Day 1 - The intentions of God

Scripture focus: So, my very dear friends, don't get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures. James 1:16-18 (The Message)

Take a moment and dream with me. What if, in the midst of our ordinary, eating, breathing, walking-around daily lives - we came to believe that God's every single solitary intention towards us was good? Not just so-so. Not apathetic acceptance. I'm talking desirable. I'm thinking about beneficial. I'm dreaming about gifts, rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light destined and intended for me. These good gifts aren't intended to deceive, manipulate or trick. These gifts are not given capriciously or with strings attached. What would our lives be like if every morning we woke up, slung our feet over the side of our bed, and hopped up, thinking, "What good gifts will God cascade down upon me today?"

One Christmas when I was old enough to know better, my younger brother Bob and I came to believe that we were about to become the proud owners of a cascade of gifts. We were impatient for our reward. We wondered if perhaps Santa, in a move designed for speedy travel and efficiency, might have preemptively stowed some of our gifts in our house. He'd slip in and arrange them Christmas Eve, of course, but our chimney was small and our dreams were large - so exceptions to the sleigh method of delivery had to be made. It wasn't just that our dreams were big - so was our believing. It never occurred to us to doubt Santa's good intentions toward us. So we began a search. In our utility room (easily accessible to a clever Santa with lock picks), stood a large moving box designed to store hanging clothes. It was tall, and we were short - but sturdy. So I hoisted Bob up, grabbed him by the ankles (he was a lot skinnier back in the day), and plunged him over the side of the box to see what might rest in the dark inner belly of the beast. It was precisely at that moment that our father decided to come home through the utility room door. I knew what to do. I let go of those scrawny ankles and skedaddled. Plop dropped Bob into the bottom of the wardrobe. (He's married and has three kids today. I guess he figured out how to get himself of the box.)

Oh how I wish we could all believe God's stated intentions towards us with as much fervor as Bob and I believed in Santa. What kind of world would we create for ourselves and others if we spent each day peeking into the crevices of our lives, looking for those good gifts we know that God has planned for us on this day? Would we be willing to be dangled by our feet to catch a glimpse? Would we be willing to take some risks, dare to go where God might send us, care about what he cares about, and love those he loves? People who wake up expecting God to give them the moon often end up the proud possessors of not only the moon but a constellation of stars too. Be one of those guys.

Recommended reading: Leviticus 1 - 4

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 28 – The Bride of Christ

Scripture focus: "I'm telling you the most solemn and sober truth now: Whoever believes in me has real life, eternal life. I am the Bread of Life. Your ancestors ate the manna bread in the desert and died. But now here is Bread that truly comes down out of heaven. Anyone eating this Bread will not die, ever. I am the Bread—living Bread!—who came down out of heaven. Anyone who eats this Bread will live—and forever! The Bread that I present to the world so that it can eat and live is myself, this flesh-and-blood self." John 5:47-51 The Message

"You can't hear God speak to someone else, you can hear him only if you are being addressed." Ludwig Wittgenstein

As we continue to devote ourselves to the recovery of our life – there's one final thing I need to share with you.

No one can chew our food for us.

I often receive lots of feedback and suggestions – all of which I love and appreciate – eventually. Once in a while, someone in our community will urge me to help us dig deeper into the word of God. This is a great suggestion and I'd love to follow it. But a weird thing happens in my brain anytime that word of encouragement is offered. The voice of Jack Nicolson comes blaring through my head, and a scene out of the movie A Few Good Men resonates through my brainwaves.

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH" – he hollers to Tom Cruise. Of course, we soon discover that indeed, yes, Tom Cruise can handle the truth. I believe we, too, can handle the truth. But I do not think it is possible for anyone to spoon feed it to us. Here's what I'm thinking. I believe with all my heart that we must learn how to "eat this book" by digging deeper into God's word. But no one can handle this truth for us. This isn't something we will find in a Sunday sermon, or even a small group bible study. This kind of growling and chewing, gnawing and digesting is in many ways is a very private act – between God and the man or woman willing to approach the throne of grace with confidence. My most intimate conversations with my husband don't happen around the dinner table or at parties. They happen in the dark of night, as we end our day, or begin our morning – just the two of us.

So it is with God and each of us.

No one can chew our food for us. Once we have a tasty meal, we might discuss the cuisine with those we live in community with for further clarification, or simply to share the new thing we've heard. But true intimacy with God is not a team sport. It's a marriage. It's personal. However, it will not remain private. As we deepen our commitment to God, this internal connection will leak out into our outside world. And it will be by our fruits that the world will recognize our disciples. May our private meditations leak out in lovely ways as we grow together in our true, God-created identities….

Recommended reading: Psalm 39-41

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 27 – God said it, what do we do with it?

Scripture focus: "God said…" [eight times in Genesis] "For he spoke, and it came to be…" Psalm 33:9

"Spiritual theology, using Scripture as text, does not present us with a moral code and tell us 'Live up to this'; nor does it set out a system of doctrine and say, 'Think like this and you will live well.' The biblical way is to tell a story and in the telling invite" 'Live into this – this is what it looks like to be human in this God-made and God-ruled world; this is what is involved in becoming and maturing as a human being.' We do violence to the biblical revelation when we 'use' it for what we can get out of it or what we think will provide color and spice to our otherwise bland lives. That always results in a kind of 'decorator spirituality' – God as enhancement. Christians are not interested in that; we are after something far bigger. When we submit our lives to what we read in Scripture, we find that we are not being led to see God in our stories but our stories in God's. God is the larger context and plot in which our stories find themselves." Eat this Book, by Eugene Peterson, Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2006, pp.43 and 44

Our body and soul – disconnected from the spirit; our world and all that breathes within it without conscious connection to God will fight this message of context.

The present is so relentlessly real.

But if we're going to recover our lives, we must ask God to overcome the demons that come to kill, steal and destroy.

As we allow him to do his thing in that realm, we must wrestle too. We must chew, growl, and gnaw on the word of God.

May this be the year we all gain a taste for his book.

Recommended reading: Psalm 36-38

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 26 – A season for this, a season for that..

Scripture focus: I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him. Ecclesiastes 3:10-14 The Message

A poem by Wendell Berry (Collected Poems San Francisco: North Point, 1985, pp. 190-191)
I am trying to teach my mind To bear the long, slow growth
Of the fields, and to sing
Of its passing while it waits.

The farm must be made a form,
Endlessly bringing together
Heaven and earth, light
And rain building, dissolving,
Building back again
The shapes and actions of the ground.

