Day 21

Scripture focus: Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call understanding your kinsman; they will keep you from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words. Proverbs 7:4-5 NIV

John and Linda Friel have researched and documented this material in a book, Adult Children - The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families. As we study what it looks like to life dysfunctionally, I ask you to consider the call of God’s word and his sweet mercy. Our goal is not to wallow in our limitations, but to tell the truth about the symptoms in our lives that indicate our need for God’s healing powers. Adult children of dysfunctional families may experience:

*Pivotal times in our life (ages 28, 39, 47) when there is a greater intensity, pain and confusion about ourselves, our purpose, and our ability to cope such that we need to seek help beyond ourselves.
* Prone to covetousness, desiring to be like “her” or “him”.
* Believe that we are unlovable if people knew the real us.
* We are distant, detached, fearful of relationship even with those we love – especially children.
* Believe in the illusion of a “perfect” life until one of our own children gets into trouble.
* Unable to achieve our potential – under-employed, aimless.
* Tend toward addictions.
* Suffer migraines, over-exercise, eating disordered.
* Come from highly dysfunctional, chaotic families (addicted, abusive).
* Paralyzed as a result of subtle, covert dysfunction from our family of origin that we can’t quite name.
* Compared unfavorably to higher achieving siblings; feel guilty or jealous of siblings.
* Walked on eggshells in childhood, neglected or fearful, insecure regarding family stability.
* May have had a lot of material goods without physical or emotional support of parents.
* Spoiled or smothered by misguided love, seduced to stay in the family circle while peers are living adult lives; demand love from others.
* Afraid of authority figures or people are afraid of us; hate others who are different from us.
* Irresponsible with self-care, over-responsible with caretaking of others.
* Despise religion or atheism-fear God or expect him to take care of us.
* Experience abuse as adults – either abused or abusive.
* Limited range of emotional expression- roller coasters or emotionless; suffer from rage or depression.
* Either try too hard or too little; workaholic; never satisfied; suffer as much as we can.
* Try to look “picture perfect”; study others to determine what is “normal”.
* Hate one parent, over-protect the other.

Our childish ways of protecting ourselves are no longer helpful to us as adults – but we keep using these out-dated methodologies. Something needs to change. We need to consider the possibility that it is time to grow wise, mature, and follow God’s call for holy living (holiness – living with nothing hidden).
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