NorthStar Community Daily Devotional

Day 32 – Everybody hurts sometime

Scripture focus: Return, O Lord, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love. I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred with grief. Psalm 6:4,6,7a NLT

“I know I shouldn’t feel this way. God is good. I just need more faith. I’m thinking about joining a second bible study group – maybe that will help.” He slumped in his chair, eyes averted. This was a man wearing a heavy cloak of shame and it didn’t suit him.

“It might.” I’m a big fan of bible studies. And maybe redoubling his efforts at a study of God’s word is just what the doctor ordered – maybe not.

“You don’t sound convinced.” My friend is very astute when he makes this comment. I’m not convinced that productive suffering is ever achieved by berating one’s self, doubting one’s faith and redoubling one’s efforts at good behaving – simply because the suffering is producing tears, sleepless nights and grief. Is he doubting his faith, and hoping to shore it up? I wonder….

“Well, I’m just wondering about your assumption that if you had more faith, you wouldn’t feel so wretched.”

“Could you give me some feedback?” Ahhh, those magic words – when a fellow sojourner invites feedback I get excited. Often it’s an indicator that the person is both humble and willing (two essential elements if one is going to suffer productively). Together, we turn to Psalm 6. In the sixth Psalm, (and a host of other places in scripture) the psalmist is unapologetic when describing the effect of suffering. He hurts. He’s broken. Body and soul are in agony. He’s exhausted from sleep deprivation. My friend seems reluctant to acknowledge his pain. I ask him if he believes his painful response to suffering is a sign of weakness and an anemic faith. He nods in agreement, but I’m not convinced that the Holy Spirit is in the moment. It would be easy to comfort him with an example of the Psalmist’s honest portrayal of misery, and remind my friend of his place in the story. Bolstered by words of encouragement from me, perhaps he could leave our meeting feeling better about himself. Fortunately, his humility stops us from marching down that particular path.

“I guess you’re right,” he said. “But to tell you the truth, I don’t think that’s my issue. It’s not so much that I think my anxiety and depression are signs of weakness so much as it is that I just don’t want to feel this way. I want to feel good. I want the abundant life – and for me, that means that my life is relatively problem-free. I want to be happy.” Wow. That’s awesome. Like the psalmist, he chose honesty over faux spirituality. Like the rest of us, he finds suffering unpleasant. Eventually, he admits that productive suffering isn’t his first priority. What he really wants is to feel good – all the time. This is a great confession! Now I think I understand what he’s really trying to communicate! He feels shame, not because he has the false belief that faithful followers never suffer in unperky ways. My friend is saying that he realizes that he cares more about how he feels than he does about what God might be doing in the midst of his sorrow. He doesn’t care about God’s prevailing purposes or finding his big dream or experiencing his grand epic adventure – he just wants to feel good. I get that – don’t you? Sometimes I think we ask for more faith when what we really want is an easier, gentler way to develop strong and brave hearts. We must resist the temptation to run from our pain! Stand firm! Lean into your suffering. In tomorrow’s devotional, I’ll explain why.

Recommended reading: Exodus 14 and 15 in the morning; Matthew 22 and Psalm 26 in the evening