April 30
Scripture focus: Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong. Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. Ecclesiastes 5:1-2 NIV
One of the many suggested formats for a fourth step inventory includes making a list of resentments, fears and sexual misconduct. As we complete this list, we also make note of how these events hurt us and how we hurt others. This work is not for sissies. To my knowledge, Marion never completed a fourth step inventory nor did she need to. Her understanding of life and how things worked taught her to self-evaluate regularly and often. She used God’s word as a measuring stick for assessing herself.
My brother, “Dr. Jones,” (if you’ve read the entire month’s devotionals, you know what this means) is a man of many talents. One of those abilities is training dogs. When Marion got sick, he came up to see her. In the end, it turned out he was here for the funeral. She would have so loved him coming to see her off. One evening we all sat down to dinner, and our little grand puppy was running around acting like an adolescent dog; she was completely developmentally appropriate. “Dr. Jones” offered Charley’s ‘mom’ some sound advice: “Charley is moving into doggy adolescence. This is where her training successes and weaknesses are going to become apparent. When you see a weakness, the faster you respond to it, the better. The longer you ignore the issue, the more drastic the measures you will have to take to fix the problem.”
There’s a reason we all him Dr. Jones. He’s smart.
I am always nagging people to inventory their lives. I use the fourth step model because I’ve discovered that so few people actually know how to evaluate their own life story – especially when it comes to taking ownership for their weaknesses.
Marion’s last week was such a peaceful experience. Her fine example will continue to inspire me to inventory my own life, and nag you to do likewise. But don’t forget – this isn’t so that we can beat ourselves up, it is one step, one way, one suggestion, for getting in touch with our past wounds – for the purpose of resolution. Resolving our past helps us discover the life God intended for us.
Scripture focus: Naked a man comes from his mother's womb, and as he comes, so he departs. He takes nothing from his labor that he can carry in his hand. Ecclesiastes 5:15 NIV
Although our departure is made buck naked, the coolest part of the trip is that we don’t need to pack anything to take with us. When we reach the heavenlies, everything we need is already waiting for us.
This is really important to remember, especially if we’re still trying to acquire things to enrich our earthly existence. Maybe, unlike Donald Miller, we’re still hoping a Volvo will make us happy. Perhaps we haven’t consciously thought through the implications of our perceived greatest desires. A fourth step inventory can provide clarity about our values, and our weaknesses.
I would ask you to consider these things. Take seriously the shortness of life and the blessing (and responsibility) of breathing. Juanita Ryan has written a lovely book that could inform your journey; it’s called Keep Breathing. Our NorthStar Community folks will be studying this book in our fall study groups. But I’d suggest grabbing a copy and begin reading immediately. Faced with her own mortality, Juanita blesses us by sharing how she made sense of the journey.
Life is short, but a breath. Keep breathing. May we experience the life God intended for us, as we learn to breathe with a grateful heart. (Laughing as you go certainly doesn’t hurt.)
One last thought. Who might be studying your life – and what are they learning? Are you ok with the lessons your life is teaching others?
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 29
Scripture focus: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiates 4:9-12 NIV
One of the things that I loved about my mother-in-law was her ability to admit wrongdoing. I don’t think this was particularly easy for her – so no need to whip out the application for sainthood. In fact, it was the degree of difficulty in the admission that made her willingness to admit so admirable. Like the rest of us, sometimes admitting stuff was hard.
On Tuesday afternoon, Pete was perched on the window ledge in her room, a weak sunlight filtered in behind him. It made a lovely silhouette, but caused his face to seem fuzzy. Marion had trouble hearing him because she couldn’t read his lips. For those unfamiliar with hearing loss, most of us who experience it develop an ability to supplement our hearing with a rudimentary ability to read lips. This helps. She complained to him about his mumbling ways, and he tried to speak up and enunciate better. But if she had pushed the point, he could have reminded her that her hearing wasn’t at full strength.
On Wednesday evening, the tumor continued its relentless march into her trachea, making it hard for her to have enough breath to speak. In the wee hours of the morning, I struggled to hear and follow her instructions. “Do you need more pillows?” No, she nodded. “More water?” No, no she seemed to say. “Should I get you up and in the chair?” Absolutely Not!! Her nonverbal shouted in response. Eventually she managed, “My you are getting hard of hearing!” I found this extremely ironic and amusing. But I must admit, if the circumstances had been different – I might have felt annoyed.
She and I discovered the beauty and blessing of releasing all need to judge as the days rolled toward their inevitable conclusion. As usual, she led me in this discovery. Often filled with self-deprecation and doubt with a terminal need to feel embarrassed or a little ashamed when she did something human, like fall or need a heart valve replaced, the final weeks wiped out all that need to critique self, melting it away under the warm sunshine of self-acceptance.
Toward the end, nothing much mattered except that her family loved her and each other. There was no longer a need to improve, repair, rehab, fix, or make right a wrong. There is an indescribable beauty that blossoms when we learn how to see ourselves accurately, with complete honesty and total acceptance.
In the recovery process, step four asks us to make a searching and fearless moral inventory, but it can’t teach us how to do so without judging ourselves. The gift of acceptance must come from above. Although unspoken, for me personally, Marion’s greatest legacy will be this powerful combination of honest self-appraisal and loving acceptance. It was truly a God thing.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
Scripture focus: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiates 4:9-12 NIV
One of the things that I loved about my mother-in-law was her ability to admit wrongdoing. I don’t think this was particularly easy for her – so no need to whip out the application for sainthood. In fact, it was the degree of difficulty in the admission that made her willingness to admit so admirable. Like the rest of us, sometimes admitting stuff was hard.
On Tuesday afternoon, Pete was perched on the window ledge in her room, a weak sunlight filtered in behind him. It made a lovely silhouette, but caused his face to seem fuzzy. Marion had trouble hearing him because she couldn’t read his lips. For those unfamiliar with hearing loss, most of us who experience it develop an ability to supplement our hearing with a rudimentary ability to read lips. This helps. She complained to him about his mumbling ways, and he tried to speak up and enunciate better. But if she had pushed the point, he could have reminded her that her hearing wasn’t at full strength.
On Wednesday evening, the tumor continued its relentless march into her trachea, making it hard for her to have enough breath to speak. In the wee hours of the morning, I struggled to hear and follow her instructions. “Do you need more pillows?” No, she nodded. “More water?” No, no she seemed to say. “Should I get you up and in the chair?” Absolutely Not!! Her nonverbal shouted in response. Eventually she managed, “My you are getting hard of hearing!” I found this extremely ironic and amusing. But I must admit, if the circumstances had been different – I might have felt annoyed.
She and I discovered the beauty and blessing of releasing all need to judge as the days rolled toward their inevitable conclusion. As usual, she led me in this discovery. Often filled with self-deprecation and doubt with a terminal need to feel embarrassed or a little ashamed when she did something human, like fall or need a heart valve replaced, the final weeks wiped out all that need to critique self, melting it away under the warm sunshine of self-acceptance.
Toward the end, nothing much mattered except that her family loved her and each other. There was no longer a need to improve, repair, rehab, fix, or make right a wrong. There is an indescribable beauty that blossoms when we learn how to see ourselves accurately, with complete honesty and total acceptance.
In the recovery process, step four asks us to make a searching and fearless moral inventory, but it can’t teach us how to do so without judging ourselves. The gift of acceptance must come from above. Although unspoken, for me personally, Marion’s greatest legacy will be this powerful combination of honest self-appraisal and loving acceptance. It was truly a God thing.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 28
Scripture focus: I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. Ecclesiastes 3:10-14 NIV
Grief is a funny thing. I have found it to be a strangely personal and comforting experience. All those books on the subject don’t really do it justice. In the materials that hospice provides, there are several very helpful guidelines and suggestions about how to support the person who is dying. We read and tried to pay attention and maybe followed them if we could.
Marion found the experience of dying funny too. Multiple times a day she would give me words of instruction, always ending with, “This is so strange; I feel like I’m planning someone else’s funeral.” She said this at least one hundred times in six days. I don’t know what the experts would say about that, but here’s what I believe.
She had some concerns for her family but she was not overly concerned. I was given a short set of instructions which I will follow. They include things like make sure the grandchildren know how important their education is and how proud she is of their accomplishments. She has some regrets – not being at Cara’s wedding this June is at the top of her list. On the other hand, she is delighted to think about all of us gathering to celebrate. She’s had a sneak peek at the dress, and she knows we’re in for a treat. She had a few stern warnings – don’t talk about her death in euphemisms. Don’t put her picture in the paper. Don’t forget that it is easier to cut a turkey with an electric knife. Don’t over-knead the oatmeal bread.
Somehow she managed to communicate a trust in us – that we would carry on and would do so in a way that would delight her. She believed in our ability to take the ball and run with it.
She was ready to go home. She had no doubts about her destiny; no qualms about standing before the throne of grace. She did so hope she looked good when she crossed the line into eternity – after all, she had a husband waiting on the other side.
The last week of her life was perfect and beautiful, which was the fruit of a life well lived. It is very difficult to feel sorrow for such a testimony to a faith-filled life. Grief and loss come in all sorts of experiences, but I am deeply grateful for Marion’s perspective; she taught me that in some situations dying is more like a party than a parting. She has inspired me to take a harder look at how I’m living my life, because she taught me that death in many ways is a summary statement for how we’ve lived.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
Scripture focus: I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. Ecclesiastes 3:10-14 NIV
Grief is a funny thing. I have found it to be a strangely personal and comforting experience. All those books on the subject don’t really do it justice. In the materials that hospice provides, there are several very helpful guidelines and suggestions about how to support the person who is dying. We read and tried to pay attention and maybe followed them if we could.
Marion found the experience of dying funny too. Multiple times a day she would give me words of instruction, always ending with, “This is so strange; I feel like I’m planning someone else’s funeral.” She said this at least one hundred times in six days. I don’t know what the experts would say about that, but here’s what I believe.
She had some concerns for her family but she was not overly concerned. I was given a short set of instructions which I will follow. They include things like make sure the grandchildren know how important their education is and how proud she is of their accomplishments. She has some regrets – not being at Cara’s wedding this June is at the top of her list. On the other hand, she is delighted to think about all of us gathering to celebrate. She’s had a sneak peek at the dress, and she knows we’re in for a treat. She had a few stern warnings – don’t talk about her death in euphemisms. Don’t put her picture in the paper. Don’t forget that it is easier to cut a turkey with an electric knife. Don’t over-knead the oatmeal bread.
Somehow she managed to communicate a trust in us – that we would carry on and would do so in a way that would delight her. She believed in our ability to take the ball and run with it.
She was ready to go home. She had no doubts about her destiny; no qualms about standing before the throne of grace. She did so hope she looked good when she crossed the line into eternity – after all, she had a husband waiting on the other side.
The last week of her life was perfect and beautiful, which was the fruit of a life well lived. It is very difficult to feel sorrow for such a testimony to a faith-filled life. Grief and loss come in all sorts of experiences, but I am deeply grateful for Marion’s perspective; she taught me that in some situations dying is more like a party than a parting. She has inspired me to take a harder look at how I’m living my life, because she taught me that death in many ways is a summary statement for how we’ve lived.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 27
Scripture focus: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV
Marion birthed three boys. As a mother myself to two boys and a girl, I know that gender makes a difference. You can give a boy all the dolls in the world and offer up guns and ammo to little girls just to be fair and at the end of the day there is still a gender difference. (That said, the girls in our family like technology, sports, sweating and fast cars more than a lot of guys I know. And I can say without equivocation that I have shot more guns and flung more arrows than all the guys in this family combined. I’m just saying, there are gender differences; I’m not saying what they are!!)
One of those differences for us was topics of conversation. We girls talked about things that she didn’t always feel the need to share with the guys. Pete and I learned this by comparing notes over the years. I would ask, “Did your mom tell you about….?”
“No. What are you talking about?” He’d ask, not that he really cared that much for the topic but I guess he thought it was the polite thing to do, which sort of proves my point. We also had this conversation in reverse.
One of the things Marion and I shared was a love for hair. We liked to talk about why we hated our own hair, and thought the other’s was so much better. The first year I was married, Marion bought one of those curling irons that had bristles. It was all the rage and came with a guarantee to make anyone’s hair a sight to behold. She raved about the results. I was skeptical. “I don’t know. My hair has a fine texture; it’s not full of body like yours. I bet that thing wouldn’t work for me.”
“Oh, yes, dear, it would. Let me show you.”
