Having a Heart in a Sometimes Heartless World
Day 208 – A Fit Reply
Scripture focus: Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success. Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time. Proverbs 15:22, 23
Everyone enjoys a fitting reply. Hmmmm. Do you think that’s true? I’m not so sure! How do we define “fitting”? Honestly, sometimes the only reply that I think is “fitting” is when someone tells me what I want to hear. But in my rapidly advancing age, I realize that this definition of “fitting” isn’t suitable for growing a big heart. If we want to become our true, God-created identity, we need to surround ourselves with a community that will give us a fitting reply.
· A fitting reply is…the right advice for the occasion. Love her or leave her? Punish or pamper? Speak or remain silent? The Bible could have been the size of a pamphlet if all we need is five easy steps to making good choices. Good advice in one situation is terrible counsel in another.
· A fitting reply is…one that is invited. It won’t matter how great the advice if the listener isn’t open to feedback. Whether we’re seeking advice or in the position of potentially offering it – we must be wise in the interaction. If what we really want is to blow off steam, make sure the listener knows you are (for the moment) advice adverse. Listener, don’t assume that someone who says, “Can I ask your advice?” means it. Clarify. Sometimes that opening question is just an entrée into a monologue.
· A fitting reply is…usually the result of excellent listening. Over the years, I’ve learned that those quick to offer up advice and opinions might not be the best counselors. Another problem –if we’re cranky, under fed or stressed, then perhaps we aren’t fit for listening. If someone seeks out our counsel – please do them the favor of sharing your own vulnerable state. There are other options. You can always meet another day when both parties are more fit for sharing.
· A fitting reply is…not always verbal. Sometimes the most effective response is active listening. We can empathize without informing. Especially for extroverts, who need to talk out loud and hear themselves process - listening to an extrovert gives them what they need to come to their own insights. Again, not all questions have answers. Sometimes we wait upon the Lord for a reply (the most fit response of all!) and our sharing is more about feeling supported and cared for than given an apt reply.
· A fitting reply is…one that never violates our over-arching principle of loving God and others. I hate to mention this – but sometimes we speak and listen inappropriately. We share to gossip, devalue or ridicule. Our listening to such unkindness makes us co-conspirators. One of our sons said something recently that I thought was really great. After listening to another “just share their feelings” – our son’s take away was, “You know, being a critical person is really unattractive.” Perhaps the most fitting reply to some conversations is simply, “I think we’ve crossed the line and left the reservation. What we’re doing here isn’t loving. We need to stop talking.”
How fitting are your replies?
Recommended reading: 2 Chronicles 13 and 14 in the morning; 2 Chronicles 15 and 16 in the evening
Everyone enjoys a fitting reply. Hmmmm. Do you think that’s true? I’m not so sure! How do we define “fitting”? Honestly, sometimes the only reply that I think is “fitting” is when someone tells me what I want to hear. But in my rapidly advancing age, I realize that this definition of “fitting” isn’t suitable for growing a big heart. If we want to become our true, God-created identity, we need to surround ourselves with a community that will give us a fitting reply.
· A fitting reply is…the right advice for the occasion. Love her or leave her? Punish or pamper? Speak or remain silent? The Bible could have been the size of a pamphlet if all we need is five easy steps to making good choices. Good advice in one situation is terrible counsel in another.
· A fitting reply is…one that is invited. It won’t matter how great the advice if the listener isn’t open to feedback. Whether we’re seeking advice or in the position of potentially offering it – we must be wise in the interaction. If what we really want is to blow off steam, make sure the listener knows you are (for the moment) advice adverse. Listener, don’t assume that someone who says, “Can I ask your advice?” means it. Clarify. Sometimes that opening question is just an entrée into a monologue.
· A fitting reply is…usually the result of excellent listening. Over the years, I’ve learned that those quick to offer up advice and opinions might not be the best counselors. Another problem –if we’re cranky, under fed or stressed, then perhaps we aren’t fit for listening. If someone seeks out our counsel – please do them the favor of sharing your own vulnerable state. There are other options. You can always meet another day when both parties are more fit for sharing.
· A fitting reply is…not always verbal. Sometimes the most effective response is active listening. We can empathize without informing. Especially for extroverts, who need to talk out loud and hear themselves process - listening to an extrovert gives them what they need to come to their own insights. Again, not all questions have answers. Sometimes we wait upon the Lord for a reply (the most fit response of all!) and our sharing is more about feeling supported and cared for than given an apt reply.
· A fitting reply is…one that never violates our over-arching principle of loving God and others. I hate to mention this – but sometimes we speak and listen inappropriately. We share to gossip, devalue or ridicule. Our listening to such unkindness makes us co-conspirators. One of our sons said something recently that I thought was really great. After listening to another “just share their feelings” – our son’s take away was, “You know, being a critical person is really unattractive.” Perhaps the most fitting reply to some conversations is simply, “I think we’ve crossed the line and left the reservation. What we’re doing here isn’t loving. We need to stop talking.”
How fitting are your replies?
Recommended reading: 2 Chronicles 13 and 14 in the morning; 2 Chronicles 15 and 16 in the evening
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