Day 31 – Month in Summary

Scripture focus: . . .I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 11:19 NIV

(1). The silence of God, suffering, and even sin – both ours and others, does not mean that God is punishing us, withholding himself from us, etc. We must develop a foundation of belief in the character of God that is consistent with truth and not dependent upon upbeat feelings or pleasing circumstances.

(2). God has big plans for us (Jeremiah 29:11, John 10:10) and not a single item from #1 above makes this truth any less true. Our true identity and purpose is found only in Christ (See Ephesians 1:11)

(3). It takes a big heart to accept the challenge of such a gigantic adventure. Our hearts are vulnerable, and must be guarded. Cyclical suffering is bad; productive suffering is medicine for the heart.

(4). The world can be cruel – get used to it. Suffering is inevitable but not enviable. We must reframe our perspective on suffering in order to guard our hearts.

(5). Mercy is when God takes pity on the suffering; grace is God’s unmerited favor towards those who have caused suffering. Transformation is the by-product of humbly accepting God’s blessings even when they arrive wrapped in suffering.

(6). There are five roadblocks to recovery that can derail our best intentions: stubborn resistance, good intentions, arrogant entitlement, resentment and disconnected isolation.

(7). Humility, willingness, and a commitment to healthy intimate relationships are antidotes to these roadblocks.

(8). God’s perspective on blessing is radical.

(9). There’s a danger in relying on false spirituality as a panacea for our suffering.

(10.) If Jesus relied heavily on clarity of vision, single-minded purpose, a strong sense of identity, discipline and big believing in the one who sent him – we should probably pay attention to his example.

(11). Acceptance and “making a decision” are two different concepts. Both are valuable.

(12). Suffering is not necessarily the result of sin (living independently of God). Sometimes it’s an invitation. Whether one’s suffering is self-inflicted or not, God’s response to our suffering is consistent. God’s prevailing purpose ALWAYS is founded upon his love, grace, mercy AND his commitment to our salvation. God wants none to perish.

This completes the first thirty one steps of your 365 step journey; I pray you are nearer to God as a result of the steps you’ve taken this week. You have 334 steps remaining.

Recommended reading: Exodus 12 and 13 in the morning; Matthew 21 in the evening

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World

Day 30

Scripture focus: Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the valley of Baca (weeping), they make it a place of springs…Psalm 84:5-6 NIV

“Tell me what to do.” She means it when she says it; she intends to follow through with any words of advice I manage to muster up on her behalf. I believe this with all my heart.

The problem lies in that her good intentions are trumped every day by her chemistry. Her brain is wired for addiction. In spite of her sincere efforts and best intentions, when she leaves my office she’s going to head downtown and acquire the very thing she hates – her drug of choice. Much of this is chemistry (for more information on this topic, go to www.northstarcommunity.com and watch the video on the physiology of addiction). It is also about vision, identity, purpose, discipline, and belief. In addition to exposure to massive amounts of drugs, genetic pre-wiring, poor choices, and a host of consequences – both neurological and others – this sad soul has some problems with the “five.” Her vision is clouded by both chemicals and culture. Her identity is intimately associated with a family that knows more about addiction, shame, and suffering than freedom, confidence and satisfaction. She has absolutely no reason to accept the premise that God has big plans for her life that include both hope and a future. In fact, death would be a welcome relief. It’s not the dying that terrifies – it’s the fear that this cycle of suffering might continue for years. Her daily disciplines include a crafty ability to prey on the pity of others and acquire what her body so desperately needs without a moment’s consideration of the deep thirst in her soul. Her beliefs are defined by life experience. Suffice it to say, that is not good news.

Sobriety is essential if she’s ever going to know a better life on planet earth. But it’s going to require more than abstinence from her drugs of choice to thrive. At some point in the process of renewal, she must allow her pain to be transformed into purpose. Stephen Arterburn’s book Reframe Your Life, makes a strong case for the necessity of this process. Using Jesus as an example of the ultimate reframer, Arterburn not only dissects barriers to this process (we looked at some of those in our first two weeks of devotions) but delivers antidotes (humility and willingness). He also casts a vision for us founded on belief in God and informed by the character of God. This reveals not only God’s prevailing purposes but our life’s work. Commitment to the discipline required for such a radical shift in thinking, doing and becoming will necessitate divine intervention. He concludes his study with these words: “Life is good when God is our strength and we have set our hearts upon a pilgrimage. In God’s strength, we are moving toward something better. We are on a journey, and all we are is focused on that pilgrimage toward something better. Our hearts are not set on the daily struggles we experience. Our hearts are not set on a past we cannot change because we are moving toward something far greater. It is a future of wholeness and healing, so we accept the challenge to keep on moving.” (pp. 225-226)

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." Albert Einstein

Many of us have been more focused on our struggles than solutions. Are you ready to try a new strategy?