“Are you sure? Cause usually, stuff with bristles like that just gets tangled.”
“Well, dear, perhaps you just don’t know how to use it. I will show you how.”
“Ok, if you’re sure….” She plugged it in and I took my seat, hoping to be wowed but fearing the worst. Sure enough, she took hold of a strand of hair and wrapped the brush around it, way up close, next to the scalp…just like the instructions said to do if you wanted the perfect outcome. The result – instant tangle. That brush was so tightly wrapped in my hair that the only thing to do was get out the scissors. Fortunately, it was in the back, I never had to look at the damage. I understand it was a sight to behold.
The last week of Marion’s life, I made sure I brushed her hair first thing in the morning and last thing at night. There may be a time and season for lots of things, but a girl always needs her hair to look its best. Some things in life are simply non-negotiable. Have you ever thought about your non-negotiables?
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
Scripture focus: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV
Marion birthed three boys. As a mother myself to two boys and a girl, I know that gender makes a difference. You can give a boy all the dolls in the world and offer up guns and ammo to little girls just to be fair and at the end of the day there is still a gender difference. (That said, the girls in our family like technology, sports, sweating and fast cars more than a lot of guys I know. And I can say without equivocation that I have shot more guns and flung more arrows than all the guys in this family combined. I’m just saying, there are gender differences; I’m not saying what they are!!)
One of those differences for us was topics of conversation. We girls talked about things that she didn’t always feel the need to share with the guys. Pete and I learned this by comparing notes over the years. I would ask, “Did your mom tell you about….?”
“No. What are you talking about?” He’d ask, not that he really cared that much for the topic but I guess he thought it was the polite thing to do, which sort of proves my point. We also had this conversation in reverse.
One of the things Marion and I shared was a love for hair. We liked to talk about why we hated our own hair, and thought the other’s was so much better. The first year I was married, Marion bought one of those curling irons that had bristles. It was all the rage and came with a guarantee to make anyone’s hair a sight to behold. She raved about the results. I was skeptical. “I don’t know. My hair has a fine texture; it’s not full of body like yours. I bet that thing wouldn’t work for me.”
“Oh, yes, dear, it would. Let me show you.”
“Are you sure? Cause usually, stuff with bristles like that just gets tangled.”
“Well, dear, perhaps you just don’t know how to use it. I will show you how.”
“Ok, if you’re sure….” She plugged it in and I took my seat, hoping to be wowed but fearing the worst. Sure enough, she took hold of a strand of hair and wrapped the brush around it, way up close, next to the scalp…just like the instructions said to do if you wanted the perfect outcome. The result – instant tangle. That brush was so tightly wrapped in my hair that the only thing to do was get out the scissors. Fortunately, it was in the back, I never had to look at the damage. I understand it was a sight to behold.
The last week of Marion’s life, I made sure I brushed her hair first thing in the morning and last thing at night. There may be a time and season for lots of things, but a girl always needs her hair to look its best. Some things in life are simply non-negotiable. Have you ever thought about your non-negotiables?
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 26
Scripture focus: I thought in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that also proved to be meaningless. "Laughter," I said, "is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?" I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly—my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives. I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired men and women singers, and a harem as well—the delights of the heart of man. I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. Ecclesiastes 2:1-11 NIV
In Donald Miller’s book, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years, he introduces his work with a little ditty that packs a powerful punch. He tells of his search for the secret to making a good movie. He suggests that if we go to a movie about a guy who spends his whole live trying to acquire a Volvo, no one will cry when he gets his car and drives it off the lot. In fact, he suggests that if we went to a movie about a subject like this, we’d demand a refund for the price of the ticket. He concludes the story by saying that if no one would be interested in seeing a movie about this story, why in the world would we think that a life focused on buying a Volvo would be meaningful, significant and interesting?
From Ecclesiastes to A Million Miles In A Thousand Years, mankind has continued to search for a meaningful life while continuing to run down the same dead end alleys. It seems we are destined to need to learn from our own mistakes, rather than heeding the wisdom of our forefathers. Maybe that’s the only way; it might even be the best way. As we experience failure, we have the opportunity to learn. As we learn, we acquire experience (and hopefully empathy and compassion for others). As we gain experience, we have opportunities to develop, evolve, grow and mature. It’s not the falling down that leads to failure, it’s the failure to learn from our falling down.
In Marion’s lifetime she became one of the best faller-downers in the history of falling down. She fell down in the rain, on vacation, in her apartment, on the sidewalk, in New York City, down a flight of stairs, in a bowling alley, out of bed (Dr. Seuss would have a field day with her adventures.)….and these are just the places she told us about. It would seem that Marion never learned how not to fall. Her strength was not found in overcoming her predisposition to excellence in falling.
If she could’ve learned how not to fall, she would’ve. She sincerely desired to never fall. She was the most sincerely regretful faller I hope to ever meet.
Some things we will never conquer; in matters such as these, it will be important to learn how to manage within our limitations.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
Scripture focus: I thought in my heart, "Come now, I will test you with pleasure to find out what is good." But that also proved to be meaningless. "Laughter," I said, "is foolish. And what does pleasure accomplish?" I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly—my mind still guiding me with wisdom. I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives. I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired men and women singers, and a harem as well—the delights of the heart of man. I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. Ecclesiastes 2:1-11 NIV
In Donald Miller’s book, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years, he introduces his work with a little ditty that packs a powerful punch. He tells of his search for the secret to making a good movie. He suggests that if we go to a movie about a guy who spends his whole live trying to acquire a Volvo, no one will cry when he gets his car and drives it off the lot. In fact, he suggests that if we went to a movie about a subject like this, we’d demand a refund for the price of the ticket. He concludes the story by saying that if no one would be interested in seeing a movie about this story, why in the world would we think that a life focused on buying a Volvo would be meaningful, significant and interesting?
From Ecclesiastes to A Million Miles In A Thousand Years, mankind has continued to search for a meaningful life while continuing to run down the same dead end alleys. It seems we are destined to need to learn from our own mistakes, rather than heeding the wisdom of our forefathers. Maybe that’s the only way; it might even be the best way. As we experience failure, we have the opportunity to learn. As we learn, we acquire experience (and hopefully empathy and compassion for others). As we gain experience, we have opportunities to develop, evolve, grow and mature. It’s not the falling down that leads to failure, it’s the failure to learn from our falling down.
In Marion’s lifetime she became one of the best faller-downers in the history of falling down. She fell down in the rain, on vacation, in her apartment, on the sidewalk, in New York City, down a flight of stairs, in a bowling alley, out of bed (Dr. Seuss would have a field day with her adventures.)….and these are just the places she told us about. It would seem that Marion never learned how not to fall. Her strength was not found in overcoming her predisposition to excellence in falling.
If she could’ve learned how not to fall, she would’ve. She sincerely desired to never fall. She was the most sincerely regretful faller I hope to ever meet.
Some things we will never conquer; in matters such as these, it will be important to learn how to manage within our limitations.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 25
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
Marion was the best at not taking herself too seriously. Strangers were often startled by her predisposition toward laughter at what others might consider odd times. While waiting on some particular testing during her last week in the hospital, she had a doctor who had a name that reminded her of pickles. Instead of keeping this to herself, she asked him, “Does anyone ever call you Dr. Pickles?”
“All the time,” he smiled in obvious good humor himself, and continued with the exam.
One of the ways we show proper respect to God is allowing room for a good laugh, even in a hospital room filled with bad news. Marion was uncommonly blessed by healthcare professionals who joined her in laughing through the rough spots.
At the memorial service, we sat waiting in the room behind the sanctuary, for our formal tribute to Marion’s life. We were telling stories and chuckling among ourselves when our Pastor joined us. “Have you guys moved from grief to joy already? Can’t you wait a few minutes?” His willingness to join us in celebration is one of the things that makes him a great pastor.
Even in the midst of bad news, laughter has proven to be good medicine. We learned from the master.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
Marion was the best at not taking herself too seriously. Strangers were often startled by her predisposition toward laughter at what others might consider odd times. While waiting on some particular testing during her last week in the hospital, she had a doctor who had a name that reminded her of pickles. Instead of keeping this to herself, she asked him, “Does anyone ever call you Dr. Pickles?”
“All the time,” he smiled in obvious good humor himself, and continued with the exam.
One of the ways we show proper respect to God is allowing room for a good laugh, even in a hospital room filled with bad news. Marion was uncommonly blessed by healthcare professionals who joined her in laughing through the rough spots.
At the memorial service, we sat waiting in the room behind the sanctuary, for our formal tribute to Marion’s life. We were telling stories and chuckling among ourselves when our Pastor joined us. “Have you guys moved from grief to joy already? Can’t you wait a few minutes?” His willingness to join us in celebration is one of the things that makes him a great pastor.
Even in the midst of bad news, laughter has proven to be good medicine. We learned from the master.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 24
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
It helps to have a sense of humor if you want to get along with others. Marion’s sense of humor was legendary. Once we went to UVA for a football game and Marion had to “go.” Pete took us into the engineering school, a building he had spent many hours in as a student. But these were the “good old days” and we women had barely made a dent into the school of good old boys. In short – we couldn’t find a women’s restroom. So Pete went into one of the men’s, checked it out and gave us the all clear sign. This wasn’t a big room. Three stalls were available for selection, and Marion chose the middle one, which for some reason, had a door that was reluctant to open. But the woman had to go, and she thought this was the best stall. She pushed on the door, while peering through the crack (aggressively and for longer than necessary) – low and behold, that Pete had made a careless inspection. Some guy was already “going” in Marion’s designated stall!
She turned to me and signaled to flee. “There’s someone in the bathroom!” She was laughing hysterically.
“Oh my gosh! What are we going to do?” I did not think this was that funny.
“Hide!” Dragging me by the arm, she looked to the left and right, noticing a small alcove not far from the restroom, tucked in under some steps. (Later she tells me that her need to “go” precluded a direct exit of the building – which was my idea.) “Shush!” She covers her mouth and jiggles silently in amusement. We have no clue where Pete is – probably watching the dang football game.
Soon, we hear the creak as the outer bathroom door opens, accompanied by the sound of footsteps…growing louder by the minute. Imagine the odds, this guy not only needed to go potty but also needed junk food! He rounded the corner, with change in hand, walked calmly to the vending machine and made his selection. We stood in plain view, huddled together like school girls, frozen in embarrassment. He bought his crackers and diet coke as if we were covered by a cloak of invisibility. I guess once a woman has seen you with your pants dropped, what else is there to fret over?
He left and Marion re-entered the bathroom to take care of business. I decided nothing would get me back in that bathroom. Eventually we found that coward Pete, who didn’t seem to think any of this was his responsibility. Marion told and retold the story of our grand adventure. She knew something that I did not – in families, there will be times of sadness, laugh while you can.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
It helps to have a sense of humor if you want to get along with others. Marion’s sense of humor was legendary. Once we went to UVA for a football game and Marion had to “go.” Pete took us into the engineering school, a building he had spent many hours in as a student. But these were the “good old days” and we women had barely made a dent into the school of good old boys. In short – we couldn’t find a women’s restroom. So Pete went into one of the men’s, checked it out and gave us the all clear sign. This wasn’t a big room. Three stalls were available for selection, and Marion chose the middle one, which for some reason, had a door that was reluctant to open. But the woman had to go, and she thought this was the best stall. She pushed on the door, while peering through the crack (aggressively and for longer than necessary) – low and behold, that Pete had made a careless inspection. Some guy was already “going” in Marion’s designated stall!
She turned to me and signaled to flee. “There’s someone in the bathroom!” She was laughing hysterically.
“Oh my gosh! What are we going to do?” I did not think this was that funny.
“Hide!” Dragging me by the arm, she looked to the left and right, noticing a small alcove not far from the restroom, tucked in under some steps. (Later she tells me that her need to “go” precluded a direct exit of the building – which was my idea.) “Shush!” She covers her mouth and jiggles silently in amusement. We have no clue where Pete is – probably watching the dang football game.
Soon, we hear the creak as the outer bathroom door opens, accompanied by the sound of footsteps…growing louder by the minute. Imagine the odds, this guy not only needed to go potty but also needed junk food! He rounded the corner, with change in hand, walked calmly to the vending machine and made his selection. We stood in plain view, huddled together like school girls, frozen in embarrassment. He bought his crackers and diet coke as if we were covered by a cloak of invisibility. I guess once a woman has seen you with your pants dropped, what else is there to fret over?
