August 18
Scripture focus: Father, I want those you gave me to be with me, right where I am, so they can see my glory, the splendor you gave me, having loved me long before there ever was a world. Righteous Father, the world has never known you, but I have known you, and these disciples know that you sent me on this mission. I have made your very being known to them— who you are and what you do— and continue to make it known, so that your love for me might be in them exactly as I am in them. John 17:24-26
We were absolutely created for intimate, loving relationships. Bad boundaries result in lousy loving.
Some lousy lovers include:
- Boundary victim – can't say "No!" – People who have trouble saying "no" to others aren't loving well in spite of their best intentions. An inability to draw healthy boundaries is not sacrificial love – it's usually more about people pleasing. I have a friend who continues to insist that pleasing others is a virtue. I, however, have discovered that when I care so much about what someone else thinks that my highest value is pleasing them, I'm caring more about their opinion of me than God's. It's an old fashioned term that still applies –it's called idolatry.
- Boundary hater – can't hear "No!" – Boundary victims and haters attract each other like magnets. A boundary hater pushes and pushes and pushes. If Jesus had been a boundary hater, he wouldn't have stood at the door and knocked. Although a boundary hater can be very aggressive, at least their behavior isn't confusing – unlike a manipulative boundary hater.
- Manipulative boundary hater – can't hear "No!" but hope we don't notice – Manipulative boundary haters are a lot trickier in their pushing boundary hating ways. These violators take a passive/aggressive approach. They are much more likely to use self-pity and indirect shaming to bust through boundaries. Their lack of aggression and self-effacing ways sometimes make it hard to recognize that they're as intent on ignoring your boundary as their more direct and pushy cohort, the boundary hater.
Boundary victims, haters and manipulators all miss the boat of loving like God.
My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God. 1 John 4:7-10 (The Message)
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