Recommended reading: Exodus 10 and 11 in the morning; Matthew 20 and Psalm 25 in the evening

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV

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Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World

Day 29

Scripture focus: Come and listen to my counsel. I’ll share my heart with you and make you wise. Proverbs 1:23 NLT

I didn’t recognize the significance of the moment. Late one afternoon, when most young moms are feeding children and helping with homework, my phone rang. A good friend called and asked to visit. It didn’t sound much like a request. We sat in my living room as she told me her story. She was deeply hurt by an authority figure who had deeply disappointed her. Since both of us had the utmost respect for this community leader, it was a crushing blow to find out our leader walked around in the same kind of clay feet the rest of us possessed.

We moaned and groaned and shook our heads. We wrung our hands. We cried. We railed. And then we got up, hugged and went about doing the next right thing. She went home to her family; I continued the evening with mine. I think that’s the evening we moved from friends to sisters.

There was no “counsel” uttered that night – in the traditional sense of the word. We shared hearts. I joined her in the suffering she was willing to share. I don’t think she left with a solution to her heartache, or five principles to pursue. I do believe our hearts grew a bit. What happened?

She told the truth. She didn’t minimize or embellish. I listened to her story without the necessity of playing the part of either judge or jury. Our small community of two made the decision to treasure this experience in our heart, without allowing it to define us or the clay-footed antagonist in this sad tale. We didn’t ignore or obsess over it. We moved on but we didn’t forget. Occasionally in the intervening years we revisited this story (in private) when we stumbled upon a new biblical perspective. We’d take our new-found knowledge and drag it back into the context of this painful moment in history and learn what we could from the re-telling. Today, we are different people because one of us suffered, and the other participated in the suffering vicariously. I think our hearts are a bit stronger. I hope we are both a bit wiser. Arterburn calls this “reframing.” Engelmann describes this as productive suffering. God commands that we do it.

The inner stirring of the heart is a mysterious thing. Spiritual clichés don’t promote wisdom nearly as frequently as spiritual “clingings.” Like the guy in Scott’s story who clung to the bridge. Or the time my friend clung to me while I suffered under the cumbersome weight of justifiable resentment. Or the weeks after my former friend ripped her precious child out of my arms and took him home to an uncertain, unclean, and under-nourished future. Or the young woman who clings to the tenuous hope that one day she too can find her freedom from addiction.

In the heat of suffering we cannot expect to understand the work of the Holy Spirit taking place deep within the recesses of our heart. It’s easy to fall back into the traps of self-reliance, isolation, pity, arrogance, or worse. Perhaps that’s why scripture reminds us that it’s only by faith that we understand how the universe was formed – and our place in the story.

Recommended reading: Exodus 8 and 9 in the morning; Psalm 24 and Proverbs 6 in the evening

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV

Day 28 – Week at a glance

Scripture focus: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs in the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” The words of Jesus in his famous Sermon on the Mount, found in Matthew 5:3-6 NIV

1. God’s perspective on blessing is radical.

2. There is a danger in relying on false spirituality as a panacea for all our suffering. This week doesn’t dive deeply into what false spirituality is or how to combat it. I hope it raises enough questions that we have some intentional God conversations with trusted friends about what all this might mean.

3. Suffering is inevitable but not enviable. Jesus provides us with an excellent role model of one who appropriately handled suffering.

4. Cyclical suffering is bad; suffering does not have to be cyclical.

5. We may not have much confidence in our own ability to respond wisely to suffering. The great news is that we don’t have to trust in ourselves to make the right decisions all the time.

6. If Jesus relied heavily on clarity of vision, single-minded purpose, a strong sense of identity, discipline and big believing in the one who sent him – we should probably pay attention to his example.

7. Our true identity is revealed in Christ. (See Ephesians 1:11)

8. There are no simple formulas for escaping suffering.

9. Acceptance and make a decision are two different concepts. Both are valuable.

10. Suffering is not necessarily the result of sin (living independently of God). Sometimes it’s an invitation.

11. Whether one’s suffering is self-inflicted or not, God’s response to our suffering is consistent.

12. God’s prevailing purpose ALWAYS is founded upon his love, grace, mercy AND his commitment to our salvation.

13. God wants none to perish.

This completes the first twenty eight steps of your 365 step journey; I pray you are nearer to God as a result of the steps you’ve taken this week.