He left and Marion re-entered the bathroom to take care of business. I decided nothing would get me back in that bathroom. Eventually we found that coward Pete, who didn’t seem to think any of this was his responsibility. Marion told and retold the story of our grand adventure. She knew something that I did not – in families, there will be times of sadness, laugh while you can.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 23
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
Compassion and loyalty are killer combinations. When Marion was a young widow, she was hired by an orthodontist in need of her accounting and organizational skills. She spent many years in that office. It was a place that became another home. She loved both doctors she worked for and they treated her like a queen – which she didn’t mind one bit. I can’t tell you all the wonderful things they did for her over the years – there were simply too many. But their generosity and care for her enabled her to live financially comfortably and with a sense of purpose. It also gave her a wide open space to share her love.
After years of adjustments to single life, it was with great anticipation that she awaited the birth of her first grandchild. Of course, according to Nana, Meredith was perfect. And she proved it by whipping out the baby pictures for all to see. Reports would float back to Pete and me, “Hey, took John to the orthodontist today; saw more pictures of Meredith. I swear, I know more about your kid than my own grandchild!” It was all in good humor, and we assumed that Nana showed off her collection to friends of the family who happened to go to her office. We were mistaken.
Meredith was about six months old when I ventured across town to shop at a department store that I rarely visited. I certainly didn’t expect to see anyone I knew, but there was no question about it – certainly my baby didn’t know anyone on the West End of town. The clerk began ringing up my purchase. I had never seen this woman in my life. Meredith stirred in her stroller and the clerk glanced down. “Oh my goodness! Is this Meredith? I’d recognize her anywhere.”
“Really? How so?” She’s starting to freak me out and I’m considering backing out of the store and running for the car. I was a first time parent, prone to paranoia.
“My daughter has braces.” Well, ok then. That explains it.
Nana was always loyal in her love. Friend, family, co-worker – whoever, if you made it onto her radar, she would love you and share her love for you with others. Over the years, we’ve enjoyed the fruit of her love. We’ve shared meals, stories, sorrows and heartache with people who would have stayed strangers if it weren’t for Marion connecting people to each other. This has enriched our family, deepened our sense of community and connection – and taught us things we wouldn’t have learned within the cocoon of “us.” We also know the name of a really great orthodontist if your kids need braces.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
Compassion and loyalty are killer combinations. When Marion was a young widow, she was hired by an orthodontist in need of her accounting and organizational skills. She spent many years in that office. It was a place that became another home. She loved both doctors she worked for and they treated her like a queen – which she didn’t mind one bit. I can’t tell you all the wonderful things they did for her over the years – there were simply too many. But their generosity and care for her enabled her to live financially comfortably and with a sense of purpose. It also gave her a wide open space to share her love.
After years of adjustments to single life, it was with great anticipation that she awaited the birth of her first grandchild. Of course, according to Nana, Meredith was perfect. And she proved it by whipping out the baby pictures for all to see. Reports would float back to Pete and me, “Hey, took John to the orthodontist today; saw more pictures of Meredith. I swear, I know more about your kid than my own grandchild!” It was all in good humor, and we assumed that Nana showed off her collection to friends of the family who happened to go to her office. We were mistaken.
Meredith was about six months old when I ventured across town to shop at a department store that I rarely visited. I certainly didn’t expect to see anyone I knew, but there was no question about it – certainly my baby didn’t know anyone on the West End of town. The clerk began ringing up my purchase. I had never seen this woman in my life. Meredith stirred in her stroller and the clerk glanced down. “Oh my goodness! Is this Meredith? I’d recognize her anywhere.”
“Really? How so?” She’s starting to freak me out and I’m considering backing out of the store and running for the car. I was a first time parent, prone to paranoia.
“My daughter has braces.” Well, ok then. That explains it.
Nana was always loyal in her love. Friend, family, co-worker – whoever, if you made it onto her radar, she would love you and share her love for you with others. Over the years, we’ve enjoyed the fruit of her love. We’ve shared meals, stories, sorrows and heartache with people who would have stayed strangers if it weren’t for Marion connecting people to each other. This has enriched our family, deepened our sense of community and connection – and taught us things we wouldn’t have learned within the cocoon of “us.” We also know the name of a really great orthodontist if your kids need braces.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 22
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
Marion modeled fairness towards all. She was good to her neighbors, and they were good to her.
When we were first married, Marion sold her home and moved into a condominium. This was both an economic and pragmatic decision. In hindsight, we all think it was a God thing. Over the years in her condo, she and her mother developed some lovely relationships with their neighbors – a tradition I’m sure they practiced everywhere they lived. A few months ago, while shopping in my favorite grocery store, I ran into one of those neighbors. She reminded me of all the times that Nana or Gram had helped her and her young daughter out. But Marion would tell you that it was always a mutual thing – one neighbor doing for another.
Families are enriched when they reach out into the community and add friends to the mix. I’ve observed that families seem to struggle when they live in isolation. Friends help “round families out” and provide new ideas and ways of thinking about how families can work.
If the measure of a person can be taken by the quality of one’s friends, Marion was a bazillionaire. She had great friends. In the last few months of her life, Marion was struggling to recuperate from yet another fall. As she tried to regain her strength, one friend brought her mail, another food. Marion didn’t feel like getting out as she was very weak, so friends stopped by and called regularly. Her community watched over her from a respectful distance, enabling her family to feel reasonably ok with her decision to stay in her apartment, rather than transfer over to assisted living.
These friends were like a strand of precious pearls. Each unique with their own luster and giftedness, when joined together they made it possible for Marion to live her last months her way – independently. One lesson I will never forget from these last weeks: friends are treasures, priceless, life sustaining.
One of life’s grandest epic adventures is friendship.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
Marion modeled fairness towards all. She was good to her neighbors, and they were good to her.
When we were first married, Marion sold her home and moved into a condominium. This was both an economic and pragmatic decision. In hindsight, we all think it was a God thing. Over the years in her condo, she and her mother developed some lovely relationships with their neighbors – a tradition I’m sure they practiced everywhere they lived. A few months ago, while shopping in my favorite grocery store, I ran into one of those neighbors. She reminded me of all the times that Nana or Gram had helped her and her young daughter out. But Marion would tell you that it was always a mutual thing – one neighbor doing for another.
Families are enriched when they reach out into the community and add friends to the mix. I’ve observed that families seem to struggle when they live in isolation. Friends help “round families out” and provide new ideas and ways of thinking about how families can work.
If the measure of a person can be taken by the quality of one’s friends, Marion was a bazillionaire. She had great friends. In the last few months of her life, Marion was struggling to recuperate from yet another fall. As she tried to regain her strength, one friend brought her mail, another food. Marion didn’t feel like getting out as she was very weak, so friends stopped by and called regularly. Her community watched over her from a respectful distance, enabling her family to feel reasonably ok with her decision to stay in her apartment, rather than transfer over to assisted living.
These friends were like a strand of precious pearls. Each unique with their own luster and giftedness, when joined together they made it possible for Marion to live her last months her way – independently. One lesson I will never forget from these last weeks: friends are treasures, priceless, life sustaining.
One of life’s grandest epic adventures is friendship.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 21
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
Nana, our in-town grandmother, rarely over-stepped her role of chief cheerleader to her grandchildren’s every breath. She possessed a remarkable ability to see the ever-increasing glory in others paired with a strong predisposition to not notice the bad stuff. So it came as quite a shock when she invited one of our kids over for what we now call the infamous, “lunch and lecture.” Here’s what happened.
I was out of town and Scott was visiting with Nana. I called to check in, and Scott was his typical adolescent, dry humored, sarcastic self. I caught the teasing tone, but Nana suspected she heard something more. She feared she caught the whiff of disrespect. She paused to prepare and I imagine pray. Then she invited Scott to lunch. No one turns down a meal at Nana’s; he showed up with a bib on.
After lunch, Nana settled into her mission. She spoke with Scott about treating his mother with respect. This was a remarkable event, one that I doubt Scott will ever forget. I appreciate the fact that she cared enough about our children and me to speak up. Afterwards, Nana and Pete (her son and Scott’s dad) talked at length about the event. It was one of those extremely healthy, not-always-comfortable-for-everyone family moments.
This is what I love about family – when it works. People share their feelings – appropriately. Nana didn’t “triangle” by talking to Pete or me about Scott’s perceived bad behaving. She went directly to Scott. She didn’t wave the correction flag often – in fact, this is the only time in my memory that it happened – so when she spoke, people listened. She also earned the right to speak a word of correction by spending years and years filling up Scott’s love tank with hugs, kisses, words of affirmation, costumes, biscuits, more bacon than is good for you, long hours sitting in bleachers at sporting events, and more.
Today we know that if something difficult must be spoken of, we begin with this. “I need to meet you for…lunch and lecture…breakfast and berating…dinner and discussion…tea and tattling…coffee and confrontation…”
Nana taught us the value of humor, respect, love and so much more. But it wasn’t always warm cookies and milk (although they were always available). Families have fights. Families freak out. Families experience disappointments. Families have misunderstandings. Families get in messes. More on how to manage the messiness of family life tomorrow.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
Nana, our in-town grandmother, rarely over-stepped her role of chief cheerleader to her grandchildren’s every breath. She possessed a remarkable ability to see the ever-increasing glory in others paired with a strong predisposition to not notice the bad stuff. So it came as quite a shock when she invited one of our kids over for what we now call the infamous, “lunch and lecture.” Here’s what happened.
I was out of town and Scott was visiting with Nana. I called to check in, and Scott was his typical adolescent, dry humored, sarcastic self. I caught the teasing tone, but Nana suspected she heard something more. She feared she caught the whiff of disrespect. She paused to prepare and I imagine pray. Then she invited Scott to lunch. No one turns down a meal at Nana’s; he showed up with a bib on.
After lunch, Nana settled into her mission. She spoke with Scott about treating his mother with respect. This was a remarkable event, one that I doubt Scott will ever forget. I appreciate the fact that she cared enough about our children and me to speak up. Afterwards, Nana and Pete (her son and Scott’s dad) talked at length about the event. It was one of those extremely healthy, not-always-comfortable-for-everyone family moments.
This is what I love about family – when it works. People share their feelings – appropriately. Nana didn’t “triangle” by talking to Pete or me about Scott’s perceived bad behaving. She went directly to Scott. She didn’t wave the correction flag often – in fact, this is the only time in my memory that it happened – so when she spoke, people listened. She also earned the right to speak a word of correction by spending years and years filling up Scott’s love tank with hugs, kisses, words of affirmation, costumes, biscuits, more bacon than is good for you, long hours sitting in bleachers at sporting events, and more.
Today we know that if something difficult must be spoken of, we begin with this. “I need to meet you for…lunch and lecture…breakfast and berating…dinner and discussion…tea and tattling…coffee and confrontation…”
Nana taught us the value of humor, respect, love and so much more. But it wasn’t always warm cookies and milk (although they were always available). Families have fights. Families freak out. Families experience disappointments. Families have misunderstandings. Families get in messes. More on how to manage the messiness of family life tomorrow.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 20
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
Proper respect isn’t cool anymore. It’s a lost art. When I was a kid (You know when you’re getting old? When you start saying things like, “When I was a kid…”) I believe my parents’ highest core value for me was that I show proper respect.
I’m not sure that my generation has kept it on the list of things we want our kids to do. We want our kids to feel happy, to excel, to achieve, to have all the advantages, to feel good about themselves, and to possess everything their heart’s desire. But respect? Hmmmm… Nana was an in-town grandparent to our three children. My parents are out-of-town grandparents. There are distinct differences. Out-of-towners miss a lot; in-towners miss the opportunity to live with the illusion that their grandkids are practically perfect. Our entire generation seems to have missed out on the value of collaborative parenting with multi-generations of family. (Not always a bad thing, I admit. I know there are some bad dude parental units who, given the opportunity, would be bad dude grandparents. I appreciate a parent who has the good sense to not expose their own children to the same traumas of childhood they experienced.) But I wonder if we’ve thrown the baby out with the bathwater as we have relegated our grandparents to good times and gifts, rather than giving them proper respect as sage advisors about parenting issues. How Nana helped us parent in tomorrow’s devotional.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
Proper respect isn’t cool anymore. It’s a lost art. When I was a kid (You know when you’re getting old? When you start saying things like, “When I was a kid…”) I believe my parents’ highest core value for me was that I show proper respect.
