July 17 - Good grief
Scripture focus: We know that none of the God-begotten makes a practice of sin--fatal sin. The God-begotten are also the God-protected. The Evil One can't lay a hand on them. We know that we are held firm by God; it's only the people of the world who continue in the grip of the Evil One. And we know that the Son of God came so we could recognize and understand the truth of God--what a gift!--and we are living in the Truth itself, in God's Son, Jesus Christ. This Jesus is both True God and Real Life. Dear children, be on guard against all clever facsimiles. 1 John 5:18-21 (The Message)
I was having a casual conversation with a person who was going through a similar suffering as me. We were sort of trading suffering notes, until she said something that ended the conversation. "I'm a Christian, so although this terrible thing has happened to me, I'm filled with the joy of the Lord. He is my strength. So I can't understand why you seem to feel sad at all. Probably you have some unidentified sin." I shut my mouth, finished my latte, and tried to listen politely as she chirped on cheerily about how her faith filled her with holy happiness. I'm happy for her. But my grief experience is following a more predictable course. The grief cycle usually includes:
- Shock -- initial paralysis
- Denial -- avoid the reality
- Anger -- release of all the overwhelming emotions that were absent during the shock/denial phase
- Bargaining -- seeking a way out of the crisis through the illusion that a person can do something to change the course of the crisis
- Depression -- reality of the loss
- Testing -- accepting reality enables us to practice new ways to go on with an altered life
- Acceptance -- discovery of a way to move on
Although I've experienced shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing and more -- I've also experienced moments of peace in the midst of the process. I don't believe this is sin. I don't feel shame about my sadness. I'm on guard against clever facsimiles, including the need to pretend or lie about my life experience. When we experience grief and loss it's part of real life. It's okay to say that without feeling like we've disappointed God.
My happy friend is making a point -- there are different ways to grieve. My point is that just because we grieve differently, doesn't make one of us sinful. However, there are times when we get stuck in our grief -- and that's serious business. More on that tomorrow.
Recommended reading: Ruth 1-4
3 comments:
It is funny what I have grieved for, I have grieved alcohol,drugs,cigarettes, and some of my favorite foods as I diet along the way. I think I have grieved more for those things than the relationships and people I have lost. Maybe the difference for me is the grieving for my addictions are public and the grieving for lost relationships and family is private. God Bless
I think that I have used grief as an excuse to use. I don't believe that it is a sin to be sad in a crisis. I belief that the griefing process is how God helps us-we release the emotions in order to heal both the emotional and physical. God gave us emotions for reason.
I think your friend is in denial.
God bless
someone has the joy of the lord, and someone else is grieving and the grieving is sin? that position is the reason a north star is needed. the holy spirit was given to us to convict of sin, to bring us to repentance, and to draw others alongside to help us heal. in my experience the 'church' wanted to convict me of sin, and to tell me the holy spirit would help me heal once i confessed and repented. for many years i was told i was lacking in faith. that left me stranded, as "jesus is the author and perfecter" of my faith. i came to the church, in pain. i left the church hamstrung and gutted, and i deeply wounded others on my way out. the 'church' is in desperate need of tons of pete and teresa teams. relationships, not 'doing'. that will come. god is faithful.
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