Day 236 – Fireworks of fury
Scripture focus: It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: …a brutal temper… Galatians 5:19-20 the Message
Wrath – a brutal temper – thumos (Greek) – a person literally boiling with anger. Commentators have suggested that this is the kind of anger that stems from poor problem solving strategies. It’s the result of shoving down unresolved issues without confronting them. Eventually all that anger builds and erupts – thumos is the result.
For many years, my husband worked from home. When he had conference calls, he’d use the speaker phone feature. He’s worked with the same guys for a million years; they don’t seem to hesitate to share their strongly held and occasionally conflicting opinions. Listening to them “discuss” a situation at length and with great vigor – I’d sometimes find myself reacting with anxiety. Later, I’d ask him about the call. Usually he wouldn’t even remember the conversation as being particularly conflicted. He certainly never reported that he felt angry. Another time he was having trouble with his computer. He called the help line. No joke – these guys kept him on hold the entire day, shifting him from one unhelpful help desk associate to another equally clueless helper. The longer this dragged out, the madder Pete appeared. Sometimes he’d be on hold for 45 minutes or so. During that time he’d call out to me, “Can you believe this?”, and other such things that I can’t repeat. At the end of the day, the help line was of no help, he had wasted a day on the phone, and he was experiencing wrath. Finally, I heard him exclaim – in a very controlled and a bit sarcastic tone, “Thank you very much for being absolutely no help at all!” And he hung up. The children and I had grown interested in this proceeding, so we were all standing at the door as he delivered his snappy comeback to the anonymous helper. We all fell on the floor in hysterics.
“Boy, Dad, that really got ‘em good. That guy won’t be able to sleep tonight! You put him in his place!”
“That’s it? You’re furious and have been kept on the phone all day – and that’s the worst thing you can think to say to the guy?” We still tease him about the time he blew his top by thanking a guy for poor service. The truth is, Pete just isn’t that great with wrath. (He used to be a lot better at it when we were younger. But that’s his story to tell!) Here’s why I think Pete is so bad at the wrath thing.
· When something bothers him, he gets it off his chest immediately. He doesn’t mind mixing it up and expressing his opinion. Even though he’s pretty introverted, he has learned that it’s best to get all the opinions – even the dissenting ones – out on the table. That avoids a nasty build up of anger that could erupt into thumos.
· If a situation does present itself where he isn’t able to appropriately handle conflict (like talking to a stranger on the phone who doesn’t really understand the nuances of the English language and can’t help you solve a problem you’re paying them to solve)– and the anger builds – thumos isn’t but so explosive – because the storehouse is small.
Dealing with each frustration as it arises prevents a nasty internal build up of anger and resentment. Even when our tempers flare they’re more like a sparkler than a bottle rocket. If we regularly shoot off fireworks of fury, it’s clearly obvious that we’ve got some work to do. No worries. At least Paul has given us a clue about where to start working!
Recommended reading: Job 8 and 9 in the morning; Job 10 and 1 Corinthians 15 in the evening
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1 comment:
In reply to your comments from August 20, copied below I say yes yes yes there are testimonies to help direct you and there is HOPE! Working with your friend daily for 5 months then missing a week doesn't necessarily mean all is lost. I see it as meaning that you've taken a break for a week. Perhaps daily was too often for him. Perhaps there are other materials that could be used for a period. Here is Richmond, Virginia we are going to start reading "The Last Lecture" in our small home study groups. Teresa McBean is writing a study guide (we don't have it just yet) to accompany the book. Maybe that could be something you two could do. Having a conversation with him about how taking breaks doesn't mean total defeat. The questions you ask about how to help someone who has given up on themselves. That's where there is a fine line that we have to let learn what is our responsibility and what is the other person's.
Blogger Happy said...
These devotionals are just wonderful. This one on Aug 20 was the first one I saw. When I first read about paranoid loneliness, I couldn't help thinking of a dear friend who has been diagnosed with PTSD. He has been a believer for over 10 years, I've known him for 4, and I have seen the Holy Spirit working in him a lot this year. He was even considering missions work. But he has setbacks with anger and gives up on himself. God put him in my life as a neighbor and we have been reading scripture and praying daily for about 5 months. Until a week ago. How does one help someone who gives up on himself when I clearly see how God has been working in his life? Is there a point where we give up on people and let them go do damage to themselves, or is there hope for healing for christians with PTSD? I am praying so. Are there any testimonies of that sort that you can direct me to?
August 24, 2008 3:13 AM
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