I’m not sure that my generation has kept it on the list of things we want our kids to do. We want our kids to feel happy, to excel, to achieve, to have all the advantages, to feel good about themselves, and to possess everything their heart’s desire. But respect? Hmmmm… Nana was an in-town grandparent to our three children. My parents are out-of-town grandparents. There are distinct differences. Out-of-towners miss a lot; in-towners miss the opportunity to live with the illusion that their grandkids are practically perfect. Our entire generation seems to have missed out on the value of collaborative parenting with multi-generations of family. (Not always a bad thing, I admit. I know there are some bad dude parental units who, given the opportunity, would be bad dude grandparents. I appreciate a parent who has the good sense to not expose their own children to the same traumas of childhood they experienced.) But I wonder if we’ve thrown the baby out with the bathwater as we have relegated our grandparents to good times and gifts, rather than giving them proper respect as sage advisors about parenting issues. How Nana helped us parent in tomorrow’s devotional.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 19
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
In the next few devotionals, we’re going to talk about: respect, compassionate and loyal love, and not taking ourselves too seriously. But first, a funny story.
One of the things that experience has taught me has to do with keeping secrets – that is never a good thing. Just don’t do it! Here’s why. Things that we think are embarrassing, often become the catalyst for the balm of laughter.
Once, a long time ago, Marion went on a trip to Florida with two friends. While away, they decided to take a day cruise. They drove the rental car to the designated location, parked and headed off for their tour boat. At the conclusion of a relaxing, albeit warm day of cruising, the designated driver went to grab the rental car keys out of her purse – and they weren’t there! How could that be, the ladies wondered? As they walked to the car, they began to envision the possibilities. Might they have to call the rental car to come and provide a second set of keys? How much would that cost? What if the keys were in the ignition, now that was a possibility – but the car would be locked, how would they get to the keys? Could they get a locksmith and how much would he charge? What if the car had been stolen – they ruminated over the possibility and wondered what the policy was for losing a rental car?
Relieved, they spotted the car in the distance. They hurried toward it, hoping to see the keys in the ignition or on the seat. Blessing upon blessings, Marion called out, “Oh look! The doors aren’t locked, if the keys are in there, we’re home free!” Rounding the bumper and heading toward the driver’s door – there were the keys – in the ignition. In great relief, the ladies collapsed on the hood of the car….only to notice how very hot…and noisy it was….Oh my!
A call to one of the sons for advice. “We left the keys in the ignition…with the car running…all day for nine hours…what should we do now?”
“Fill the car up with gas, you probably need it.” Humor comes in handy when your mother travels without son supervision. We never asked, and they didn’t tell whether or not they shared this story with the rental car company. I’m sure the statute of limitations has passed. But for our part, we’ll never buy a used rental car.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…
Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message
In the next few devotionals, we’re going to talk about: respect, compassionate and loyal love, and not taking ourselves too seriously. But first, a funny story.
One of the things that experience has taught me has to do with keeping secrets – that is never a good thing. Just don’t do it! Here’s why. Things that we think are embarrassing, often become the catalyst for the balm of laughter.
Once, a long time ago, Marion went on a trip to Florida with two friends. While away, they decided to take a day cruise. They drove the rental car to the designated location, parked and headed off for their tour boat. At the conclusion of a relaxing, albeit warm day of cruising, the designated driver went to grab the rental car keys out of her purse – and they weren’t there! How could that be, the ladies wondered? As they walked to the car, they began to envision the possibilities. Might they have to call the rental car to come and provide a second set of keys? How much would that cost? What if the keys were in the ignition, now that was a possibility – but the car would be locked, how would they get to the keys? Could they get a locksmith and how much would he charge? What if the car had been stolen – they ruminated over the possibility and wondered what the policy was for losing a rental car?
Relieved, they spotted the car in the distance. They hurried toward it, hoping to see the keys in the ignition or on the seat. Blessing upon blessings, Marion called out, “Oh look! The doors aren’t locked, if the keys are in there, we’re home free!” Rounding the bumper and heading toward the driver’s door – there were the keys – in the ignition. In great relief, the ladies collapsed on the hood of the car….only to notice how very hot…and noisy it was….Oh my!
A call to one of the sons for advice. “We left the keys in the ignition…with the car running…all day for nine hours…what should we do now?”
“Fill the car up with gas, you probably need it.” Humor comes in handy when your mother travels without son supervision. We never asked, and they didn’t tell whether or not they shared this story with the rental car company. I’m sure the statute of limitations has passed. But for our part, we’ll never buy a used rental car.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 18
Scripture focus: Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. 1 Timothy 5:3-4 NIV
At some point in our vigil with Nana, my niece reminded me why I think she has the one of the best set of parents in the world. She asked, “Who’s going to make the oatmeal bread?” Marion’s mother made great oatmeal bread; Marion made great oatmeal bread. In a world where we live far away from the cousins, oatmeal bread connects us. Face book is good, but eating oatmeal bread reminds us that long before we were born, someone in our family taught a child how to make oatmeal bread, who in turn, taught another child to make oatmeal bread.
This takes time.
It’s messy.
Finding God’s purpose for our life is not rocket science. He’s spelled it out, plain as day. Love God. Love others. Care for widows. Show gratitude in your family by helping each other out.
Cara wants to know – are we, the next generation prepared to take on the responsibility of making the bread and teaching her how to do likewise?
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
Scripture focus: Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. 1 Timothy 5:3-4 NIV
At some point in our vigil with Nana, my niece reminded me why I think she has the one of the best set of parents in the world. She asked, “Who’s going to make the oatmeal bread?” Marion’s mother made great oatmeal bread; Marion made great oatmeal bread. In a world where we live far away from the cousins, oatmeal bread connects us. Face book is good, but eating oatmeal bread reminds us that long before we were born, someone in our family taught a child how to make oatmeal bread, who in turn, taught another child to make oatmeal bread.
This takes time.
It’s messy.
Finding God’s purpose for our life is not rocket science. He’s spelled it out, plain as day. Love God. Love others. Care for widows. Show gratitude in your family by helping each other out.
Cara wants to know – are we, the next generation prepared to take on the responsibility of making the bread and teaching her how to do likewise?
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 17
Scripture focus: Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 NIV
Marion loved food. She was a great cook. In recent months, as her energy dwindled, her appetite vanished. Eventually, the last great food temptation left for her was anything chocolate. On Tuesday, after she had time to think about her diagnosis, she told us that she wanted a Thanksgiving meal - turkey and dressing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes and gravy, and chocolate cake for dessert.
I called my girlfriends and said, “I’ve got to find her a Thanksgiving dinner. Who makes those?” (This does not bode well for future family gatherings at my house, does it? My fallback position when it comes to food is that somebody somewhere must have it on the menu.) My two girlfriends who I profoundly trust with food and shopping promised to put their thinking caps on.
By Thursday, I wasn’t sure how much she’d eat of the dinner, but I was warming to the idea of serving Thanksgiving dinner as it is intended to be served – with family. The extended family was arriving in town, and it occurred to me that by Saturday all would be present. We could have one more big family dinner with Nana. The girl grandchildren could decorate, and the boy grandchildren could follow the girls around and do what they told them.
I called my friends. It’s at times like these that it really pays to have friends who are very, very good at going to any lengths to purchase things. And ask for stuff. And organize. Within hours, a party was planned for the family in an activity room down the hall from her room. As it turns out, the party did not turn out as anticipated. By Saturday morning, Marion was already busy doing whatever it is new arrivals in heaven do on check-in day.
Saturday evening, we had our Thanksgiving feast in her memory, rather than her honor. I cannot tell you what a labor of love it was on the part of my friends, who went above and beyond my imaginings in creating the finest Thanksgiving feast ever. It was awesome, and came with a cleanup crew – which I highly recommend as essential ingredients for any holiday party.
A few days later, when I was thinking about all the future events that are going to seem so strange without her presence at the table, my heart leapt at the realization that one “first” was already done – we’d already celebrated our first Thanksgiving without her.
In the face of loss, life does go on. But I can’t imagine proceeding without the gift of friends who know how to lay down their lives in love.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
Scripture focus: Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 NIV
Marion loved food. She was a great cook. In recent months, as her energy dwindled, her appetite vanished. Eventually, the last great food temptation left for her was anything chocolate. On Tuesday, after she had time to think about her diagnosis, she told us that she wanted a Thanksgiving meal - turkey and dressing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes and gravy, and chocolate cake for dessert.
I called my girlfriends and said, “I’ve got to find her a Thanksgiving dinner. Who makes those?” (This does not bode well for future family gatherings at my house, does it? My fallback position when it comes to food is that somebody somewhere must have it on the menu.) My two girlfriends who I profoundly trust with food and shopping promised to put their thinking caps on.
By Thursday, I wasn’t sure how much she’d eat of the dinner, but I was warming to the idea of serving Thanksgiving dinner as it is intended to be served – with family. The extended family was arriving in town, and it occurred to me that by Saturday all would be present. We could have one more big family dinner with Nana. The girl grandchildren could decorate, and the boy grandchildren could follow the girls around and do what they told them.
I called my friends. It’s at times like these that it really pays to have friends who are very, very good at going to any lengths to purchase things. And ask for stuff. And organize. Within hours, a party was planned for the family in an activity room down the hall from her room. As it turns out, the party did not turn out as anticipated. By Saturday morning, Marion was already busy doing whatever it is new arrivals in heaven do on check-in day.
Saturday evening, we had our Thanksgiving feast in her memory, rather than her honor. I cannot tell you what a labor of love it was on the part of my friends, who went above and beyond my imaginings in creating the finest Thanksgiving feast ever. It was awesome, and came with a cleanup crew – which I highly recommend as essential ingredients for any holiday party.
A few days later, when I was thinking about all the future events that are going to seem so strange without her presence at the table, my heart leapt at the realization that one “first” was already done – we’d already celebrated our first Thanksgiving without her.
In the face of loss, life does go on. But I can’t imagine proceeding without the gift of friends who know how to lay down their lives in love.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 16
Scripture focus: Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:11-12 NIV
I was reminded of how easy it is to get confused about the nature of love while listening to someone’s fifth step this week (for further information about the 12-step process, visit our website). The fifth step is when we share the exact nature of our wrongs with God, self and another person. My friend started slow. “I just don’t understand why I have to do this,” she confessed. “I know that this step has been recommended to me, I’ve studied the materials, but I just don’t get it.” I won’t bore you with the details, but ultimately, her need to understand almost derailed the entire experience.
Our need to understand, although perfectly normal and expected, is sometimes a smokescreen and can become a defect of character. If our need to understand is a higher core value than the desire to love others well, we’re missing the big picture. We can know a lot of stuff and still miss the point of life. In a world with so much communication opportunities – twitter and texting and sexting and face book – it’s easy to see how we might confuse living life with watching life from a nice, safe distance.
The plain and simple truth for my friend (and the rest of us) is that she did wrong – a bunch of times. Instead of pausing to prepare, taking responsibility for her wrong doing, and ultimately trying to figure out how one goes about righting wrongs – she wanted to understand.
Finally I said to my friend, “What exactly do you not understand that in any way changes the bottom line here – you did wrong and you are trying to out how to proceed from here.”
One of my favorite parts of Marion’s memorial service is the fact that no one had to lie. When her pastor spoke of her, I recognized who he was talking about. As Pete spoke, his stories were true – and not particularly cleaned up (she would have been displeased if he had sanitized her life).
Marion lived life without a driving need to understand mysterious things. She did not linger on trying to make sense of losses and setbacks, blessings and good gifts. She did try quite intentionally to love God and others. This was difficult work. People didn’t always behave. She didn’t always get what she wanted or perceived she needed at different junctures in her life. Ultimately, all was well with her soul. Why? She knew who held her hand. Part of living by faith is learning to live with mysteries and uncertainty. Although probably not her favorite thing in the world, as the years marched on, she learned how to live reasonably contented in this world – and that’s a rare and beautiful life.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
Scripture focus: Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. 1 John 4:11-12 NIV
I was reminded of how easy it is to get confused about the nature of love while listening to someone’s fifth step this week (for further information about the 12-step process, visit our website). The fifth step is when we share the exact nature of our wrongs with God, self and another person. My friend started slow. “I just don’t understand why I have to do this,” she confessed. “I know that this step has been recommended to me, I’ve studied the materials, but I just don’t get it.” I won’t bore you with the details, but ultimately, her need to understand almost derailed the entire experience.
Our need to understand, although perfectly normal and expected, is sometimes a smokescreen and can become a defect of character. If our need to understand is a higher core value than the desire to love others well, we’re missing the big picture. We can know a lot of stuff and still miss the point of life. In a world with so much communication opportunities – twitter and texting and sexting and face book – it’s easy to see how we might confuse living life with watching life from a nice, safe distance.
