August 20
Scripture focus: "And don't say anything you don't mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, 'I'll pray for you,' and never doing it, or saying, 'God be with you,' and not meaning it. You don't make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say 'yes' and 'no.' When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong." Matthew 5:23-27 (The Message)
It's amazing how often scripture speaks about the power of words. Words play a super important role in setting boundaries. Boundaries separate and define each of us as unique individuals. They also help others understand and know the real us. Imagine a world where each of us was able to know the other in an honest way. Our feedback would be more on target. We could express appreciation for the strengths and gifts we see in each other, because nothing disingenuous would tarnish the view into the genuine, true God-created identity found in each of us.
Lacking confidence in the value of boundaries, sometimes we teach people things about us that turn out to be untrue. This can't be a good thing!
When Pete was a kid, he had a relative who regularly offered him a dessert that he didn't really like. But he loved his Aunt, and she seemed so thrilled that she had this treat for him that he just went along with the mistaken notion that he loved this particular food. No big deal, right? Every once in a while, he'd visit this family and be fed this dessert. He'd eat it; she'd be thrilled. End of story.
Even the smallest of boundary-less decisions can have a negative effect. Pete moved from Maine to Virginia, and this relative felt very sorry for him. After all, this kind of treat wasn't sold in Virginia. So when she came to visit, she did a very loving thing – she brought Pete a big supply of his "favorite" dessert.
Pete had moved from indifference to distaste for this particular delicacy. But he was in a bind. How could he end this cycle of insanity? She took the trouble to buy, package and mail him this gift. He felt terrible. This went on and on until poor health ended her gift giving ways.
All this effort and eventual guilt could have been avoided with the careful use of a few tactful and honest words. Ultimately, this one little example of a word boundary violation resulted in Pete feeling "less known" rather than more. And he definitely felt like he had somehow become a less loving person by not being willing to tell this beloved relative the truth.
When people we love don't know our favorite foods or serve us ones we don't like unintentionally, that's no big deal. What is a big deal is when we find ourselves feeling unknown or uncared for as a result of word confusion. Ultimately, telling ourselves and others the truth will help all of us connect in ways that will be more fulfilling and enjoyable.
Recommended reading: 2 Kings 13-15
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