Day 301 – Week 44 – Right Remembering
Scripture focus: “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Jeremiah 31:34 NIV
I was shocked when I saw him at the mall, unsupervised, with his toddler granddaughter. Hadn’t he been convicted of molesting his own daughter when she was a small child? Not surprising, a few months later he was back in the news – again – charged with harming this little girl.
I watched with rapt attention as the reporter asked the question we all wanted answered, “Why did you let him babysit her?”
Her reply, “I’ve become a Christian, the Lord has told me to forgive and forget. That’s what I did. I just don’t understand why it didn’t work.” In trying to forget, this young woman further etched the memory of this abuse in her brain. It required a lot of self-deception (denial) for her to hold the memory off and not think about it. Ultimately, denial contributed to her poor decision making.
This woman has misinterpreted today’s focal scripture passage. God doesn’t have selective amnesia – and he isn’t asking us to acquire that skill either! God is a God of right remembering. Forgiveness enables us to stop obsessing over the wrong doing – it absolutely does not mean that we forget the offense happened. Nor does it mean that when we forgive, all the emotions associated with the crime dissipate.
“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.” Lewis B. Smedes, Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve, (New York, NY: Harper & Row, 1984)
How could this mom live life God’s way?
1. She could forgive her father.
2. She could practice remembering rightly. She could remember the past act and the emotional turmoil it caused her. She could remember the consequences she experienced as a result of his sin. She could remember that he got caught – he never confessed. She could remember that he never sought counseling, made an amends and only “made restitution” because a judge threw him in the slammer.
Instead of forgiving and trying hard to pretend the bad thing didn’t happen, this mother’s healthy forgiveness and appropriate remembering could have resulted in this kind of conversation with her dad: “Dad, I love you and I have forgiven you for those early abuses. You served your time. But Dad, there are consequences for this abuse. I cannot allow you to be around my daughter unsupervised. You must keep your distance. You may not be alone with her for a nanosecond. If this guideline is violated, as much as I love you, I’ll have to draw an even bigger boundary. I hope you understand that there is no ill will intended, but my primary responsibility is to my daughter, and to God. Maybe you will never repeat this prior behavior. But I must do my part, and not assume anything. I hope you understand.” But even if he doesn’t understand her boundary - she’s gotta do what she’s gotta do. She wishes her dad well. But she doesn’t presume he is well.
Recommended reading: Psalm 72 and 73 in the morning; Titus 3 and Proverbs 27 in the evening
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