The plain and simple truth for my friend (and the rest of us) is that she did wrong – a bunch of times. Instead of pausing to prepare, taking responsibility for her wrong doing, and ultimately trying to figure out how one goes about righting wrongs – she wanted to understand.
Finally I said to my friend, “What exactly do you not understand that in any way changes the bottom line here – you did wrong and you are trying to out how to proceed from here.”
One of my favorite parts of Marion’s memorial service is the fact that no one had to lie. When her pastor spoke of her, I recognized who he was talking about. As Pete spoke, his stories were true – and not particularly cleaned up (she would have been displeased if he had sanitized her life).
Marion lived life without a driving need to understand mysterious things. She did not linger on trying to make sense of losses and setbacks, blessings and good gifts. She did try quite intentionally to love God and others. This was difficult work. People didn’t always behave. She didn’t always get what she wanted or perceived she needed at different junctures in her life. Ultimately, all was well with her soul. Why? She knew who held her hand. Part of living by faith is learning to live with mysteries and uncertainty. Although probably not her favorite thing in the world, as the years marched on, she learned how to live reasonably contented in this world – and that’s a rare and beautiful life.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 15
Scripture focus: Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother’s house when disaster strikes you – better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away. Proverbs 27:10 NIV
One of Marion’s favorite things in the world was to travel with her dear friend. They regularly planned and executed great adventures to Hilton Head, Florida in February, and all sorts of places. A couple of times they went to California. These women were seasoned veterans of travel. At some point, they decided that they did not like the way long airplane trips caused their ankles to swell. Ever on the lookout for new and better ways to travel, one of them got the brilliant idea that perhaps taking a diuretic would help keep down the swelling. So, right before they were headed out to catch their flight, they downed their water pill with great expectation that they would land in sunny California looking their finest.
Soon, the folly of their ways became clear. Pete, who was their chauffer for the day realized that perhaps something was amiss when they were complaining for their need for a bathroom break as soon as they got in the car. “Didn’t your mothers ever tell you to go before you got in the car? I know mine sure did!” he teased. Soon it became apparent that this was no laughing matter.
Quickly he pulled the car over and stopped at the nearest fast food restaurant. Those ladies leapt from the car with the speed and agility of gazelles. He still marvels that two senior citizens possessed that much athletic prowess. Unfortunately, relief was short-lived. They barely made it to the airport before they were off and running again, looking for the nearest lady’s room. Afterwards, Pete would only agree to serve as chauffeur if they promised not to take a diuretic before getting in our car. Chagrined, they acquiesced to his request (demand).
In all the years of friendship and fun, these two women stuck together and always stayed close through various trials and disasters. However, their sufferings (and there were plenty) and occasional, very rare, once in a blue moon, teensy weensy lapses in judgment (hardly worth mentioning except they were always so funny) did not cause them to despair or even break their stride. They accepted their humanity as a natural part of life. Spending countless hours analyzing their shortcomings wasn’t their style. Hear me on this – when they recognized a shortcoming, they took it seriously. But their shortcomings did not define them. These women knew how to focus on the bigger picture. They valued relationship over all else. Living in community wasn’t something they invested in when they had time. Self-improvement, self-seeking, self-awareness – self was not the point. Seeking, improving, and awareness of self were the by-product of a profound commitment to caring about what God cares about – loving others. There’s a huge difference between paying attention to our shortcomings because we want to love others better, and self-absorbed naval gazing because we want to feel better about ourselves.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
Scripture focus: Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother’s house when disaster strikes you – better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away. Proverbs 27:10 NIV
One of Marion’s favorite things in the world was to travel with her dear friend. They regularly planned and executed great adventures to Hilton Head, Florida in February, and all sorts of places. A couple of times they went to California. These women were seasoned veterans of travel. At some point, they decided that they did not like the way long airplane trips caused their ankles to swell. Ever on the lookout for new and better ways to travel, one of them got the brilliant idea that perhaps taking a diuretic would help keep down the swelling. So, right before they were headed out to catch their flight, they downed their water pill with great expectation that they would land in sunny California looking their finest.
Soon, the folly of their ways became clear. Pete, who was their chauffer for the day realized that perhaps something was amiss when they were complaining for their need for a bathroom break as soon as they got in the car. “Didn’t your mothers ever tell you to go before you got in the car? I know mine sure did!” he teased. Soon it became apparent that this was no laughing matter.
Quickly he pulled the car over and stopped at the nearest fast food restaurant. Those ladies leapt from the car with the speed and agility of gazelles. He still marvels that two senior citizens possessed that much athletic prowess. Unfortunately, relief was short-lived. They barely made it to the airport before they were off and running again, looking for the nearest lady’s room. Afterwards, Pete would only agree to serve as chauffeur if they promised not to take a diuretic before getting in our car. Chagrined, they acquiesced to his request (demand).
In all the years of friendship and fun, these two women stuck together and always stayed close through various trials and disasters. However, their sufferings (and there were plenty) and occasional, very rare, once in a blue moon, teensy weensy lapses in judgment (hardly worth mentioning except they were always so funny) did not cause them to despair or even break their stride. They accepted their humanity as a natural part of life. Spending countless hours analyzing their shortcomings wasn’t their style. Hear me on this – when they recognized a shortcoming, they took it seriously. But their shortcomings did not define them. These women knew how to focus on the bigger picture. They valued relationship over all else. Living in community wasn’t something they invested in when they had time. Self-improvement, self-seeking, self-awareness – self was not the point. Seeking, improving, and awareness of self were the by-product of a profound commitment to caring about what God cares about – loving others. There’s a huge difference between paying attention to our shortcomings because we want to love others better, and self-absorbed naval gazing because we want to feel better about ourselves.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 14
Scripture focus: Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:25 NIV
Although the kingdom of God cannot be contained by buildings or denominations, there is something sacred about people who decide to belong to each other as an expression of God’s commands. Church, at its finest, makes us want to wear our best ‘sitting shoes.’ Our urge to show up for church in shoes pretty enough to only sit in comes from something deep within us. It springs from a longing to love and be loved. We must entertain the notion that there is value in building a community of faith because we were created to live in fellowship with God and humans. I realize that going to church is not culturally cool at this time in history. I often hear people comment on why they hate church but love God. I believe them, understand them and on some days even agree with them. But I fear that our willingness to abandon God’s call to meet together is more a sign of the times – that we have become self-centered and unwilling to suffer for the sake of another – rather than a true commentary of the state of the modern church. I’m getting older by the minute, and I’ve learned that some things that seem hateful in the moment turn out, in hindsight, to be sacred.
Marion and I had three days together, almost alone. During that time she tutored me on what it meant to live an abundant life. Every story centered on relationship, not performance. It spoke of the snafus and inconveniences of life lived within the context of family. She spoke of past offenses and resentments – without the baggage of having to hold onto the resentment. It seemed as if the actual numbering of her days gave her clarity of vision that illuminated her past and provided me with a beautiful view of the nearness of the kingdom of God. During the last days of her life, she was blessed with the gathering of her family. By the final hours, her room was filled with eleven children, grandchildren, and daughters -in-law. The chairs were uncomfortable and the temperature was freezing. We bundled in coats because for some strange reason, the closer Marion got to eternity, the warmer she felt. She slept without discomfort and we sat in mostly silent but sometimes talkative vigilance – just in case we were needed. Mostly we weren’t needed; but for sure, we all knew we were wanted. Together, we had built a house of memories that informed our decision making. We knew she would want us with her. It didn’t matter that the chairs were hard and the room was cold. It counted for almost nothing that there weren’t enough seats for everyone, and some ended up napping on the carpeted floor or doubling up in the one upholstered chair. No one fretted that we had no time table or road map for what lay ahead (well, we speculated but it wasn’t the deciding factor). This last time with Nana on earth would take the time it took, and we were resolute in our steadfastness to remain fully present for the experience. The kingdom of God is near…and we will miss it if we make decisions based on what suits us, feels comfortable, and avoids pain and suffering. The kingdom of God is near…for those who are willing to live with a lot of “clomp clomp clomping” in the midst of trying to figure out what it means to love God and others. The kingdom of God is near…and we will never recognize it if we care more about being right than being fully present for others. The kingdom of God is near…and people in faith communities, as uncool and annoying as they can sometimes be are at least trying to figure out how to take their next right step…”clomp clomp clomping” along.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 13
Scripture focus: A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 NIV
After Marion’s memorial service, our family had to rush off in various directions. Those of us who didn’t have to scramble back so quickly to the routines of life gathered for a quiet meal and time of reflection. Brenda, Vera’s daughter, retold the story of “sitting shoes” from her perspective. She laughed and reminisced about the unique sound that too big shoes made in the hallways of church. “Clomp clomp clomp” slapped the shoes on the bare linoleum floor as Marion and Vera walked from car to pew, valiantly pinching their toes in an attempt to keep the shoes from falling off.
From our perspective, buying shoes that don’t fit seems pretty silly. But these two young women often went shopping for “church outfits” because attending church was not something they did when it suited them, but was instead a lifelong commitment to community because they believed that if God said do it, than it must be worth doing regularly, sacrificially, and reverently. Surely anything this central to daily living would require a great pair of shoes.
What is NOT silly is the commitment Marion and Vera made to each other and their respective faith community. Here’s the thing about church. There’s a lot of “clomp clomp clomping” as we seek to live in a community that is birthed out of some sense that God wants us to love him and others. This stirring of belief raises a lot of questions for us as individuals and as community participants. We know intuitively that we were created for something so glorious when it comes to faith that we should have on really awesome shoes while we’re living life. Along the way, these shoes that hold such promise and sparkle may disappoint. At a minimum, community building can be confusing and even a hassle.
Last Sunday Pete was leading his men’s group, and one of the guys said something that agitated another one of the regulars to the point that he got up and left the group. Once the group disbanded and headed for the subsequent celebration service, the agitated community member offered Pete this feedback. “Pete, how many times do I have to keep telling you man? In this room, there can be no room for religion or politics.”
Pete shook his head in confusion as he shared his experience. He’s wondering how one keeps religion out of a bible study. From Pete’s perspective, this comment sounded like “clomp clomp clomping.” But from the complainer’s perspective, he thought the bible study itself sounded like “clomp clomp clomping.” As I listened, I heard sweet music and experienced the thrill of companions turning into friends.
Faith communities are places where we belong and have both the obligation and privilege of asking what it means to believe. Because we’re companions who are friends that might end up becoming closer than brothers, we listen to more than what is said or done (whether sensible or silly), so that along the way, we might experience the movement of the Holy Spirit among us.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
Scripture focus: A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 NIV
After Marion’s memorial service, our family had to rush off in various directions. Those of us who didn’t have to scramble back so quickly to the routines of life gathered for a quiet meal and time of reflection. Brenda, Vera’s daughter, retold the story of “sitting shoes” from her perspective. She laughed and reminisced about the unique sound that too big shoes made in the hallways of church. “Clomp clomp clomp” slapped the shoes on the bare linoleum floor as Marion and Vera walked from car to pew, valiantly pinching their toes in an attempt to keep the shoes from falling off.
From our perspective, buying shoes that don’t fit seems pretty silly. But these two young women often went shopping for “church outfits” because attending church was not something they did when it suited them, but was instead a lifelong commitment to community because they believed that if God said do it, than it must be worth doing regularly, sacrificially, and reverently. Surely anything this central to daily living would require a great pair of shoes.
What is NOT silly is the commitment Marion and Vera made to each other and their respective faith community. Here’s the thing about church. There’s a lot of “clomp clomp clomping” as we seek to live in a community that is birthed out of some sense that God wants us to love him and others. This stirring of belief raises a lot of questions for us as individuals and as community participants. We know intuitively that we were created for something so glorious when it comes to faith that we should have on really awesome shoes while we’re living life. Along the way, these shoes that hold such promise and sparkle may disappoint. At a minimum, community building can be confusing and even a hassle.
Last Sunday Pete was leading his men’s group, and one of the guys said something that agitated another one of the regulars to the point that he got up and left the group. Once the group disbanded and headed for the subsequent celebration service, the agitated community member offered Pete this feedback. “Pete, how many times do I have to keep telling you man? In this room, there can be no room for religion or politics.”