Recommended reading: Exodus 6 and 7 in the morning; Matthew 19 and Psalm 23 in the evening

Week 4 Bonus Material

Proverbs can seem contradictory unless you remember that they’re written to address specific situations. So be careful how you read! Consider Proverbs 26:4-5 – Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes. I suppose that’s why we ask God constantly to make us aware of our next right step. Sometimes we zig, other times we zag, according to what his prevailing purposes require.

Proverbs

Purpose: Proverbs is considered wisdom literature. This isn’t to be mistaken with the commands of the law or the plot of narrative. By definition, a proverb is a generalization. It’s useful but not a promise or a guarantee. Clearly, all proverbs point to two key truths: wise living is good, foolish living is destructive.

Key themes: God is wise and doesn’t tolerate fools. He directs the path of those who trust him. He desires disciplined living because it is good for us.

Jan 27

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World

Day 27

Scripture focus: “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last.” John 15:16 NIV

Several days ago, in spite of my better judgment, I offered up a suggestion of five words that might prove pivotal in the building of heart (vision, identity, purpose, discipline, belief). I fear that we might falsely conclude that we have been presented with an opportunity to make a decision. Could grabbing hold of the principles we’ve been pontificating about propel us out of despair and into the abundant life (John 10:10)? Is our fate dependent upon choosing wisely? Am I suggesting that we redouble our efforts and hope that our skills and clever ways will win us the big prize – the relief of suffering and the reward of a big dream?

If that’s the answer, then we’re hosed. Like the fisherman in Scott’s parable, we’ve been there and done that. Some of us even won some prizes along the way. I love to win! But counting on our abilities to be the brightest, strongest, and richest (“The best Sneetch on the beach” – to quote that wise theologian Dr. Seuss) is not a fool-proof system. In fact, it’s downright foolish.

Let’s return to the enormously grateful fisherman. Pulled to safety and standing on terra firma (firm ground), I hear his voice cry out, “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I gotta tell you, in the instant before you pulled me to safety, I had my doubts. It was really, really hard to let go of that bridge. I wasn’t sure if you were strong enough to pull me out of harm’s way. Man, I am so glad I accepted your offer of salvation! Can I buy you lunch?” And off they walk to the nearest diner, where no doubt this man will begin a God conversation that ultimately may result in a completely reframed view of life.

Or not. You see, now is when he has some decisions to make. After a hearty meal and a well-deserved nap, this master fisherman might decide his best bet is to go find another lucky fishing rod. Sure, his shoulders will be sore and his fingertips bruised, but in a week or ten days, the soreness will pass – plenty of time to rethink his initial response of gratitude to the good shepherd who pulled him to safety with a strong hand and a trusty staff.

Recommended reading: Exodus 4 and 5 in the morning; Matthew 18 in the evening

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV

Jan 26 Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 26 Scripture focus:: Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me." Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.' " Matthew 4:8-10 NIV A Modern Day (sort of) Parable, by Scott McBean There once was a man who loved his family deeply. He desired to care for them and provide for their every need. He learned at an early age that he was a pretty decent fisherman. And thus, his big dream was birthed! Using his gifts and talents, he traveled every day to a bridge near his village, carrying his trusty (and very lucky) fishing pole with him. For days and weeks and months his plan worked. Sometimes he'd experience a season of low productivity, and begin to fear that his strategy might be faulty. But through perseverance and redoubling his efforts, these lean times always passed. Until one day, through no fault of his own, he fell off the bridge! Death loomed. In an instant, he had to choose. To save himself from the swift current and rocks below, he must grab hold of the sturdy bridge. This would require letting go of his faithful rod and reel. Reluctantly he drops the fishing pole, and grasps the lowest support beam of the bridge. He hangs from the beam, his strong arms and tenacious fingers (strengthened by years of fighting big fish and winning) begin to tire. His life flashes before him. He suffers physically and soulfully. His heart breaks at the thought that he will never again provide sustenance for his family. He becomes aware of footsteps on the bridge! He would love to cry out for help, but he's too weak to find his voice. Miraculously, a man's face peers over the bridge directly above him. It is a calm face, seemingly unfazed by the remarkable sight of a man dangling from a bridge over perilous waters. "Here, son, grab my hand." He says with confidence. Accepting the man's offer of help will require the fisherman to release his two-fisted attachment to the bridge. This is a tough choice. It's risky. He assesses the man. Is he strong enough to reach down and hold the weight of his entire body? Does he have the core body strength to not only hold him, but pull him to safety? Faced with certain death as his grip weakens, the fisherman takes a chance and let's go. His savior grasps his hand and pulls him up to safety. The End What does the man say in response to this miraculous display of the power to save? Does he cry, "Whew! I am so thrilled I made the decision to let you save me?" To be continued. . . Recommended reading: Exodus 2 and 3 in the morning; Psalm 22 and Proverbs 5 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV

Day 25

Scripture focus: Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes. Proverbs 26:4-5 NIV

Do you love trivia? Here’s a question for you trivia lovers: what are the five words most often spoken to me? Here are your choices: A. Your messages are too long. B. Tell me what to do. C. The devotionals are too short. D. You need a wardrobe consultant. Answer key: Although (A.) and (D.) are technically true, most people are too gracious to mutter them (the rest of you know who you are). (C.) is false; I’m never accused of brevity. Why say something in five words if you can use ten or better yet, twenty? Of course, the answer is (B.) Tell me what to do.