Eugene Peterson uses this poem to launch his own poetic metaphor. He sees in the connectedness of farm life the same kind of connection that must take place within us, as we relate to God and his word. Peterson urges us to submit our lives to the text of God's word in a messy manner. Nothing can be treated out of context, or in an isolated fashion, or else the whole endeavor falls apart. There's a right time to plant and sow and fertilize. If a person mucks up the order, there's going to be trouble. God invites us into his story and dares us to dance with him. The adventure is bigger than our quirks and needs, our cultural limitations and personal ambitions. It's not neat and tidy and scientific. It's an epic story that helps account for daily life by framing it in the context of eternity. Enter into this story, and our soul is reformed. It is overtaken by the spirit of God, and instead of being a collection of emotions and temperament, it becomes our moral, spiritual, real life God-personal self. Now we're cooking. Our body still has its appetites. But spirit and soul begin to boogey together. And we can begin the process of giving ourselves permission to allow God to have his way with us – in his time.

Recommended reading: Psalm 33-35

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 25 – New start ups

Scripture focus: You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again. Isaiah 58:12 The Message

We kept at it, repairing and rebuilding the wall. The whole wall was soon joined together and halfway to its intended height because the people had a heart for the work…. Nehemiah 4:6

When …[the bad guys] heard that the repairs of the walls of Jerusalem were going so well – that the breaks in the wall were being fixed – they were absolutely furious. They put their heads together and decided to fight against Jerusalem and create as much trouble as they could. We countered with prayer to our God and a set a round-the-clock guard against them. But soon word was going around in Judah, "The builders are pooped, the rubbish piles up; we're in over our heads, we can't build this wall. And all this time our enemies were saying, "They won't know what hit them. Before they know it we'll be at their throats, killing them right and left. That will put a stop to the work!" The Jews who were their neighbors kept reporting, "They have us surrounded; they're going to attack!" If we heard it once, we heard it ten times. Nehemiah 4:7-12 The Message

Something within our spirit loves to start new things – especially when we're helping make our community livable. I like painting my house and buying new carpet to replace the well-worn berber that so many children have trod on over the years. But I love our habitat for humanity projects. I love helping to provide a home for someone who needs a little push to move from a shelter to a place that shelters AND can be called home. I love it. It is spirit-satisfying.

But it is also an invitation to fail. The body and soul grow weary in doing the next right thing. And don't think the world is standing by eagerly desiring to applaud our efforts. The enemy has come to steal, kill and destroy.… In a culture grown accustomed to a "me first" mentality, the pursuit of selfless living is an anomaly.

So as we grow in our commitment to seeking out the quiet voice of the spirit, don't expect a big brass band to come alongside and cheer on our efforts. We'll need an armed guard to pass safely into the promised land – the world of living God's way.

Recommended reading: Psalm 30-32

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 24 - Why we renovate

Scripture focus: You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again. Isaiah 58:12 The Message

We kept at it, repairing and rebuilding the wall. The whole wall was soon joined together and halfway to its intended height because the people had a heart for the work…. Nehemiah 4:6

Where did the people get a heart for the work? God planted that desire within them before they were born. Although we have practiced the habit of obsession over the clamoring of body (appetite) and soul (feelings and personality) – there is a still, quiet voice vying for our attention too. It is the voice of the spirit. We were created way down deep in our souls to build anew, rebuild on the rubble of our past, fix stuff, restore old treasures, rebuild and renovate. All this rebuilding is extremely focused for the purpose of making our community livable again. This is an act of community, not a self-focused call to keep remodeling our own tiny interiors.

The act of building anew is for the purpose of making our community livable. The ability to fix anything is for the purpose of making our community livable. The willingness to restore old ruins is for the purpose of making our community livable. The urge to rebuild is created within us so that we will do what it takes to make our community livable.

The need to renovate is for the purpose of making our community livable.

But for those swept away by the lust for body and soul satisfaction – disconnected from the spirit – these urgings are not so much a higher calling, as they are a competitor who must be squashed. To be continued….

Recommended reading: Psalm 27-29

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 23 - We exist for a reason

Scripture focus: Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with dwellings. Isaiah 58:12 NIV

You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again. Isaiah 58:12 The Message

The internal longings in our bodies (appetites) and the discomfort in our soul (personality and emotions) is one of the ways God gets our attention and invites us to come to him to recover our life. But we're a stubborn people, and we can let the rumble go on too long before we turn to Him. We train ourselves to become hyper-sensitive to our appetites, emotions and personality.

Hyper-sensitivity to our internal longings can turn us into rice Christians. Years ago in China there was a famine. The Christian missionaries began handing out rice to their congregation. Guess what happened? All of a sudden there was an evangelism explosion. Soon many of the Chinese wanted to go to the Christian Church and get their rice.

Clearly God wants to provide us with everything we need – including rice. But when we get so focused on God relieving our discomfort, we've missed the boat. As God meets our needs and satisfies our deepest desires, transformation is supposed to take place. We aren't supposed to go to church to become fat cats. We're fed manna and living waters so that we can then go out and share that experience, strength and hope with others.

We were created to be a conduit that carries God's resources to hurting people.

We can't do that if we sit in our pews and try to figure out new ways to get God's attention so that he'll meet our every need, want and yearning.

Ignoring our internal longings doesn't work either. So here we sit. We have our longings, and we get a glimpse of the abundant life. But it's fleeting, and our body and soul cry out for more more more. Where do we go from here? To be continued….

Recommended reading: Psalm 24-26

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 22 - More than hormones

Scripture focus: "Only take care, son of man, that you don't rebel like these rebels. Open your mouth and eat what I give you." When I looked he had his hand stretched out to me, and in the hand a book, a scroll. He unrolled the scroll. On both sides, front and back, were written lamentations and mourning and doom. He told me, "Son of man, eat what you see. Eat this book. Then go and speak to the family of Israel." As I opened my mouth, he gave me the scroll to eat, saying, "Son of man, eat this book that I am giving you. Make a full meal of it!" So I ate it. It tasted so good—just like honey. Ezekiel 2:8 – 3:3 The Message

"Our lives, that is, our experience – what we need and want and feel – are important in forming the Christ-life in us. Our lives are, after all, the stuff that is being formed. But they are not the text for directing the formation itself. Spirituality means, among other things, taking ourselves seriously. It means going against the cultural stream in which we are incessantly trivialized to the menial status of producers and performers, constantly depersonalized behind the labels of our degrees or our salaries. But there is far more to us than our usefulness and our reputation, where we've been and who we know; there is the unique, irreproducible, eternal, image-of-God me. A vigorous assertion of personal dignity is foundational to spirituality." Eat This Book, p.23

Our bodies and souls love to inform our sense of self.

Don't be fooled by such narrow thinking and believing.

We are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14 NRSV) by God himself.

We are more than our hormones, our genes and our life experience. Most of who we are and what we are created for is determined by God.

God reveals himself so that we can be formed and shaped by the knowledge of Him. He doesn't show up to pay tribute to our neediness, but he uses our longings to get our attention, and draw us unto him. As we come close to him, we learn some pretty amazing stuff.

