NorthStar Community Daily Devotional

Day 302 – Confusion

Having a Heart in a Sometimes Heartless World

Scripture focus: “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Jeremiah 31:34 NIV

In yesterday’s devotional, I suggested that wrong remembering provided a window of opportunity for a perpetrator to re-offend. It was interesting to me the father’s perspective. When asked, “What were you thinking?” His response was, “I don’t think what I did hurt anyone. If my daughter had been so upset about what happened, she wouldn’t have let me near her own kid.”

This dad mistook his daughter’s gift of forgiveness (misguided perhaps, but sincere) and misinterpreted it. He assumes if his daughter made these choices, it was because his past actions didn’t matter.

Failing to understand how to work through the forgiveness process appropriately can cause further harm. As a review, let’s think about the steps to forgive.

1. One can forgive without the offender making amends, but one cannot restore relationship with the offender. Forgiveness happens, but the forgiver must hold the gift of forgiveness in their heart until the offender is ready to do his/her part in the reconciliation process. (That part is: I was wrong when… I am sorry I hurt you when…What can I do to make restitution?)

2. Whether or not the amends process is initiated, the offended can begin healing by recognizing the injury. Name the offense.

3. Feel the feelings involved. Emotions like fear, guilt, shame, anger, hurt – are all likely responses. Name them.

4. Express the emotions – without sin. Name them within the limits of God’s love command. It must be done without doing further harm, within the limits of respecting God, self and others. This can be done creatively and is best done with a lot of preparation. We do not have to express this emotion to the offender.

5. Set appropriate boundaries. People struggle with forgiveness because they confuse forgiving and reconciliation. Without reconciliation, extra special care will need to be taken to establish safe boundaries between offended and offender. Even with reconciliation, it is possible that the relationship will change in some way as a result of the past offense.

6. Cancel the debt. This can be another creative step. Props help. I once buried an offense in a box in my backyard! But the principle behind the cancellation is this: we’re transferring our case to a higher court – into the hands of a just God.

7. Consider reconciliation. (See #1)

Recommended reading: Lamentations 1 and 2 in the morning; Philemon 1 and Psalm 74 in the evening

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