Day 19 - Safe Surrender
Scripture focus: God, King of Israel, your Redeemer, God-of-the-Angel-Armies, says:"I'm first, I'm last, and everything in between. I'm the only God there is. Who compares with me? Speak up. See if you measure up. From the beginning, who else has always announced what's coming? So what is coming next? Anybody want to venture a try? Don't be afraid, and don't worry: haven't I always kept you informed, told you what was going on? You're my eyewitnesses: have you ever come across a God, a real God, other than me? There's no Rock like me that I know of." Isaiah 44:6-8 The Message
We once bought a house on a corner lot, and I never felt safe. I know that this is totally irrational. I confess my craziness. It was in this house that my husband made the decision to leave a job with steady hours and no travel for a job with extensive travel and an unpredictable schedule. I completely freaked out.
Eventually my emotional reaction convinced him that he probably shouldn’t take the job.
It appeared I was going to get my way. He was going to keep his steady, safe job so that his unsteady, fearful wife could avoid facing her true fears. Of course, neither of us thought of the situation from this perspective.
Then a funny thing happened. I realized that I loved my husband more than I needed my fear-based living and controlling ways. I was still plagued with insecurities and fear. The only thing that felt more real than those phobias was my love for my beloved. In desperation, I asked God to remove my fear. Honestly, I didn’t believe it would happen. I told God how exposed and vulnerable I felt. During this particular morning of prayer and study my reading plan took me to Isaiah 44 and a renewed vision.
Weirdly enough, as I read down through the passage, I was given a vision of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. God was the bread and the peanut butter– the first and the last and everything in between. I was the jelly. I was shaky and wobbly and insignificant compared to the sticky, substantive peanut butter. But I was part of the sandwich. The bread and peanut butter helped hold me in place. It provided protection. I may be jelly, but God is the rock. I no longer felt afraid. I called Pete at work and said simply, “You’ve got to take that job; it’s your big dream.” He agreed.
We eventually moved from that house, but it wasn’t in response to my fear. Pete’s former, supposedly safe job was eliminated a year later. No worries for us, he was already firmly entrenched in his new job. I don’t want to mislead you. I still get afraid. Once I read Silence of the Lambs while Pete was out of town. I was late getting the kids to school the next day because during the middle of the night I put all our furniture in front of our doors. If we’d had a fire that night, we’d have all been toast. But just because I feel fear doesn’t mean I have to believe that it is true. I’m still jelly. But more importantly, God is still bread and peanut butter – a more significant truth than my wacky perceptions.
Recommended reading: Matthew 5-7
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