Recommended reading: Psalm 21-23

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 21 - More words of warning about faking life

Scripture focus: You know where I am, God! Remember what I'm doing here! Take my side against my detractors. Don't stand back while they ruin me. Just look at the abuse I'm taking! When your words showed up, I ate them— swallowed them whole. What a feast! What delight I took in being yours, O God, God-of-the-Angel-Armies! I never joined the party crowd in their laughter and their fun. Led by you, I went off by myself. You'd filled me with indignation. Their sin had me seething. But why, why this chronic pain, this ever worsening wound and no healing in sight? You're nothing, God, but a mirage, a lovely oasis in the distance—and then nothing! Jeremiah 15:15-18 The Message

"Attempting to control sin will not stop sinful behavior." (Bill Thrall and Bruce McNicol)

In the book of Galatians, chapter five, there is a commonly quoted section on the fruit of the Spirit. Among the list is "self-control." I understand why we think we need to be self-controlled (with the emphasis on self). Isn't it what our mothers taught us? Haven't I told my own children to be "self-controlled?" I don't want my kids led by peer pressure or driven by cultural mores. I want my kids to know who they are, inside and out – and choose to behave accordingly.

But here's the rub. Knowing who we are can only be fully realized as we accept that God determined who we were to become before he set the first star in the sky. Jeremiah 1:5 – Before you were born, I set you apart. Awesome – but for what purpose? And exactly what happened to the instruction manual?

"To resolve our sin issues we must begin trusting who God says we are. We cannot mature without the healing gifts of grace." (Bill Thrall and Bruce McNichol)

Jeremiah can cry and complain and call God a mirage for only one reason. It is because at his core, on the inside, he believes that God knows where he is and remembers what he's doing and will ultimately show Jeremiah how he has been on his side all along – even when Jeremiah couldn't figure it out.

Pete and I tell each other the truth about ourselves and our relationship. We express our frustrations and voice our disappointments. Why do we do this? Because we believe in our core, that no matter what's going on, we're there for each other. We don't have to pretend that everything is always ok. Some days we whine to each other, other days we whine about each other. We tell the truth – because we can trust each other with it. But our goal isn't self-revelation. We tell each other the truth so that the other can provide much needed feedback. On any given day, one of us might grow forgetful of our true God-created identity – we need each other's support in right remembering. "Self-control" is a fruit of the Spirit, not a skill set we master. It comes as a gift from God, graciously bestowed in the context of a living, breathing, healthy relationship where truth is expressed because grace abounds.

Recommended reading: Psalm 18-20

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 20 - Why I fear "faking it 'til you make it"

Scripture focus: You know where I am, God! Remember what I'm doing here! Take my side against my detractors. Don't stand back while they ruin me. Just look at the abuse I'm taking! When your words showed up, I ate them— swallowed them whole. What a feast! What delight I took in being yours, O God, God-of-the-Angel-Armies! I never joined the party crowd in their laughter and their fun. Led by you, I went off by myself. You'd filled me with indignation. Their sin had me seething. But why, why this chronic pain, this ever worsening wound and no healing in sight? You're nothing, God, but a mirage, a lovely oasis in the distance—and then nothing! Jeremiah 15:15-18 The Message

Making spirituality an "outside" job doesn't work. But it is a tempting scenario. When faced with the truth that only God can save us, mold us, and shape us – this plan seems way to nebulous. How will that happen? What will he shape me into? And, quite frankly, figuring out how to fake it is easier. We can learn the lingo, and mimic the behaviors of those we think have gone before us. Surely all this outward expression will seep down into our hearts, won't it?

Well, no. It won't. Renovation is always and forever more an inside job.

"Performance-obsessed cultures can never promote healing. Rather, they create more wounding. " (Bill Thrall and Bruce McNichol) Increasing the dissonance between body, soul and spirit without wrestling with the acknowledgement of this internal civil war doesn't work – it simply increases the pain, and demands that we "try harder." Something we've all tried with very little success for a long time. Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Trying to get by on our performance when our heart isn't in it is crazy.

As you read today's scripture focus, notice Jeremiah's honest wrestling. He ate the book and ended up with an ulcer. He ended up with an anger management issue. His body became riddled with chronic pain. He's lost his North Star and questioning God's existence. God doesn't zap him for this honest confession of war between body, soul and spirit. Nor will he zap you. It's ok to tell God the truth.

Recommended reading: Proverbs 4 - 7

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 19 - Yukky to the tummy

Scripture focus: The voice out of Heaven spoke to me again: "Go, take the book held open in the hand of the Angel astride sea and earth." I went up to the Angel and said, "Give me the little book." He said, "Take it, then eat it. It will taste sweet like honey, but turn sour in your stomach." I took the little book from the Angel's hand and it was sweet honey in my mouth, but when I swallowed, my stomach curdled. Revelation 10:8-10 The Message

Yesterday's devotional asked us to consider the sweet taste of God's words in our mouths; today, we'll consider why that results in a curdled stomach.

Think of ourselves as creatures made up of three parts: body (appetites), soul (emotions and personality), and spirit (our true God-created identity, whose image we are born with). These three parts often act like siblings, fighting and vying for dominion. My body cries out for the appetites it craves. My soul wants to be heard and desires to express itself. My spirit, my true God-created identity, desires to be fulfilled by intimate relationship with God. When we ingest the Word of God, to the extent that it doesn't please our body and soul, we end up with indigestion.

The Word of God tells me to love my enemies. But I don't feel like loving my enemies. My personality - that part of me that likes everyone on a team and wants the team to play well together – doesn't even want to have any enemies. My personality wants everyone to get along and do something fun together. My body craves what it craves. It doesn't want to feel stress or sweat or do much heavy lifting. My body wants to read books by cozy fires or play tennis well without having to practice. My body prefers peanut butter to hummus. But my Spirit, oh it has desires too. It delights at the Word of God, and desires to do His bidding.

So when I read "love your enemy" my body and soul rebel, but my spirit is intrigued.

Obedience is a long road headed in one direction. But along the way, there are many slip ups and detours. Some might suggest that we get a better road map and try to stay on track. I'm suggesting that we pay attention to our yukky tummies so that we learn why we keep ending up on dead-end roads. I don't believe we can avoid the pitfalls without figuring out why our stomach curdles at the very thing our spirit desperately desires to digest.

"Striving to sin less (avoid the tummy ache) leaves us dysfunctional and immature because it creates hiddenness. Making mistakes and paying dearly for them will cause painful failure (indigestion). Not resolving the pain of my failure (asking God to make my insides and outsides match and relying on His grace to accomplish this request) can cost me my destiny." (Bill Thrall and Bruce McNichol)

Recommended reading: Proverbs 1 - 3

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 18 - Yummy to the tongue

Scripture focus: The voice out of Heaven spoke to me again: "Go, take the book held open in the hand of the Angel astride sea and earth." I went up to the Angel and said, "Give me the little book." He said, "Take it, then eat it. It will taste sweet like honey, but turn sour in your stomach." I took the little book from the Angel's hand and it was sweet honey in my mouth, but when I swallowed, my stomach curdled. Revelation 10:8-10 The Message

St. John, the author of Revelation, was given the task by God to keep the early believers in his congregation ready and able for the arduous task of spreading the message of hope to hurting people. This was no easy task. His community was powerless politically and economically and treated as criminals. (Sound familiar?) John was a great man for the job, because this fire-filled follower wasn't content with the status quo – he wanted his congregation to live, really truly live – the abundant life.

