May 3

Scripture focus:
I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. Ephesians 1:18-19 NIV

While my mother-in-law was hospitalized I missed a doctor’s appointment. I have no excuse. I remembered the appointment the day before and even the morning of – both times when it wasn’t possible to call and cancel. I felt guilty for missing the appointment, stealing the opportunity from someone else in desperate need of the time slot and disrespecting the doctor’s time. Like nails on a chalkboard, it bugged me that I had messed this up.

Sunday morning I stopped at my favorite coffee shop for a hot tea on my way to church. It’s a small ritual with me, a gift to self, a few minutes to breathe and contemplate the nearness of the kingdom of God alone before experiencing it in community. I noticed what seemed to be a mother/daughter duo making their way into the shop. I paused at the door, holding it for them. I remembered how holding an elderly person’s arm when they walk with an unsteady gait makes it hard to open a heavy door without anxiety and awkwardness. I fully appreciated the daughter’s situation, and had one of those grievous moments thinking that I no longer will do this with Marion.

“Hey! I thought that was you holding the door. How are you?” Startled back into the present moment, I realized that the very doctor that I had stood up was part of this duo shuffling through the door.

“I’m doing ok. However, I owe you an amends. I missed an appointment with you a few weeks ago, and I’m without excuse. I would like to ask your forgiveness.” She was, as always, kind to me. In turn, I felt a burden lift lightly off my back.

That night, I opened the scriptures and read I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you…and thought about all the things I hoped for – I hoped for better organization skills, improved memory, and a life that didn’t inconvenience others. I returned to God’s word and paused over the phrase, the hope to which he has called you. What hope has God called me to? I know what I hope for, but what do I hope in as an Image Bearer of God? God has called me to hope; but it is His decision to say how that hope is made manifest; my job is to pay attention and notice hope when it shows up. On this day, I was able to ask for and receive forgiveness. My doctor’s willingness to genuinely and spontaneously offer me forgiveness was a clarion call to hope. If I had been rushing for my hot tea or sidetracked by unresolved grief, I might have missed the opportunity to resolve this issue between us. For those of us who believe, it is a powerful truth to know that God has called us to hope – even when we muck things up.

Here’s one thing I’m learning about me. I get disconnected from God, self and others when I lose God consciousness. While unconscious, I believe, do, think and feel in ways that are completely in contradiction to the image I bear. I am unconscious, but that doesn’t mean that others are unaware. This is not a hidden thing about me, it’s just hidden from my consciousness. Where is the treasure buried? Where am I digging?


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