NorthStar Community Daily Devotional

April 21

A series of collaborative works with my mother-in-law, who died three weeks ago…

Scripture focus: How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God? Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves? Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil? Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin? But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, and don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. Micah 6:6-8 The Message

Nana, our in-town grandmother, rarely over-stepped her role of chief cheerleader to her grandchildren’s every breath. She possessed a remarkable ability to see the ever-increasing glory in others paired with a strong predisposition to not notice the bad stuff. So it came as quite a shock when she invited one of our kids over for what we now call the infamous, “lunch and lecture.” Here’s what happened.

I was out of town and Scott was visiting with Nana. I called to check in, and Scott was his typical adolescent, dry humored, sarcastic self. I caught the teasing tone, but Nana suspected she heard something more. She feared she caught the whiff of disrespect. She paused to prepare and I imagine pray. Then she invited Scott to lunch. No one turns down a meal at Nana’s; he showed up with a bib on.

After lunch, Nana settled into her mission. She spoke with Scott about treating his mother with respect. This was a remarkable event, one that I doubt Scott will ever forget. I appreciate the fact that she cared enough about our children and me to speak up. Afterwards, Nana and Pete (her son and Scott’s dad) talked at length about the event. It was one of those extremely healthy, not-always-comfortable-for-everyone family moments.

This is what I love about family – when it works. People share their feelings – appropriately. Nana didn’t “triangle” by talking to Pete or me about Scott’s perceived bad behaving. She went directly to Scott. She didn’t wave the correction flag often – in fact, this is the only time in my memory that it happened – so when she spoke, people listened. She also earned the right to speak a word of correction by spending years and years filling up Scott’s love tank with hugs, kisses, words of affirmation, costumes, biscuits, more bacon than is good for you, long hours sitting in bleachers at sporting events, and more.

Today we know that if something difficult must be spoken of, we begin with this. “I need to meet you for…lunch and lecture…breakfast and berating…dinner and discussion…tea and tattling…coffee and confrontation…”

Nana taught us the value of humor, respect, love and so much more. But it wasn’t always warm cookies and milk (although they were always available). Families have fights. Families freak out. Families experience disappointments. Families have misunderstandings. Families get in messes. More on how to manage the messiness of family life tomorrow.

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