Day 1
I tossed and turned in sleepless misery, suffering from those childish-but-still-painful maladies of ear and sinus infections. And I'm not even to the worst part of my sad tale of woe! Slowly, creeping in on silent feet, much like the mysterious way that the dark covering of night sneaks up and blots out the sun's light at day's end, I was overcome with a deep and abiding dread. I hadn't seen any warning signs of sorrow approaching and no circumstances justified the empty feeling in my head and heart. Swirling in a pool of dark thoughts, I had an awareness of God-separation that left me feeling naked and exposed, without protection, purpose or peace. Since misery loves company, I made sure my husband was awake to share in my suffering.
"I feel all shriveled up spiritually. I have this recurring thought that never again will God's Spirit whisper to me words of comfort, inspiration, or even correction. How terrible it would be to live life absent the voice of God!" I cried out in panic.
Pete replied, "I find it is better to not make major decisions when one has a high fever. How about I fix you a cup of hot tea, and you take some more aspirin?" I guess if you can't get a definitive answer on whether or not the rest of your life will be lived under the shadow of the silence of God, hot tea and pain relievers are the next best thing.
The dawning of a new day brought the necessary antibiotics and the comfort of restorative sleep - but my spirit continued to tremble. I silently stood watch, hoping for a renewed awareness of the presence of God and fearing that I might be out of luck. I pondered the four hundred long, silent years that stand in the gap between the writings of the Old and New Testament. How blithely we flip between these two partitions in our bibles! What is it to us that silence reigned in the past? I guess it's easy to discount the implications of a time gap in the story of God when we assume such an absence would never happen to us! Within a few days my health returned accompanied by a renewed spirit. Suddenly it became easy to remember that God promises to never leave me nor forsake me. Like my childhood nightmares that fled in the face of a new day, my dark night of the soul dissipated with restored health, making the whole ordeal seem sort of silly. As mysteriously as my spiritual malaise appeared, it turned tail and ran. Whew! I'm glad that's over! But I write this to you so that I won't forget. I want to remember the experience of feeling helpless and hopeless, like a sheep without her good shepherd. I want to engrave this lonely memory in my mind, so that I will be inspired to take seriously God's call to each of us - guard your heart.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 NIV
I invite you to join me on a 365 day heart-guarding journey. Taking one step at a time, let's consider how we might go about guarding our heart - and in so doing, become a people with big hearts (who have what it takes to live large in a sometimes heartless world). Daily recommended scripture readings, a scripture focal passage (or two) and a few words to get you thinking are included. Take what helps, and leave the rest! Blessings, t
Recommended reading: Genesis 1 and 2; Psalm 1 in the morning; Matthew 1 and Proverbs 1 in the evening - At this pace, we'll read the entire bible in a year; if you don't like this pace, set one that works for you!
1 comment:
I can tell that these are going to be very helpful to me. Sometimes I get that feeling that God's not near...although I know from scripture that He is. It just doesn't feel like it. Thanks for sharing your ESH T.
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