 20 and Psalm 89 in the evening

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 110 - Merely a mirror Scripture focus: My people are broken - shattered! - and they put on band-aids, saying, "It's not so bad. You'll be just fine." But things are not "just fine"! Jeremiah 6:14 The Message Why do we minimize our brokenness? Years ago, I had a friend who complained - all the time - about everything. She was miserable, and made all of her friends miserable. I eventually began experimenting with different responses, in the hope of finding something to break the cycle. Nothing worked. Until one day, at our weekly girl's breakfast out - it so happened we were the only two girls to show up. And she started right in with the litany. "My husband is an idiot." And she listed several examples, all of which proved her point. (By the way, they all applied to my husband too, but I didn't think he was an idiot! I decided not to mention this - I had tried this tactic unsuccessfully in the past.) I tried a new thing - reflective listening; basically, repeating back to her what I heard her say."You know, I used to think your husband was just the usual kind of husband, doing things in ways that we wives couldn't possibly understand. But after all these stories, I realize that what I hear you saying is that your husband is a total loser. I don't know what you're going to do! This is terrible!" (I tried to reflect back both facts and feelings.) Silence. "Well, yeah, but he's a great father." "I remember last week when he forgot and left the twins in the tub for an hour while he got distracted playing a video game? You swore they were going to be permanently puckered! I recall how you made the decision right then and there that he'd never again be allowed to bathe those children unsupervised." More silence. So I continue. "And don't forget about back to school night! He volunteered to be a room mother when he got a look at the kid's cute teacher! You blew a gasket over that one! Don't you recall how you decided he didn't love you, or the children, and he never ever did a single thing without some motive of personal gain? And, you promised you'd never take him to another school function again!" Deafening silence. "Well, at least he provides for us." "Yeah, but he doesn't let you spend any of it. Wasn't it just last week that you wanted to replace that sofa you bought last year with a new one? And he told you that the one you had was just fine? Wasn't that the time you called him a penny pincher and a man with absolutely no regard for his home?" "Gosh. I don't know where you're getting this stuff from. I love my husband. He's fine. You make it sound like we have problems!" Pretty much after that, she never complained about him again. After a few years, she moved away and we lost touch. I'll never know if things really were fine, and she needed to curb her enthusiasm for criticism, or if there was more to the story. It's hard work, this process of learning how to live and love each other well. I wonder about which was more truthful - the constant complaining, or the sudden silence. It seemed to me, that when my friend realized that I was actually listening to her lists, and I heard her saying that something was broken, all of a sudden, she didn't want to think about things being broken - she wanted everything to be "fine." Sometimes brokenness impedes our progress to the point where we end up frozen by the paralysis of analysis. Other times our unwillingness to acknowledge our need for transformation leaves us stubbornly resistant to rescue. To be continued. Recommended reading: Joshua 18 and 19 in the morning; Psalm 88 in the evening

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Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 109 - Superman, sans cape Scripture focus: The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back. Isaiah 50:4-5 NIV When my husband was a kid, he loved to dress up as Superman. He looked pretty sharp as Clark Kent too. Two older brothers provided all the work "Superman" could handle. Unfortunately, his cute tights and large cape never seemed to be quite enough to subdue those two big brothers. Running out of the bathroom, armed with his super powers, the story goes that his brothers loved to put "Superman" in his proper place - at the bottom of the sibling food chain. Having frustrated and infuriated little Superman, they'd encourage him to try again. Change back into Clark, then back into Superman, and this time, it'll work! You'll fly! You'll be faster than a speeding bullet! You'll subdue the evil villains! And oh, how he believed. He'd try again. And again, his brothers acted like the holders of kryptonite, beating back the efforts of Superman. It was tiring, all that big believing. It was almost enough to make a kid give up and turn in his red cape. "I'm convinced one of the reasons so many have given up on pursuing genuine spirituality is that they didn't know what to do with their desires and passions. No one every told them that they were placed there by God - that they were intended to be the fuel that would drive them to pursue their dreams and visions. Soul Cravings, Erwin McManus, entry 24, Destiny. A red cape and tiny tights were no match for big brothers. But the dream of becoming one who fights back evil, and saves the world was real. We all have that dream planted in our hearts. But, like Pete, the fulfillment of that dream might require some tweaking. I'm glad he is no longer dependent on tights and a cape to feel like a hero. That would be too creepy! The refinement of his big dreams required years and years of listening - and he's still a work in progress! At the same time we must heed the warning that unrestrained passions, passions lacking a moral compass, will lead us to a life that is self-destructive and will hurt anyone who chooses to come near to us. Our greatest danger is living for whatever we can take and devour now and destroying our future in the process. Sometimes we find ourselves seething in anger because our desires cannot be satiated.We have to come to grips with the longing of our souls to become something that requires metamorphosis, which is why no matter what we become, it is never enough. Our souls always crave more. It's not because they're insatiable, but because we know there's more to be had." Soul Cravings, Erwin McManus, entry 24, Destiny. What would happen if we stopped running around trying on new masks, new outfits, new ways to fulfill our cravings, and instead, trusted God enough to listen. Simply listen. Stop drawing back in frustration, and instead, settle in - listen to the voice of God as one who needs instruction - and trusts the teacher. Recommended reading: Joshua 16 and 17 in the morning; Luke 19 and Psalm 87 in the evening

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