Suffering people struggle with anxiety, depression, and frustration. They often feel hopeless and helpless. Prayers come out in the form of moans. “To seek God when you are in hell and not able to find him is the most despairing journey of the human heart.” (p. 18 Running In Circles) In the face of two choices: asking for instructions or isolating in disconnected solitary suffering – asking is the far superior choice. The value of the asking may not lie in the answer. I suspect that the humility and willingness that a sincere “ask” requires may be far more valuable than any guru’s response. This humility and willingness are essential characteristics of a person in the midst of metamorphosis.

In Proverbs 26, verses 4 and 5, do you see a potential frustration? Within the same verse the writer gives two contradictory statements. Someone suffering from the folly of another might end up pretty confused listening to this guru’s advice. Kenny Rogers croons, “You gotta know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em” – awesome. Tell me what to do. How do I learn when to hold and when to fold – when to speak and when to remain silent? Jesus handled his temptations in the desert with a craftsman’s precision and skill. He knew his enemy; more importantly, he knew himself. But for people prone to cyclical suffering, it’s perfectly understandable that we lack confidence in our own ability to follow his lead.

Five words: vision, identity, purpose, discipline, and belief.

If you want to acquire a big, beautiful heart in a world of hurt, do the following:

1. Learn how to see the world (both seen and unseen) through the lens of God-vision goggles [vision].

2. Learn the true identity of God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, self, and the enemy. Study their character, calling and conclusions. We have the entire story in scripture; we can read the final chapter. The story is finished. The only question that remains is how you are going to respond.

3. Discover God’s prevailing purposes. Jesus is the consummate example of one who stayed focused on God’s purposes – and his part in the story. It was this clarity of purpose that equipped him to know when to speak, and when to remain silent (Remember his trial? He remained silent; then he spoke.). In Luke four, his popularity in the polls vanishes and the crowd threatens to toss him over a cliff. On that day he folds ‘em and walks off. In the Garden of Gethsemane, he holds ‘em and waits for his accusers.

4. Practice stepping as God speaks. We aren’t Jesus, but we are promised the gift of transformation. This will require discipline. We can have the mind of Christ. But it isn’t delivered by FedEx or UPS.

5. Believe. John tells us, “The work of God is this: believe in the one He has sent.” Good intentions won’t provide the fuel to run the race. People who believe act on what they learn.

Recommended reading: Genesis 50 and Exodus 1 in the morning; Matthew 17 and Psalm 21 in the evening

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 NIV

Day 24 – Jesus knew his God-created identity and prevailing purpose

Scripture focus: As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” Matthew 3:16-17 NIV

Speculate with me for a moment. Jesus could have made other choices. He could have turned those stones into bread and immediately taken a big bite out of the tastiest loaf. He could justify his actions by thinking that it would provide him with the strength to continue his battle with the devil. (Of course, it reminds me of that nasty fruit tasting incident in Genesis three – and that didn’t work out so well for Adam and Eve.)

Jesus could have said, “Back off buddy, you aren’t the boss of me! I’m not going to fall for your tricky tricks. You got Adam and Eve with this temptation – but not me! You’re a slimy snake, and I want nothing to do with you. In fact, I smite thee with my righteous anger!” This too would have been theologically correct. Jesus does ultimately overcome the oppressor. Why not just get that part of the story out of the way?

The Son of God could have fled to the nearest prayer closet. He could have said to Satan, “Could you hold that thought? I need to go reflect on this in prayer.” Jesus often withdrew to quiet places to pray during stressful times of ministry.

He could have stood before his accuser in silence. As he gazed into the face of the enemy, he could have been praying, “Abba, Father, save me!” Certainly he prayed at all times and with his God connection, he knows his daddy was listening.