One Sunday morning as he worshiped imprisoned on the island of Patmos – John received a message in a vision. Can you imagine? A gigantic angel, with one foot planted in the sea and the other on land boomed out a sermon. Like any good congregant, John started to take notes. But the angel wasn't having it. He traded his pencil and notebook for silverware. He ate the book. He ate the bible.

I read magazines and novels and even biographies. They go in one ear and out the other. Sometimes a phrase or two sticks or a concept is recalled. If I'm reading a book for a class, I study it in order to pass an exam. But this isn't how the angel is telling John to read scripture. The angel is challenging John, and us, to assimilate it into the very cells of our body. Become what we read. It's not a gossip magazine telling us about God. These words are intended to do something inside us, give us health and wholeness. As we grow healthy and whole internally, all this goodness will leak out. As our insides are healed – our outside expression of that internal reality will result in holiness.

Eat the book. So says Eugene Peterson. I pray we'll heed his call.

Recommended reading: Mark 13 - 16

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 17 - Eat His book

Scripture focus: "I'm telling you the most solemn and sober truth now: Whoever believes in me has real life, eternal life. I am the Bread of Life. Your ancestors ate the manna bread in the desert and died. But now here is Bread that truly comes down out of heaven. Anyone eating this Bread will not die, ever. I am the Bread—living Bread!—who came down out of heaven. Anyone who eats this Bread will live—and forever! The Bread that I present to the world so that it can eat and live is myself, this flesh-and-blood self." John 6:47-51 The Message

"To know much and taste nothing – of what use is that?" -- Bonaventure

In today's devotional, I want to change your life. Seriously. I want to give you a word of encouragement that can relieve your anxiety and put your feet on solid ground. But first, an example. I am an emotional eater. Under duress my body (appetites) cries out for peanut butter instead of prayer. My soul (emotions and personality) demands comfort (peanut butter and chocolate) rather than confession. And even though I know that comfort and peanut butter are quick fixes that lead to bigger problems, my body and soul want what they want. I have found it helpful to make a decision to follow an eating plan set before me by a nutritionist. She's teaching me how to eat peanut butter as a food group, not as a solution to what pains me. Every morning I get up and check out my guidelines. These guidelines are not up for discussion or alteration because I made a decision to be guided. I don't debate their merits. I believe they are meritorious, and thus I ignore the little voices in my head that offer me free reign in my eating as a suggested pathway to peace. The first week of this program, I felt very limited and my body and soul chaffed at the plan. But now, I see it as the ultimate freedom. Within these guidelines I am free to choose. But I do not deviate from the instructions. This is very freeing. It's quite the paradox. I feel more free today in my eating than I ever did when I believed I was free to choose any thing I wanted to eat without a plan.

I wonder. Have we sampled spirituality and treated it like a buffet meal – picking and choosing our favorite texts, following the spiritual guides who tell us what we like to hear, assuming that we will choose wisely and believing that this is spiritual freedom? If so, I think we've made a grave error.

In Eugene Peterson's book, Eat This Book, he says, "We don't form our personal spiritual lives out of a random assemblage of favorite texts in combination with individual circumstances; we are formed by the Holy Spirit in accordance with the text of Holy Scripture. God does not put us in charge of forming our personal spiritualities. We grow in accordance with the revealed World implanted in us by the Spirit." (p.15) He says that most of us are in favor of relying on sovereign self as opposed to allowing God's Word and Spirit to form us into a people who are God-created, God-ordered, God-blessed.

Sometimes freedom is an illusion or comes wrapped in a strange package labeled "obedience."

Recommended reading: Mark 10 - 12

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 16 - Chew on this

Scripture focus: How well God must like you— you don't hang out at Sin Saloon, you don't slink along Dead-End Road, you don't go to Smart-Mouth College. Instead you thrill to God's Word, you chew on Scripture day and night. You're a tree replanted in Eden, bearing fresh fruit every month, Never dropping a leaf, always in blossom. You're not at all like the wicked, who are mere windblown dust— Without defense in court, unfit company for innocent people. God charts the road you take. The road they take is Skid Row. Psalm 1 The Message

Psalm 1 is a beautiful passage of scripture – as long as I don't pay full attention to its meaning. When I read it carefully, my body (appetites) and soul (emotions and personality) respond by becoming agitated and stressed out. The psalmist assumes that I don't hang out at Sin Saloon, slink along Dead-End Road or attend Smart-Mouth College. Although it is true that I don't hang out in Saloons, I confess that I do run down dead-end roads on a regular basis and I'm practically a tenured professor at Smart-Mouth College. Does this make me bad? Am I beyond repair? I desire to be like a tree replanted in Eden, bearing fresh fruit every month. I love the images found in the book of Revelation, where it tells us that the streets of heaven are bordered by trees that bear a different delicious fruit every month – a virtual fruit of the month extravaganza, without having to plant different trees!

But I don't always experience life as tasty fruit; some days I feel more like a bad apple or a bruised kiwi. I don't always blossom; many days I wilt. I am without defense, and I am unfit for company – innocent and otherwise – on days when I am trying to get my own way all the time. God charts my road, but sometimes I thumb my nose at him and run down dark alleys. What does this mean for me? Am I doomed to a life of scarcity? I used to think so, until I started hanging out with some really awesome people who knew how to confess. I've discovered I'm not alone in how I experience daily life. My community has also guided me into a renewed view. My experience isn't necessarily reality. How I experience life is a pretty good clue to the state of my insides, but I discipline my body and soul to not be swept away into a world of appearances and faulty assumptions. How do I counter all that stinking thinking, feeling and perceiving? I growl. (Growl – hagah – Hebrew word for meditate) Eugene Peterson translates this same word as "chew on" – and that's an excellent translation.

Last night Pete spent the evening playing with Sammy, a cute little dog who allowed Pete to play fetch with her. She'd growl at him, shake her toy at him, lower it to the ground and dare him to try to take it. Sammy was meditating, chewing on, growling at her toy and her companion. This is exactly what we're supposed to be doing with God's word. We stare at it, chew on it, talk about it with friends, wrestle with the implications…we growl at God and his word. Ultimately, this activity requires that we trust in the power of words to penetrate our lives and create truth, beauty, and goodness in us. It's the kind of reading that alters our souls as it enters our blood. It is how we participate with God on his terms.

