March 11, 2007

Step 3: We made a decision to turn our life and will over to the care of God.

Scripture reading for today: Psalm 10 and 11, Proverbs 5
“O Lord, why do you stand so far away? Why do you hide when I am in trouble?” Psalm 10:1 NLT

I’ve said it a million times, but I think it’s worth saying again: healthy families are wildly different, creative blends of people. Healthy families have problems just like dysfunctional families do – but healthy families are more solution-focused. Healthy families skip over the blaming, shaming, and finger pointing and move right on to the next question: where do we go from here?

Dysfunctional families are eerily similar in their patterns of relating to each other and their world. In dysfunctional families: problems fester and solutions are rarely sought, children learn that they can’t trust the adults to protect them, someone is usually to blame, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness are common.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that unhealthy families are breeding grounds for raising codependents-in-training. (If you don’t have a working knowledge of the nature of codependency, check out our Insight Journal on this topic.)

Codependents-in-training find it particularly difficult to believe that God is near. Obviously the psalmist joins the rest of us in struggling with this false belief. Just because this isn’t true doesn’t mean we don’t FEEL as if it is true. It’s ok to have these feelings; it’s normal to have these thoughts. But. (The truth always follows the “but”…) But “coming to believe” and “making a decision” require us to rethink our firmly held – and often erroneous – views of God, ourselves and others.

Turning our lives over to God is going to require each of us to learn how to “let go and let God”. It’s not easy. If you’re struggling with relinquishing control, perhaps this thought will help. Although it is not easy to learn new ways of living…it is also really really hard and stressful to try to chart your own course. Right? Aren’t you tired of being tired? It’s exhausting carrying on as if you’re the captain, co-captain, chief cook and bottle washer all rolled into one (very frazzled) person.

Thought for today: I want to leave you with something to ponder. While we were in California this week, all my codependency issues raised their ugly little heads. This happened while riding down route 110 late at night, jet-lagged, headed to a strange city in an even stranger state. I just had the urge to boss Pete (the driver) and Scott (the navigator) around. I’m sure my guys will claim that I do this all the time. But I’m serious – I really wanted to hoot and holler and nag and control – more than usual. I’m an excellent backseat driver – trust me, this would have been over the top. But I didn’t. I asked a question: “Do you guys need me for anything?”

“NO!” They responded in unison.

So I did what any recovering person can do: I laid my weary head back, closed my eyes and fell asleep. I’m not suggesting that we all start sleep-walking through life. I am asking you to consider a radical new way of thinking: we don’t need to fix other people’s problems, guide other people’s destinies, inventory other people’s choices (or even comment on them). Take a load off. Be still. Rest. Stop meddling. If you ask God, “Do you need me for anything?” – what do you think he’d say???? There’s a huge difference between needing and wanting. God wants relationship with us – He does not need us to make sure the world keeps rotating. Chill.

Thought for tomorrow:

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10 NIV

March 11
Teresa McBean