Setting speculation aside, what did he actually do? Sometimes big insights into scriptural passages come by looking back in the text. What was the event that preceded the temptation? The baptism of Jesus. What did his daddy say to him? “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

“In the Gospels, Jesus does not succumb to every kind of suffering that comes his way. His identity as God’s beloved Son and his sense of purpose and calling cause him to avoid certain situations. God reminds him before he goes into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil that Jesus is his beloved Son. This reminder…is to encourage Jesus and build him up before a period of desolation. In the wilderness, Jesus knows who he is. There is no doubt in his mind – and he states it. The Enemy tries over and over to challenge this identity. He distorts Scripture, and if Jesus were to follow what Satan wanted, he would come under the bondage and oppression of evil. Time after time he answers Satan’s distortions with statements of victory and purpose. When he emerges from the wilderness, his identity leads him to begin his ministry the right way. “ (p. 20, Running In Circles)

Now, return with me to our hypothetical story in yesterday’s devotional. Can we formulate a four point plan for how to escape the cyclical suffering that often accompanies big family gatherings? I don’t know. What I do know is that the cornerstone of any effective planning will require the following: we must know our true God-created identity, we must be well-versed in hearing God’s voice, and disciplined in the fine art of stepping as he speaks.

Recommended reading: Genesis 48 and 49 in the morning; Matthew 16 and Psalm 20 in the evening

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 NIV

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 23 - Avoid becoming a glutton for punishment Scripture focus: Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." Matthew 4:1-3 NIV Recently I listened as someone shared their moral inventory with me (see information about this fifth step process on our web site www.northstarcommunity.com ). Abuse, neglect, and massive amounts of suffering were consistent themes. "Wow." I said at story's end. Then I let the tears flow. Staring back at me with a stern look of disapproval, this fifth stepper said, "Hey, none of that. I'm tough. I can take it." If we were picking a team that could be tough and suffer, my first round draft pick would be Jesus. He's proven that he can take a licking and keep on ticking. Long before his crucifixion and subsequent resurrection, Jesus experienced suffering. In fact, Matthew four reveals it was his pre-game meal - prior to beginning his three years of public ministry. After fasting for forty days and nights, Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by Satan. Now, if you were the "baddest man in town" - I think being the Son of God qualifies you for that title - (no offense to Jim Croce and Leroy Brown) might you say to yourself, "I'm tough. I can take it." With that kind of attitude, when Satan said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." What might you expect Jesus to do? (Please pause to prepare and refrain from giving the "right" answer that comes from having read this passage a hundred times in the past.) Remember, Jesus hadn't eaten in forty days. Don't forget, he turns water into wine at his mother's insistence, in spite of his reluctance to do so. He was hungry. His "God-hood" was being questioned. He had the ability to perform the challenge. And what did he choose? He quotes scripture. He reframes the challenge. Jesus doesn't need to prove either his manhood or his "God-hood." He is far more concerned with what God thinks of him than Satan. Jesus refuses to run into the fiery trial of suffering in an insecure attempt to prove himself to his enemy. Suppose you're the adult child of an abusive alcoholic. When you were a kid you had to "take it." Perhaps your codependent parent remained in the marriage "for the sake of the kids" and failed to provide the protection from this abuser that you deserved. As an adult, you go home for family gatherings and your abuser continues to rule the roost. During a particularly contentious meal, the force of the abuser's wrath is turned on you. What do you do? Do you decide you're "tough" and can take it? Do you pray for God to save you as you sit in your seat and listen to your accuser accuse? On the ride home, do you make excuses for your parent's bad behaving to your own children? What if you reframed your experience? What if you said to yourself, "Jesus does not succumb to every kind of suffering that comes his way (p. 20 Running On Empty) and neither do I. I don't have to take this anymore. " Armed with this renewed perspective, you make a plan - and stick with it. More on that plan tomorrow. Recommended reading: Genesis 46 and 47 in the morning; Psalm 19 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV

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Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 22 - The danger of false spirituality Scripture focus: Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that is taking place among you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 1 Peter 4:12 My husband and I got into a rather lively debate on the nature of mercy (compassion for others) and grace (unmerited favor). As imitators of Christ, both of us believe that spiritual maturation will require that we become more merciful and gracious as we age. The suffering of others concerns followers of Christ, because it concerns God. What Pete and I are struggling with is our observation that sacred people can sometimes act like suckers. Christians occasionally make the most radical codependents. Frankly, I feel a little chagrined by my perspective. Is it harsh? Am I lacking the mercy gene? God is so amazing. While we were discussing the concepts of mercy and grace in the face of suffering, God was merciful, providing me with comfort and a fresh perspective as I struggled with my self-doubt (Let me be clear. Self-doubt is a good thing if one is prone to being "often wrong by never in doubt")! Kim V. Engelmann writes about this very topic in her marvelous book, Running In Circles. Brought up in a family with a theologian father and an abusive mother who regularly spoke a spiritual language - it took years for Engelmann to realize that faith is sometimes a hindrance to productive suffering. "The most chilling aspect of those years was the fact that my mother's spiritual language seemed to validate everything. Our family's faith was a mixed blessing. Had we not believed in God, we might have sought help much more readily. Paradoxically, spiritual language can be a lacquer that covers over and justifies problems rather than helping us discern the most appropriate, even obvious course of action." (pp.16-17) I knew it! It's true! Sometimes spirituality is a thinly veiled cover for cyclical suffering! (I am not saying that this is intentional or premeditated.) Cyclical suffering is neither merciful nor gracious! God is the God of renewal, restoration, transformation and healing. How dare we marinate in the juices of suffering without benefiting from its power to inform, instruct, refine and strengthen? Engelmann continues - "I am a pastor now, and I see many people trapped in a similar cycle of pain. The wife of a bipolar man whose wild spending habits have brought them to financial ruin says, 'God is telling me to love him and pray harder.' There is certainly nothing wrong with loving, and praying harder is always warranted in difficult situations. But these people reappear in my office a week, a month, even a year or two later asking why God hasn't done anything. Despite their earnest prayers, heaven is silent. The old patterns keep repeating. There is no relief. In fact, the problem now looms larger than before." (p.17) Amen!! Peter the disciple reminds us that we aren't supposed to be surprised at the trials that come to test us. But we're not supposed to run into the flames! Suffering is no stranger to us - but for Pete's sake - life will provide plenty of it without making choices that actually feed the beast! The next few days of devotionals will provide us an opportunity to stretch our spiritual muscles. Eat your Wheaties and get ready. Recommended reading: Genesis 44 and 45 in the morning; Matthew 15 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 21 - Week at a glance Scripture focus: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:11-14a NIV 1. There are five roadblocks to recovery that can derail our best intentions: stubborn resistance, intentions, arrogant entitlement, resentment and disconnected isolation. 2. Humility is an antidote to these roadblocks. 3. Humility makes us teachable and open to suggestions. (God makes us both willing and able to follow through on those suggestions.) 4. Humility provides the firm foundation that gives us the wisdom to see that people don't much care about our good intentions if we never pull the trigger and follow through. (God provides us with the wisdom to realize that we need to pay attention to how others perceive us.) 5. Humility leaves no room in our heart for arrogant entitlement. We learn that life isn't all about "us". (God sends others into our lives so that we can learn how to serve rather than always trying to find someone to serve us.) 6. Resentment melts away (over time) when our humble spirits continue to inform us about the truth of our own shortcomings. (God is patient with us while this process proceeds.) 7. Isolation isn't an option for people who are humbled by the grace and mercy of God. It may be messy and challenging, but big-hearted people know that when God said love him and others, that command was going to require that we live in a community. (God shapes our definition of what family means, and provides principles for how to live healthily within our community.) 8. Intimacy is a second key antidote if we're going to live large. We simply have to learn how to get along with others without them driving us crazy or vice versa. (Prayer is essential - fortunately, God listens and responds.) 9. We must "reframe" our perspective on suffering. (God has the "frame" we need.) 10. We must humble ourselves and get a grip on what prosperity, God's grand epic adventure, hope and a future mean in the kingdom of God. (God is quite capable of providing this renewed view.) 11. In all of these things, we continue to ask ourselves: what are the half-truths and whole-lies that are standing between me and my maturity? (The big boys and girls of the world will go to any lengths to allow God's maturation process to proceed.) This completes the first twenty one steps of your 365 step journey; I pray you are nearer to God as a result of the steps you've taken this week. Recommended reading: Genesis 43 and Proverbs 4 in the morning; Matthew 14 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV Click "Comments" Below to Join the Discussion Scroll down to the Archive Section to View Previous Devotionals.