Recommended reading: Mark 7-9

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 15 - Valuable

Scripture focus: So let's do it—full of belief, confident that we're presentable inside and out. Let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let's see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching. Hebrews 10:22-25 The Message

So think about it: you are valuable, and the abundant life is real. If we feel ashamed, "less than," believe that the world is never quite good enough, or we never quite acquire enough to satisfy our longings – is the problem with the world, or with our perception? On days when I feel uneasily inadequate, frankly it doesn't much matter to me whether it's my perception filter or the world that is akimbo. I just want to feel better.

Paul's moves on in Hebrews to offer a pathway forward. He tells us to do. I can almost hear him urging us on, much like Bob Harper yelled and screamed at his reluctant trainee – "Just do it." Do what? Live the abundant life. What is the abundant life? Creatively encouraging others, helping out, loving, worshiping in community - spur each other on. And hurry up. Time is short. The big scale looms, and weigh in day is coming.

Dr. Jampolsky shares from his own experience some words of advice that helped him learn how to live the abundant life. (Healing the Addictive Personality, p. 83)

• What you value is what you choose to value.
• A key to healing is to give to others what you already have, instead of trying to get what you think you need.
• True abundance and opportunity offer escape from the thought that you are not enough…
• True abundance and opportunity see no value in fear…because there is nothing of value that can be lost.
• True abundance values win/win situations. False abundance values win/lose situations.
• The Addictive Personality sees obstacles and calculates loss in every situation. The Truth-Based Personality sees opportunities to learn, give, and receive in every situation.

Personally, I cannot work myself up into a state of big believing in my own value. But what I must do is continue to wrestle with the fact that as a desperately devoted follower of God, I am committed to believing what God says, and caring about what God cares about and doing what God says do. And although I don't know who or what Dr. Jampolsky believes in, I do know that God says: I have come that they might have life, and have it to the fullest…You are a royal priesthood, a child of God, the Kid of the King, a light to the world, an ambassador of Christ…When I feel weak and needy, I've got to go to the wrestling mat with God, and ask him to show me what's up with my body and soul when they aren't in alignment with my spirit. Lord, I believe. Help me in my unbelief…

Recommended reading: Mark 4-6

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 14 - Acceptance as a pathway to peace

Scripture focus: So let's do it—full of belief, confident that we're presentable inside and out. Let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let's see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching. Hebrews 10:22-25 The Message

In Hebrews 10, notice what Paul claims as the energy that keeps our motor running. First, he sets before as a task: full of belief, confident that we're presentable inside and out. Let's keep a firm grip… on what? …on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word.

Note what he's not asking us to have confidence in: our ability to keep ourselves clean inside and out. He doesn't say – get your act together! Instead, he says: believe, and as you believe, hold onto the promises of God. These aren't our promises, these are God's promises. Whew! This is a relief – haven't we made many personal promises that we haven't delivered on? Part of transformation requires that we accept our dusty, human frames. We're not putting our trust in ourselves – but in the one who can and will deliver us from evil.

In Dr. Jampolsky's book, Healing the Addictive Personality, he offers a series of statements that he believes reveal the contrast between trying to live within the confines of Addictive thinking, and the freedom that comes when we color outside the lines of these limiting beliefs. Tomorrow, we'll look at his perspective more closely. In preparation, think about his core belief: that each of us is valuable, and that the abundant life is real. I don't know his spiritual leanings, but I do believe that these two core beliefs align nicely with the word of God.

So think about it: you are valuable, and the abundant life is real.

If we feel ashamed, "less than," believe that the world is never quite good enough, or we never quite acquire enough to satisfy our longings – is the problem with the world, or with our perception?

Recommended reading: Mark 1-3

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 13 - Getting presentable is an inside job

Scripture focus: So let's do it—full of belief, confident that we're presentable inside and out. Let's keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let's see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching. Hebrews 10:22-25 The Message

I once read a story about a man who was awakened early one morning by a phone that wouldn't stop ringing. It was an awkward situation, because he was a guest in someone else's home. After 50 unanswered rings, he decided to take charge. He answered the phone but the sound persisted. Finally, following the loud ringing, he discovered a bird cage tucked away in the corner of the kitchen. Lifting the cover, he stared into the eyes of a Grey African parrot who happened to have a perfect imitation of a phone. He used this illustration to discuss the difference between "parroting" the right words, and actually walking the talk. Although the parrot could sound like a phone, he would never actually become a phone.

Keep a firm grip (The Message) – Profession (King James Version) – homologia – to say with conviction

One who professes says what they mean and means what they say – and acts accordingly. True professions of faith are made by people who care about what God cares about and do what God does. Plenty of people can talk about what God says, know what God's word teaches – but live in contradiction to those beliefs.

Bill Thrall and Bruce McNicol call this The Great Disconnect.

"The Great Disconnect: So many Christians say the right thing and then live the wrong life."

Becoming presentable inside and out does not mean that we pursue perfection. It means that we become transparent. We get honest about what we're feeling, thinking, believing, and perceiving. This is a great first step. People might say of us, "Well, they keep it real."

But is "keeping it real" the point, or a point in time?

After we figure out and can articulate (confess) all this internal stuff, we learn how to get a grip. This requires that we take our body (appetites) and soul (personality and emotions) and hold all that up to the mirror of God's word. We peer intently – not just into our navel, but also into the word of God. It is as we compare and contrast body, soul, and spirit that our lives will become a living proof of what we really profess. If we are confident that God is who he says he is, we will allow him to have his way with our body and soul. If we don't, then we will continue to lead with our chin – the appetites, emotions and personality in charge of what we do with our daily living. Will we be a parrot, or will we allow God to form us into something useful?

Recommended reading: Exodus 38-40

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 12 - Hard Honesty

Scripture focus: It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Galatians 5:13 The Message

Do you remember a previous devotional when I talked about the "Biggest Loser" contestant who was busy saying the right things but not actually doing right? This attitude did not sit well with her trainer, Bob Harper. He demanded more from her. I am praying that this young woman realizes that Bob was giving her a gift of hope. If Bob did not believe in her ability to embrace a free and abundant life, he wouldn't bother pushing her toward a more honest, authentic lifestyle. He'd just let her slack off, knowing that the scale doesn't lie. Eventually she will fall below the line, and the rest of the contestants will bump her off the ranch. Bob could let nature take its course – but he doesn't. Instead, he tells her to shut up and just do it. He is being brutally honest and demanding that this young woman return the favor. But he's asking something more too – he's asking her to admit that although she doesn't have it in her own power to complete this mission, there is power to be accessed and he wants her to go for it.

A free life, an honest life, a life where confession is a common practice, is a life characterized by honesty AND a deep and abiding awareness of the principle of powerlessness. Admittedly, few make it to this place. The only way to arrive in this place is to require self to live consistently in thoughts, words, and actions.