Pete shook his head in confusion as he shared his experience. He’s wondering how one keeps religion out of a bible study. From Pete’s perspective, this comment sounded like “clomp clomp clomping.” But from the complainer’s perspective, he thought the bible study itself sounded like “clomp clomp clomping.” As I listened, I heard sweet music and experienced the thrill of companions turning into friends.
Faith communities are places where we belong and have both the obligation and privilege of asking what it means to believe. Because we’re companions who are friends that might end up becoming closer than brothers, we listen to more than what is said or done (whether sensible or silly), so that along the way, we might experience the movement of the Holy Spirit among us.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 12
Scripture focus: A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17 NIV
On Monday, the day after Marion learned that she did not have pneumonia or bronchitis, but instead had a mass in her chest that was growing like a weed, she woke up from a nap and began chatting. “I was just thinking about my ‘sitting shoes.’ “
“What are ‘sitting shoes’ and why in the world are you thinking about them today?” I asked
“Vera (her sister-in-law that she adored) and I used to love to shop for shoes together. We’d find beautiful shoes that were at a great price but they didn’t come in our size. These were our ‘sitting shoes.’ ”
“You called them that because you had to leave them sitting on the shelf since they aren’t in your size?” I ask for clarification.
Marion peers at me as if I am a slow learner. Perhaps she wonders why, she, the one with a tumor in her chest the size of a grapefruit is smarter than her perfectly healthy but clueless daughter-in-law. “No, no dear, we couldn’t leave good deals like that sitting on the shelves! We bought those shoes! We just couldn’t walk in them.”
“Huh? Are you teasing me? If you didn’t walk in them, what did you do with them?”
“We sat in them.”
“Where did you sit with them?”
“At church!”
Vera and Marion thought it made perfect sense to buy beautiful shoes, have their husbands drop them at the door of the church (because the shoes were either too tight or too big to actually walk in) and then enjoy sitting in the pew and staring down at their lovely feet during the worship service.
“So what made you think about your ‘sitting shoes’ today?”
“Because I was thinking about how I’m going to have to wait for Vera to get to heaven and join me before the two of us can ever laugh about our ‘sitting shoes’ again.”
“Ahhh… that makes perfect sense.”
It wasn’t about the shoes. What is it that makes building a faith community such a unique and God-ordained adventure? More on that tomorrow.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 11
Scripture focus: A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17 NIV
One of my highest priorities in ministry is to not lay guilt trips on people. I hate it when I feel manipulated or shamed into doing something, especially when the hook is God. Once when I was really young in my faith someone tried to talk me into doing a church job for which I was terribly unsuited. I got hooked by the old tried and true, “The Lord told me that you should do this.” In my naivette, I believed them. It was a terrible experience.
Years later, someone else pulled this stunt and I had a more mature response. I replied, “Well, when He tells me the same thing, I’ll let you know!” I realize that this is my own personal baggage. I share the story so that you know I am not the most objective person when it comes to this subject. My past experience and my present role (the one that I have an official job description for) in life are often in conflict. Although I never want to manipulate or shame people, I am in a position where I am called upon to inform our community of opportunities and even obligations (I also realize that if I have baggage, so do others. So you can imagine why I often speak with fear and trembling – wondering if even my clearest and most God-directed words might be misinterpreted because of pesky “ issues”). I have trouble in this area knowing where the line is. Anyway, enough about me!
With that background in mind, today I want to speak a truth that I feel obligated to share but afraid will be received as presumptuous advice giving. So here it is: I believe that everyone ought to find a community of faith and become deeply invested in making it a place where friends turn into family. I believe that when God’s word tells us to not get out of the habit of meeting together (Hebrews 10:25), it’s a serious and profound word of instruction. I don’t want you to think that I’m saying this in the hope that we’ll increase our weekly attendance numbers in our own faith community – this isn’t about filling up pews or folding chairs.
This is personal. This is about what each of us needs for a rich and abundant life. We desperately need community – particularly, a community of faith. My suggestion is not offered so that you can get your needs met, although certainly having a healthy family of faith will enrich anyone’s life. I ask you to consider this commitment because I fully believe that other people’s quality of life may be determined by whether or not you step up to the plate and shoulder the mantle of responsibility for making this world – and your tiny sphere of influence – a haven for others.
In the book of Mark, Jesus is constantly reminding us that the kingdom of God is near. He shows us through his parables how this kingdom is often built by labors of love from human hands. We can make good friends by joining a tennis team or a book club – and that’s awesome. The kingdom of God can show up at fitness centers and political rallies. God isn’t limited to working only in buildings with steeples. But there is something special about a group of people who commit to building a community around their belief that God thinks it’s a good idea to do so. Marion believed this with all her heart. More on why her life could inspire us to make the same decision in the days ahead…
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
Scripture focus: A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17 NIV
One of my highest priorities in ministry is to not lay guilt trips on people. I hate it when I feel manipulated or shamed into doing something, especially when the hook is God. Once when I was really young in my faith someone tried to talk me into doing a church job for which I was terribly unsuited. I got hooked by the old tried and true, “The Lord told me that you should do this.” In my naivette, I believed them. It was a terrible experience.
Years later, someone else pulled this stunt and I had a more mature response. I replied, “Well, when He tells me the same thing, I’ll let you know!” I realize that this is my own personal baggage. I share the story so that you know I am not the most objective person when it comes to this subject. My past experience and my present role (the one that I have an official job description for) in life are often in conflict. Although I never want to manipulate or shame people, I am in a position where I am called upon to inform our community of opportunities and even obligations (I also realize that if I have baggage, so do others. So you can imagine why I often speak with fear and trembling – wondering if even my clearest and most God-directed words might be misinterpreted because of pesky “ issues”). I have trouble in this area knowing where the line is. Anyway, enough about me!
With that background in mind, today I want to speak a truth that I feel obligated to share but afraid will be received as presumptuous advice giving. So here it is: I believe that everyone ought to find a community of faith and become deeply invested in making it a place where friends turn into family. I believe that when God’s word tells us to not get out of the habit of meeting together (Hebrews 10:25), it’s a serious and profound word of instruction. I don’t want you to think that I’m saying this in the hope that we’ll increase our weekly attendance numbers in our own faith community – this isn’t about filling up pews or folding chairs.
This is personal. This is about what each of us needs for a rich and abundant life. We desperately need community – particularly, a community of faith. My suggestion is not offered so that you can get your needs met, although certainly having a healthy family of faith will enrich anyone’s life. I ask you to consider this commitment because I fully believe that other people’s quality of life may be determined by whether or not you step up to the plate and shoulder the mantle of responsibility for making this world – and your tiny sphere of influence – a haven for others.
In the book of Mark, Jesus is constantly reminding us that the kingdom of God is near. He shows us through his parables how this kingdom is often built by labors of love from human hands. We can make good friends by joining a tennis team or a book club – and that’s awesome. The kingdom of God can show up at fitness centers and political rallies. God isn’t limited to working only in buildings with steeples. But there is something special about a group of people who commit to building a community around their belief that God thinks it’s a good idea to do so. Marion believed this with all her heart. More on why her life could inspire us to make the same decision in the days ahead…
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 10
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a couple weeks ago.
Scripture focus: Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. Proverbs 3:9-10 NIV
Marion moved from the hospital to Health Care at her retirement community the same day that she made the decision to stop pursuing medical solutions to her health problem. Hospice was called in. Arriving late in the afternoon, she was tired from the transition. Her other two sons had arrived from Florida, and we were preparing to hunker down for an uncertain and unpredictable season ahead – waiting for that massive tumor to grow to the point where breath would not come.
As I walked into the new room and got my welcoming kiss, she reached up and pulled my ear to her lips. “Stay with me tonight, won’t you dear? I am anxious about being here alone.”
“Of course I will stay. I promise you, you will never be alone for a second.” I’m happy to say that we were able to keep that promise.
It was a rough night. She was more restless than I had seen her on previous nights. I asked her if there was anything I could do to make her feel more comfortable.
“Well, I’m not going to tell you I’m fine!” She smiled and continued. “But I want you to know that I am blessed. I know who holds my hand, even if I don’t know what the future holds for me.” Eventually, she drifted off for what turned out to be a very short rest. I dragged a chair over next to the bed, held her hand, and watched her breathe. Her breaths came with ragged regularity, but the end was clearly in sight. I wondered how a woman could sleep so peacefully in the midst of such a battle for oxygen.
I thought back to the early days of my marriage. After our honeymoon, Pete began sharing with me his vision for our future. (Some would say you should do this before you get married. We did not.) He told me in no uncertain terms that our family was going to tithe – a term I didn’t even know – but have learned to appreciate as a spiritual discipline and privilege of believing. He also wanted us to go to church – something I thought he actually hated doing. I’d known my husband for a lot of years as a friend, so I knew this guy pretty well. Wasn’t he the one who went to his church youth group and bible study for years without uttering a word? Didn’t the pastor’s daughter often try to cajole him unsuccessfully to participate in youth events (and she was really cute)?
Wes and Marion showed their children how to honor God. They gave the firstfruits of all that they had – their money and time and their hearts. Nana knew what it meant for her soul to be well, even if her bank account was on empty, her body was weak, and her breathing labored. This tough night was more peaceful than painful because it was the natural expression of a healthy soul life. I can only pray that we have done half the job that she did in showing our own children that the only pathway to lasting peace comes as we honor the Lord in all that we do.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a couple weeks ago.
Scripture focus: Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. Proverbs 3:9-10 NIV
Marion moved from the hospital to Health Care at her retirement community the same day that she made the decision to stop pursuing medical solutions to her health problem. Hospice was called in. Arriving late in the afternoon, she was tired from the transition. Her other two sons had arrived from Florida, and we were preparing to hunker down for an uncertain and unpredictable season ahead – waiting for that massive tumor to grow to the point where breath would not come.
As I walked into the new room and got my welcoming kiss, she reached up and pulled my ear to her lips. “Stay with me tonight, won’t you dear? I am anxious about being here alone.”
“Of course I will stay. I promise you, you will never be alone for a second.” I’m happy to say that we were able to keep that promise.
It was a rough night. She was more restless than I had seen her on previous nights. I asked her if there was anything I could do to make her feel more comfortable.
“Well, I’m not going to tell you I’m fine!” She smiled and continued. “But I want you to know that I am blessed. I know who holds my hand, even if I don’t know what the future holds for me.” Eventually, she drifted off for what turned out to be a very short rest. I dragged a chair over next to the bed, held her hand, and watched her breathe. Her breaths came with ragged regularity, but the end was clearly in sight. I wondered how a woman could sleep so peacefully in the midst of such a battle for oxygen.
I thought back to the early days of my marriage. After our honeymoon, Pete began sharing with me his vision for our future. (Some would say you should do this before you get married. We did not.) He told me in no uncertain terms that our family was going to tithe – a term I didn’t even know – but have learned to appreciate as a spiritual discipline and privilege of believing. He also wanted us to go to church – something I thought he actually hated doing. I’d known my husband for a lot of years as a friend, so I knew this guy pretty well. Wasn’t he the one who went to his church youth group and bible study for years without uttering a word? Didn’t the pastor’s daughter often try to cajole him unsuccessfully to participate in youth events (and she was really cute)?
Wes and Marion showed their children how to honor God. They gave the firstfruits of all that they had – their money and time and their hearts. Nana knew what it meant for her soul to be well, even if her bank account was on empty, her body was weak, and her breathing labored. This tough night was more peaceful than painful because it was the natural expression of a healthy soul life. I can only pray that we have done half the job that she did in showing our own children that the only pathway to lasting peace comes as we honor the Lord in all that we do.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 9
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a couple weeks ago.
Scripture focus: Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Proverbs 3:7-8 NIV
If you only listened to Marion’s stories about herself, you might get the wrong impression. You might think she’s kind of clumsy – which would be true enough – she did have an awful lot of falls starting at a relatively young age. Pete still remembers as a young boy, playing in his basement and hearing his mom come tumbling down the steps. Landing at the bottom, she said to him in a reassuring tone, “Don’t worry, mommy just fell down the steps and broke her arm. I’m fine!”
Her self-deprecating sense of humor taught me that she never wasted time trying to make herself look smart or superior. She let her actions speak for themselves. Our middle son Scott loved costumes. He was obsessed with Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker and all the G. I. Joes. Halloween was his absolutely favorite holiday. As a modern mother, I thought that going to the store and buying a cheap costume at an outrageous price was a perfectly good choice. Scott disagreed. So every year at Halloween, he’d ask his Nana to make him his costume – no cheap imitations for this kid.
