Having a Heart in a Sometimes Heartless World
Scripture focus: Our Father in heaven, reveal who you are. Set the world right; Do what’s best – as above, so below. Keep us alive with three square meals. Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others. Matthew 6:9-12 The Message
If we’re going to live life God’s way – we must deal with the issue of forgiveness. One seemingly easy way to deal with past offenses is to decide to forgive and forget – ever heard that before? Where does that concept come from? Do desperately devoted followers of Christ forgive and forget?
“The person that has hurt me the most has been dead twenty years. I don’t know why I need to worry about forgiveness – I say, just forget about it! It’s in the past. Let’s move on!” For awhile, he does. He moves on. He gets married and eventually has his own children. Unfortunately for his kids, this father truly did forget. Now he parents in the same way he was parented. One day he reaches out to pat his son on the head, and the son winces. He draws back from the hand that sometimes gives but also takes away. In a flash, this dad remembers. He remembers a day, long ago, when he too wondered when his father’s hand turned toward him – would this be a hurting touch? This dad is rethinking the belief about forgiving and forgetting.
“Many of us left home, defiantly vowing, ‘I’ll never do it like my parents.’ Unfortunately, we are what we learn, and eventually, somehow, our parents manage to take up residence inside us. Only later as adults do we discover that we have never truly left home.“ Robert Subby, Lost in the Shuffle, ( Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, Inc., 1987) p. 92.
Seriously, by the time many of us get around to thinking about past wounds, doesn’t it seem like perhaps too much time has passed to deal with them? According to Drs. David Stoop and James Masteller, this argument - though attractive in some ways – is not the answer.
“We can’t just walk away and pretend that our family never happened. Indeed, trying to ‘walk away and pretend it never happened’ is one of the worst things we can do.” (Forgiving Our Parents Forgiving Our Selves, p.34)
If we can’t forgive and forget – what are we supposed to do? More on that tomorrow.
But for today, ask yourself the following: when have I approached forgiveness with the tenacity of an ostrich? How is that approach working for me?
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