Here's an example. Suppose a person says they love their spouse. If this is true, then that person has to live consistently in that truth – in thoughts, words, and deeds. It is no longer acceptable to say, "I love my wife BUT…" because there is no 'but.' If you say you love your wife, then do it. So when a judging, angry, unkind, picky, ugly thought arises pertaining to one's wife – it must be confessed as sin. Consistency demands that one never speak an unloving, disrespectful, unkind word to or about one's spouse. And one must act consistently in a loving manner toward one's spouse – and it must be in a manner that the spouse would indeed define as loving. (You can't decide that it is loving to tell a spouse their chin is sagging unless you know that your spouse would appreciate this information. It's not ok to say, "Babe, I love you but those jeans make you look like porky pig" and then claim that the truth will set her free. It's quite possible this particular kind of truth telling may land a spouse in the dog house, but rarely will it qualify as loving.)

Do I even need to deliver a punch line? Of course this is going to be very difficult to accomplish. And that's the hard, honest good news! Because as our inability to consistently live out in thought, word, and action what we profess to believe becomes clear to us – we confess. The confession process will require that we look long and hard at what we really believe. This is quite humbling. But with enough hard honesty, and an understanding that God accepts us just as we are – the transformation process can begin. Confession is a great way to hit bottom. It is a gift. It is the place where we can finally say, "I can't" – and mean it. It is at that exact moment that God freely responds back, "Then, my child, I will."

Recommended reading: Exodus 35-37

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 11 Step Lively

Scripture focus: Are you hurting? Pray. Do you feel great? Sing. Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master. Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you've sinned, you'll be forgiven—healed inside and out. Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. James 5:13-16 The Message

The fifth step in the Christ-centered 12 step process (see www.northstarcommunity.com for more info about what this means if you need to) invites the participant to tell self, God and another person the exact nature of their wrongs – i.e., confess. I wonder which is the most difficult – the telling to self, the admitting to God, or the sharing of this "sin" with another? I have been asked about the need to confess to another human if you have already confessed to God. But in the wisdom of the book of James, it says confess to each other too. There must be a good reason.

Confession within a community is healthy – so long as it is done wisely.

I often serve as a receptacle of confession. People tell me their stories, and I listen for the confession embedded within the telling. I do this because it's good for them, and great for community.

When one of us makes a confession (appropriately), it helps the listener connect. It creates an environment where others feel free to practice the art of confession too. Confession is an antidote to false impressions and unauthentic living.

It's hard to embrace self-pity after listening to story that clearly proves that you're not alone. It's almost impossible to feel unique and lonely when your neighbor just shared a story that sounds remarkably like your own. Try believing that no one can help you because no one understands your situation after listening to someone share their story, and it's not only similar to your own – it's actually worse!

As we develop friendships that create safe havens for confession, we create a community where people can live together – whole and healed. This community grows into a force to be reckoned with. It's my prayer that more and more people will accept the challenge of making confession a common practice – and in so doing, advance the kingdom of God.

Recommended reading: Exodus 32-34

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 10 - The Dog Whisperer

Scripture focus: Are you hurting? Pray. Do you feel great? Sing. Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master. Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you've sinned, you'll be forgiven—healed inside and out. Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. James 5:13-16 The Message

The benefits of confession are amazing – forgiveness, healing inside and out, a sense of community as others pray with us about our confession, a building of a whole and healthy community. Who wouldn't want that life?

Why, then, is confession such a hard thing to put into common practice?

Bill Thrall and Bruce McNichol have a quote in their TrueFaced materials – "When my fear of the power of sin is greater than my confidence in the love of God, I will attempt to hide who I really am."

If confession is tough for you or someone you love, try focusing on this part of the James passage: Jesus will put you on your feet.

Jesus puts us on our feet because it pleases him to do so, not because our ritualistic confessions force him to fulfill God's order to extend grace and mercy. Knowing who God is, and what he is about is key to developing a willingness to make confession a common practice.

My husband's family love cats; my family prefers dogs. So when my brother, Bob, provided our family with our first lab, my husband required some training. Tillie was a great dog, but she was an alpha female and had a tendency to run off if enticed by a squirrel or anything else she deemed worthy of fetching. The first time she flew out of the yard and ignored Pete's command to stop and come back, Pete waited until she came home and then whacked her with the newspaper! A clandestine phone call from me to my brother produced a lovely DVD filled with instructions for dog owners (dogs are amazingly well behaved once their owners are trained). The dog whisperer guy taught Pete that if you want a dog to listen and obey, it makes sense to teach him that you love him and rejoice in his obedience. Whacking dogs with newspapers only reinforces the need to run…and not get caught. Pete loved our dog, but he wasn't congruent in the message he sent Tillie. After some much needed dog-loving lessons, we were the proud owners of a reasonably well behaved dog, and Pete wasn't too bad either.

God could write the book on how to respond to confessions. He does not whack us on the head with a newspaper when we return to Him. He loves on us. He puts us back on our feet. He heals us – inside and out. This will be one of those key truths that will have to permeate your mind, heart, body, soul and spirit in order to live a transformed life. It cannot be a concept we mutter but a belief we act on.

Recommended reading: Exodus 29-31

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 9 - Confession is good for body, soul and spirit

Scripture focus: Are you hurting? Pray. Do you feel great? Sing. Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master. Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you've sinned, you'll be forgiven—healed inside and out. Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. James 5:13-16 The Message

Confess – ekzomologeo – a word that means to declare, to say out loud, to exclaim, to divulge, or to blurt out - blurt out what?

Sins – faults – paraptoma – a falling in some area of one's life, a person who has accidentally bumped into something or one who has accidentally swerved or turned amiss and has thus thought something or done something that is erroneous.

Literally, this verse is saying blurt out when we've accidentally bumped into something, or taken a wrong turn, or maybe even done something wrong, or that has tripped us up. I want to challenge you to really wrestle with this verse. Notice how this act of confession of sins is a privilege not a poking. The confessor is acknowledging wrongdoing BUT ALSO stating their desire to become their true, God-created self. A socio-path will never make a heartfelt confession. They don't care whether or not they do wrong. A socio-path's only objective is to make sure everything works out to their advantage – regardless of how it affects others. Only a man or woman who desires healing – inside and out – need confess.

Confession isn't limited to the big stuff. Confession is intended to become a "common practice." It reminds me of the honeymoon period of recovery. A newly recovered person, having tasted the sweet fruit of honesty and simplicity of not having to keep all those lies straight, loves to confess. They like telling their story and having others listen empathetically. They've learned in meeting rooms that confession is actually a release. So they start taking it out of the meeting rooms. Once I was standing in line at the grocery store, and the lady waiting in front of me recognized me. She said, "Hey, I know you. You're that lady on TV who's always saying recovery is a God thing. I'm in recovery. About six months ago…" She tells her story as the customer service clerk rings up her groceries, my groceries, and three other people's orders too. She continues her story as our groceries are wheeled out, and she follows me to my car. An hour later, I head home. She is making confession a common practice. Eventually, she'll probably figure out how to do this with more discretion and moderation. But I'm not sure it'll be any healthier. Standing out in the cold listening to a random act of confession is worth it if this lady finds her true, God-created self in the process. May we all make confession a common practice!