Not only did she make him the perfect costume to his specification, she made them from scratch – without a pattern! And the most amazing thing of all – she delighted in doing so. The year she made the G. I. Joe outfit was the toughest. It’s hard to tell from a 2 inch tall plastic guy just how long the vest should be made to fit a four year old. When the costume was finished, she rushed over to our house eager to present Scott with the fruit of her labor.
Scott tried it on. He walked out for us to inspect it. “Nana,” he began with an unmistakable hesitation, “You did a nice job on this costume. I like the pants and the belt and the helmet and the gun holster. But there’s a little problem – the vest is too short.” He whips out his G. I. Joe, and shows his Nana where the hemline falls on tiny Joe. “See, Nana, it hits here,” he chops chops with his small hand to a place on his hip definitely several inches farther down his leg than the current vest sat.
“Why, dear, you are absolutely right!” Nana took the vest, made the necessary and time consuming alterations and rushed the delivery just in time for tricks-or-treats. Of course, she could have tried to talk Scott out of his observation. No one would have faulted her if she had simply said, “It can’t be done.” But instead, Nana taught Scott and me that if you aren’t worried about being wise in your own eyes, you are free to make dreams come true for another. Her greatest moments of joy were never when she got something right. What she loved was helping other people achieve their dreams.
In spite of her slips and tumbles, in all the ways that really matter, Nana lived a healthy and well-nourished life. Her bones were kind of brittle, but the strength of her inner woman was mighty. She shunned evil by serving others for the sake of serving, with no desire for personal recognition or credit.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a couple weeks ago.
Scripture focus: Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Proverbs 3:7-8 NIV
If you only listened to Marion’s stories about herself, you might get the wrong impression. You might think she’s kind of clumsy – which would be true enough – she did have an awful lot of falls starting at a relatively young age. Pete still remembers as a young boy, playing in his basement and hearing his mom come tumbling down the steps. Landing at the bottom, she said to him in a reassuring tone, “Don’t worry, mommy just fell down the steps and broke her arm. I’m fine!”
Her self-deprecating sense of humor taught me that she never wasted time trying to make herself look smart or superior. She let her actions speak for themselves. Our middle son Scott loved costumes. He was obsessed with Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker and all the G. I. Joes. Halloween was his absolutely favorite holiday. As a modern mother, I thought that going to the store and buying a cheap costume at an outrageous price was a perfectly good choice. Scott disagreed. So every year at Halloween, he’d ask his Nana to make him his costume – no cheap imitations for this kid.
Not only did she make him the perfect costume to his specification, she made them from scratch – without a pattern! And the most amazing thing of all – she delighted in doing so. The year she made the G. I. Joe outfit was the toughest. It’s hard to tell from a 2 inch tall plastic guy just how long the vest should be made to fit a four year old. When the costume was finished, she rushed over to our house eager to present Scott with the fruit of her labor.
Scott tried it on. He walked out for us to inspect it. “Nana,” he began with an unmistakable hesitation, “You did a nice job on this costume. I like the pants and the belt and the helmet and the gun holster. But there’s a little problem – the vest is too short.” He whips out his G. I. Joe, and shows his Nana where the hemline falls on tiny Joe. “See, Nana, it hits here,” he chops chops with his small hand to a place on his hip definitely several inches farther down his leg than the current vest sat.
“Why, dear, you are absolutely right!” Nana took the vest, made the necessary and time consuming alterations and rushed the delivery just in time for tricks-or-treats. Of course, she could have tried to talk Scott out of his observation. No one would have faulted her if she had simply said, “It can’t be done.” But instead, Nana taught Scott and me that if you aren’t worried about being wise in your own eyes, you are free to make dreams come true for another. Her greatest moments of joy were never when she got something right. What she loved was helping other people achieve their dreams.
In spite of her slips and tumbles, in all the ways that really matter, Nana lived a healthy and well-nourished life. Her bones were kind of brittle, but the strength of her inner woman was mighty. She shunned evil by serving others for the sake of serving, with no desire for personal recognition or credit.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 8
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a couple weeks ago.
Scripture focus: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
Trusting and leaning are complicated issues – not for the faint of heart. Both require believing that if one leans, someone will be willing to catch them. In many areas, my other mother was a humble woman – willing to take advice and ask for help. This was particularly true when it came to her own mother.
After Wes died, Gram Peabody came to live with Marion and her sons. Gram loved to help others and saw this as a loving act. Bringing her big personality into a house of mourning wasn’t easy. And sometimes there were conflicts. As she aged, Gram’s own health issues magnified. One time in particular has become etched into all our minds – because it was so very, very funny. Gram was having stomach problems, and they were significant. Marion did what she did so well, she humbly asked for help by calling the family doctor.
Everyone waited pensively for the return call. When the phone rang, Marion leapt from her seat. “Hello?”
“How’s Mrs. Peabody?” The caller asked.
Marion began to describe in vivid and gross detail how Gram was doing. Marion, in her rush to get assistance, carried on for minutes on end, only to be stopped in her tracks by the caller’s reply, “Have you thought about calling the doctor?” Suddenly, the rest of us heard an unmistakable sound…Marion was bent over double, laughing until tears streamed down her face. Little did we know that she had been talking to my brother – not the doctor.
Marion was good at trusting and leaning – most of the time. However, when it came to her own health concerns, she would often speak in more guarded tones. Eventually we learned to cringe when Nana said, “I’m fine.” Usually that was a sure sign that she was not.
The morning of the day that we took Marion to the hospital, I called to check on her. “I’m fine dear, I think I’ve turned a corner.” A few hours later, she was turning a corner all right – making a sharp turn for a speedy deposit at her favorite hospital’s emergency room entrance. If we’ve learned anything in our family it is this – love covers a multitude of mishaps and snafus. If everyone was perfectly fine all the time, then who would need to practice the fine art of loving each other well? Love is complicated by our own human tendencies to act…human. It’s best accomplished by trusting and leaning on someone real sturdy – God.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a couple weeks ago.
Scripture focus: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV
Trusting and leaning are complicated issues – not for the faint of heart. Both require believing that if one leans, someone will be willing to catch them. In many areas, my other mother was a humble woman – willing to take advice and ask for help. This was particularly true when it came to her own mother.
After Wes died, Gram Peabody came to live with Marion and her sons. Gram loved to help others and saw this as a loving act. Bringing her big personality into a house of mourning wasn’t easy. And sometimes there were conflicts. As she aged, Gram’s own health issues magnified. One time in particular has become etched into all our minds – because it was so very, very funny. Gram was having stomach problems, and they were significant. Marion did what she did so well, she humbly asked for help by calling the family doctor.
Everyone waited pensively for the return call. When the phone rang, Marion leapt from her seat. “Hello?”
“How’s Mrs. Peabody?” The caller asked.
Marion began to describe in vivid and gross detail how Gram was doing. Marion, in her rush to get assistance, carried on for minutes on end, only to be stopped in her tracks by the caller’s reply, “Have you thought about calling the doctor?” Suddenly, the rest of us heard an unmistakable sound…Marion was bent over double, laughing until tears streamed down her face. Little did we know that she had been talking to my brother – not the doctor.
Marion was good at trusting and leaning – most of the time. However, when it came to her own health concerns, she would often speak in more guarded tones. Eventually we learned to cringe when Nana said, “I’m fine.” Usually that was a sure sign that she was not.
The morning of the day that we took Marion to the hospital, I called to check on her. “I’m fine dear, I think I’ve turned a corner.” A few hours later, she was turning a corner all right – making a sharp turn for a speedy deposit at her favorite hospital’s emergency room entrance. If we’ve learned anything in our family it is this – love covers a multitude of mishaps and snafus. If everyone was perfectly fine all the time, then who would need to practice the fine art of loving each other well? Love is complicated by our own human tendencies to act…human. It’s best accomplished by trusting and leaning on someone real sturdy – God.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 7
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a little over a week ago.
Scripture focus: However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all. Ecclesiastes 11:8 NIV
One day we were sitting in the hospital, and Marion began to speak, “There was this doctor…”
Pete interrupted her, “Do you mean the doctor came in and we missed him?” When people are sick and in the hospital, one activity that is very stressful and time consuming is waiting for doctors to come and deliver news.
“No, no, no! Just listen.” She continued. “Anyway, this young, new doctor was seeing a very elderly woman and he gave her some surprising news. He turned to her and said, ‘You’re pregnant!’ The woman squealed in terror and went running out the examining room. As she ran down the hall, she shouted, ‘Who is this young whipper snapper that has been hired as a doctor? Get me old Doc Smith immediately!’ Dr. Smith came rushing out of another examining room, heard the story and went charging down to confront the new associate. ‘What are you talking about? How could you tell her such a thing? She could not possibly be pregnant.’ The Junior staffer paused and responded calmly, ‘Well, at least she doesn’t have the hiccups anymore.’ “
Pete stared at his mother with a blank expression. Each day her breathing was becoming more labored; speaking required a lot of effort. He couldn’t quite keep up with her sense of humor in the face of such adversity. Finally, we explained the joke to him. His inability to get his mother’s joke delighted her immensely. Up until the very end, she still had a sharp mind and keen wit. She was also sensitive to the feelings of those around her. It had been a long couple of days. I can imagine that she lay there, thinking about the impact her situation was having on her kids. She sought to lighten the mood – and it worked.
Later that day, we did see the doctor. The news was not good. Pete went down the hall to make some calls. She began discussing plans, really important things like what she wanted to do with her desk. I’m a real sucker for conversations about furniture and re-arranging. She and I have spent many an evening making her various downsizings and new abodes cozy and her furniture well placed. Suddenly, I just couldn’t stop myself. I began to weep and wail. I buried my head in her lap like a preschooler who lost her favorite toy. Peter heard all commotion and began running down the hall. He expected to find the worst. Instead, he found his mother gently stroking his blubbering wife’s head. She smiled at him and shrugged her shoulders. Go figure, she seemed to say without words. It was such a sweet time. Because she had so enjoyed her life, and lived it well, she was at perfect peace. The rest of us, we have some tears to shed. But we also have a lesson to learn. The fruit of a well-lived faith-filled life is a peaceful transition into the next. (She however would not like how I worded this. She prefers no euphemisms.) However it’s worded, Marion taught us how to live and die with cheer. She enjoyed her life. She was ready to move on.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 6
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a little over a week ago.
Scripture focus: All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Proverbs 14:23 NIV
I asked Marion to tell me her favorite memories and why they were the best. She had a lot of good memories, most of which I had heard and all of them I continued to enjoy hearing. Some of her memories don’t carry obvious life lessons, but there was a rhythm and pattern to the stories that was compelling and profound.
She did not recount one story of success or achievement. Not one. She didn’t delight in success or achievement on the part of her children or children’s children – although she was there for many such events. Precious memories for Marion often came in the form of bloopers and blunders, serendipitous moments, or just plain ordinary days.
She loved to talk about how when Gary was in graduate school, he’d come over to her office and she’d type his papers – as he wrote them. Evidently, McBeans work well under pressure. She always rolled her eyes and recounted the typing as harrowing and adrenalin producing but her smile told a different story. She loved typing those papers.
More eye rolling and sighing accompanied her stories about the boys playing basketball on the hoop in the backyard. Evidently, McBean boys are competitive. She had to institute a rule that said no basketball playing allowed unless she was available to sit in a lawn chair and supervise. In theory, this was supposed to reduce fighting. (Did I mention that all this supervision was required…when they were all adults?!?)
Once she went to Water Country with Mark’s family, somehow managed to fall off the raft or tube, and couldn’t get up! She allegedly was extremely embarrassed by this event, but she sure told it like it was a grand adventure.
When our kids were very young, the loved going to Nana’s for sleepovers. One afternoon during her last illness, she reminisced about ordering pizza, renting a movie, and fixing either waffles or biscuits for breakfast. It was a routine and tradition; it was simple and sweet. She watched The Ninja Turtles and Little Mermaid movies hundreds of times – always swearing it was better with each rerun.
Nana taught us that it isn’t what you plan or do, achieve or succeed that makes for a joyful life. It is having the good sense to know that the best and hardest work is what happens as you build your house one brick at a time by loving the people in your hut.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a little over a week ago.
Scripture focus: All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Proverbs 14:23 NIV
I asked Marion to tell me her favorite memories and why they were the best. She had a lot of good memories, most of which I had heard and all of them I continued to enjoy hearing. Some of her memories don’t carry obvious life lessons, but there was a rhythm and pattern to the stories that was compelling and profound.