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 20 - The paradox of suffering - Part II Scripture focus: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. James 1:2-8 NIV As Ortberg stated, suffering is paradoxical. "Here's the other side of the paradox. Ask ten people what the number-one reason is why they doubt the existence of God. Nine of them will say it is the existence of pain and suffering in the world. We cannot fathom why there is so much hurt, so deep and so unexplained. We cannot understand why a good, loving and competent God does not come down and fix up this mess. Now. Today." (pp.7-8 Running In Circles) Here's the part in this series where you get to put those big panties on! Suffering, pain, trauma and tragedy are not like a math equation. There's no formula for avoiding bad times. If someone has left the impression that faith-filled people don't experience trials, then something is wrong. Scripture never says that. What scripture does say is that people who believe can be assured that their suffering is not meaningless. In Stephen Arterburn's book Reframe Your Life, he provides a model for transforming our view of suffering. He agrees with Ortberg who agrees with scripture! "When you reframe your life, you live with a new level of discernment because you are always looking below the surface for more information before you make assumptions about people and situations." (p. 141) That's the wisdom James is referring to in our scripture focus for today! Discerning people realize that there's more going on than we realize. Grab a pair of God vision goggles - and use them! This requires keeping them firmly smashed on our face even when seeing the truth is inconvenient or sad or painful or disappointing. We don't just accessorize with our spirituality! It's our foundation. One couple, missionaries at the time, suffered greatly as his sexual addiction was exposed. God didn't swoop in and protect them from the consequences of this wrongdoing. I suspect that days, weeks and even months or years into the journey both of them probably wished this whole mess had never happened. I'm grateful they chose to believe God. Instead of playing the role of victim, trying to duck out of their respective responsibilities, or hoping God would make it all go away, these two entered into the process of recovery. Today they help other families who find themselves suffering with the same affliction. Melissa and Troy Haas tell their story in two books: the Journey - Hope for Spouses Walking Through The Valley of Sexual Addiction (Melissa) and Building For Freedom - Allowing Christ to Reconstruct A Life Broken by Sexual Sin. (Troy). They are a testimony to the wild and crazy way God prospers, protects from harm, gives us hope and provides us with a future. What kind of suffering do you choose? Recommended reading: Genesis 41 and 42 in the morning; Matthew 13 and Psalm 18 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV Click "Comments" Below to Join the Discussion Scroll down to the Archive Section to View Previous Devotionals.

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 19 - The paradox of suffering, Part I Scripture focus: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV "This is not what I signed up for in this marriage. We made a covenant before GOD!!! We gave our life to him; traveled all over the world for him; had daily devotionals and attended spiritual retreats! Heck, we even led retreats on marriage enrichment!!! How could this be happening to us? Didn't God say he would prosper us and protect us from harm? Where is God in all this? He said he'd give us hope and future - you call this mess hopeful?" Like many spiritually-minded people, this family has recently uncovered a hidden addiction - and it's tearing the family apart. They don't understand. Quoting Jeremiah 29:11 as if it's a "get out of suffering free card," this family is wrestling with how such a dirty little secret could have festered in such a desperately devoted household. This is a spiritual conundrum worth unpacking! Has it occurred to you that perhaps God's definition of prosperity is wildly different than our own presumptions? John Ortberg says, "There is a strange paradox deep in the soul. Years ago, I was part of a survey that asked thousands of people what had most helped them grow spiritually. The number one answer was pain." (Running In Circles, p. 7) The number one answer was pain. Pain helps people grow spiritually. Suffering can produce hope and a future. Cyclical suffering (unproductive, repetitive, never-learn-a-single-lesson-from-it-suffering) is harmful. Productive suffering prevents harm and produces character. It is one way to strengthen a heart. "Times of suffering and difficulty had a way of making people aware of their frailty and lack of control. They shatter our self-sufficiency. They open us up to receiving the truth about ourselves. When biblical writers like James say that suffering has the power to bring about maturity in the human soul, they are simply making observations about the way things are." (Ortberg continues.) My friend cries out in his grief, not because he's a lousy theologian, but simply because he has a decision to make. It's the same decision you and I face daily. Are we on this spiritual journey for the promise of prosperity? Or are we walking this road because we believe in the One God sent? Baby believers may run to the throne of grace in response to suffering in hopes of finding relief. That's as it should be - keep on coming, God loves his babies! But big boy and girl believers grow big hearts when they realize that this journey isn't all about "me"! My friend has lived a long time entrenched in spiritual "doings" without growing out of his baby fat. This suffering experience is an opportunity to rejoice over. This is a pivotal moment in his life: will he hold on to his pacifier (addiction) or will he allow God to mold him into his true God-created identity? There's more going on than God following us around making sure we're comfy. A friend gave me this sign, and I read it regularly, "Put your big girl panties on and deal with it!" This is a heartless world that inherently produces suffering. Harm happens. God is providing us a way to suffer productively. Listen, this is a huge point - avoidance of suffering is not an option in this world. The question is, how will you respond to the opportunity to grow as you suffer? Recommended reading: Genesis 39 and 40 in the morning; Psalm 17 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV Click "Comments" Below to Join the Discussion Scroll down to the Archive Section to View Previous Devotionals.