Recommended reading: Exodus 25-27

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 8 - It ain't easy

Scripture focus: Are you hurting? Pray. Do you feel great? Sing. Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master. Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you've sinned, you'll be forgiven—healed inside and out. Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. James 5:13-16 The Message

Confession isn't for sissies. Nor is it a magic potion.

On my favorite show, "Biggest Loser," I watched one of the brave contestants confess, confess, confess – until her trainer, Bob Harper blew a gasket. Here's what happened. This young lady wasn't really pulling her weight (no pun intended) during daily workouts, and Bob gave her some feedback. She thanked him. She talked about and actually said all the right things: "I will be strong. I will do my best. I will give you my best effort, etc." The problem is that her talk didn't match her walk! She confessed, and stood on the sidelines. She confessed, and took breaks when she was supposed to be working. She confessed gratitude for his feedback and then refused to submit to his authority. Frankly, she gave confession a bad name – because she wasn't confessing the truth! She was saying what she thought was the right answer, but what she was saying on the outside didn't match what she was really thinking and feeling on the inside. Confession is good when properly administered. But before we jump to application, let's make sure we truly understand the meaning of confession within the context of today's scripture focus.

Confess – ekzomologeo – a word that means to declare, to say out loud, to exclaim, to divulge, or to blurt - blurt out what?

Sins – faults – paraptoma – a falling in some area of one's life, a person who has accidentally bumped into something or one who has accidentally swerved or turned amiss and has thus thought something or done something that is erroneous Literally, this verse is saying blurt out when we've accidentally bumped into something, or taken a wrong turn, or maybe even done something wrong, or that has tripped us up. Our "Biggest Loser" contestant could confess like this: "Bob, I am afraid I can't exercise the way you ask me to. Bob my body is tired. Bob my personality prefers pina coladas to push ups. Bob there is nothing within me that wants to run on this treadmill." And Bob could reply, "But your spirit wants to soar! You want to be your true self. Your thoughts, feelings and dragging feet are holding you back. Move it!"

And if she does, she wins. If she doesn't, then she wasn't really confessing – she was complaining (or asking someone on the outside to make her feel better on the inside). To be continued….

Recommended reading: Exodus 22-24

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 7 - Confession is good for body, soul and spirit

Scripture focus: Are you hurting? Pray. Do you feel great? Sing. Are you sick? Call the church leaders together to pray and anoint you with oil in the name of the Master. Believing-prayer will heal you, and Jesus will put you on your feet. And if you've sinned, you'll be forgiven—healed inside and out. Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with. James 5:13-16 The Message

I love the television show "Biggest Loser." I learn a lot as I watch contestants with maladaptive coping skills, covered up by layers of extra weight that they hide behind, morph and transform into their true selves.

Can you imagine standing on a scale for all of America to watch those numbers flash up on the big screen? What courage!

More than courageous, it is also an act of confession. Confession is a tricky proposition. No one applies to the "Biggest Loser" with the thought, "They'll never accept a slightly chubby candidate like me." However, seasoned viewers like me continue to hear these candidates say, "I had no clue how heavy I had gotten" after they step on that big public scale. Although their willingness to show up is confessional, sometimes they don't realize how much they need to confess!

Aren't we the same?

When we share what we're feeling, thinking, perceiving, wanting, needing and desiring – we are confessing the state of our insides. This is great! Celebrate the ability to tell the truth about what's going on internally.

But to be the biggest winner, we'll need to mature into the kind of people who understand that what's really happening is confession, not simply a request that the world do something about our yearnings so that we feel better.

Recommended reading: Exodus 19-21

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 6 - A Necessary Step

Scripture focus: We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity. 2 Corinthians 10:5 The Message

One of the best and most powerful God-tools I know of is other people. Not all people qualify as a God-tool. Usually I find the most help from people who have experience with the same kind of suffering I'm experiencing and they are spiritually aware and awake. I don't know how Dr. Jampolsky chose a trusted advisor, but he did reveal in his book that he made sure they had experience with anger. His story continues…

"I could no longer avoid responsibility by saying that 'everybody gets angry sometimes.' Finally, with help, I saw…." (Healing the Addictive Personality, by Dr. Lee Jampolsky, pp. 56) Eventually, Jampolsky concludes that there are two ways we communicate: 1) Extending understanding and compassion and 2) calling out for understanding and compassion. In case this isn't obvious, he thinks option two is a dead end street. He says that cry can get ugly, because at its core – a cry asking for understanding and compassion is a cry uttered in fear.

He continues with a point of clarification. He states clearly that stating how we feel is very important, and breaks down walls. But stating how we feel in an attempt to get someone or something outside ourselves to make us feel better is futile.

People can help us see where our appetites, emotions and personality have taken us down a slippery slope. But only God can heal the wounded heart that longs to slide down the slope of loose thinking, emoting and impulsivity.

Recommended reading: Exodus 16-18

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 5 - Hope almost lost

Scripture focus: Source of hope: Everything that was written in the past was written to teach us that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scripture we might have hope. Romans 15:4 NIV

In the story you're about to read, Dr. Jampolsky refers to a concept called "Addictive Personality". As a favor to me, instead of thinking of these personality traits as unique to the addicted, I'd ask you to consider the possibility that all of us "suffer" to some degree with the issues he discusses. We'll let the experts argue over whether or not the concept of addictive personality is a valid one – I'm asking you to consider that his story may ring true to you…

"The purpose of the following story is to illustrate how strong the Addictive Personality can be, but also how it is possible to choose something different…. As an adult…I have acted out in anger and scared those I love most. I acted out of anger in ways that damaged the trust I once had with them. It would be easy to make excuses for myself, because everyone loses their cool from time to time, right? But the truth was that even after years of personal work I was still prone to yelling when I did not get my way. I seemed able to help others with their anger, but when I couldn't control my own anger I became secretly hopeless about this aspect of my Addictive Personality. I was engaging in behavior that was not conducive to creating what I really wanted in my life, and I kept doing it anyway, even when I told myself not to. Though my outbursts were infrequent, I felt weak and ashamed after each one. In response to these episodes, I would either withdraw or escalate in my anger, which is a classic addictive pattern. It was not until I found myself very hurt and yelling in rage one inch from the face of the woman I loved that I knew I had to find another way of being. I suppose I could have yet again listened to my Addictive Personality and blamed my behavior on how hurt I was by her actions, but the truth was I needed to take final responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, and actions." (Healing the Addictive Personality, by Dr. Lee Jampolsky, pp. 55 and 56)

Notice the choice Dr. Jampolsky made. He chose to look outside himself for an answer – instead of asking the outside world to make his insides feel better. He could have stayed internally focused, in tune with both his anger and his entitlement to it. But instead, he chose a different, more uncomfortable path. He also did not deny the fervor of his feelings. He told himself the truth. But, and here's a really really important distinction: he acknowledged his needs, wants, desires and feelings without allowing them to continue to determine his behavior. He shared what was going on inside him, in the hope that someone on the outside could assist in transforming him – from the inside out.