She did not recount one story of success or achievement. Not one. She didn’t delight in success or achievement on the part of her children or children’s children – although she was there for many such events. Precious memories for Marion often came in the form of bloopers and blunders, serendipitous moments, or just plain ordinary days.
She loved to talk about how when Gary was in graduate school, he’d come over to her office and she’d type his papers – as he wrote them. Evidently, McBeans work well under pressure. She always rolled her eyes and recounted the typing as harrowing and adrenalin producing but her smile told a different story. She loved typing those papers.
More eye rolling and sighing accompanied her stories about the boys playing basketball on the hoop in the backyard. Evidently, McBean boys are competitive. She had to institute a rule that said no basketball playing allowed unless she was available to sit in a lawn chair and supervise. In theory, this was supposed to reduce fighting. (Did I mention that all this supervision was required…when they were all adults?!?)
Once she went to Water Country with Mark’s family, somehow managed to fall off the raft or tube, and couldn’t get up! She allegedly was extremely embarrassed by this event, but she sure told it like it was a grand adventure.
When our kids were very young, the loved going to Nana’s for sleepovers. One afternoon during her last illness, she reminisced about ordering pizza, renting a movie, and fixing either waffles or biscuits for breakfast. It was a routine and tradition; it was simple and sweet. She watched The Ninja Turtles and Little Mermaid movies hundreds of times – always swearing it was better with each rerun.
Nana taught us that it isn’t what you plan or do, achieve or succeed that makes for a joyful life. It is having the good sense to know that the best and hardest work is what happens as you build your house one brick at a time by loving the people in your hut.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 5
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a little over a week ago.
Scripture focus: A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1 NIV
For the McBean’s twenty fifth wedding anniversary Marion bought Wes a new set of golf clubs. For a frugal family, this was a big deal. Eager for Wes to use them, she hauled them out before the actual anniversary day and sent her husband and sixteen year old son Peter out to the links to give the new clubs a try. Wes seemed unusually tired during the 18 holes of golf. A family friend had joined up with them, and it was he who gave instructions and sought aid when Wes lost consciousness on the 18th hole. What a shock for this young family, new to the Richmond area and far away from family when the news came – he had suffered a fatal heart attack.
When faced with widowhood at an early age, Marion kept building her house. She built it wisely. It was an ordeal traveling to Maine and figuring out all the logistics. In response to that trial, Marion made decisions about the logistics of her own burial that made even her dying easier for her kids to experience. Even in shock and grief, her priority was her family. She thought about Peter’s last golfing experience. The entire family loved the game of golf, and she didn’t want this sad experience to ruin the game for her youngest son. I cannot imagine the energy it cost her. But within a week of returning from the funeral, she gathered up her boy and they went out and played the same course Peter had played so recently with his dad.
Finances were tight. I can remember how carefully she managed the money they had so that she could be home when Pete got home from school. She kept this commitment until he went to college. She also managed to find a way to get him a youth membership at a local country club, so that he could spend time playing golf with his friends.
Through a series of decisions, she built her house. It required sacrifice and hardship. But she trusted God to work out the details as she lived out her convictions.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a little over a week ago.
Scripture focus: A wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1 NIV
For the McBean’s twenty fifth wedding anniversary Marion bought Wes a new set of golf clubs. For a frugal family, this was a big deal. Eager for Wes to use them, she hauled them out before the actual anniversary day and sent her husband and sixteen year old son Peter out to the links to give the new clubs a try. Wes seemed unusually tired during the 18 holes of golf. A family friend had joined up with them, and it was he who gave instructions and sought aid when Wes lost consciousness on the 18th hole. What a shock for this young family, new to the Richmond area and far away from family when the news came – he had suffered a fatal heart attack.
When faced with widowhood at an early age, Marion kept building her house. She built it wisely. It was an ordeal traveling to Maine and figuring out all the logistics. In response to that trial, Marion made decisions about the logistics of her own burial that made even her dying easier for her kids to experience. Even in shock and grief, her priority was her family. She thought about Peter’s last golfing experience. The entire family loved the game of golf, and she didn’t want this sad experience to ruin the game for her youngest son. I cannot imagine the energy it cost her. But within a week of returning from the funeral, she gathered up her boy and they went out and played the same course Peter had played so recently with his dad.
Finances were tight. I can remember how carefully she managed the money they had so that she could be home when Pete got home from school. She kept this commitment until he went to college. She also managed to find a way to get him a youth membership at a local country club, so that he could spend time playing golf with his friends.
Through a series of decisions, she built her house. It required sacrifice and hardship. But she trusted God to work out the details as she lived out her convictions.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 4
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a little over a week ago.
Scripture focus: Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred. Proverbs 15:17 NIV
Although Marion had her fair share of trials and tribulations, she was uncommonly fortunate when it came to the ways of love. Her marriage may have been cut short by her husband’s young and untimely death, but her extended family rallied around her. One of those treasured relationships was her sister-in-law, Vera. She and Vera have always been closer than sisters – a blessing for both that could have turned out much differently if they hadn’t committed themselves to loving each other.
As Marion lay resting in the hospital during what was to end up being her final week of life on planet earth, I asked her about her relationship with Vera. She told me a series of stories, the first of which sort of set the tone for the relationship.
Marion was dating Wes, Vera’s kid brother, and all of them went to a church pot luck supper. Now anyone can tell you that Marion loves her sweets – especially chocolate. Evidently, this was a lifelong love affair. When it came time to select from the plethora of delicious looking homemade desserts, Marion chose with care, selecting a yummy looking chocolate cake. Vera was a little slower making it back to the table.
Leaning close to her future sister-in-law, she offered a word of advice. “When you go for your dessert, don’t pick the chocolate cake. It’s nothing special.”
Vera glanced at Marion’s plate. You see (I know you’ve guessed it) – it was Vera’s cake! Vera spent the rest of the evening trying to figure out how to get her cake plate back without embarrassing Marion. I don’t think we ever heard the end of that story, both of them always cracked themselves up with laughter in the telling.
Until the very end, both these lovely women cared deeply for each other. They tried to spare each others’ feelings when possible, while relying on the strength of the other when life got just plain hard. Vera was not well enough to travel to Marion’s Memorial Service, but her lovely daughter Brenda joined the rest of us in celebrating the life of Aunt Marion. Brenda’s presence soothed us in ways that we know Vera’s love did for Marion over the years.
Marion taught us that family is really important. Family is more than your DNA. Family is priceless, worth treasuring and sacrificing for – and if at all possible, handling with care.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 3
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a little over a week ago.
Scripture focus: A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 NIV
Everyone who met Marion said she always came dressed for any occasion with a beautiful smile. This smile came attached to an easily triggered sense of humor. She loved to laugh – especially at herself. Many of her funniest stories were ones she told on herself. When I first came into the family, I learned who each family member was through a series of funny stories. Marion had three sons. The oldest, Mark, loved to tell about the time he brought his friend home for a visit.
As the story goes, the family decided to travel to the coast and get a tasty lobster dinner in honor of Mark’s visitor. The meal was delicious. Butter dripped onto fingers and down the arms as each member ripped into their respective lobsters.
Full from the feast, Marion decided to not let the rest of her uneaten lobster go to waste. Always the consummate hostess, she turned to Mark’s friend and said, “Would you like my body?”
A long pause was followed by hysterical laughter as she and the guys realized what she had said. We still laugh at the retelling of this moment in history, when Nana offered her body to her son’s teenage friend!
Laughing at ourselves is a good thing. Because we’re always going to do goofy things, laughter truly is a healing tonic.
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© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a little over a week ago.
Scripture focus: A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22 NIV
Everyone who met Marion said she always came dressed for any occasion with a beautiful smile. This smile came attached to an easily triggered sense of humor. She loved to laugh – especially at herself. Many of her funniest stories were ones she told on herself. When I first came into the family, I learned who each family member was through a series of funny stories. Marion had three sons. The oldest, Mark, loved to tell about the time he brought his friend home for a visit.
As the story goes, the family decided to travel to the coast and get a tasty lobster dinner in honor of Mark’s visitor. The meal was delicious. Butter dripped onto fingers and down the arms as each member ripped into their respective lobsters.
Full from the feast, Marion decided to not let the rest of her uneaten lobster go to waste. Always the consummate hostess, she turned to Mark’s friend and said, “Would you like my body?”
A long pause was followed by hysterical laughter as she and the guys realized what she had said. We still laugh at the retelling of this moment in history, when Nana offered her body to her son’s teenage friend!
Laughing at ourselves is a good thing. Because we’re always going to do goofy things, laughter truly is a healing tonic.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
April 2
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a little over a week ago.
Scripture focus: A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:13 NIV
During Marion’s lifetime she had a series of unfortunate circumstances that could have crushed her spirit. She became a widow in her forties. She had a bit of a clumsy streak that led to a series of falls and a bunch of bodily assaults including: broken arm, broken wrist, broken elbow, two shoulder replacements, three fractured pelvises, a hip fracture…to name a few.
She did not enjoy her injuries or heartaches. But she handled each loss, setback, cast, rehab, and hospital visit with great cheerfulness. She never gave herself permission to let her own suffering become an excuse to hurt others.
As a young widow, she often remarked to me that it was difficult for others to know how to help her in the midst of her unexpected and great loss. People said thoughtless things. Her married friends complained about their husbands – repeating petty grievances and acting aggrieved about problems that Marion longed to experience. Instead of becoming bitter, she determined to do better. As the years progressed, and other women in her circle became widowed, she reached out to them. Some of her best friends became women who entered the surprising state of widowhood and found Marion a willing and prepared sister in suffering.
Once, while on a lovely trip to New York City with her beloved Golden Notes, she fell and hurt her shoulder. No one really knew the extent of her injuries. She didn’t want to complicate the plans, so she waited to ride back on the bus with her singing group. When she returned home, it took days for us to arrange an appointment with a doctor. He sent her for an x-ray to her least favorite hospital. When we arrived for the test, we were sent down a series of long and winding hallways. I suggested that perhaps a wheelchair might be a good idea. She replied, “I am fine. I can make it.” She did – barely. Later we found out that her arm was barely attached to her body.
Days later, she told me, “If this ever happens again, I’m taking that wheelchair.” Then she chuckled.
Marion had a cheerful heart and never wanted to inconvenience others. I suppose we could quibble about whether or not the failure to take a wheel chair was a good idea or not, but no one will ever accuse her of living a self-centered life. One of the reasons Marion was able to live with a smile on her lips was because she had so much love for others in her heart. She learned that from her mother.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
This month’s devotionals were written in grateful collaboration with my mother-in-law, who passed away a little over a week ago.
Scripture focus: A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:13 NIV
During Marion’s lifetime she had a series of unfortunate circumstances that could have crushed her spirit. She became a widow in her forties. She had a bit of a clumsy streak that led to a series of falls and a bunch of bodily assaults including: broken arm, broken wrist, broken elbow, two shoulder replacements, three fractured pelvises, a hip fracture…to name a few.
She did not enjoy her injuries or heartaches. But she handled each loss, setback, cast, rehab, and hospital visit with great cheerfulness. She never gave herself permission to let her own suffering become an excuse to hurt others.
As a young widow, she often remarked to me that it was difficult for others to know how to help her in the midst of her unexpected and great loss. People said thoughtless things. Her married friends complained about their husbands – repeating petty grievances and acting aggrieved about problems that Marion longed to experience. Instead of becoming bitter, she determined to do better. As the years progressed, and other women in her circle became widowed, she reached out to them. Some of her best friends became women who entered the surprising state of widowhood and found Marion a willing and prepared sister in suffering.
Once, while on a lovely trip to New York City with her beloved Golden Notes, she fell and hurt her shoulder. No one really knew the extent of her injuries. She didn’t want to complicate the plans, so she waited to ride back on the bus with her singing group. When she returned home, it took days for us to arrange an appointment with a doctor. He sent her for an x-ray to her least favorite hospital. When we arrived for the test, we were sent down a series of long and winding hallways. I suggested that perhaps a wheelchair might be a good idea. She replied, “I am fine. I can make it.” She did – barely. Later we found out that her arm was barely attached to her body.
Days later, she told me, “If this ever happens again, I’m taking that wheelchair.” Then she chuckled.
Marion had a cheerful heart and never wanted to inconvenience others. I suppose we could quibble about whether or not the failure to take a wheel chair was a good idea or not, but no one will ever accuse her of living a self-centered life. One of the reasons Marion was able to live with a smile on her lips was because she had so much love for others in her heart. She learned that from her mother.
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2010 NorthStar Community
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