Day 97 - "No"
Scripture focus: He gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul. Psalm 106:15 ASV
To me, this is one of the most sobering verses found in scripture. In recent years, I've had a particular person whom I deeply love who has gone through a series of sufferings. One after another, a series of events have occurred that boggle the mind. There's no one to blame, no one at fault, nothing to be done to change the outcome. Everyone involved was living and choosing and learning and doing as best they know how - and the sufferings, they just kept coming.
I prayed every single day for this person. Multiple times a day, I lifted this loved one up, requesting a series of desired outcomes from God each step of the way. Most of my prayers were not answered in the way I desired. I wanted good news from the doctors, "yes" on some test results and "no" on others. Very few of my requests were answered as I hoped.
And this comforts me greatly. I desired passionately a different outcome almost every step of the way - and I spoke regularly and emotionally about this to Abba. But one request was answered overwhelmingly "yes" -
"Please Lord, not our will, but yours be done. In all these things, we ask You to have your way with us. There's not a single request here that we want granted at the expense of anyone's soul."
Prolonged seasons of stress take such a toll on our brain that it is easy to see how we can get caught up in the passionate desire for good things (every single solitary request I made was for a good thing - not a selfish thing - a good thing). Under stress our brains become anhedonic (incapable of feeling pleasure, even when pleasurable experiences surround us) and hypo-vigilant (our mid-brain refuses to talk to the cortex and the prefrontal-cortex). Basically, we lose the ability to: reason, think in terms of cause and effect, make decisions in light of long term consequences and find profound meaning in our daily life experiences. Our mid-brain craves satisfaction and believes that survival requires a resounding "yes" from God. This results in a lean soul.
Avoiding soul leanness is a "whole brain" activity. It requires us to discipline ourselves to stay on the road of trusting God - even when our mid-brain is crying out in distress - tempting us to leave the journey of trust and return to familiar ground - the place where a pleasurable sensation resulted when we caved into a brain craving - and we believed we got our way.
Coaching ourselves back off the ledge, ignoring fear's demand for immediate reaction, refusing to run to "all or nothing" thinking, denying our past reliance on defense mechanisms and hurtful habits - all of that can happen if we stick to the road of trust. Surrounded by a community that helps us remember to calm down, trust God, pause to prepare, act in faith, step as God speaks, and trust the "no" as well as the "yes" from God - this requires every neuron we have plus a boat load of our friends' neurons too! But it's worth it. It takes a big heart and a whole brain to grow a fat soul.
The good life isn't found wrapped in God's gift of "yes"; it is found along the way, step by step as we walk the road of trust.
Recommended reading: Deuteronomy 29 and 30 in the morning; Luke 12 in the evening
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