Recommended reading: Exodus 13-15

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 4 - Lessons learned from a fat cat

Scripture focus: I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him. Romans 12:3 The Message

Our chubby cat never learned these lessons, but I'm hoping we are slightly more teachable than a cat. Lesson 1: On the off-chance we actually do good, even that is a gift from God. Lesson 2: If lesson one is true, then lesson two has to follow: trying to get our outsides to behave in a misguided attempt to win approval is silly. When it works for us, it's because God did it. If we fail in our attempts, it's not like succeeding was some key indicator that we are oh so special. Lesson 3: We are called to a good life. He wants us to live life treating others fairly and justly. He makes it clear that the ability to accomplish this comes from him. Lesson 4: Our constant striving to bring treats to God misses the mark.

God is interested in getting our insides to sync up with our outsides. It is very important that we pay attention to our internal life. NOT so that we can identify the appetites of our body and the emotions and personality of our soul and demand the world to appreciate our uniqueness and respond accordingly. No indeed! We pay attention to our body and soul so that we can be conscious of those natural inclinations within us that war against the Spirit of God.

We express our needs, wants and emotions NOT so that others will bow to our demands to cooperate in the fulfillment of those desires but instead, so that we can get feedback. Oh how I wish Pumpkin had accepted our sincere feedback: we don't need dead varmints to know that you love us! But she never quite got there.

So let's speak consciously to ourselves, and others, about how we're feeling, thinking and desiring. But, please, don't confuse that with entitlement. No one owes us a hearty acquiescence to our demands for whatever it is we think we lack. Isn't it the psalmist who reminds us, "Oh God, my shepherd, I have everything I need?" (Psalm 23:1 The Message)

Only a person living with an attitude of gratitude and a healthy perspective on the need for grace and mercy can achieve an accurate understanding of both God and self – and live accordingly. Tomorrow we hear from a guy who was pretty confused about why he kept messing up, and how he learned to pay attention to his feelings without letting them direct his life.

Recommended reading: Exodus 10-12

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Day 3 - Fat cat

Scripture focus: But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously – take God seriously. Attention! God calls out to the city! If you know what's good for you, you'll listen. So listen, all of you! This is serious business. Malachi 6:8-9 The Message

We once owned a very fat cat who loved us even though we gave her a name that prophesied her portly figure. Pumpkin loved to bring us treats. She was quite the hunter, too. This fateful combination meant that we often came home to find dead vermin on our porch steps - which was the good news. If we weren't paying attention, we'd come home, open the door and Pumpkin would rush in with her mouth full of captured prey and promptly plop it at our feet. One time the varmint wasn't quite dead, and managed to revive itself once Pumpkin released him onto our kitchen floor. This resulted in a lot of screaming and running around trying to catch the dazed but amazingly spry creature as he scurried off toward the formal rooms, beautifully blanketed in white carpet. It was not a good evening at the McBean household. Pumpkin often looked bemused when her love offerings where met with shrieks and squeals. She expected better of us for all her troubles.

Pumpkin never quite figured out that her loving intentions were misguided (instinctive, normal and natural for her but not what we wanted or needed). I wonder if God is bemused by all our attempts to "be good" by bringing him treats. In our attempts to be attractive, functional and productive, do we sometimes end up bringing God vermin?

Leaky living is in many ways a gift; it gets our attention and teaches us of our need for a Savior. I'm so easily confused. I keep thinking that I need to do good things to get God's attention and approval. But my body and soul cry out in protest. My body has its appetites which it craves, much like our cat had an appetite for catching critters. My soul is emotional and full of personality that has its own natural inclinations – sometimes in contradiction to the ways of God. But all this frustration can spur us on to paying closer attention to what God really desires of us. After all, he created us. He knows us better than we know ourselves.

How then, should we proceed? If our body, soul, and spirit are supposed to work together and become fit for the coming of Christ but our appetites, emotions and personality sometimes get confused about what God desires and how we are to respond to Him, then where do we begin?

Recommended reading: Exodus 7 - 9

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community

Day 2 - My issues, needs and wants – your problem

Scripture focus: May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he'll do it! 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 The Message

If my parents, teachers, mentors, friends and God himself ever convened an invitational intervention and explained to me the inevitability of a leaky life (leaky life – when our internal issues leak into our outside world), I'd like to think that I'd have the humility to believe them. Maybe it wouldn't even require all that much humility. What if I could somehow justify a leaky life as "just the way I am?" Maybe my leaky life really isn't my problem, but yours! That's a theory I can sink my teeth into. I could make all my issues, needs and wants your problem. Or perhaps I could find someone to blame for all this unquenched yearning that I feel. Hey, maybe I am messy internally – but if it is all someone else's fault, doesn't it make it someone else's job to repair? I like that idea. In fact, I have enjoyed sitting here fantasizing about all the expectations I could lower, dreams I could ditch, and potential I could pass up if this theory turned out to be true.

However, there's a fly in the ointment, and this keeps me from writing a bestselling self-help book about why all our problems truly are someone else's fault. I can't find any scripture to back this idea up. This is a problem for me, because I happen to believe scripture is a pretty crucial source of vital, truthful information.

In numerous sources, scripture promises us a holy, whole, mature, abundant life. And nowhere can I find exception clauses. It doesn't promise the holy life only to those sturdy enough to endure the rigors of the spiritually disciplined life. It doesn't promise wholeness only to those who are mostly not broken to begin with. It doesn't say only the physically attractive, mainly functional and mostly productive individuals of the world can count on all this blessing.

1 Thessalonians points out one huge factor that we might want to consider. It is God himself who makes all this holy healing happen. He puts us together – spirit, soul, and body. He makes us fit. He's completely dependable. So if you, like me, are wavering in your commitment to the transformed life because making changes seems practically impossible – be of good cheer. Although this may be impossible for us, nothing is impossible for Him.

One more thing. You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world. (Matthew 5:8 The Message) When our inside world gets straightened out, the result is that we can see God in the outside world. There is no mention of how this process results in people, places and things joining forces to create a convenient life for each of us. It says instead: we will be able to recognize God's presence in our "ordinary, sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking around life." Awareness and appreciation of God's presence transforms how we think, feel and perceive our very leaky lives. This transformation of the heart then begins to do the same thing our messy insides have always done – it will leak out into our outside world. That's awesome. More on the crucial connectedness of the spirit, soul and body in tomorrow's devotional.

Recommended reading: Exodus 4 -6

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Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community