August 25
Scripture focus: A prudent person sees trouble coming and ducks; a simpleton walks in blindly and is clobbered. Proverbs 22:3 (The Message)
One of the responsibilities set before a parent is teaching a child how to say "no" to bad things. Unfortunately, some parents mess this up by requiring compliance at all costs from their children. Children need to learn how to say: No, I disagree, I don't want to, I'd prefer this not that, I choose this, I don't like that. When children aren't allowed to express preferences and feelings, they may become overly compliant – with fuzzy boundaries. In an effort to get along, they go along with whatever the crowd prefers. Here are some things that "compliants" fear: hurting other people's feelings, abandonment, separateness, another's anger, punishment, being shamed, or being viewed as bad or selfish or unspiritual.
A prudent person learns to recognize evil and avoid it.
May we all acquire the healthy boundaries necessary to protect self and others.
Recommended reading: 1 Chronicles 4-6
2 comments:
Who would have ever called me "compliant". Having the no's punished from me as a child, the fuzzy boundries became no boundries.I am still working on the list of fears: hurting other people's feelings, abandonment, separateness, another's anger, punishment, being shamed, or being viewed as bad or selfish or unspiritual. Today they are not so much fears as very uncomfortable moments that with his grace I can learn from and grow.Do I still try to avoid them, the answer would be yes more than I care to admit.Since I am a work in progress, I will develope the tools to handle these things better. Some days progress is slow, but slow progress is better than no progress. God Bless
I, too, have fuzzy boundaries but not from saying 'no,' but from being ignored for the most part. I was a parent-pleaser so to shake things up a bit, I tried to fail a class in the 10th grade. I only managed to fail gym, so to them, that was okay. I have to admit, though, I am very compliant and really get pissed at myself when I don't speak up for myself when I hurt or holding it inside and ruining the relationship when I blow up. I think I'm getting better, though. At least now I ask for the opinion of others as to whether my behavior was right or not and to avoid those who hurt me. I guess my boundaries are getting clearer. I, too, have a lot of work to do but thank God I'm in the right place to do it.
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