June 9 - Cain's shame
Scripture focus: Cain lost his temper and went into a sulk. God spoke to Cain: "Why this tantrum? Why the sulking? If you do well, won't you be accepted? And if you don't do well, sin is lying in wait for you, ready to pounce; it's out to get you, you've got to master it." Genesis 4:5(b) – 7 (The Message)
How do we master sin? We don't – but God can. Cain demonstrated one of the primary signs of a shamed person. He lost his temper. Oddly enough, shame doesn't teach us to cower and apologize incessantly for our shameful ways.
In its convoluted, crafty style, shame convinces us of our need to attack and defend. This allows shame to stay in command and renders us incapable of giving and receiving love. Other emotions and behaviors often attached to a shame attack include:
- A compulsion to blame.
- A commitment to attacking with anger.
- A pervasive sense of fear and unease.
- A lack of self-awareness.
- A propensity to live unconsciously, completely unaware of how others perceive us.
- An intentional attempt to hide from others.
Cain lost his temper and Abel lost his life. Shame messes not only with us, but the lives of those that love us too. In fact, Frank Pittman says in Private Lives, that "Any effort to disorient your partner is a power play that will eventually hurt the relationship. People who are lied to become dependent, anxious, delicate, and over-reactive...."
When we allow shame to determine our steps, we will deliberately deceive and disorient those that love us. So maybe denial has his ugly fingers wrapped around your neck, choking the life out of you. Perhaps you don't know why we'd spend all this time talking about shame. If so, I wonder if you would consider studying the life of those who are close to you. Do they seem dependent, anxious, delicate and over-reactive? If so, could you be a contributing factor?
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1 comment:
Here again you are saying I did something wrong forget you.It is not my fault,I was affraid you said it would be ok and it wasn't.It is not me, I am fine if you don't like my behavior I just will not come around anymore. These are all things I have said in the past, I have never had a problem with shame. I do not lie either. I was just watching those 3 guy on tv singing about freecreditreport.com, would it be great if we could get freeshamereport.com. All we would have to do is log on and we could get a complete list of all our shame. The best part would be to improve our report we would only have to call 1-800-trust-god. for me today it is not that simple, as I try to break a shameing cycle.I was raised with shame as a way to modify(control) behavior.I then use this as a parenting tool on my children, who are that no longer children. I pray that I am in time with my conversations and amends with them that they do not pass on what I taught them so very well.I like many am working on becoming a recovering shamer. I sit here feeling shame about the shameing I have done,I have to run need to make a call 1-800-trust-god. This is not a hotline, it is a hopeline.
God Bless
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