NorthStar Community Daily Devotional

March 13

Scripture focus: I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:103 NIV

I have tried not to sin. I have failed more often than succeeded. After a decade of trying hard with no results, I gave up. Seriously. I stopped trying. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of myself. I made a deal with God. I told him that I was done with trying to be good and that I was going to take a year off from good behaving and seek him. If he didn’t show up and make himself known to me, I was done with not only trying to be good, but also trying to figure out what it meant to be godly.

Instead, I woke up each morning and said, “God, if you exist and if I trusted you with my whole being, what would I be doing today?”

One of the first conclusions that I drew from this exercise is that a true believer would study God’s word. I started there. Soon my days were re-ordered as I sought to do this one activity a day.

I discovered that it was hard for me to concentrate if the kids’ toys were strewn about, or if dirty dishes were piled up in the sink. So before I went to bed, I made a quick pass through the house and straightened up.

It was frustrating when one of my babies woke up early, disrupting my quiet time of study. So I shifted my time of study to the afternoon. This caused me some heartburn, because I once read that the best time to study God’s word was in the morning. Freed from my desire to be good, much less the best, I was able to let go this expectation.

Afternoon studies were hard because I was often wondering what I was going to fix for dinner. But my friend had an old microwave that she was willing to sell me, and that solved that problem.

As I read God’s word, none of it made much sense – so I signed up for some classes. They were on Monday nights and I was married to a man who traveled with his job. Nights out were a problem until he began rearranging his work schedule to accommodate my Monday night class. Our adult children still reminisce about Monday nights without mom. They are still holding to the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy that was put in place for the five years of Monday nights that I was away from home. I’m pretty sure they did things that I wouldn’t approve of – but no bones were broken. And I think it was one of the sweetest seasons of father/children bonding ever.

I also began to see my husband in a very favorable light. His willingness to prioritize his work schedule around my schedule was very, very attractive. I felt energized by my studies, and he loved the quality time with the kids without me yelling, “Somebody’s going to get hurt!”

All this change happened so that I could hide God’s word in my heart. I found God in his word, in the actions of my husband, in the squeals of my children, in the expertise of my teachers, and in the joy I found as I learned how to live less by tradition and more by faith. It was the best deal I ever made!


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