Day 27

Scripture focus: All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life. Proverbs 7:22-23 NIV

Unhealthy families, for a variety of reasons, often end up stepping into nooses without a clue as to how they got caught up in such costly mistakes. Healthy families divide up their structure and roles, integrating and creating a home in connection with each other. Unhealthy families are rigid, separately taking on functions, working in isolation. Here are some of the roles you can find in most typically unhealthy families:

* Someone in the family does a lot of stuff. They are the energizer bunny, and people often compliment them on their ability to be go-go-going. For a long time, the energizer preens in front of such adulation. He/she doesn’t notice that everyone else is sitting around eating popcorn and watching a movie. Eventually, Mr. or Mrs. Do-er feels tired, lonely, neglected, empty, disrespected.

* Someone in the family takes charge of loving, helping, enabling. They smooth out ruffled feathers and avoid conflict. This may morph into a lot of “doing” – but mostly this person fears that others will abandon the family or that the family cannot survive without them.

*The loner escapes. This isn’t the same as introversion, because it is accompanied by a deep sense of loneliness.

*The hero provides success for the family to bask in. He/she makes the family proud, but at great personal expense.

*The mascot provides comic relief. He/she is in charge of play. This person takes up the banner of fun as a fantastic escape from problems, and often judges others as too serious.

*The scapegoat takes on the unenviable position of black sheep.

*Favoritism is another role – maybe dad has a favorite little princess, or mom has a favorite little prince.

*One person may carry the banner of spirituality for the family.
In healthy families, these roles get mixed up and handed out, played out by all the members to various degrees at different times. Which kind of family is yours?


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