Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World
Day 16 - Justifiable Resentment
Scripture focus: Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple. Job 5:2 NIV
Once upon a time I lived with a huge resentment lodged in my gut. I dragged it with me and laid it out in all its ugliness, telling a trusted friend the nature of my suffering. It was messy. My friend listened empathetically, nodding gently, and at one point, crying softly. It was music to my ears when she said, "It sounds like your resentment is justifiable."
"Yes!" I cried in agreement! It's great to be in the company of someone who both understands and agrees!
She went on to list several ways this infraction was continuing to cost me - I was distracted, listless, depressed, unfocused - all as a direct result of the resentment I was so justifiably suffering. Then she asked a great question. "I wonder why you want to continue to be dragged down by this terrible prior bad act? At this point, it seems like the actual offense was less destructive than its aftermath - your reaction to the betrayal."
Huh? How could this be? Wasn't the betrayal awful? Yes it was. But my friend was right - truly, the event caused fewer negative repercussions in my life than my reaction to the single act of bad behaving on the part of another. My friend totally gave me permission to live with the resentment I so deeply felt I deserved. But she loved me too much to let me marinate foolishly without throwing me a rope that I could choose to use to climb out of my pit of pity.
Sometimes resentments are justified, other times they're just plain old petty. Either way, they are barriers to big hearts. Even the novice biblical student knows that scripture commands that we get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger (Ephesians 4:31). I know this because so many people want to have God conversations about this issue. In my personal experience, I've never met a single person who is shocked to discover that God wants us to be big-hearted, forgiving people. Most people have at least one piece of bitterness lodged deep within them that they believe - without a shadow of doubt - simply cannot be what God is talking about when he says "Get rid of it!" Surely, they say, God doesn't expect me to do such a thing in this instance. To be quite frank, he does. Why? Because he said so! Since he's our Creator God, and he knows how we are made, I can only assume that he knows more about our innards than we do. If he says get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, he knows what he's talking about. Resentment is worse for us that high blood pressure, cholesterol or diabetes. It's a killer.
How do we get rid of resentment? Through a process that takes time and humility. It requires us to take a good hard look at ourselves, and acknowledge our own bad behaving (giving us a fresh perspective on another's sin). We have to be willing to rely more on God's character than our feelings on any given subject. That means we must discipline ourselves to believe the truth that God restores, transforms, heals, and more. Gradually all this truth-telling allows us to reframe the offense (and offender) with a renewed perspective. It allows us to refocus. Eventually, with liberal reliance on the grace and mercy of God - we learn how to forgive. Living with resentment requires getting up close and personal with suffering (cyclical - the kind that keeps us in a swivet but gets us nowhere fast). All this truth-telling and re-aligning causes suffering too. But it is productive - and provides a pathway to peace.
Recommended reading: Genesis 33 and 34 in the morning; Matthew 11 and Psalm 14 in the evening
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23 TNIV
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