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World Day 18 - The antidote of intimacy Scripture focus: I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me. [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency.] Philippians 4:13 AMP "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." He glares up at me - daring me to question his decision in light of such clear biblical precedent. My son was convinced that it was time for him to move out and get a place of his own. I'm a big fan of kids growing up and getting their own pads. In this case, I thought six was a little young. Armed with his Buz Light Year backpack filled with snacks and GI Joes, my son was ready to take on the world. It had been a tough day on the home front, and my boy desperately desired a little isolation. "Have you decided where you're going?" "On an adventure!" "Well, of course you are! I mean where are you going to sleep tonight? It'll be dark soon, and cold. Have you got warm covers and a flashlight? What about taking a thermos of hot chocolate - you love that on cold nights!" "Maybe you could get it for me?" He asks tentatively. "Actually, I'm starting dinner - tonight is taco night, remember? I don't have the strength to do that and pack too." He stares off toward the front door and freedom. "Maybe I'll stay for tacos and then leave for my adventure." It sounds cute now, but back then, we were in the midst of a messy moment. I've forgotten all the particulars, but feelings had been hurt that day. One of the difficult things about intimacy is that it is so darn imperfect. We hurt each other's feelings. It's uncomfortable. On bad days, we want to pack up our backpacks and head for freedom. "One of the difficult things about intimacy is that if we have been hurt in the past, it is the opposite of what we think we need and want. We think our greatest need is protection to prevent any further damage. But it is not protection we need, it is safe connection to help us view the world in a different way." (p. 58 in Reframe Your Life) "The beginning of a reframed life is making the move to connect in deeper and more intimate ways with others. It does not fix everything, but it is a giant step toward seeing life as it really is." ( p.59) Dinner, dessert, and wrestling with dad ended all talks of moving out that night. But we've had other challenges in our family and I imagine we will have more in the future. We're choosing intimacy - imperfect, messy and inconvenient - over isolation. Sometimes it's hard. I guess that's why living life on God's terms requires heart. Recommended reading: Genesis 37 and 38 in the morning; Psalm 16 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV Click "Comments" Below to Join the Discussion Scroll down to the Archive Section to View Previous Devotionals.

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World ====================================================== Day 17 – Disconnected Isolation Scripture focus: Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2 NIV So far in our devotionals we’ve covered several roadblocks to recovery: stubborn resistance, intentions, arrogant entitlement, and resentment. (See the book Reframe Your Life for a more thorough treatment of the subject.) Arterburn calls the next hurdle “disconnected isolation.” In a beautifully crafted description that hits a little too close to home for me, Arterburn claims that he has no problems with people – so long as he is alone! How true is that? He goes on to make a compelling case for why this kind of thinking could land us in big trouble. “It is when I gather with others that I have to come face-to-face with who I am. The worst in me can lie dormant for years as long as no one is around to awaken the sleeping giant. It is amazing just how easy life is when I’m isolated. You would really like me if you observed me alone. But the “perfection” that many of us experience when we are alone and disconnected is flawed. Life is easier for us, but it is emptier. We don’t have to face who we really are so we don’t know the areas in which we need to grow. Stagnation becomes comfortable and we stop developing the maturity and wisdom God wants for us. I can remain in complete denial. I can feed all my bad habits and deep resentments and allow them to shrink my life and potential. I can take my place alongside the millions of others who have decided to surrender to a life with the least resistance and least chance for meaning and purpose. For those who have settled into this rut, it seems like the perfect way to live. In reality, it is the perfect setup to miss life as it is meant to be.” (p.55) I’ve lost count of the number of people I know who have walked out on their families, trading them in for a more controlled environment – without all those nasty complications that arise when we have to get along with others. At first, I’m told it seems like a relief. Imagine a world where the only dirty socks left lying around were yours! No one cares which end of the toothpaste you squeeze! Every meal can be your favorite! No arguments over whose turn it is to take out the trash (never mind the small fact that every turn is now your turn)! Currently I live in a virtual fraternity house. My three guys are constantly reminding me of our connectedness. They come into the kitchen where I’m happily watching television in blissful isolation as I prepare dinner – and change the channel (without asking)! They have friends over and play instruments plugged into amps until my chandeliers shake, rattle and roll. But these frat boys aren’t messing with a relationship rookie. I’ve had one little chick leave the nest. The daily dirty sock dispensers, toothpaste globbers, pizza party throwers, reluctant trash-taker-outers, tv hoggers, and musical maniacs will one day fly the coup like their big sis. And I’ll hate it. I’ll look at my calendar and eagerly wait for the day when these chicks come home and ruffle my feathered nest. Arterburn is right. Isolation may be tidy, but it’s also lonely. For those who find a way to live in disconnected isolation – watch out. Your world may be tidy, but your life will become anemic. Recommended reading: Genesis 35 and 36 in the morning; Matthew 12 and Psalm 15 in the evening Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV