Read Job 27, 28 and 29 – take your time on this one!
“But do people know where to find wisdom? Where can they find understanding? No one knows where to find it, for it is not found among the living. ‘It is not here,’ says the ocean. ‘Nor is it here, says the sea. It cannot be bought with gold. I t cannot be purchased with silver….It cannot be purchased with jewels mounted in fine gold…. But do people know where to find wisdom? Where can they find understanding?” Job 28: 12-15,17, 20 NLT
Where have you looked for wisdom and understanding?
I’ve stared into the face of the ocean and thought to myself – if I got to do this every day, my life would be wonderful.
I remember once upon a time a firmly held conviction that if my kitchen was renovated to my specifications, I’d be happy.
I love that wedding ring upgrade I got a few years ago. I enjoy it every time my eyes hit its sparkle.
I thought if my children made a certain team and played a certain position, got into the right schools (big debate on what that means at my house), and at the right time find the right spouse – I’d be perfectly content. I’ve even thought that if I could raise kids who didn’t self-medicate and loved God with all their hearts, mind and strength – I could be considered wise! Boy, was that delusional thinking!
But Job is right. Even if we acquire those things, wisdom and understanding do not tag along with them.
I love my ocean vacations, but running away and joining the navy isn’t in my future. I got that kitchen renovation – and I’m still a mediocre cook who lets her dirty dishes pile up in the sink (although the sink is really awesome). My wedding ring upgrade didn’t bring with it new skill sets for how to stay blissfully wed. I’ve had to look elsewhere for that kind of wisdom. My children have made a variety of choices – and I’ve learned that I really had very little to do with them – whether they were for good or not quite right (Who’s to say which decision falls in which category?).
So – where have you looked for wisdom and understanding?
Thought for today: Take a few minutes and inventory all the places you’ve looked to find your hope, your peace, and your purpose. How’s that working for you?
Thought for tomorrow: God alone understands the way to wisdom; he knows where it can be fund, for he looks through the whole earth and sees everything under the heavens…. And this is what he says to all humanity: “The fear of the Lord is true wisdom; to forsake evil is real understanding.” Job 28: 23-24, 28 NLT
April 29
Read Job 22, 23, 24, 25 and 26 (skim it)
I have these two cabinets in my kitchen that are always messy. I hate that. I like my cabinets neat and tidy. I swear, I think elves show up in the middle of the night and rearrange my pots and pans into a jumble of chaos just to make my life miserable!
I also hate it when my garage and car are messy.
Closets? I like those neat as a pin too.
You would not know this if you visited my house. What I like, and what I tolerate are often two different things. In a previous devotional I talked about an inventory experience I had while I was in Los Angeles. One of the insights that sprung from that time of needed self-assessment was how I was living simultaneously with both over and under-responsibility issues. In some areas of my life, my inventory revealed a dedicated commitment to the next right thing.
I felt like John Mayer in his song Something’s Missing. He says: guitar – check; car – check, etc. Well I did that too. I was doing well in the area of exercise, nutrition, and personal devotions. I was paying appropriate attention to my children (although they might argue that I’m paying too much or too little depending on the day and their needs) and Pete and I were faithfully having fun and great date nights. But other areas I couldn’t check off with satisfaction. One of those areas was my emotional temperature. I was a bit too anxious for a person who has been given the promise of peace that passes all understanding.
Further investigation led me to some areas of irresponsibility. I was so busy in some areas, that I wasn’t taking care of my stuff. And my insides (both literally and physically) were getting messy. So after further processing, I decided my next right step was to respond appropriately to this insight (translation – don’t freak out and drive the family crazy) and rearrange my priorities just a bit.
Since then, I’ve managed to get some things straight. A bit at a time. And here’s the funny thing about it. It’s really helped my peace of mind. Not only that, doing it has taken a lot less time than I was spending worrying about it in my mind. Pete and I completely redid our master bedroom closet – in under three hours. But I can’t count the number of minutes I spent each day fretting about that closet. Why hadn’t I just taken the time and straightened it months ago? Inspired by all those endorphins of pleasure rushing through my brain, we’ve tackled other projects in much the same manner. What fun we’re having!!!
Thought for today: Honestly, there are probably some things that you’ve spent more time worrying over than it would have taken to acknowledge and resolve. I know that when we’re not living in healthy space we like having unresolved problems to distract ourselves with – but take it from me, when we do that, we’re wasting our time in needless anxiety. Even a halfway attempt at a fourth step can bring some awesome results. If you’ve been avoiding your fourth step like the plague, just do it halfway. I suspect that a half done fourth will be so rewarding that you’ll be pumped to complete it. Let me know if that works for you.
Thought for tomorrow: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NLT
I have these two cabinets in my kitchen that are always messy. I hate that. I like my cabinets neat and tidy. I swear, I think elves show up in the middle of the night and rearrange my pots and pans into a jumble of chaos just to make my life miserable!
I also hate it when my garage and car are messy.
Closets? I like those neat as a pin too.
You would not know this if you visited my house. What I like, and what I tolerate are often two different things. In a previous devotional I talked about an inventory experience I had while I was in Los Angeles. One of the insights that sprung from that time of needed self-assessment was how I was living simultaneously with both over and under-responsibility issues. In some areas of my life, my inventory revealed a dedicated commitment to the next right thing.
I felt like John Mayer in his song Something’s Missing. He says: guitar – check; car – check, etc. Well I did that too. I was doing well in the area of exercise, nutrition, and personal devotions. I was paying appropriate attention to my children (although they might argue that I’m paying too much or too little depending on the day and their needs) and Pete and I were faithfully having fun and great date nights. But other areas I couldn’t check off with satisfaction. One of those areas was my emotional temperature. I was a bit too anxious for a person who has been given the promise of peace that passes all understanding.
Further investigation led me to some areas of irresponsibility. I was so busy in some areas, that I wasn’t taking care of my stuff. And my insides (both literally and physically) were getting messy. So after further processing, I decided my next right step was to respond appropriately to this insight (translation – don’t freak out and drive the family crazy) and rearrange my priorities just a bit.
Since then, I’ve managed to get some things straight. A bit at a time. And here’s the funny thing about it. It’s really helped my peace of mind. Not only that, doing it has taken a lot less time than I was spending worrying about it in my mind. Pete and I completely redid our master bedroom closet – in under three hours. But I can’t count the number of minutes I spent each day fretting about that closet. Why hadn’t I just taken the time and straightened it months ago? Inspired by all those endorphins of pleasure rushing through my brain, we’ve tackled other projects in much the same manner. What fun we’re having!!!
Thought for today: Honestly, there are probably some things that you’ve spent more time worrying over than it would have taken to acknowledge and resolve. I know that when we’re not living in healthy space we like having unresolved problems to distract ourselves with – but take it from me, when we do that, we’re wasting our time in needless anxiety. Even a halfway attempt at a fourth step can bring some awesome results. If you’ve been avoiding your fourth step like the plague, just do it halfway. I suspect that a half done fourth will be so rewarding that you’ll be pumped to complete it. Let me know if that works for you.
Thought for tomorrow: Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 NLT
April 28
Read Job 18, 19, 20, 21 – feel free to skim!
Job and his friends were obviously confused and sometimes condemning when it came to trying to make sense of Job’s suffering. Can’t we all relate to that? But again, Job leads us well. Even in the midst of all this turmoil, Job is able to come back to some very basic and life-giving beliefs. Job totally gets who is in control.
People with a history of hurts, habits and hang-ups rarely relinquish care and control of their lives without a lot of kicking and screaming. Even as I write this, I realize that what I’m saying isn’t quite true. The truth is, we do relinquish control. We give ourselves over to abusers, we give ourselves over to temporary solutions, we give ourselves over to our own minds. Maybe it’s not as simple as saying we have control issues. Could it be that what we really struggle with is idolatry? We want to determine who or what we worship. And we like our small gods. They don’t ask much of us.
Thought for today: Boy, I’m having a brain freeze thinking about this. How easy it is to say, “I have control issues.” It’s a nice, neat, flip response. Say that, and people nod their head in understanding. So let’s pause in our nodding and think about this. Control issues? Really? That may be true. But could it also be that we are out of control, and trying to regain control by exhibiting CONTROLLING BEHAVIORS.
So stop saying you have control issues as if that’s a virtue or a good excuse. List all the ways you attempt to control. Code words: rigidity and lack of spontaneity, manipulating others to gain approval, overreact to change, lack trust, judgmental attitude, intolerant, fear failure.
I attempt to control ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21 NIV If you still want to hold on to that control issues excuse, be my guest. But I’m warning you: you don’t have the power to over-ride the prevailing purposes of God. So knock yourself out, but don’t be surprised by the results.
Job and his friends were obviously confused and sometimes condemning when it came to trying to make sense of Job’s suffering. Can’t we all relate to that? But again, Job leads us well. Even in the midst of all this turmoil, Job is able to come back to some very basic and life-giving beliefs. Job totally gets who is in control.
People with a history of hurts, habits and hang-ups rarely relinquish care and control of their lives without a lot of kicking and screaming. Even as I write this, I realize that what I’m saying isn’t quite true. The truth is, we do relinquish control. We give ourselves over to abusers, we give ourselves over to temporary solutions, we give ourselves over to our own minds. Maybe it’s not as simple as saying we have control issues. Could it be that what we really struggle with is idolatry? We want to determine who or what we worship. And we like our small gods. They don’t ask much of us.
Thought for today: Boy, I’m having a brain freeze thinking about this. How easy it is to say, “I have control issues.” It’s a nice, neat, flip response. Say that, and people nod their head in understanding. So let’s pause in our nodding and think about this. Control issues? Really? That may be true. But could it also be that we are out of control, and trying to regain control by exhibiting CONTROLLING BEHAVIORS.
So stop saying you have control issues as if that’s a virtue or a good excuse. List all the ways you attempt to control. Code words: rigidity and lack of spontaneity, manipulating others to gain approval, overreact to change, lack trust, judgmental attitude, intolerant, fear failure.
I attempt to control ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21 NIV If you still want to hold on to that control issues excuse, be my guest. But I’m warning you: you don’t have the power to over-ride the prevailing purposes of God. So knock yourself out, but don’t be surprised by the results.
April 27
Read Job 15, 16 and 17
“If you will listen, I will show you. I will answer you from my own experience. And it is confirmed by the reports of wise men who have heard the same thing from their fathers” – Eliphaz uses personal experience and wise men’s agreement to support his advice to Job (Job 15:17-18 NLT)
Personal experience is an exceedingly important tool. I love listening to the life stories of others; I have learned some of my greatest lessons vicariously. But there are limits. Eliphaz had both experience and wise mentors – but his advice still stunk.
I had an interesting conversation with a fellow traveler on an extended flight to California. About the same age, we discovered a lot of common ground. Our children share similar interests and are close in age too. We discovered that we hang out at some of the same sporting events.
Both of us are in the middle of a tough semester of AP History and math. I asked about her life experience and she shared it generously.
Minutes into the conversation I was reminded of Eliphaz – and how similar we all are to him. My new traveling buddy did indeed share a lot of life experience with me – but we also had some glaring differences. As the conversation progressed, I realized that her world and mine were very different.
Like Eliphaz, both of us have 50 years of living life and listening to the reports of the wise men of our age. It so happens, she and I listen to really different wise men.
Her life is one of privilege. Her biggest complaint about her youngest child’s school and sports schedule had to do with an obstinate tutor and tardy chauffeur. We have an obstinate tutor totoo – called dad; our tardy chauffeur’s name is mom. My life is one of privilege too. It’s just a different kind of privilege.
Once we were flying above Vegas and hurtling toward Los Angeles, I realized that her experience – though extremely interesting – was going to require some serious interpretation if I were going to benefit from the pearls of wisdom embedded in her life’s story.
Sometimes the wrapping on a package can distract us from the gift that lies within. Last Christmas my most extravagant gift came in a small paper bag. Frankly, it would have been easy for me to tune out this gal with her complaints about the chef, gardener, and personal trainer.
I’m glad that I recalled that experience sharing has limits. And although 50 plus years brings with it aches, pains and wrinkles – it also brings with it the potential for developing new skill sets. I am learning how to use other people’s experiences even when they come with lots of limits.
Example: Sometimes a day gets so hectic that I begin to think that if I just had a little bit more help, I would be a much happier person. Other days I think if I just had more free time, I could morph into a modern day Ghandi.
It would have been easy for me to blow off my seatmate’s perceived stressors as the whining of a pampered poodle. If I had done that, I would have missed a teachable moment. As I listened to her anxieties, fears, and frustrations, I learned something about myself.
I realized that obviously more help and additional free time were not antidotes to the responsibilities of raising children. There was more going on with me than a too busy schedule. So early the next morning, when most West Coasters were snug in their beds, this Easterner got up early and inventoried her heart.
Thought for today: I see two problems with advice giving (and receiving). (1) Sometimes the advice is bad. (2) Sometimes the advice is good, but it comes wrapped in a package that turns us off and distracts us from the truth of the message. Discounting advice that is either bad or uncomfortably delivered can cost us a teachable moment.
Thought for tomorrow: Here’s one recommendation that might help prevent wasted truth encounters. When offered advice, always look for the opportunity to learn. Even bad advice can get us thinking. We can process through our response to it, and think long and hard about why we think it’s bad.
My flying buddy decided that more hired help was the standard response to her stress. This was neither practical nor right for me. But. I prayed and processed and realized in a moment of clarity that our fears have less to do with our schedules and a lot more to do with our beliefs about our schedules.
My new friend also enlightened me as to my own wrong thinking. She was under no illusions. A life of financial privilege did not come with a get-out-of-discomfort-free card. She got that. So in many ways, she is a lot wiser than me. I appreciated her guiding me to a new perspective.
As bad a counselor as Eliphaz was – God can take even his stinking thinking and use it to teach us.
All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 NLT
If you’re not sure if the advice you’re giving or receiving is good or bad, right or wrong – utilize scripture as a plumb line, testing to see if the wisdom of men is consistent with the wisdom of God.
“If you will listen, I will show you. I will answer you from my own experience. And it is confirmed by the reports of wise men who have heard the same thing from their fathers” – Eliphaz uses personal experience and wise men’s agreement to support his advice to Job (Job 15:17-18 NLT)
Personal experience is an exceedingly important tool. I love listening to the life stories of others; I have learned some of my greatest lessons vicariously. But there are limits. Eliphaz had both experience and wise mentors – but his advice still stunk.
I had an interesting conversation with a fellow traveler on an extended flight to California. About the same age, we discovered a lot of common ground. Our children share similar interests and are close in age too. We discovered that we hang out at some of the same sporting events.
Both of us are in the middle of a tough semester of AP History and math. I asked about her life experience and she shared it generously.
Minutes into the conversation I was reminded of Eliphaz – and how similar we all are to him. My new traveling buddy did indeed share a lot of life experience with me – but we also had some glaring differences. As the conversation progressed, I realized that her world and mine were very different.
Like Eliphaz, both of us have 50 years of living life and listening to the reports of the wise men of our age. It so happens, she and I listen to really different wise men.
Her life is one of privilege. Her biggest complaint about her youngest child’s school and sports schedule had to do with an obstinate tutor and tardy chauffeur. We have an obstinate tutor totoo – called dad; our tardy chauffeur’s name is mom. My life is one of privilege too. It’s just a different kind of privilege.
Once we were flying above Vegas and hurtling toward Los Angeles, I realized that her experience – though extremely interesting – was going to require some serious interpretation if I were going to benefit from the pearls of wisdom embedded in her life’s story.
Sometimes the wrapping on a package can distract us from the gift that lies within. Last Christmas my most extravagant gift came in a small paper bag. Frankly, it would have been easy for me to tune out this gal with her complaints about the chef, gardener, and personal trainer.
I’m glad that I recalled that experience sharing has limits. And although 50 plus years brings with it aches, pains and wrinkles – it also brings with it the potential for developing new skill sets. I am learning how to use other people’s experiences even when they come with lots of limits.
Example: Sometimes a day gets so hectic that I begin to think that if I just had a little bit more help, I would be a much happier person. Other days I think if I just had more free time, I could morph into a modern day Ghandi.
It would have been easy for me to blow off my seatmate’s perceived stressors as the whining of a pampered poodle. If I had done that, I would have missed a teachable moment. As I listened to her anxieties, fears, and frustrations, I learned something about myself.
I realized that obviously more help and additional free time were not antidotes to the responsibilities of raising children. There was more going on with me than a too busy schedule. So early the next morning, when most West Coasters were snug in their beds, this Easterner got up early and inventoried her heart.
Thought for today: I see two problems with advice giving (and receiving). (1) Sometimes the advice is bad. (2) Sometimes the advice is good, but it comes wrapped in a package that turns us off and distracts us from the truth of the message. Discounting advice that is either bad or uncomfortably delivered can cost us a teachable moment.
Thought for tomorrow: Here’s one recommendation that might help prevent wasted truth encounters. When offered advice, always look for the opportunity to learn. Even bad advice can get us thinking. We can process through our response to it, and think long and hard about why we think it’s bad.
My flying buddy decided that more hired help was the standard response to her stress. This was neither practical nor right for me. But. I prayed and processed and realized in a moment of clarity that our fears have less to do with our schedules and a lot more to do with our beliefs about our schedules.
My new friend also enlightened me as to my own wrong thinking. She was under no illusions. A life of financial privilege did not come with a get-out-of-discomfort-free card. She got that. So in many ways, she is a lot wiser than me. I appreciated her guiding me to a new perspective.
As bad a counselor as Eliphaz was – God can take even his stinking thinking and use it to teach us.
All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 NLT
If you’re not sure if the advice you’re giving or receiving is good or bad, right or wrong – utilize scripture as a plumb line, testing to see if the wisdom of men is consistent with the wisdom of God.
April 26
Read Job 13 and 14
Fortunately for Job, he understood baloney when it was served up to him on a silver platter. He had the good sense to realize that his friends were full of hot air. That’s awesome – but unusual. Most people tell me that they find the advice they receive confusing and contradictory. Sincere in their desire to do the next right thing, defining that next step is often far more challenging than one might expect.
That’s why I love the fourth step. It’s an opportunity for us to get alone with God and allow His Spirit to blow through our hearts. Later on we’ll begin to share all that we’re writing and thinking and feeling with another person. This is not the time to be asking others to instruct us about what we need to inventory.
I know we long for input from others, especially when working on something as challenging as a fourth step. I’d suggest you ask them about their personal experiences with their own stepping. Perhaps if you’re stuck on the “ how-tos” your advisors can share what’s worked for them.
But for today, I want to encourage you to follow Job’s example. He eagerly went straight to the top dog. He had a conversation with God himself. You have this same access. Isn’t that awesome? Maybe the only foolish thing you could do at this point is to ignore the privilege and deny yourself the opportunity of approaching the throne of grace yourself – without need of any mediators. Isn’t that awesome?
Think of it like this. If you find yourself in legal difficulties, you can’t just pop over to the judge’s house and hash it all out over a cup of cappuccino. Lawyers, court clerks and all sorts of paperwork are required for you to get your day in court.
Not so with God. Today you can have a conversation with Him. I pray that you will.
Thought for today: So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:16 NLT
Thought for tomorrow: I know other people are poor imitators of the God of mercy and grace. I also know that we are called to pursue our God-created identities – which include the ability to have the mind of Christ, imitate him, and even know and do his good, pleasing and perfect will.
That’s a lot of potential, and sometimes we all fall short. While we’re all growing up in our salvation, let’s be gentle with each other. Let’s look for our potential with at least as much energy as we pour into picking at each other’s wounds.
Fortunately for Job, he understood baloney when it was served up to him on a silver platter. He had the good sense to realize that his friends were full of hot air. That’s awesome – but unusual. Most people tell me that they find the advice they receive confusing and contradictory. Sincere in their desire to do the next right thing, defining that next step is often far more challenging than one might expect.
That’s why I love the fourth step. It’s an opportunity for us to get alone with God and allow His Spirit to blow through our hearts. Later on we’ll begin to share all that we’re writing and thinking and feeling with another person. This is not the time to be asking others to instruct us about what we need to inventory.
I know we long for input from others, especially when working on something as challenging as a fourth step. I’d suggest you ask them about their personal experiences with their own stepping. Perhaps if you’re stuck on the “ how-tos” your advisors can share what’s worked for them.
But for today, I want to encourage you to follow Job’s example. He eagerly went straight to the top dog. He had a conversation with God himself. You have this same access. Isn’t that awesome? Maybe the only foolish thing you could do at this point is to ignore the privilege and deny yourself the opportunity of approaching the throne of grace yourself – without need of any mediators. Isn’t that awesome?
Think of it like this. If you find yourself in legal difficulties, you can’t just pop over to the judge’s house and hash it all out over a cup of cappuccino. Lawyers, court clerks and all sorts of paperwork are required for you to get your day in court.
Not so with God. Today you can have a conversation with Him. I pray that you will.
Thought for today: So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:16 NLT
Thought for tomorrow: I know other people are poor imitators of the God of mercy and grace. I also know that we are called to pursue our God-created identities – which include the ability to have the mind of Christ, imitate him, and even know and do his good, pleasing and perfect will.
That’s a lot of potential, and sometimes we all fall short. While we’re all growing up in our salvation, let’s be gentle with each other. Let’s look for our potential with at least as much energy as we pour into picking at each other’s wounds.
April 25
Read Job 11 and 12
“Shouldn’t someone make you ashamed?”
The day began like any other, and unfortunately, ended like many. Another day when I sit and watch one person take on the job of shaming another. This, I think to myself, is why I sometimes despair. I have no idea why we seem to think that “making others ashamed” is of value. It seems to me that shaming is packaged like a value meal. Shaming is usually accompanied with a side dish of self-righteous indignation and a large size helping of anger.
During this particular meeting it is parental shame that makes my heart weep. “I expected more of you than this.” “You can do far better than this.” “Well, I know you want to change, but I am just not so sure whether you can. Son, you’ve proven to be a huge disappointment to me.” “I just don’t understand how you can be so stupid!” On and on it goes. Who knows where it will stop?
It certainly doesn’t end in a child saying, “Gee Dad! How right you are! I can do better than this! I’m ready to go to any lengths to become my best self!” It’s far more likely that this kid will comply and lay low – going through the motions of good behaving – and run out and self-medicate at the first distracted moment on the part of his hyper-vigilant parents.
I know the heartbreak of disappointed spouses, parents, siblings and friends. This time, they had so hoped it would be different. They hoped their optimism would not be misplaced. Relapse stinks. Living with disappointed expectations stinks too. I get that. What continues to baffle me is why caring people think that heaping shame on another is an effective intervention tool.
I understand that the shamer has noble goals. Like Zophar and Bildad, these folks sincerely believe that they are trying to inspire, encourage, and motivate positive change. Whether it is a parent, a spouse, a sibling or a dear friend – these masters of shame see themselves as helpers, not hinderers, in the restoration process.
This is another mystery to me – what evidence does anyone have that shaming has ever worked? I grant you, it sometimes bows the shoulders and head; it occasionally results in short term compliance – but has it ever in the history of mankind made the “shamee” a better person? I think not.
And here’s another thought. Zophar, in his misguided attempts to shame Job into better believing and behaving, gets it wrong. God was rewarding Job in his own mysterious God ways. Zophar is certain that this is all about punishment. Think about that – Zophar could not even shame Job with any degree of accuracy.
Two points not to forget: (1).Shaming doesn’t work and (2).Shamers generally make themselves look foolish. In fact, Zophar revealed more about himself than Job as he ranted on. Zophar was arrogant and ill-equipped to deal with Job’s suffering in a way that pleased God. Soon we will read about God’s utter displeasure with Job’s so-called friends – and his indictment of these friends. So let me leave you with this thought.
If you know and love someone who is in desperate need of a thorough fourth step experience, please get out of their way and not hinder their progress. There is no value in your attempts to shame, blame and manipulate them into compliance. Finally, if you are the one in need of a fourth step, and you’ve allowed others’ mishandling of your suffering to make you stubborn and recalcitrant – please rethink your position.
God judges each of us according to our deeds. He’s perfectly capable of handling your foolish friends. Since you are going to give an account of your actions too, why not go ahead and take the next right step?
Thought for today: the Lord finished speaking to Job, he said to Eliphaz: “I am angry with you and your two friends, for you have not spoken accurately about me, as my servant Job has.” Job 42:7 NLT
Thought for tomorrow: It is possible to handle misdeeds, pain and suffering without shaming. Consequences can be delivered – boundaries can be drawn – without belittling one another. We can learn how to treat each other with respect.
Job’s goofy friends provide me with lots of motivation. They remind me that it is possible to contribute to another’s problems instead of helping to alleviate them. I’ve got lots more to learn in this area – how about you?
“Shouldn’t someone make you ashamed?”
The day began like any other, and unfortunately, ended like many. Another day when I sit and watch one person take on the job of shaming another. This, I think to myself, is why I sometimes despair. I have no idea why we seem to think that “making others ashamed” is of value. It seems to me that shaming is packaged like a value meal. Shaming is usually accompanied with a side dish of self-righteous indignation and a large size helping of anger.
During this particular meeting it is parental shame that makes my heart weep. “I expected more of you than this.” “You can do far better than this.” “Well, I know you want to change, but I am just not so sure whether you can. Son, you’ve proven to be a huge disappointment to me.” “I just don’t understand how you can be so stupid!” On and on it goes. Who knows where it will stop?
It certainly doesn’t end in a child saying, “Gee Dad! How right you are! I can do better than this! I’m ready to go to any lengths to become my best self!” It’s far more likely that this kid will comply and lay low – going through the motions of good behaving – and run out and self-medicate at the first distracted moment on the part of his hyper-vigilant parents.
I know the heartbreak of disappointed spouses, parents, siblings and friends. This time, they had so hoped it would be different. They hoped their optimism would not be misplaced. Relapse stinks. Living with disappointed expectations stinks too. I get that. What continues to baffle me is why caring people think that heaping shame on another is an effective intervention tool.
I understand that the shamer has noble goals. Like Zophar and Bildad, these folks sincerely believe that they are trying to inspire, encourage, and motivate positive change. Whether it is a parent, a spouse, a sibling or a dear friend – these masters of shame see themselves as helpers, not hinderers, in the restoration process.
This is another mystery to me – what evidence does anyone have that shaming has ever worked? I grant you, it sometimes bows the shoulders and head; it occasionally results in short term compliance – but has it ever in the history of mankind made the “shamee” a better person? I think not.
And here’s another thought. Zophar, in his misguided attempts to shame Job into better believing and behaving, gets it wrong. God was rewarding Job in his own mysterious God ways. Zophar is certain that this is all about punishment. Think about that – Zophar could not even shame Job with any degree of accuracy.
Two points not to forget: (1).Shaming doesn’t work and (2).Shamers generally make themselves look foolish. In fact, Zophar revealed more about himself than Job as he ranted on. Zophar was arrogant and ill-equipped to deal with Job’s suffering in a way that pleased God. Soon we will read about God’s utter displeasure with Job’s so-called friends – and his indictment of these friends. So let me leave you with this thought.
If you know and love someone who is in desperate need of a thorough fourth step experience, please get out of their way and not hinder their progress. There is no value in your attempts to shame, blame and manipulate them into compliance. Finally, if you are the one in need of a fourth step, and you’ve allowed others’ mishandling of your suffering to make you stubborn and recalcitrant – please rethink your position.
God judges each of us according to our deeds. He’s perfectly capable of handling your foolish friends. Since you are going to give an account of your actions too, why not go ahead and take the next right step?
Thought for today: the Lord finished speaking to Job, he said to Eliphaz: “I am angry with you and your two friends, for you have not spoken accurately about me, as my servant Job has.” Job 42:7 NLT
Thought for tomorrow: It is possible to handle misdeeds, pain and suffering without shaming. Consequences can be delivered – boundaries can be drawn – without belittling one another. We can learn how to treat each other with respect.
Job’s goofy friends provide me with lots of motivation. They remind me that it is possible to contribute to another’s problems instead of helping to alleviate them. I’ve got lots more to learn in this area – how about you?
April 24
Read Job 9 and 10
I love Job. I love how truthful he is. I love the messiness of his honesty. I love how he doesn’t feel ite necessary to butter up God. He’s able to express how he feels – about himself, his circumstances, his theology – the entire enchilada.
Job has some things going for him that you and I may lack. Job has a history of relationship with God. Chapters one and two are proof of the intimacy between Job and God. And there’s a lot to commend Job for in terms of his knowledge of who God is and how God operates. In my Life Recovery Bible, the commentator makes a great point in Chapter nine. “Job knew more than he understood. He knew about God’s sovereignty and justice and that no man is blameless when seen in the light of god’s perfection. What he didn’t understand is that God is merciful and that it is only by grace that we do not receive our deserved fates, which would be far worse than
Job’s sufferings. When we feel that God isn’t being fair, we should remember that if he were, we would never be able to enter his presence. When god is ‘unfair,’ it is always on the side of mercy.”
Aren’t we all like that? We tend to know more than we understand. For example, a woman
may know that adultery is seriously not cool, but I wonder if she understands the impact if she follows through and commits adultery. Does she understand that her children may never be able to work through the betrayals and heartaches that will inevitably arise when the affair is discovered? In ten or fifteen years, will she understand why her son is unable to commit in a relationship? Does she understand that her adultery makes it harder for her spouse to take ownership of his own shortcomings in the marriage? Does she understand that her daughter may be suspicious and distrustful around even the nicest guy in the world? No. She may not.
Nor will she grasp the doubling of this tragedy if her affair is with another married man. It might be too painful to both know and understand the will of God as it applies to her choices. And that is also true for us.
I want to encourage you to take seriously the implications of your choices. I hope you will acknowledge to yourself and God that your knowledge and your understanding may be worlds apart. Speaking what we know without understanding what we’re missing produces about the same results as if we didn’t have any knowledge at all!
Thought for today: One compelling reason that I continue to make fearless moral inventories is because I have a healthy respect for my own capacity to be deceived. Denial is a powerful enemy. My hope is in the revelation of the truth to me by the Holy Spirit. I hope that I can allow God to transform me now, so that I won’t continue to harm myself and others AND that I can change so that no future harm is caused that could have been prevented. I hope this for you, too.
Thought for tomorrow: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
I love Job. I love how truthful he is. I love the messiness of his honesty. I love how he doesn’t feel ite necessary to butter up God. He’s able to express how he feels – about himself, his circumstances, his theology – the entire enchilada.
Job has some things going for him that you and I may lack. Job has a history of relationship with God. Chapters one and two are proof of the intimacy between Job and God. And there’s a lot to commend Job for in terms of his knowledge of who God is and how God operates. In my Life Recovery Bible, the commentator makes a great point in Chapter nine. “Job knew more than he understood. He knew about God’s sovereignty and justice and that no man is blameless when seen in the light of god’s perfection. What he didn’t understand is that God is merciful and that it is only by grace that we do not receive our deserved fates, which would be far worse than
Job’s sufferings. When we feel that God isn’t being fair, we should remember that if he were, we would never be able to enter his presence. When god is ‘unfair,’ it is always on the side of mercy.”
Aren’t we all like that? We tend to know more than we understand. For example, a woman
may know that adultery is seriously not cool, but I wonder if she understands the impact if she follows through and commits adultery. Does she understand that her children may never be able to work through the betrayals and heartaches that will inevitably arise when the affair is discovered? In ten or fifteen years, will she understand why her son is unable to commit in a relationship? Does she understand that her adultery makes it harder for her spouse to take ownership of his own shortcomings in the marriage? Does she understand that her daughter may be suspicious and distrustful around even the nicest guy in the world? No. She may not.
Nor will she grasp the doubling of this tragedy if her affair is with another married man. It might be too painful to both know and understand the will of God as it applies to her choices. And that is also true for us.
I want to encourage you to take seriously the implications of your choices. I hope you will acknowledge to yourself and God that your knowledge and your understanding may be worlds apart. Speaking what we know without understanding what we’re missing produces about the same results as if we didn’t have any knowledge at all!
Thought for today: One compelling reason that I continue to make fearless moral inventories is because I have a healthy respect for my own capacity to be deceived. Denial is a powerful enemy. My hope is in the revelation of the truth to me by the Holy Spirit. I hope that I can allow God to transform me now, so that I won’t continue to harm myself and others AND that I can change so that no future harm is caused that could have been prevented. I hope this for you, too.
Thought for tomorrow: Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT
April 23
Read Job 8
“You’re getting what you deserve.” This summarizes Bildad’s perspective on Job’s suffering.
“God will not reject a person of integrity, nor will he lend a hand to the wicked.”
All true. But lest we forget, Job is in this pickle because he was a person of whom God said, “He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless – a man of complete integrity.” Take that Bildad.
I wonder if sometimes we avoid a fourth step because, like Bildad, we are certain that anything we unearth will reveal “all that we lack” (to quote Sarah Mclaughlin). This is wrong. Although we like to tie up suffering in neat bundles of clarity – it doesn’t work that way. God’s ways are beyond our ability to comprehend. There is a God, and we did not get the job. There is more going on in the unseen world than we know.
God has plans for us – to prosper us, to give us a hope and a future. How that looks is God’s design – not necessarily in accordance with our desires. Know this – we can have a life of contentment, prosperity, hope and future – by God’s definition. If we have effectively claimed a third step (turning our life and will over to the care and control of God) we have already made the decision to do life God’s way.
So get busy. Do that fourth step inventory.
Thought for today: Sometimes suffering is the pathway to peace. Avoiding suffering can lead us off the pathway and get us stuck in a ditch. Bildad implies that Job’s problem has to be bad behaving. But there’s another issue that Bildad hasn’t even given a voice to – sometimes what we think of as doing good is really not. For example, sometimes we prefer taking care of others more than accepting responsibility for ourselves.
Frankly, it’s easier to get distracted by other people’s needs than it is to step up to the plate and take ownership of our own issues. Code words: going co-dependent, no core identity, desire to feel useful and indispensable, feeling responsible ‘for’ (rather than ‘to’), rescuing. Ask God to show you examples of “godly” caretaking that is really not godly at all…
I take care of ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5 NIV
“You’re getting what you deserve.” This summarizes Bildad’s perspective on Job’s suffering.
“God will not reject a person of integrity, nor will he lend a hand to the wicked.”
All true. But lest we forget, Job is in this pickle because he was a person of whom God said, “He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless – a man of complete integrity.” Take that Bildad.
I wonder if sometimes we avoid a fourth step because, like Bildad, we are certain that anything we unearth will reveal “all that we lack” (to quote Sarah Mclaughlin). This is wrong. Although we like to tie up suffering in neat bundles of clarity – it doesn’t work that way. God’s ways are beyond our ability to comprehend. There is a God, and we did not get the job. There is more going on in the unseen world than we know.
God has plans for us – to prosper us, to give us a hope and a future. How that looks is God’s design – not necessarily in accordance with our desires. Know this – we can have a life of contentment, prosperity, hope and future – by God’s definition. If we have effectively claimed a third step (turning our life and will over to the care and control of God) we have already made the decision to do life God’s way.
So get busy. Do that fourth step inventory.
Thought for today: Sometimes suffering is the pathway to peace. Avoiding suffering can lead us off the pathway and get us stuck in a ditch. Bildad implies that Job’s problem has to be bad behaving. But there’s another issue that Bildad hasn’t even given a voice to – sometimes what we think of as doing good is really not. For example, sometimes we prefer taking care of others more than accepting responsibility for ourselves.
Frankly, it’s easier to get distracted by other people’s needs than it is to step up to the plate and take ownership of our own issues. Code words: going co-dependent, no core identity, desire to feel useful and indispensable, feeling responsible ‘for’ (rather than ‘to’), rescuing. Ask God to show you examples of “godly” caretaking that is really not godly at all…
I take care of ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5 NIV
April 22
Read Job 6 and 7
One of the great things about Job is his honesty. New Testament writers remind us that much that is written in scripture is placed there to encourage us, guide us, exhort us, etc. I think Job is a great guy to go to for advice when it comes to suffering.
As Job speaks, I’m reminded of one of the prerequisites for an honest conversation. I’m careful about throwing honesty around in a willy nilly fashion. The older I get, the more cautious I am with the gift of honesty.
I used to think that, since the truth will set you free, stating the truth is always a good thing. And it is – to a point. But I’ve also learned to moderate my expressions. Why? Because sometimes what I believe is truth is really better described as what feels like truth for me at the moment. Sometimes, I may believe something is true with all my heart, even though I’m completely wrong-headed. Emotions cloud perspective. Trauma does strange things to our brain. Years ago we were in a car accident and I just knew that my images of the accident were THE FACTS. Taking an air bag to the face and the subsequent concussion scrambled my brain.
According to my family, my memories were WRONG. How can that be? To this day, when I remember the accident, I see a vision that feels real to me. But even I have to admit that the other four passengers saw the same thing – and it is very different from my “truth”. So now I tread cautiously around the edges of my perspective on truth. Secondly, just because some is true, it doesn’t mean it is appropriate to share it. I’m trying to develop my spiritual muscles – learning better how to respect truth. Sometimes silence is the best policy. Sometimes it’s a tacit endorsement of a lie to remain quiet. Scripture warns us that there are times when to rebuke a scoffer – even with the truth – even when it would be helpful for them to hear it – could be dangerous. Both Old and New Testament writers warn us not to rebuke a scoffer.
Sometimes stating the truth is a rebuke – and we shouldn’t speak it.
That said, Job just lets it all hang out. He must have felt very safe with God to speak so frankly. Although his friends clearly act like goofs, their friendship must have a history of safety and love. Job obviously has not a history of hiding his thoughts and feelings. Job is a great model.
Thought for today: Have you been a person who can be honest in a safe way? Are you a person people can be honest around, without fear of speaking to a scoffer? Do you have a history of honesty abuse?
Thought for tomorrow: Despite the pain, I have not denied the words of the Holy One. Job 6:10
One last thought – it is helpful to remember that although our brains may be fuzzy in the truth department, God is a great source for a truth check up. If our truths deny the words of God, we might need to rethink what we believe.
One of the great things about Job is his honesty. New Testament writers remind us that much that is written in scripture is placed there to encourage us, guide us, exhort us, etc. I think Job is a great guy to go to for advice when it comes to suffering.
As Job speaks, I’m reminded of one of the prerequisites for an honest conversation. I’m careful about throwing honesty around in a willy nilly fashion. The older I get, the more cautious I am with the gift of honesty.
I used to think that, since the truth will set you free, stating the truth is always a good thing. And it is – to a point. But I’ve also learned to moderate my expressions. Why? Because sometimes what I believe is truth is really better described as what feels like truth for me at the moment. Sometimes, I may believe something is true with all my heart, even though I’m completely wrong-headed. Emotions cloud perspective. Trauma does strange things to our brain. Years ago we were in a car accident and I just knew that my images of the accident were THE FACTS. Taking an air bag to the face and the subsequent concussion scrambled my brain.
According to my family, my memories were WRONG. How can that be? To this day, when I remember the accident, I see a vision that feels real to me. But even I have to admit that the other four passengers saw the same thing – and it is very different from my “truth”. So now I tread cautiously around the edges of my perspective on truth. Secondly, just because some is true, it doesn’t mean it is appropriate to share it. I’m trying to develop my spiritual muscles – learning better how to respect truth. Sometimes silence is the best policy. Sometimes it’s a tacit endorsement of a lie to remain quiet. Scripture warns us that there are times when to rebuke a scoffer – even with the truth – even when it would be helpful for them to hear it – could be dangerous. Both Old and New Testament writers warn us not to rebuke a scoffer.
Sometimes stating the truth is a rebuke – and we shouldn’t speak it.
That said, Job just lets it all hang out. He must have felt very safe with God to speak so frankly. Although his friends clearly act like goofs, their friendship must have a history of safety and love. Job obviously has not a history of hiding his thoughts and feelings. Job is a great model.
Thought for today: Have you been a person who can be honest in a safe way? Are you a person people can be honest around, without fear of speaking to a scoffer? Do you have a history of honesty abuse?
Thought for tomorrow: Despite the pain, I have not denied the words of the Holy One. Job 6:10
One last thought – it is helpful to remember that although our brains may be fuzzy in the truth department, God is a great source for a truth check up. If our truths deny the words of God, we might need to rethink what we believe.
April 21
Read Job 4 and 5
With friends like Eliphaz, who needs enemies?
There are no simple answers for suffering. I know we all love a simple answer and an explanation for suffering – but we don’t often get that. Can we let that go? Can we be careful to not jump to conclusions simply because we feel angry, scared, frustrated and depressed?
Another thought. When we are deeply wounded and in lots of pain, sometimes it feels safer to run to anger. A spirit of criticism and judgment brings with it the illusion of power. But it’s just an illusion. I would recommend that we acknowledge our anger, but recognize it for what it is – sometimes it’s a thinly veiled screen that we try to hide our suffering behind.
Our emotions are not sins. Emotions are emails to the soul intended to: get our attention and teach us profound lessons. Unfortunately, we sometimes misuse the feeling of anger.
Thought for today: Make a list of ways you inappropriately handle anger. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. But sometimes we don’t know how to allow it to do its job (show us there is an issue that needs addressing) and then let it leave. Most of us either deny it or use it as a weapon of mass destruction. Either way, this is not cool. It’s ok to acknowledge one’s anger – it is not ok to be dishonest about it, or to give ourselves permission to disrespect others by inappropriate expression of it. Code words: resentment, depression, anxiety, self-pity, jealousy, stress.
Example: I inappropriately deal with anger when I ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates my _____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth…(Translation: It’s a lie to express anger when we truly are feeling afraid.) for we are all parts of the same body. (Translation: we must learn how to treat each other gently, with respect – including ourselves.) And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Ephesians 4:25-27 NLT
With friends like Eliphaz, who needs enemies?
There are no simple answers for suffering. I know we all love a simple answer and an explanation for suffering – but we don’t often get that. Can we let that go? Can we be careful to not jump to conclusions simply because we feel angry, scared, frustrated and depressed?
Another thought. When we are deeply wounded and in lots of pain, sometimes it feels safer to run to anger. A spirit of criticism and judgment brings with it the illusion of power. But it’s just an illusion. I would recommend that we acknowledge our anger, but recognize it for what it is – sometimes it’s a thinly veiled screen that we try to hide our suffering behind.
Our emotions are not sins. Emotions are emails to the soul intended to: get our attention and teach us profound lessons. Unfortunately, we sometimes misuse the feeling of anger.
Thought for today: Make a list of ways you inappropriately handle anger. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. But sometimes we don’t know how to allow it to do its job (show us there is an issue that needs addressing) and then let it leave. Most of us either deny it or use it as a weapon of mass destruction. Either way, this is not cool. It’s ok to acknowledge one’s anger – it is not ok to be dishonest about it, or to give ourselves permission to disrespect others by inappropriate expression of it. Code words: resentment, depression, anxiety, self-pity, jealousy, stress.
Example: I inappropriately deal with anger when I ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates my _____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth…(Translation: It’s a lie to express anger when we truly are feeling afraid.) for we are all parts of the same body. (Translation: we must learn how to treat each other gently, with respect – including ourselves.) And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Ephesians 4:25-27 NLT
April 20
Read Job 3
Suffered lately? Then you can relate to the words of Job. Let’s review what we know:
Job lost everything – as a result of his sin? No. Because he was “the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless – a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil. And he has maintained his integrity, even though you urged me to harm him without cause.” (Job 2:3)
Job three contains Job’s first speech in response to all this pain. In it, he curses the day he was born. Like most of us, when faced with great suffering, we soon lose perspective. Job has forgotten the years of plenty; the parties; the blessings. His greatest fear has been realized.
Last week the greatest fear I had was my daughter’s propensity to drive long distances – alone – at night – down busy highways and by-ways. It never occurred to me that I should be worrying about my son sitting in a classroom at Norris Hall on the Virginia Tech campus. Who knew?
Last week I was humming when the days were warm and sunny; last night my son and I had a good cry.
Last week I was looking forward to a lot of quality time this summer with our three children; this week my mind is filled with sorrow for the families who have had their family members snatched from them in one morning of rage. I don’t know what to pick to worry about – and am beginning to think worry is a waste of time for someone like me (who doesn’t even know how to worry accurately).
I have to consciously remember that there are still things worth humming over. I must intentionally turn my mind to thoughts of vacation and quality time – all these things are easy to forget when your eyes tend to leak involuntarily.
Yesterday my son and I stopped at a local coffee shop for a snack; next to the register stood a pile of newspapers. The headline story included the face of the perpetrator of Monday’s massacre. With calm and quiet resolution my son stood at that stand and systematically turned every paper over – face down. Employees and passers-by could not see my son’s rage. No sorrow was obvious on his countenance. He just flipped those papers over.
My friend behind the counter took my money and glanced at my boy – with sympathy. Sometimes suffering shows up in weird ways and inconvenient times.
This is THE important point of this story: WHEN SUFFERING SHOWS UP – DON’T SEND HIM AWAY. Embrace him. Acknowledge him. Lean into him. There are worse things than suffering. When we push him back, ignore him, deny him access into our heart and mind – he’s a sneaky thief. He’ll still find a way back in. He’ll creep in and set up a tent. He’ll torment you in unexpected ways.
Thought for today: List the areas of your life that you have trouble expressing or even experiencing feelings. Many of us learn to hide our feelings. In unhealthy families, there are usually only a very small range of emotions that are allowed. Our true nature is distorted and reality is hidden. This lack of emotional honesty can make us physically ill. Code words: unaware of feelings, struggle with relationships, depressed, chronically ill, realize that one’s feelings are sometimes distorted or inappropriate to a situation, withhold conversation.
I repress my feelings ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed. I remember it all – oh, how well I remember – the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and had to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst. Why? Because the master won’t ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way. Lamentations 3:19-33 The Message.
Suffered lately? Then you can relate to the words of Job. Let’s review what we know:
Job lost everything – as a result of his sin? No. Because he was “the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless – a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil. And he has maintained his integrity, even though you urged me to harm him without cause.” (Job 2:3)
Job three contains Job’s first speech in response to all this pain. In it, he curses the day he was born. Like most of us, when faced with great suffering, we soon lose perspective. Job has forgotten the years of plenty; the parties; the blessings. His greatest fear has been realized.
Last week the greatest fear I had was my daughter’s propensity to drive long distances – alone – at night – down busy highways and by-ways. It never occurred to me that I should be worrying about my son sitting in a classroom at Norris Hall on the Virginia Tech campus. Who knew?
Last week I was humming when the days were warm and sunny; last night my son and I had a good cry.
Last week I was looking forward to a lot of quality time this summer with our three children; this week my mind is filled with sorrow for the families who have had their family members snatched from them in one morning of rage. I don’t know what to pick to worry about – and am beginning to think worry is a waste of time for someone like me (who doesn’t even know how to worry accurately).
I have to consciously remember that there are still things worth humming over. I must intentionally turn my mind to thoughts of vacation and quality time – all these things are easy to forget when your eyes tend to leak involuntarily.
Yesterday my son and I stopped at a local coffee shop for a snack; next to the register stood a pile of newspapers. The headline story included the face of the perpetrator of Monday’s massacre. With calm and quiet resolution my son stood at that stand and systematically turned every paper over – face down. Employees and passers-by could not see my son’s rage. No sorrow was obvious on his countenance. He just flipped those papers over.
My friend behind the counter took my money and glanced at my boy – with sympathy. Sometimes suffering shows up in weird ways and inconvenient times.
This is THE important point of this story: WHEN SUFFERING SHOWS UP – DON’T SEND HIM AWAY. Embrace him. Acknowledge him. Lean into him. There are worse things than suffering. When we push him back, ignore him, deny him access into our heart and mind – he’s a sneaky thief. He’ll still find a way back in. He’ll creep in and set up a tent. He’ll torment you in unexpected ways.
Thought for today: List the areas of your life that you have trouble expressing or even experiencing feelings. Many of us learn to hide our feelings. In unhealthy families, there are usually only a very small range of emotions that are allowed. Our true nature is distorted and reality is hidden. This lack of emotional honesty can make us physically ill. Code words: unaware of feelings, struggle with relationships, depressed, chronically ill, realize that one’s feelings are sometimes distorted or inappropriate to a situation, withhold conversation.
I repress my feelings ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed. I remember it all – oh, how well I remember – the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and had to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst. Why? Because the master won’t ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way. Lamentations 3:19-33 The Message.
April 19
Read Job 2
Have you ever had a day when you asked, “Can it get any worse than this?”
Job did. One day the news got worse and worse.
First, a messenger arrived at Job’s house (where they were feasting) and reported the death and loss of all his animals and farmhands. That’s economic loss.
Next, another messenger reports a freak fire that destroys all his sheep and shepherds. More economic loss.
Then, a raid is reported that cost him his camels and servants. This is the virtual collapse of Job’s financial empire.
Finally, the last and most horrendous loss – a sudden wind sweeps in from the wilderness, collapsing his house and killing all Job’s children.
And his initial response, “In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.” Job 1:22 NLT
In chapter 2, we realize that more bad news follows swiftly on the heels of day 1. Satan steals Job’s health. “No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.” Job 2:13 NLT
Thought for today: I wonder how lonely Job felt. All is lost. His friends come to sit with him, but Job’s suffering is so overwhelming that no one can find a word of comfort. People who suffer tell me that sometimes having a friend just to sit with them is the best comfort of all in times of great sorrow. But we’ll soon discover that these friends can’t hold their tongues for long. Although silence may be the only response necessary in the face of great pain – simply embracing our suffering is sometimes too hard, and we feel compelled to fill it with words. I wonder if Job had the urge to run and hide. Have you felt like hiding from others? List the times you have isolated yourself. Isolation is a way of hiding and/or self-protection. It’s a way of avoiding pain and not taking risks. Code words: fear rejection, timid and shy, feel defeated, procrastinate, see ourselves as unique, lonely, blame others for our relationship deficits.
I isolate ______ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. Lamentations 3:19-22 NIV
Have you ever had a day when you asked, “Can it get any worse than this?”
Job did. One day the news got worse and worse.
First, a messenger arrived at Job’s house (where they were feasting) and reported the death and loss of all his animals and farmhands. That’s economic loss.
Next, another messenger reports a freak fire that destroys all his sheep and shepherds. More economic loss.
Then, a raid is reported that cost him his camels and servants. This is the virtual collapse of Job’s financial empire.
Finally, the last and most horrendous loss – a sudden wind sweeps in from the wilderness, collapsing his house and killing all Job’s children.
And his initial response, “In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.” Job 1:22 NLT
In chapter 2, we realize that more bad news follows swiftly on the heels of day 1. Satan steals Job’s health. “No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.” Job 2:13 NLT
Thought for today: I wonder how lonely Job felt. All is lost. His friends come to sit with him, but Job’s suffering is so overwhelming that no one can find a word of comfort. People who suffer tell me that sometimes having a friend just to sit with them is the best comfort of all in times of great sorrow. But we’ll soon discover that these friends can’t hold their tongues for long. Although silence may be the only response necessary in the face of great pain – simply embracing our suffering is sometimes too hard, and we feel compelled to fill it with words. I wonder if Job had the urge to run and hide. Have you felt like hiding from others? List the times you have isolated yourself. Isolation is a way of hiding and/or self-protection. It’s a way of avoiding pain and not taking risks. Code words: fear rejection, timid and shy, feel defeated, procrastinate, see ourselves as unique, lonely, blame others for our relationship deficits.
I isolate ______ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. Lamentations 3:19-22 NIV
April 18
Read Job 1
September is a month that will always be defined by 9/11. April has become a month that commemorates the tragedy at Virginia Tech. We have other days in U.S. history that recall our collective national tragedies – as well as the ones that are celebratory. December brings Christmas, November – Thanksgiving. The fourth of July is always a fun long weekend.
It’s fitting that during this particular month, those of us participating in the NorthStar Community (whether in person or via the web) are working on a fourth step – a step that will include a remembering of both tragedy and triumph.
The book of Job is the story of a family that suffered for no good reason. Although Job’s “friends” try their best to explain the horrid events that unfold in this drama by finding fault with Job and/or his family – God makes it clear in the first chapter that those “friends” are way off base. As the stories of slaughter from Virginia Tech assail us – if the media is any kind of barometer – we want answers. We want to know why one young, disturbed man massacred over 30 students and faculty members. We want someone to blame. He’s a likely target, but is he enough? Can we blame more people? Can we come up with some policies and procedures that will give us the illusion of safety in a world where suffering strikes in alarmingly random ways?
Job provides no easy answers – and that’s good news. In spite of our desire to distill life into easily memorized formulas and platitudes, Job reminds us that simple solutions rarely capture the complexity and mystery of the will of God.
Here’s the deal. It’s freaky. In chapter 1 of Job, Satan and God are reported to have had a conversation. Let’s listen in. Satan – “I have been patrolling the earth, watching everything that’s going on.”
God – “Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless – a man of complete integrity. He fears god and stays away from evil.”
Satan – “Yes, but Job has a good reason to fear God. You have always put a wall of protection around him and his home and his property….reach out and take away everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face!”
What a story line! Think about what just happened. God painted a virtual target on the heart of Job, and pointed him out to Satan. Lest we forget, remember that Satan has only one purpose – “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.” John 10:10 NLT
As we read through this book, this small exchange is going to haunt us.
Thought for today: Do you feel like someone put a target on your heart and begged Satan to take aim? If so, the book of Job is a must read.
Thought for tomorrow: The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” John 10:10 NLT
September is a month that will always be defined by 9/11. April has become a month that commemorates the tragedy at Virginia Tech. We have other days in U.S. history that recall our collective national tragedies – as well as the ones that are celebratory. December brings Christmas, November – Thanksgiving. The fourth of July is always a fun long weekend.
It’s fitting that during this particular month, those of us participating in the NorthStar Community (whether in person or via the web) are working on a fourth step – a step that will include a remembering of both tragedy and triumph.
The book of Job is the story of a family that suffered for no good reason. Although Job’s “friends” try their best to explain the horrid events that unfold in this drama by finding fault with Job and/or his family – God makes it clear in the first chapter that those “friends” are way off base. As the stories of slaughter from Virginia Tech assail us – if the media is any kind of barometer – we want answers. We want to know why one young, disturbed man massacred over 30 students and faculty members. We want someone to blame. He’s a likely target, but is he enough? Can we blame more people? Can we come up with some policies and procedures that will give us the illusion of safety in a world where suffering strikes in alarmingly random ways?
Job provides no easy answers – and that’s good news. In spite of our desire to distill life into easily memorized formulas and platitudes, Job reminds us that simple solutions rarely capture the complexity and mystery of the will of God.
Here’s the deal. It’s freaky. In chapter 1 of Job, Satan and God are reported to have had a conversation. Let’s listen in. Satan – “I have been patrolling the earth, watching everything that’s going on.”
God – “Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless – a man of complete integrity. He fears god and stays away from evil.”
Satan – “Yes, but Job has a good reason to fear God. You have always put a wall of protection around him and his home and his property….reach out and take away everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face!”
What a story line! Think about what just happened. God painted a virtual target on the heart of Job, and pointed him out to Satan. Lest we forget, remember that Satan has only one purpose – “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.” John 10:10 NLT
As we read through this book, this small exchange is going to haunt us.
Thought for today: Do you feel like someone put a target on your heart and begged Satan to take aim? If so, the book of Job is a must read.
Thought for tomorrow: The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” John 10:10 NLT
April 17
Read Romans 15 and 16
One of the beautiful blessings tucked into the fabric of step four is hope. A thorough step four requires us to lean into our pain. Listing my resentments, disappointments, fears, sexual misbehaviors, etc. requires me to uncover my eyes and stare myself in the face. Step four wipes away my illusions and good intentions, my dreams and “if onlys.” An accurate inventory tells me what is not what I wish. This kind of brutal honesty is frightening, but – if I can do this - I will be developing spiritual muscles that will help prepare me for God’s grand epic adventure.
And that gives me hope. If I can embrace my current suffering and make friends with the truth about me, then I am one step closer to my true God-created identity. I realize after reading the book of Romans that God is calling each of us to live larger than any human is capable. If I want what God wants for me, I better be willing to get myself ready to receive my call. Paul ends this big book with several instructions: be strong and bear with the failings of the weak, Christ is our model – we aren’t created to live life trying to please ourselves, scripture was written to give us endurance and encouragement – so I assume we’re going to need it, accept others – even the annoying. Bottom line: as we grow up, we need to grow strong – God has big plans for us – and we’re in need of character. (Which is far different from acting like a character!)
Thought for today: Take time today and list your strengths. God has given each of us gifts. What are yours?
Thought for tomorrow: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 NIV
One of the beautiful blessings tucked into the fabric of step four is hope. A thorough step four requires us to lean into our pain. Listing my resentments, disappointments, fears, sexual misbehaviors, etc. requires me to uncover my eyes and stare myself in the face. Step four wipes away my illusions and good intentions, my dreams and “if onlys.” An accurate inventory tells me what is not what I wish. This kind of brutal honesty is frightening, but – if I can do this - I will be developing spiritual muscles that will help prepare me for God’s grand epic adventure.
And that gives me hope. If I can embrace my current suffering and make friends with the truth about me, then I am one step closer to my true God-created identity. I realize after reading the book of Romans that God is calling each of us to live larger than any human is capable. If I want what God wants for me, I better be willing to get myself ready to receive my call. Paul ends this big book with several instructions: be strong and bear with the failings of the weak, Christ is our model – we aren’t created to live life trying to please ourselves, scripture was written to give us endurance and encouragement – so I assume we’re going to need it, accept others – even the annoying. Bottom line: as we grow up, we need to grow strong – God has big plans for us – and we’re in need of character. (Which is far different from acting like a character!)
Thought for today: Take time today and list your strengths. God has given each of us gifts. What are yours?
Thought for tomorrow: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 NIV
April 16
Read Romans 14
Monday, April 16, 2007.
Another day that will be seared into the memories of every student at Virginia Tech, their parents, the faculty, visitors, alumni – and the world. More than 24 hours have passed since the “massacre at Virginia Tech” – and we still are uncertain of the body count. Inexplicably to most of us, a young man kills two people in a dorm and then more than 30 in classrooms on the Virginia Tech campus.
It’s so horrible, so baffling – most of us are still in shock. But not the news media. Many of them are clear on their response to this tragedy – judge. Desperate to get word on my son’s safety and the safety of his fellow Hokies – I watched the television coverage of this unfolding nightmare with rapt attention. What did I hear? A lot of arm chair quarterbacking, criticism, and judging all authority figures currently working on the Tech campus.
Eventually I simply couldn’t take any more and had to hope that emails and cell phones would give me what I wanted – the sound of my son’s voice or word of his status. Hearing my child’s voice was a relief, but it could not ameliorate the rage I felt at the reporters’ interviews of other people’s children. They badgered them with questions – “Do you think you should have been told earlier about the first shooting? Aren’t you upset that classes weren’t cancelled? Why wasn’t your campus closed off?”
And then I went to scripture. “You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother?” (Romans 14:10)
Ouch. Reporters judged officials, I judged reporters. I was mad as only a scared mother can be – and those lame questioners made a nice, safe, anonymous target for my rage. I still believe that no one was served by this rush to judgment that we witnessed on all the networks covering this story. But that gave me absolutely no right to join in the fray.
According to Juanita Ryan, (you can hear her take on this – her audio class is on our web site), sometimes we become judgmental of ourselves and others when we’re suffering. Sometimes working up a good head of steam seems easier to deal with than our own howling pain. Thanks to Dr. Ryan’s wise words, I paused to prepare. I dug deep and found my compassionate self. I’ve decided to spend the rest of this week practicing the fine art of compassion – I’m going to let go of my judgments of others – since I’m the only person I have the power to change.
Thought for today: So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Romans 14:12 NIV
Thought for tomorrow: List your resentments. Code words for resentment may include: feeling injured, violated, left out, low sense of worth, angry, bitter, desirous of retaliation.
Example: I resent ____ because ______. This affects _____. This activates _____. This makes me feel _______.
Monday, April 16, 2007.
Another day that will be seared into the memories of every student at Virginia Tech, their parents, the faculty, visitors, alumni – and the world. More than 24 hours have passed since the “massacre at Virginia Tech” – and we still are uncertain of the body count. Inexplicably to most of us, a young man kills two people in a dorm and then more than 30 in classrooms on the Virginia Tech campus.
It’s so horrible, so baffling – most of us are still in shock. But not the news media. Many of them are clear on their response to this tragedy – judge. Desperate to get word on my son’s safety and the safety of his fellow Hokies – I watched the television coverage of this unfolding nightmare with rapt attention. What did I hear? A lot of arm chair quarterbacking, criticism, and judging all authority figures currently working on the Tech campus.
Eventually I simply couldn’t take any more and had to hope that emails and cell phones would give me what I wanted – the sound of my son’s voice or word of his status. Hearing my child’s voice was a relief, but it could not ameliorate the rage I felt at the reporters’ interviews of other people’s children. They badgered them with questions – “Do you think you should have been told earlier about the first shooting? Aren’t you upset that classes weren’t cancelled? Why wasn’t your campus closed off?”
And then I went to scripture. “You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother?” (Romans 14:10)
Ouch. Reporters judged officials, I judged reporters. I was mad as only a scared mother can be – and those lame questioners made a nice, safe, anonymous target for my rage. I still believe that no one was served by this rush to judgment that we witnessed on all the networks covering this story. But that gave me absolutely no right to join in the fray.
According to Juanita Ryan, (you can hear her take on this – her audio class is on our web site), sometimes we become judgmental of ourselves and others when we’re suffering. Sometimes working up a good head of steam seems easier to deal with than our own howling pain. Thanks to Dr. Ryan’s wise words, I paused to prepare. I dug deep and found my compassionate self. I’ve decided to spend the rest of this week practicing the fine art of compassion – I’m going to let go of my judgments of others – since I’m the only person I have the power to change.
Thought for today: So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Romans 14:12 NIV
Thought for tomorrow: List your resentments. Code words for resentment may include: feeling injured, violated, left out, low sense of worth, angry, bitter, desirous of retaliation.
Example: I resent ____ because ______. This affects _____. This activates _____. This makes me feel _______.
April 15
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 15
Read Romans 13
“You are not the boss of me.” Each of my children has expressed this sentiment at one time or another. Each time, Pete and I responded in unison.
“As a matter of fact, we are the boss of you.” Perhaps you know that I like being the boss. But if you know that fact, you also realize that Pete is a happy third born and is just as content when he is not the boss as when he wears the mantle of responsibility of man in charge. So our unified response is not all about wanting to be bossy. It’s more about understanding Romans 13.
Right off the bat Paul issues a firm statement: submit to authority. He doesn’t qualify this with sayings like, “If you like your authority” or “If you think your authority is worthy of your allegiance” – he says simply, “Submit.”
The McBean children aren’t the only people who don’t like people being the boss of them. Most of us dream of being our own bosses and getting our own big scoop of authority. And maybe some day we’ll get some of that authority. But for today, let’s wrestle with our own limitations – how are each of us doing at submitting to our earthly authorities?
Thought for Today: List all the people in roles of authority that you resent and/or fear. Code words: comparing self to others, taking things too personally, fearing rejection, noting an arrogant attitude, feeling inadequate, reacting rather than acting.
I fear ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: I wonder if you are one of those people created to lead others. If so, I suspect you will make a much more effective authority if you know how to live well with your own authority figures. Maybe you never aspire to rule. Whether you want to lead or to follow, it is always appropriate to learn how to live well with authority.
April 15
Teresa McBean
April 15
Read Romans 13
“You are not the boss of me.” Each of my children has expressed this sentiment at one time or another. Each time, Pete and I responded in unison.
“As a matter of fact, we are the boss of you.” Perhaps you know that I like being the boss. But if you know that fact, you also realize that Pete is a happy third born and is just as content when he is not the boss as when he wears the mantle of responsibility of man in charge. So our unified response is not all about wanting to be bossy. It’s more about understanding Romans 13.
Right off the bat Paul issues a firm statement: submit to authority. He doesn’t qualify this with sayings like, “If you like your authority” or “If you think your authority is worthy of your allegiance” – he says simply, “Submit.”
The McBean children aren’t the only people who don’t like people being the boss of them. Most of us dream of being our own bosses and getting our own big scoop of authority. And maybe some day we’ll get some of that authority. But for today, let’s wrestle with our own limitations – how are each of us doing at submitting to our earthly authorities?
Thought for Today: List all the people in roles of authority that you resent and/or fear. Code words: comparing self to others, taking things too personally, fearing rejection, noting an arrogant attitude, feeling inadequate, reacting rather than acting.
I fear ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____. This makes me feel ____.
Thought for tomorrow: I wonder if you are one of those people created to lead others. If so, I suspect you will make a much more effective authority if you know how to live well with your own authority figures. Maybe you never aspire to rule. Whether you want to lead or to follow, it is always appropriate to learn how to live well with authority.
April 15
Teresa McBean
April 14
April 14
Read Romans 12
One of my favorite verses is found in this chapter of Romans. It used to be my most hated verse. Every time I ran across it in my reading, I eyed it with a beady eye of suspicion. How in the world does one offer their body as a living sacrifice? And is that even appropriate?
Having offered my thoughts, feelings, and choices to the altar of people pleasing on many occasions – inappropriately – I asked myself – is this an egomaniacal God I am being called to serve? Does God need me to “worship and serve” Him so that he can feel worthy? If so, how does that make him any different from a mere mortal – some of whom require loyalty and unwavering allegiance in order to feel in control? Is God a control freak?
But even when I was reading scripture through the lens of codependency run amok, I was intrigued as I read on…Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will…” I can know the will of God? Wow! I want that!
I’m not sure I ever returned to my questions in paragraph two. Because in all this questioning a thought occurred to me: If I can know the will of God, then I assume God will provide a way for me to do the will of God. Doing the will of God has got to be a better proposition than trying to keep all the people I know happy all the time. I decided to rethink my people pleasing ways…
Thought for today: If you’re tired of disappointing people, and you want to find a more peaceful way to live , try this: List the ways you seek the approval of others. Our constant seeking of the approval of others keeps us in a constant state of impression management. Code words: caring more about what others think about me than what is true of me, feeling unworthy, fearing criticism, lacking confidence, fearing failure, ignoring our own needs.
Example: I seek approval when ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____.
Here’s one way I might answer that: I seek approval when I care more about what a person thinks about me than I care about doing the next right thing. I seek approval of others because sometimes immediate gratification of another’s approval feels good. This affects me in a million ways because people can be pretty demanding, and I can’t make everyone happy all the time – it is too exhausting! This activates feelings of guilt and shame – and I feel like I’m losing pieces of myself in my efforts to make all people happy all the time…
Thought for tomorrow: …Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought. Romans 12:3 NiV. It is arrogant to think that I can do for others what only God can do. Seeking approval from other humans is folly. Sometimes they’re going to be right in their disappointments, sometimes wrong. I think I’m better off entrusting myself into the hands of Him who judges justly than counting on other people.
April 14
Teresa McBean
Read Romans 12
One of my favorite verses is found in this chapter of Romans. It used to be my most hated verse. Every time I ran across it in my reading, I eyed it with a beady eye of suspicion. How in the world does one offer their body as a living sacrifice? And is that even appropriate?
Having offered my thoughts, feelings, and choices to the altar of people pleasing on many occasions – inappropriately – I asked myself – is this an egomaniacal God I am being called to serve? Does God need me to “worship and serve” Him so that he can feel worthy? If so, how does that make him any different from a mere mortal – some of whom require loyalty and unwavering allegiance in order to feel in control? Is God a control freak?
But even when I was reading scripture through the lens of codependency run amok, I was intrigued as I read on…Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will…” I can know the will of God? Wow! I want that!
I’m not sure I ever returned to my questions in paragraph two. Because in all this questioning a thought occurred to me: If I can know the will of God, then I assume God will provide a way for me to do the will of God. Doing the will of God has got to be a better proposition than trying to keep all the people I know happy all the time. I decided to rethink my people pleasing ways…
Thought for today: If you’re tired of disappointing people, and you want to find a more peaceful way to live , try this: List the ways you seek the approval of others. Our constant seeking of the approval of others keeps us in a constant state of impression management. Code words: caring more about what others think about me than what is true of me, feeling unworthy, fearing criticism, lacking confidence, fearing failure, ignoring our own needs.
Example: I seek approval when ____ because ____. This affects ____. This activates ____.
Here’s one way I might answer that: I seek approval when I care more about what a person thinks about me than I care about doing the next right thing. I seek approval of others because sometimes immediate gratification of another’s approval feels good. This affects me in a million ways because people can be pretty demanding, and I can’t make everyone happy all the time – it is too exhausting! This activates feelings of guilt and shame – and I feel like I’m losing pieces of myself in my efforts to make all people happy all the time…
Thought for tomorrow: …Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought. Romans 12:3 NiV. It is arrogant to think that I can do for others what only God can do. Seeking approval from other humans is folly. Sometimes they’re going to be right in their disappointments, sometimes wrong. I think I’m better off entrusting myself into the hands of Him who judges justly than counting on other people.
April 14
Teresa McBean
April 13
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 13
Read Romans 10 – 11
I am reminded repeatedly why children often lead us. Here are some encounters I’ve had with kids lately.
Last week a kid pitched a total fit in front of me in the grocery check-out line. It was nap time and this kid knew it – well, he knew he was miserable. Perhaps he didn’t know quite yet that a nap was what would restore him. But he knew he needed something. His crying and stomping and sniffling and head banging were all very effective attempts to get his mother to set aside her agenda and take him home.
A recent visit with my nieces and nephews found me in my happy place – surrounded by three loving kids who just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that their Aunt wanted to hear every single detail of their lives. I heard about mucking out a horse stall, a detailed account of a week long field trip, the latest school gossip, and my third grade nephew’s decision to alter “career paths” (yes, he said that).
A four year old walked up to me at the beginning of our celebration time in church and told me how really mad he was that his daddy called him stupid. He may have only been four, but even he knew that was totally uncool – and wrong.
Kids get it. They get that they are special and worthy of an attentive ear and a compassionate response. They have no doubt that being the center of attention is their due. Of course, if one gets too carried away with the center of attention notion, that can be a problem. But I think a larger problem is when we begin to believe that it is never ok to tell the truth about how we’re feeling or when we come to believe that we don’t deserve the opportunity to be heard by an attentive and compassionate ear.
So what about you? Do you know when you’re too tired, too hungry, or too stressed? Do you know what you need when that happens, and do you take appropriate action? Part of an effective step four involves learning to see ourselves more clearly. Start looking!
Thought for today: Take a few minutes to list times when you have an inaccurate sense of self. Feeling inadequate, “less than,” “better than,” etc. are all indicators that we’re not seeing ourselves through God-vision goggles. Code words: isolating from others, being either too aggressive or non-assertive, fearing failure, appearing inadequate, or denying any wrong doing, negative self-image or inflated self-image.
I don’t see myself as God does when ____________ because ___________. This affects _______________________________________________________. This activates _________________. This makes me feel ________________.
Thought for tomorrow:
Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3 NIV
“Therefore, whoever humbles himself like a child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:4 NIV
April 13
Teresa McBean
April 13
Read Romans 10 – 11
I am reminded repeatedly why children often lead us. Here are some encounters I’ve had with kids lately.
Last week a kid pitched a total fit in front of me in the grocery check-out line. It was nap time and this kid knew it – well, he knew he was miserable. Perhaps he didn’t know quite yet that a nap was what would restore him. But he knew he needed something. His crying and stomping and sniffling and head banging were all very effective attempts to get his mother to set aside her agenda and take him home.
A recent visit with my nieces and nephews found me in my happy place – surrounded by three loving kids who just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that their Aunt wanted to hear every single detail of their lives. I heard about mucking out a horse stall, a detailed account of a week long field trip, the latest school gossip, and my third grade nephew’s decision to alter “career paths” (yes, he said that).
A four year old walked up to me at the beginning of our celebration time in church and told me how really mad he was that his daddy called him stupid. He may have only been four, but even he knew that was totally uncool – and wrong.
Kids get it. They get that they are special and worthy of an attentive ear and a compassionate response. They have no doubt that being the center of attention is their due. Of course, if one gets too carried away with the center of attention notion, that can be a problem. But I think a larger problem is when we begin to believe that it is never ok to tell the truth about how we’re feeling or when we come to believe that we don’t deserve the opportunity to be heard by an attentive and compassionate ear.
So what about you? Do you know when you’re too tired, too hungry, or too stressed? Do you know what you need when that happens, and do you take appropriate action? Part of an effective step four involves learning to see ourselves more clearly. Start looking!
Thought for today: Take a few minutes to list times when you have an inaccurate sense of self. Feeling inadequate, “less than,” “better than,” etc. are all indicators that we’re not seeing ourselves through God-vision goggles. Code words: isolating from others, being either too aggressive or non-assertive, fearing failure, appearing inadequate, or denying any wrong doing, negative self-image or inflated self-image.
I don’t see myself as God does when ____________ because ___________. This affects _______________________________________________________. This activates _________________. This makes me feel ________________.
Thought for tomorrow:
Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3 NIV
“Therefore, whoever humbles himself like a child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:4 NIV
April 13
Teresa McBean
April 12
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 12
Scripture reading: Romans 9
This week I ran into an old friend. It had been a long time since we had connected, but thanks to the magic of email and prayer lines, I knew she was in a world of hurt. I won’t spill her guts on you, but things were bad. So I said, “Hey, I’m praying for you.”
To which she said, “Well, goodness. Thanks, but we’re all FINE. God is in control, no worries here!” And off she marched with her bloodshot eyes, droopy shoulders, and extra wrinkles – in her face and clothes. Suffering wears on us. It shows, even when we try to deny it.
I understand my friend’s point. She’s afraid if she acknowledges her suffering, the rest of us fellow believers are going to give her a speech about bucking up and God’s provision. Perhaps she thinks only spiritual sissies cry in their corn flakes or lose sleep over wayward children and unpaid bills. Since my job title includes the word “minister” I suspect she has some preconceived notions about what I think strong faith looks like (and if so, I hope she’s wrong about me).
I’m still going to pray for my friend. I’m praying she stumbles across Romans nine. Listen to Paul in verse two – “I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.” Paul got his letters printed in the Bible. I think he qualifies as a spiritual giant. And when faced with the messiness of life – he admitted it – “I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.”
Maybe you believe that spiritual giants have short lists and anemic emotions on their step four inventories. I hope you rethink that. It’s ok for “real” men and women of faith (those who’ve marched through the first three steps) to tell the truth.
So what about you? What’s on your list that includes great sorrow and unceasing anguish in your heart?
Thought for today: The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses.” Psalm 25:17 NIV
Thought for tomorrow: There’s a verse tucked away somewhere in the scriptures that tells us that we can’t heal what we don’t acknowledge. Wait. Maybe that’s Dr. Phil. Maybe he got it from the scriptures! Either way, it’s true. If you want to get to the good stuff – the big dreams, the peace that passes all understanding, the fruit of the spirit, etc….you gotta be willing to tell the truth about where you’re currently camped.
April 12
Teresa McBean
April 12
Scripture reading: Romans 9
This week I ran into an old friend. It had been a long time since we had connected, but thanks to the magic of email and prayer lines, I knew she was in a world of hurt. I won’t spill her guts on you, but things were bad. So I said, “Hey, I’m praying for you.”
To which she said, “Well, goodness. Thanks, but we’re all FINE. God is in control, no worries here!” And off she marched with her bloodshot eyes, droopy shoulders, and extra wrinkles – in her face and clothes. Suffering wears on us. It shows, even when we try to deny it.
I understand my friend’s point. She’s afraid if she acknowledges her suffering, the rest of us fellow believers are going to give her a speech about bucking up and God’s provision. Perhaps she thinks only spiritual sissies cry in their corn flakes or lose sleep over wayward children and unpaid bills. Since my job title includes the word “minister” I suspect she has some preconceived notions about what I think strong faith looks like (and if so, I hope she’s wrong about me).
I’m still going to pray for my friend. I’m praying she stumbles across Romans nine. Listen to Paul in verse two – “I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.” Paul got his letters printed in the Bible. I think he qualifies as a spiritual giant. And when faced with the messiness of life – he admitted it – “I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.”
Maybe you believe that spiritual giants have short lists and anemic emotions on their step four inventories. I hope you rethink that. It’s ok for “real” men and women of faith (those who’ve marched through the first three steps) to tell the truth.
So what about you? What’s on your list that includes great sorrow and unceasing anguish in your heart?
Thought for today: The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses.” Psalm 25:17 NIV
Thought for tomorrow: There’s a verse tucked away somewhere in the scriptures that tells us that we can’t heal what we don’t acknowledge. Wait. Maybe that’s Dr. Phil. Maybe he got it from the scriptures! Either way, it’s true. If you want to get to the good stuff – the big dreams, the peace that passes all understanding, the fruit of the spirit, etc….you gotta be willing to tell the truth about where you’re currently camped.
April 12
Teresa McBean
April 11
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 11
Scripture reading: Romans 8
You have just got to love Romans 8. “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” - verse 9. Revealed in us? Not to us? Not for us? No. In us. Revealed in us. Glory revealed in us. That’s cool.
But to make room for God’s grand epic adventure and glory, we’ve got to get the junk out of our trunk. We’ve got to deal with suffering. We can’t medicate or run from it. Well, that’s not quite true. We can do both those things and more to avoid embracing our suffering. But we won’t have room for all the glory.
McManus says in entry 4 in Soul Cravings (under Intimacy) that “We are created to know God and to know love.” But he doesn’t stop there. Love may be what we’re created for – but it is risky business. “We cannot live unaffected by love. We are most alive when we find it, most devastated when we lose it, most empty when we give up on it, most inhumane when we betray it, and most passionate when we pursue it.” (Entry 3, Intimacy section, Soul Cravings)
Ask the Holy Spirit to help you write out your answers to these questions:
When have I been most devastated by lost love?
When have I felt empty as I have given up on love?
When have I been inhumane as I betrayed the ones I love?
When have I failed to passionately pursue love because I preferred to protect myself?
Thought for today: Messy loves sometimes leaves us broken, other times bitter. Where are you in your pursuit of love? As you inventory your love life, as the Spirit – is this what love is?
Thought for tomorrow: Let me express my anguish. Let me be free to speak out of the bitterness of my soul. Job 7:11 NIV
April 11
Teresa McBean
April 11
Scripture reading: Romans 8
You have just got to love Romans 8. “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” - verse 9. Revealed in us? Not to us? Not for us? No. In us. Revealed in us. Glory revealed in us. That’s cool.
But to make room for God’s grand epic adventure and glory, we’ve got to get the junk out of our trunk. We’ve got to deal with suffering. We can’t medicate or run from it. Well, that’s not quite true. We can do both those things and more to avoid embracing our suffering. But we won’t have room for all the glory.
McManus says in entry 4 in Soul Cravings (under Intimacy) that “We are created to know God and to know love.” But he doesn’t stop there. Love may be what we’re created for – but it is risky business. “We cannot live unaffected by love. We are most alive when we find it, most devastated when we lose it, most empty when we give up on it, most inhumane when we betray it, and most passionate when we pursue it.” (Entry 3, Intimacy section, Soul Cravings)
Ask the Holy Spirit to help you write out your answers to these questions:
When have I been most devastated by lost love?
When have I felt empty as I have given up on love?
When have I been inhumane as I betrayed the ones I love?
When have I failed to passionately pursue love because I preferred to protect myself?
Thought for today: Messy loves sometimes leaves us broken, other times bitter. Where are you in your pursuit of love? As you inventory your love life, as the Spirit – is this what love is?
Thought for tomorrow: Let me express my anguish. Let me be free to speak out of the bitterness of my soul. Job 7:11 NIV
April 11
Teresa McBean
April 10
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 10
Scripture reading: Romans 7
I particularly appreciate scripture when I read a chapter like Romans 7 . Have you ever thought about writing an autobiography? If so, tell the truth. Would you be tempted to edit your stories? Sure you would ! I’d prefer to write an autobiography that captures my funny memories, my “victories”, my happy times. If I could rummage around in my bag of memories, I might pull out an occasional defeat – if it ultimately had a great ending. A story like the time I made alternate on my drill team, but ended up getting to step up to the plate and help the team out when one of our captains couldn’t perform. I’d tell that story. But believe me, there are some stories I would not want retold. Especially while my parents are still alive and well!
God didn’t do that in scripture. He had his divine and human storytellers spill the beans. Paul in Romans 7 does that when he, a virtual spiritual giant of a man, says this, “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.” I once had someone tell me that this wasn’t really true of Paul, once he became a believer. This must have been how he was pre-step three. Maybe this person is right. But as best as I can determine with my limited knowledge, that is not what the man said. He’s saying that he struggles with matching his behaving with his believing. He doesn’t say, “Hey, I used to be this way. But once I came to believe, I was zapped. Now I’m sinless.” He doesn’t say that in the chapter I’m reading from. So then – even spiritual giants take time to inventory their lives.
Erwin McManus has an entry in his book Soul Cravings called, “Love Is Like Stepping On Broken Glass” – ask the Holy Spirit to recall to your mind your past love experiences gone bad. As you make the list, take note of how these experiences made you feel, and see if the Spirit reveals to you any patterns of responding to this pain.
Thought for today: “How is it that the same thing that can make your life a rhapsody can leave you gutted, like a dead fish wrapped in day-old newspaper?” Depeche Mode, in the song “The Meaning of Love”
Thought for tomorrow: Look deep into my heart, God, and find out everything I am thinking. Don’t let me follow evil ways, but lead me in the way that time has proven true.
Psalm 139:23-24 New Century Edition
April 10
Teresa McBean
April 10
Scripture reading: Romans 7
I particularly appreciate scripture when I read a chapter like Romans 7 . Have you ever thought about writing an autobiography? If so, tell the truth. Would you be tempted to edit your stories? Sure you would ! I’d prefer to write an autobiography that captures my funny memories, my “victories”, my happy times. If I could rummage around in my bag of memories, I might pull out an occasional defeat – if it ultimately had a great ending. A story like the time I made alternate on my drill team, but ended up getting to step up to the plate and help the team out when one of our captains couldn’t perform. I’d tell that story. But believe me, there are some stories I would not want retold. Especially while my parents are still alive and well!
God didn’t do that in scripture. He had his divine and human storytellers spill the beans. Paul in Romans 7 does that when he, a virtual spiritual giant of a man, says this, “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.” I once had someone tell me that this wasn’t really true of Paul, once he became a believer. This must have been how he was pre-step three. Maybe this person is right. But as best as I can determine with my limited knowledge, that is not what the man said. He’s saying that he struggles with matching his behaving with his believing. He doesn’t say, “Hey, I used to be this way. But once I came to believe, I was zapped. Now I’m sinless.” He doesn’t say that in the chapter I’m reading from. So then – even spiritual giants take time to inventory their lives.
Erwin McManus has an entry in his book Soul Cravings called, “Love Is Like Stepping On Broken Glass” – ask the Holy Spirit to recall to your mind your past love experiences gone bad. As you make the list, take note of how these experiences made you feel, and see if the Spirit reveals to you any patterns of responding to this pain.
Thought for today: “How is it that the same thing that can make your life a rhapsody can leave you gutted, like a dead fish wrapped in day-old newspaper?” Depeche Mode, in the song “The Meaning of Love”
Thought for tomorrow: Look deep into my heart, God, and find out everything I am thinking. Don’t let me follow evil ways, but lead me in the way that time has proven true.
Psalm 139:23-24 New Century Edition
April 10
Teresa McBean
April 9
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 9
Read: Romans 6
A quick read through Romans 6 may evoke a wide range of emotions. …we should no longer be slaves to sin…wow! That sounds great. Since sin is living independently of God, and because we’ve presumably been ready to acknowledge the first three steps as true (Why else would we be at step 4? If you’ve not done that yet, stop now. Return to step one. You’re wasting your time.), that usually means we’ve come to accept the fact that independent living has not served us well.
…we should no longer be slaves to sin rings like an answer to prayer. Our plaguing hurts, habits and hang-ups can be wiped out? Cool!
But suppose you’ve been at this believing thing for awhile, and some of your hurts, habits and hang-ups haven’t cooperated by fleeing at the mere mention of your bold believing. Does Romans 6 leave you wondering what you’re doing wrong?
…in the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God. Huh? How do you do that? I recommend you start with an inventory. I believe that you have to count, take stock, pay attention to, re-evaluate your life in order to make a wise decision about what to ask God to kill off and what to nurture.
So be brave. Start with bitterness. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you where bitterness has taken root in your heart. (For a bit of a description of bitterness and it’s ugly effects, see Step 4, Day 7 of this devotional series.) Grab a dictionary and study the definition. Ask the Holy Spirit where the tender wounds are in your heart that have festered into bitterness. Then just write it down. Don’t filter it, judge it, debunk it, ignore it. Try hard not to medicate it with chocolate and peanut butter. Just write it down.
Thought for today: If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin – because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Selected passages, Romans 6
Thought for tomorrow: I realize that right now you are thinking about how I’m trying to trick you into doing an inventory. You’re wrong. I’m making no bones about it – just do it. Why? Because it’s good for you. Medicating, avoiding, denying, repressing, suppressing all our hurts, habits, and hang-ups equals letting sin reign in our mortal body so that we obey its evil desires. If you continue in this manner, God won’t stop loving you. Your stubbornness won’t cause Jesus to renounce his crucifixion and subsequent resurrection experience because he’s irritated by your bad behaving. What it will do is hinder you from experiencing the capacity to be free that was given to you the very moment you allowed Christ care and control of your life, believing that only He could restore you to sanity.
April 9
Teresa McBean
April 9
Read: Romans 6
A quick read through Romans 6 may evoke a wide range of emotions. …we should no longer be slaves to sin…wow! That sounds great. Since sin is living independently of God, and because we’ve presumably been ready to acknowledge the first three steps as true (Why else would we be at step 4? If you’ve not done that yet, stop now. Return to step one. You’re wasting your time.), that usually means we’ve come to accept the fact that independent living has not served us well.
…we should no longer be slaves to sin rings like an answer to prayer. Our plaguing hurts, habits and hang-ups can be wiped out? Cool!
But suppose you’ve been at this believing thing for awhile, and some of your hurts, habits and hang-ups haven’t cooperated by fleeing at the mere mention of your bold believing. Does Romans 6 leave you wondering what you’re doing wrong?
…in the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God. Huh? How do you do that? I recommend you start with an inventory. I believe that you have to count, take stock, pay attention to, re-evaluate your life in order to make a wise decision about what to ask God to kill off and what to nurture.
So be brave. Start with bitterness. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you where bitterness has taken root in your heart. (For a bit of a description of bitterness and it’s ugly effects, see Step 4, Day 7 of this devotional series.) Grab a dictionary and study the definition. Ask the Holy Spirit where the tender wounds are in your heart that have festered into bitterness. Then just write it down. Don’t filter it, judge it, debunk it, ignore it. Try hard not to medicate it with chocolate and peanut butter. Just write it down.
Thought for today: If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin – because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Selected passages, Romans 6
Thought for tomorrow: I realize that right now you are thinking about how I’m trying to trick you into doing an inventory. You’re wrong. I’m making no bones about it – just do it. Why? Because it’s good for you. Medicating, avoiding, denying, repressing, suppressing all our hurts, habits, and hang-ups equals letting sin reign in our mortal body so that we obey its evil desires. If you continue in this manner, God won’t stop loving you. Your stubbornness won’t cause Jesus to renounce his crucifixion and subsequent resurrection experience because he’s irritated by your bad behaving. What it will do is hinder you from experiencing the capacity to be free that was given to you the very moment you allowed Christ care and control of your life, believing that only He could restore you to sanity.
April 9
Teresa McBean
April 8
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 8
Reading: Romans 5
You really need to read Romans 5, but if you don’t, listen to this in verse 6: You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.
This is a big deal. Long before you “came to believe” or made the decision to turn your life over to the care and control of God – Christ died for you. He didn’t wait until you deserved it, or had made up for all that you lack. He didn’t wait until you made a commitment to him. No, indeed not. First, he made a commitment to you. (If you want to study the extent of that commitment, I suggest you read our Insight Journal Part III, focusing on this topic.)
Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. (verse 7) Is that what you think? In order to get the blessings of God, we better be good. (Sort of the Santa goes to heaven model of believing.) If that’s what you’ve been taught, you were taught wrong! No, blessings don’t come to us because we earn them or deserve them or avoid losing them by behaving better than most. Blessings are bestowed upon us by God because of who He is – not because He hopes we’re going to shape up.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this? While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (verse 8) At NorthStar Community, we like to define sin as living independently of God. We realize that this is a little less cumbersome than trying to list all the possible ways we can behave badly. So let’s reframe this verse in NSC lingo – While we were still living independently of God (going our own way, making our own decisions, deciding for ourselves what was right and what was wrong) – Christ died for us. Note that this definition means that we could be deciding for ourselves to live like Mother Teresa and still be sinners. By this definition, if we’re living like a nun, but only doing that because we ourselves think that’s a good idea – then we’re sinners.
As you consider taking a serious look in the mirror – you can be assured of one thing: although you may cringe at what you see, God does not. He knows your problems, but He focuses on your potential, because he remembers …while we were still powerless, Christ died…
Thought for today: If Christ thought you were worth dying for, don’t you think it’s time to consider what value he saw in you? An inventory helps you consider who you are, why you exist, and where you are headed…
Thought for tomorrow: Jesus…”gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Isaiah 40:29 NIV
April 8
Teresa McBean
April 8
Reading: Romans 5
You really need to read Romans 5, but if you don’t, listen to this in verse 6: You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.
This is a big deal. Long before you “came to believe” or made the decision to turn your life over to the care and control of God – Christ died for you. He didn’t wait until you deserved it, or had made up for all that you lack. He didn’t wait until you made a commitment to him. No, indeed not. First, he made a commitment to you. (If you want to study the extent of that commitment, I suggest you read our Insight Journal Part III, focusing on this topic.)
Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. (verse 7) Is that what you think? In order to get the blessings of God, we better be good. (Sort of the Santa goes to heaven model of believing.) If that’s what you’ve been taught, you were taught wrong! No, blessings don’t come to us because we earn them or deserve them or avoid losing them by behaving better than most. Blessings are bestowed upon us by God because of who He is – not because He hopes we’re going to shape up.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this? While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (verse 8) At NorthStar Community, we like to define sin as living independently of God. We realize that this is a little less cumbersome than trying to list all the possible ways we can behave badly. So let’s reframe this verse in NSC lingo – While we were still living independently of God (going our own way, making our own decisions, deciding for ourselves what was right and what was wrong) – Christ died for us. Note that this definition means that we could be deciding for ourselves to live like Mother Teresa and still be sinners. By this definition, if we’re living like a nun, but only doing that because we ourselves think that’s a good idea – then we’re sinners.
As you consider taking a serious look in the mirror – you can be assured of one thing: although you may cringe at what you see, God does not. He knows your problems, but He focuses on your potential, because he remembers …while we were still powerless, Christ died…
Thought for today: If Christ thought you were worth dying for, don’t you think it’s time to consider what value he saw in you? An inventory helps you consider who you are, why you exist, and where you are headed…
Thought for tomorrow: Jesus…”gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Isaiah 40:29 NIV
April 8
Teresa McBean
April 7
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 7
Reading: Romans 4
In our reading today, Paul (the author of the book of Romans) discusses Abraham’s “greatness”. Abraham was a historical figure to the Jewish people – a true hero. Paul asks why he is such a hero – is it because of the great things he did? What kinds of things constitute “great things”? He quotes scripture in Romans 4:3 – “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.” Ahhhh.
Paul states that it is Abraham’s believing that was the truly great thing about him. In terms of walking through the steps – that means he clearly marched right through steps one, two and three. And, if we were in a third grade Sunday School class, perhaps I’d hammer that point home for awhile and move on.
But we’re not. We’re grown ups. We can face the facts. Abraham’s behavior was not always in sync with his bold believing. Abraham certainly could have benefited from a fourth step inventory. (If you are interested, find a bible with a concordance, look up “Abraham” and read all about his life. Remember – his behaving was often suspect, but he was declared “righteous” by God. Think about it.)
Anyone who is brave enough to work through a complete moral inventory asks a question: what do I see when I examine myself? Erwin McManus, in his book Soul Cravings writes about this experience as a child – “This is a question I was asked to face years ago when I found myself desperately struggling to understand myself, trying to measure the weight of this one life. ‘What do you see?’ Even at twelve I knew this was a trick question. It really is a good question, though. Your retinal may be necessary for sight, but your soul definitely shapes what you see. My soul was confused and cold and growing calloused, and I was quickly becoming blind to so many things. When your soul is sick, one of the symptoms is blindness. Bitterness, for instance, is like a cancer that makes you blind. I had allowed hurt to make my soul toxic. Bitterness is the enemy of love because it makes you unforgiving and unwilling to give love unconditionally. It is the enemy of hope because you keep living in the past and become incapable of seeing a better future. It is the enemy of faith because you stop trusting in anyone but yourself.”*
Thought for today: I am comforted by the messy life of Abraham. Frankly, sometimes I fear careful self-examination because I am so scared of what I’ll find. Why? Because I’m afraid if I acknowledge the truth, it will make it more real. That’s silly, you say – and you’re right. But I’ve dug further and asked myself why I’m so silly. Recently I’ve discovered that I fear what God and others will think of me too. So it’s not just about worrying about my own opinions, it’s also fearing judgment and condemnation from God and others. I’m left with one thought that causes me to walk through my trepidation: even a goof like Abraham was dearly loved by God. Maybe there’s hope for me too.
Thought for tomorrow: If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5 NIV
April 7
Teresa McBean
*Soul Cravings, by Erwin Raphael McManus, Nelson Books, Introduction to “Cravings” pages unnumbered.
April 7
Reading: Romans 4
In our reading today, Paul (the author of the book of Romans) discusses Abraham’s “greatness”. Abraham was a historical figure to the Jewish people – a true hero. Paul asks why he is such a hero – is it because of the great things he did? What kinds of things constitute “great things”? He quotes scripture in Romans 4:3 – “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.” Ahhhh.
Paul states that it is Abraham’s believing that was the truly great thing about him. In terms of walking through the steps – that means he clearly marched right through steps one, two and three. And, if we were in a third grade Sunday School class, perhaps I’d hammer that point home for awhile and move on.
But we’re not. We’re grown ups. We can face the facts. Abraham’s behavior was not always in sync with his bold believing. Abraham certainly could have benefited from a fourth step inventory. (If you are interested, find a bible with a concordance, look up “Abraham” and read all about his life. Remember – his behaving was often suspect, but he was declared “righteous” by God. Think about it.)
Anyone who is brave enough to work through a complete moral inventory asks a question: what do I see when I examine myself? Erwin McManus, in his book Soul Cravings writes about this experience as a child – “This is a question I was asked to face years ago when I found myself desperately struggling to understand myself, trying to measure the weight of this one life. ‘What do you see?’ Even at twelve I knew this was a trick question. It really is a good question, though. Your retinal may be necessary for sight, but your soul definitely shapes what you see. My soul was confused and cold and growing calloused, and I was quickly becoming blind to so many things. When your soul is sick, one of the symptoms is blindness. Bitterness, for instance, is like a cancer that makes you blind. I had allowed hurt to make my soul toxic. Bitterness is the enemy of love because it makes you unforgiving and unwilling to give love unconditionally. It is the enemy of hope because you keep living in the past and become incapable of seeing a better future. It is the enemy of faith because you stop trusting in anyone but yourself.”*
Thought for today: I am comforted by the messy life of Abraham. Frankly, sometimes I fear careful self-examination because I am so scared of what I’ll find. Why? Because I’m afraid if I acknowledge the truth, it will make it more real. That’s silly, you say – and you’re right. But I’ve dug further and asked myself why I’m so silly. Recently I’ve discovered that I fear what God and others will think of me too. So it’s not just about worrying about my own opinions, it’s also fearing judgment and condemnation from God and others. I’m left with one thought that causes me to walk through my trepidation: even a goof like Abraham was dearly loved by God. Maybe there’s hope for me too.
Thought for tomorrow: If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5 NIV
April 7
Teresa McBean
*Soul Cravings, by Erwin Raphael McManus, Nelson Books, Introduction to “Cravings” pages unnumbered.
Deadly Emotions
posted by Nikie
Hello everyone,
I'm listening to this audiobook. (I use Audible :-) It's fascinating. Check it out.
Nikie
=> Deadly Emotions <=
by Teresa McBean
These message notes are largely the inspiration gleaned from Dr. Don Colbert, M.D., author of Deadly Emotions, an excellent book on this topic that I recommend you read. I haven’t sited each page reference, because it would be awkward as a speaker to do so, but you need to understand that much of this is a quote or a paraphrase from his writings.
Three scripture passages that I used to challenge the audience: Matthew 11:28-30, Ezekiel 11:19-20 and Philippians 4. If you study them, I think you get the sense of where I was headed: Jesus didn’t come to make life tougher on us, but to give us rest. We don’t know what he’s talking about in this area, so we need to learn from him what this means. God told us that our old heart needs a transplant, and He promises to do so – for those that believe. Finally, Paul is telling us in Philippians that we are a people who are to learn how to: rejoice, be grateful, experience peace, and, if all that isn’t enough for us – have our hearts and minds guarded by Jesus himself! Folks, when we come to believe IT IS SUPPOSED TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!
But too many of us, claiming to believe, live lives of quiet desperation, filled with anxiety, anger and depression. Something is wrong with this picture. At NorthStar Community, we recognize that life is messy. So please don’t hear me saying we’re supposed to get all straightened out and walk around in a state of perpetual tranquility. But let’s also not get complacent, and come to accept a “less than” life. God has made some promises to us. He’s asked something of us too. He’s told us that the key to accessing the promises comes in the believing. Do you have your key?
Now, some rough notes on the physiology of anxiety…
“Your body is the living reality of everything you are, and everything you experience happens to all of you, not just to your brain.” Dr. Don Colbert
What we feel emotionally often becomes HOW we feel physically. (What if we don’t know what we’re feeling, or how to respond appropriately to those feelings?) In fact, a person experiences an emotion in the form of chemical reactions in the body and the brain. These chemical reactions occur at both the organ level, and the cellular level.
Dis-ease is emotional and spiritual discomfort. It is disharmony in the soul. We are in a state of dis-ease in our country today. We consume 5 billion tranquilizers, 5 billion barbiturates, 3 billion amphetamines, and 16 thousand tons of aspirin every year.
Mind and body are linked. Stress is the body and mind’s response to any pressure that disrupts normal balance. It occurs when our perceptions of events don’t meet expectations AND WE DON’T KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY MANAGE OUR REACTION TO THE DISAPPOINTMENT.
For example:
1. When we live in opposition to how we were created to live – God’s design. (See Matthew 11:28-30) – this is Jesus’ intention for us.
2. Habituation – stress, tremendous stress, even when we desire to stop bad habits…remember, our bodies get used to living a certain way – even if it is bad for us. So making any decision to change will put us, physiologically, in a state of dis-ease. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t change. But what it does mean is that we need to recognize that when we do change, it is stressful on our bodies, and there are always consequences for that.
Certain emotions release hormones into the body that impact our bodies all the way down to the cellular level.
Stress, anxiety, anger – all release hormones to signal the body that it is under duress. The body does not know or care what caused the stress. All the body knows is that it’s stress. (Marathon – scary movie – sleep deprivation – doing drugs – exercise-induced stress – watching your dad and mom duke it out in the den – same stuff – all produces a stress response in the body. Even good things, that are new and different, produce a stress response.)
Stress expresses itself as resistance, tension, strain or frustration, throwing off our physiological and psychological equilibrium and keeping us out of sync. Long Term, it becomes disabling. Please refer to the bullets in the message outline for February 18 th, 2007.
Let me talk to you about neuropeptides. Our cells have these teeny tiny neuroreceptors that are a perfect fit for neuropeptides. The brain produces the neuropeptides and sends them flying along the nervous cells through the body. Think of these as keys. Essentially, according to Dr. Pert, these are “bits of brain floating through the body.” So the brain rushes down to the cells and the immune system receives the keys and the cells know in nanoseconds what your brain is experiencing emotionally. If your brain interprets a physical event as anger, fear, or depression, every cell knows instantly. These cells also have a memory. So if you have a history of anger, fear, and depression, your cells are like oh yeah, that again. I know this. This is comfortable. This message is easy to receive. Technically speaking our memory lies in the cells of our body as much as in our brain!!!!
Fear triggers more than 1400 known physical and chemical stress reactions and activates more than 30 different homones and neurotransmitters.
Stress calls the hypothalamus, pituitary gland and adrenal gland into action and they shoot our adrenaline also called epinephrine. Heart rate increases, colon is stimulated, you sweat, your bronchial tubes dilate, and so on.
Elevated levels teach the body to produce too much of these hormones. Initially, this makes a person feel great – wired. After all, the body thinks it’s under attack, it gets alert, etc. eyesight sharpens, digestion shuts down, muscles fire away, brain is focused. This is good for a short period of time but not sustainable. It is costly.
This leads to high blood pressure, rapid heartbeat, increased triglycerides, elevation of blood sugar, insulin, bone loss, salt retention, fat retention, reduce muscle mass, and gals, make your skin age before its time. It also impairs memory and learning and destroys brain cells.
The perpetual release of the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol can sear the body in a way that is similar to acid searing metal. (Again, a quote from Dr. Colbert.)
People habituate to these levels, and get addicted, and we develop a state of dependence on stress neurohormones – a workaholic gets sick on holidays and weekends, sleeps all weekend – withdrawal. Stressed families get used to being stressed, so if things are calm, someone has to stir things up.
Hostility, in addition to all this, actually causes everything in our body to constrict. Leading to heart attacks if prolonged.
So why am I telling you this? Because coming to believe requires us to take this information seriously, and consider this: I could be going about my life all wrong. It’s possible that we have said we believe when in truth, we’ve merely acknowledged the existence of God. At a minimum, living life stressed should give us pause for concern. We need to ask ourselves – do we really believe????
One other thought: Perpetual stress could kill us. Scriptures indicates that perpetual stress is not what Jesus was intending when he invited us to believe. His expectation is that coming to believe will provide rest for the soul. How is your soul?
Hello everyone,
I'm listening to this audiobook. (I use Audible :-) It's fascinating. Check it out.
Nikie
=> Deadly Emotions <=
by Teresa McBean
These message notes are largely the inspiration gleaned from Dr. Don Colbert, M.D., author of Deadly Emotions, an excellent book on this topic that I recommend you read. I haven’t sited each page reference, because it would be awkward as a speaker to do so, but you need to understand that much of this is a quote or a paraphrase from his writings.
Three scripture passages that I used to challenge the audience: Matthew 11:28-30, Ezekiel 11:19-20 and Philippians 4. If you study them, I think you get the sense of where I was headed: Jesus didn’t come to make life tougher on us, but to give us rest. We don’t know what he’s talking about in this area, so we need to learn from him what this means. God told us that our old heart needs a transplant, and He promises to do so – for those that believe. Finally, Paul is telling us in Philippians that we are a people who are to learn how to: rejoice, be grateful, experience peace, and, if all that isn’t enough for us – have our hearts and minds guarded by Jesus himself! Folks, when we come to believe IT IS SUPPOSED TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!
But too many of us, claiming to believe, live lives of quiet desperation, filled with anxiety, anger and depression. Something is wrong with this picture. At NorthStar Community, we recognize that life is messy. So please don’t hear me saying we’re supposed to get all straightened out and walk around in a state of perpetual tranquility. But let’s also not get complacent, and come to accept a “less than” life. God has made some promises to us. He’s asked something of us too. He’s told us that the key to accessing the promises comes in the believing. Do you have your key?
Now, some rough notes on the physiology of anxiety…
“Your body is the living reality of everything you are, and everything you experience happens to all of you, not just to your brain.” Dr. Don Colbert
What we feel emotionally often becomes HOW we feel physically. (What if we don’t know what we’re feeling, or how to respond appropriately to those feelings?) In fact, a person experiences an emotion in the form of chemical reactions in the body and the brain. These chemical reactions occur at both the organ level, and the cellular level.
Dis-ease is emotional and spiritual discomfort. It is disharmony in the soul. We are in a state of dis-ease in our country today. We consume 5 billion tranquilizers, 5 billion barbiturates, 3 billion amphetamines, and 16 thousand tons of aspirin every year.
Mind and body are linked. Stress is the body and mind’s response to any pressure that disrupts normal balance. It occurs when our perceptions of events don’t meet expectations AND WE DON’T KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY MANAGE OUR REACTION TO THE DISAPPOINTMENT.
For example:
1. When we live in opposition to how we were created to live – God’s design. (See Matthew 11:28-30) – this is Jesus’ intention for us.
2. Habituation – stress, tremendous stress, even when we desire to stop bad habits…remember, our bodies get used to living a certain way – even if it is bad for us. So making any decision to change will put us, physiologically, in a state of dis-ease. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t change. But what it does mean is that we need to recognize that when we do change, it is stressful on our bodies, and there are always consequences for that.
Certain emotions release hormones into the body that impact our bodies all the way down to the cellular level.
Stress, anxiety, anger – all release hormones to signal the body that it is under duress. The body does not know or care what caused the stress. All the body knows is that it’s stress. (Marathon – scary movie – sleep deprivation – doing drugs – exercise-induced stress – watching your dad and mom duke it out in the den – same stuff – all produces a stress response in the body. Even good things, that are new and different, produce a stress response.)
Stress expresses itself as resistance, tension, strain or frustration, throwing off our physiological and psychological equilibrium and keeping us out of sync. Long Term, it becomes disabling. Please refer to the bullets in the message outline for February 18 th, 2007.
Let me talk to you about neuropeptides. Our cells have these teeny tiny neuroreceptors that are a perfect fit for neuropeptides. The brain produces the neuropeptides and sends them flying along the nervous cells through the body. Think of these as keys. Essentially, according to Dr. Pert, these are “bits of brain floating through the body.” So the brain rushes down to the cells and the immune system receives the keys and the cells know in nanoseconds what your brain is experiencing emotionally. If your brain interprets a physical event as anger, fear, or depression, every cell knows instantly. These cells also have a memory. So if you have a history of anger, fear, and depression, your cells are like oh yeah, that again. I know this. This is comfortable. This message is easy to receive. Technically speaking our memory lies in the cells of our body as much as in our brain!!!!
Fear triggers more than 1400 known physical and chemical stress reactions and activates more than 30 different homones and neurotransmitters.
Stress calls the hypothalamus, pituitary gland and adrenal gland into action and they shoot our adrenaline also called epinephrine. Heart rate increases, colon is stimulated, you sweat, your bronchial tubes dilate, and so on.
Elevated levels teach the body to produce too much of these hormones. Initially, this makes a person feel great – wired. After all, the body thinks it’s under attack, it gets alert, etc. eyesight sharpens, digestion shuts down, muscles fire away, brain is focused. This is good for a short period of time but not sustainable. It is costly.
This leads to high blood pressure, rapid heartbeat, increased triglycerides, elevation of blood sugar, insulin, bone loss, salt retention, fat retention, reduce muscle mass, and gals, make your skin age before its time. It also impairs memory and learning and destroys brain cells.
The perpetual release of the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol can sear the body in a way that is similar to acid searing metal. (Again, a quote from Dr. Colbert.)
People habituate to these levels, and get addicted, and we develop a state of dependence on stress neurohormones – a workaholic gets sick on holidays and weekends, sleeps all weekend – withdrawal. Stressed families get used to being stressed, so if things are calm, someone has to stir things up.
Hostility, in addition to all this, actually causes everything in our body to constrict. Leading to heart attacks if prolonged.
So why am I telling you this? Because coming to believe requires us to take this information seriously, and consider this: I could be going about my life all wrong. It’s possible that we have said we believe when in truth, we’ve merely acknowledged the existence of God. At a minimum, living life stressed should give us pause for concern. We need to ask ourselves – do we really believe????
One other thought: Perpetual stress could kill us. Scriptures indicates that perpetual stress is not what Jesus was intending when he invited us to believe. His expectation is that coming to believe will provide rest for the soul. How is your soul?
April 6
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 6
Scripture reading for today: Romans 3
Recently I engaged in a lengthy conversation with a person who is new to the recovery process. My new friend was adamant that a fourth step was a ridiculous waste of time. I’m familiar with this perspective – no one I know ever really embarked on this step with unbridled enthusiasm and vim, vigor and vitality. My experience is that either we prefer to pretend that we don’t have any issues to inventory OR we’re overwhelmed with the shame of our own sense of inadequacy. Either response tends to make us run from the process. But this gal that I was talking to had a different view. Here are her reasons (in no particular order of priority) for why she is in need of recovery but not in need of completing a moral inventory:
Her life is too stressful – her ex-husband is a jerk.
Her life is miserable – her children take advantage of her.
Her boss fired her – she has no clue why.
She thinks all those folks should take stock of their lives – she is FINE! (F-freaked out, I-insecure, N-neurotic, E-emotional). Hmmmm…really?
Thought for today: There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:10-12, 23 NIV
Thought for tomorrow: I really don’t know my new friend well enough to know if less stress, better kids, and a friendly ex would make her life addiction free. But scripture tells me this – all of us fall short. So as long as she is distracted by the sins of her ex, her kids, her former boss, etc. how does that help her? I can relate to my friend; it’s easy for me to believe that the people in my life that “cause” me problems have sinned and fallen short. All sarcasm aside, that may be true. But it is not all of the truth. In fact, all of us, each of us, every single one of us – has issues that need addressing. Step four gives us an opportunity to consider what OUR issues are. Frankly, that lady I listened to sounded ridiculous blaming so many people for her troubles while she was the one sitting in a jail cell. Honestly, that’s how you and I sound too. It’s silly to waste our time thinking about someone else’s inevitable shortcomings when we’ve got a few of our own to acknowledge. So, go start taking ownership of YOUR stuff.
April 6
Teresa McBean
April 6
Scripture reading for today: Romans 3
Recently I engaged in a lengthy conversation with a person who is new to the recovery process. My new friend was adamant that a fourth step was a ridiculous waste of time. I’m familiar with this perspective – no one I know ever really embarked on this step with unbridled enthusiasm and vim, vigor and vitality. My experience is that either we prefer to pretend that we don’t have any issues to inventory OR we’re overwhelmed with the shame of our own sense of inadequacy. Either response tends to make us run from the process. But this gal that I was talking to had a different view. Here are her reasons (in no particular order of priority) for why she is in need of recovery but not in need of completing a moral inventory:
Her life is too stressful – her ex-husband is a jerk.
Her life is miserable – her children take advantage of her.
Her boss fired her – she has no clue why.
She thinks all those folks should take stock of their lives – she is FINE! (F-freaked out, I-insecure, N-neurotic, E-emotional). Hmmmm…really?
Thought for today: There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:10-12, 23 NIV
Thought for tomorrow: I really don’t know my new friend well enough to know if less stress, better kids, and a friendly ex would make her life addiction free. But scripture tells me this – all of us fall short. So as long as she is distracted by the sins of her ex, her kids, her former boss, etc. how does that help her? I can relate to my friend; it’s easy for me to believe that the people in my life that “cause” me problems have sinned and fallen short. All sarcasm aside, that may be true. But it is not all of the truth. In fact, all of us, each of us, every single one of us – has issues that need addressing. Step four gives us an opportunity to consider what OUR issues are. Frankly, that lady I listened to sounded ridiculous blaming so many people for her troubles while she was the one sitting in a jail cell. Honestly, that’s how you and I sound too. It’s silly to waste our time thinking about someone else’s inevitable shortcomings when we’ve got a few of our own to acknowledge. So, go start taking ownership of YOUR stuff.
April 6
Teresa McBean
April 5
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 5
Scripture reading for today: Romans 2
I saw this sign while I was flying to Atlanta , too. “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’ ” I love this. That’s a great attitude to adopt as we take our inventory. We may have some false starts. That’s ok. We can always say, “I will try again tomorrow.”
One style of inventory is taking our life in five year chunks. This was tough for me, so I ditched that idea. I decided if that didn’t work, I’d try another approach. So I did further research, and found another recommended style of inventory – and wow – it was awesome. And hard. But awesome.
For a recovering codependent, it would have been easier to just keep plunking away at that five year increment idea. Frankly, it took courage to admit defeat. But that’s ok. A way was found.
So, my friend, be of good courage. And forget about that roar. Just join me and say, “I will try again tomorrow.”
Thought for today: Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance? Romans 2:4 NIV
Thought for tomorrow: I suspect that many of us think that this fourth step is a cruel attempt to further deflate our already shaky self-esteem. Maybe that’s why we avoid it so aggressively. It is not. God’s intentions spring from his loving kindness (not out of a critical spirit), out of his patience (not his wrath)…you can do this.
April 5
Teresa McBean
April 5
Scripture reading for today: Romans 2
I saw this sign while I was flying to Atlanta , too. “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’ ” I love this. That’s a great attitude to adopt as we take our inventory. We may have some false starts. That’s ok. We can always say, “I will try again tomorrow.”
One style of inventory is taking our life in five year chunks. This was tough for me, so I ditched that idea. I decided if that didn’t work, I’d try another approach. So I did further research, and found another recommended style of inventory – and wow – it was awesome. And hard. But awesome.
For a recovering codependent, it would have been easier to just keep plunking away at that five year increment idea. Frankly, it took courage to admit defeat. But that’s ok. A way was found.
So, my friend, be of good courage. And forget about that roar. Just join me and say, “I will try again tomorrow.”
Thought for today: Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance? Romans 2:4 NIV
Thought for tomorrow: I suspect that many of us think that this fourth step is a cruel attempt to further deflate our already shaky self-esteem. Maybe that’s why we avoid it so aggressively. It is not. God’s intentions spring from his loving kindness (not out of a critical spirit), out of his patience (not his wrath)…you can do this.
April 5
Teresa McBean
April 4
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 4
Scripture reading for today: Romans 1
According to The Twelve Steps for Christians – “A moral inventory is a list of our weaknesses and our strengths.” And so I ask you – who decides what is weak and what is strong? Here’s the thing – one man’s weakness can be viewed as another man’s strength.
Example. Before I say this, know that I am not at all making a political statement – so don’t get all upset by this. Just read it. I was listening to a talk radio host talking about how brave and courageous George Bush is in regards to his protective measures on behalf of our country – this person sees the President’s actions as strong. Another guy I was listening to said Bush is a bully and has unresolved hostility issues. So in this man’s view – Bush’s behavior is a sign of weakness. All I’m saying here is that taking an inventory requires prayer, because it isn’t an easy thing to do with rigorous honesty and accuracy.
Another example. I’m on a plane this morning, flying to visit my mom for her birthday, and I am reading a sales catalogue with a lot of pithy sayings:
“Resolve to succeed. The greatest discovery one can make is that nothing is impossible.” Really? Do you agree? Is there anything that you have resolved to succeed at (such as weight loss, abstinence from a particular substance, or even becoming a saintly, patient person) and failed? How will you inventory that situation?
“Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible.” Now that’s inspiring – but is it an indicator of strength (big faith) or codependent folly? I don’t know!!!
And it for this very reason that I beg you – learn how to pray. Inventories can only be accomplished with God’s help. I’m not asking you to become a monk, just start like this: “Lord, show me what you want me to see.” Now that’s a good beginning.
Thought for today: When we lose our conscious contact with God, or never pursue it – yucky things happen.
“For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.” Romans 1:21 NIV
Thought for tomorrow: Folks, it could happen. As you wade through your fourth step – keep reviewing steps one, two and three. If we try to do an inventory strictly by our own wits, we may reap futility and foolishness.
April 4
Teresa McBean
April 4
Scripture reading for today: Romans 1
According to The Twelve Steps for Christians – “A moral inventory is a list of our weaknesses and our strengths.” And so I ask you – who decides what is weak and what is strong? Here’s the thing – one man’s weakness can be viewed as another man’s strength.
Example. Before I say this, know that I am not at all making a political statement – so don’t get all upset by this. Just read it. I was listening to a talk radio host talking about how brave and courageous George Bush is in regards to his protective measures on behalf of our country – this person sees the President’s actions as strong. Another guy I was listening to said Bush is a bully and has unresolved hostility issues. So in this man’s view – Bush’s behavior is a sign of weakness. All I’m saying here is that taking an inventory requires prayer, because it isn’t an easy thing to do with rigorous honesty and accuracy.
Another example. I’m on a plane this morning, flying to visit my mom for her birthday, and I am reading a sales catalogue with a lot of pithy sayings:
“Resolve to succeed. The greatest discovery one can make is that nothing is impossible.” Really? Do you agree? Is there anything that you have resolved to succeed at (such as weight loss, abstinence from a particular substance, or even becoming a saintly, patient person) and failed? How will you inventory that situation?
“Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible.” Now that’s inspiring – but is it an indicator of strength (big faith) or codependent folly? I don’t know!!!
And it for this very reason that I beg you – learn how to pray. Inventories can only be accomplished with God’s help. I’m not asking you to become a monk, just start like this: “Lord, show me what you want me to see.” Now that’s a good beginning.
Thought for today: When we lose our conscious contact with God, or never pursue it – yucky things happen.
“For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.” Romans 1:21 NIV
Thought for tomorrow: Folks, it could happen. As you wade through your fourth step – keep reviewing steps one, two and three. If we try to do an inventory strictly by our own wits, we may reap futility and foolishness.
April 4
Teresa McBean
April 3
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 3
Scripture reading for today: 1 Peter 1 - 5
As we march through our fourth step in this month’s devotional series, I hope you’ll grab a Step 4 Study Guide – here's a copy Step 4. This is the kind of step that requires a good bit of explanation – and I’m not going to attempt that in this devotional series.
It’s my prayer that this month will raise our awareness; having acknowledged powerlessness and unmanageability, figured out that God exists, and deciding to give Him control of our lives – we’ve got some choices to make.
Fourth step works requires us to take time and examine our lives – thoroughly, honestly, and reflectively. Have you ever had to complete an inventory of your home? Take a moment and think about writing down every single thing that you have in your house. Don’t forget the junk under the kitchen sink! The attic counts! Yes, you need to write down everything in the basement too. This step is just like that – except it is an inventory of ourselves – our assets, our feelings, our decisions, our resentments and fears, our grudges and injuries, wrongs done, and problem areas…a complete package.
During our devotional time this month, I’m going to be straight up with you – I want you to be stirred in new ways to think about who you are – and who you want to become. I want you to seriously consider the possibility that a thorough inventory might be in your best interests.
Thought for today: Reading through 1 Peter reminds me that God has some strong opinions about the kind of person He wants me to become. There are some rights and wrongs – and since I’ve turned my life over to Him – I’m accepting the reality that as Creator God, I must take His perspective seriously. No more doing my own thing – I now have a higher authority that I am learning how to listen to!
Thought for tomorrow: Early in my own recovery journey, I frankly could not do an accurate step four. I lacked perspective. I was extremely self-unaware. I was defensive (and still am lots of days). I didn’t even know how to evaluate my life. What was I supposed to use as an evaluative guide? How could I list my problem areas when I wasn’t sure if the “problem” I was listing was mine or someone else’s? (Blaming is easier than taking ownership for me.) I found it helpful to ask God – over and over – “show me what you want me to see about myself.” For me, it was very helpful to regularly read scripture. It gave me a framework for self-evaluation that was very helpful (and sometimes painful.)
April 3
Teresa McBean
April 3
Scripture reading for today: 1 Peter 1 - 5
As we march through our fourth step in this month’s devotional series, I hope you’ll grab a Step 4 Study Guide – here's a copy Step 4. This is the kind of step that requires a good bit of explanation – and I’m not going to attempt that in this devotional series.
It’s my prayer that this month will raise our awareness; having acknowledged powerlessness and unmanageability, figured out that God exists, and deciding to give Him control of our lives – we’ve got some choices to make.
Fourth step works requires us to take time and examine our lives – thoroughly, honestly, and reflectively. Have you ever had to complete an inventory of your home? Take a moment and think about writing down every single thing that you have in your house. Don’t forget the junk under the kitchen sink! The attic counts! Yes, you need to write down everything in the basement too. This step is just like that – except it is an inventory of ourselves – our assets, our feelings, our decisions, our resentments and fears, our grudges and injuries, wrongs done, and problem areas…a complete package.
During our devotional time this month, I’m going to be straight up with you – I want you to be stirred in new ways to think about who you are – and who you want to become. I want you to seriously consider the possibility that a thorough inventory might be in your best interests.
Thought for today: Reading through 1 Peter reminds me that God has some strong opinions about the kind of person He wants me to become. There are some rights and wrongs – and since I’ve turned my life over to Him – I’m accepting the reality that as Creator God, I must take His perspective seriously. No more doing my own thing – I now have a higher authority that I am learning how to listen to!
Thought for tomorrow: Early in my own recovery journey, I frankly could not do an accurate step four. I lacked perspective. I was extremely self-unaware. I was defensive (and still am lots of days). I didn’t even know how to evaluate my life. What was I supposed to use as an evaluative guide? How could I list my problem areas when I wasn’t sure if the “problem” I was listing was mine or someone else’s? (Blaming is easier than taking ownership for me.) I found it helpful to ask God – over and over – “show me what you want me to see about myself.” For me, it was very helpful to regularly read scripture. It gave me a framework for self-evaluation that was very helpful (and sometimes painful.)
April 3
Teresa McBean
April 2
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 2
Scripture reading for today: 2 Peter 2 and 3
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23 NIV
I shall not be in want. I shall not be in want. Can you imagine never being in want? Before we get into a discussion about not being in want, let’s review. “The Lord is my shepherd…” is the precursor to “I shall not be in want.” Think of the first verse of Psalms like an “If…then” statement. Verse one reframed: If the Lord is my shepherd, then I shall not be in want. This state of satisfaction and contentment does not come with a pair of ruby red slippers like Dorothy wore in The Wizard of Oz. We can’t just click our heels together and hope that all our needs will be met. No, learning how to live contently presumes that we’ve made the decision to follow God. If I am to be a person who is not in a perpetual state of “wanting,” then I better figure out what it means to follow the good shepherd. Step four is the next step in developing a skill that will enable us to do just that.
You must pay close attention to what they wrote (“they” being those who witnessed the splendor of Jesus), for their words are like a lamp shining in a dark place – until the Day dawns, and Christ the Morning Star shines in your hearts. Above all, you must realize that no prophecy in Scripture ever came from the prophet’s own understanding, or from human initiative. NO, those prophets were moved by the Holy Spirit, and they spoke from God. 2 Peter 1:19-21 NLT
So now you see. Part of deciding to trust means that we must say those things that are true, even when those true things don’t match our current life experience.
Thought for today: Don’t forget – first we’ve acknowledged our powerlessness and life unmanageability, second we came to believe that God could restore us, and then we took the third step – deciding to entrust ourselves to God. Now we’re on step four. Implied in the first three steps is the acknowledgement that you and I have struggled with seeing God, ourselves and others accurately. Our reality confusion may be because we don’t have the necessary skill sets AND/OR we really don’t want to see the real deal. This needs to change.
Thought for tomorrow: You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32
We need to wrestle with the truth – God says He is our shepherd and we will not be in want – against the backdrop of our perceived reality – we want we want we want. Step four will help us sort out our perceptions and reality.
April 2
Teresa McBean
April 2
Scripture reading for today: 2 Peter 2 and 3
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23 NIV
I shall not be in want. I shall not be in want. Can you imagine never being in want? Before we get into a discussion about not being in want, let’s review. “The Lord is my shepherd…” is the precursor to “I shall not be in want.” Think of the first verse of Psalms like an “If…then” statement. Verse one reframed: If the Lord is my shepherd, then I shall not be in want. This state of satisfaction and contentment does not come with a pair of ruby red slippers like Dorothy wore in The Wizard of Oz. We can’t just click our heels together and hope that all our needs will be met. No, learning how to live contently presumes that we’ve made the decision to follow God. If I am to be a person who is not in a perpetual state of “wanting,” then I better figure out what it means to follow the good shepherd. Step four is the next step in developing a skill that will enable us to do just that.
You must pay close attention to what they wrote (“they” being those who witnessed the splendor of Jesus), for their words are like a lamp shining in a dark place – until the Day dawns, and Christ the Morning Star shines in your hearts. Above all, you must realize that no prophecy in Scripture ever came from the prophet’s own understanding, or from human initiative. NO, those prophets were moved by the Holy Spirit, and they spoke from God. 2 Peter 1:19-21 NLT
So now you see. Part of deciding to trust means that we must say those things that are true, even when those true things don’t match our current life experience.
Thought for today: Don’t forget – first we’ve acknowledged our powerlessness and life unmanageability, second we came to believe that God could restore us, and then we took the third step – deciding to entrust ourselves to God. Now we’re on step four. Implied in the first three steps is the acknowledgement that you and I have struggled with seeing God, ourselves and others accurately. Our reality confusion may be because we don’t have the necessary skill sets AND/OR we really don’t want to see the real deal. This needs to change.
Thought for tomorrow: You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32
We need to wrestle with the truth – God says He is our shepherd and we will not be in want – against the backdrop of our perceived reality – we want we want we want. Step four will help us sort out our perceptions and reality.
April 2
Teresa McBean
April 1
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
April 1
Scripture reading for today: Judges 6 and 2 Peter 1 - pay special attention to verses 3 – 11 in 2 Peter.
Today we turn our attention to step four – making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. This step is going to require courage. Thankfully, God did not give his children a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and sound mind. We’re going to need His power, His love and the mind of Christ to take this next step.
I find that self-objectivity is a difficult task. It feels burdensome at times. But learning how to see myself accurately enables me to understand how others see me. Why should that matter? Isn’t other people’s opinion of me their deal, not mine? Well….not exactly.
From the beginning of time, God has had us in His mind, and He created us as relational beings. We weren’t meant to live in isolation. In fact, when Jesus was asked to name the most important commandment, He couldn’t do it. He names two: love God and love others (as you love yourself). Isn’t that fascinating? He didn’t command them to achieve world peace, end poverty or fight for the rights of the underprivileged. That’s not what He said. He said – love God, love others, love self. We love in the context of community. It’s all about relationships.
So it does matter how other people “see us”. How we relate to others, and others relate to us, will be a key ingredient in our ability to follow those two commandments that Jesus couldn’t separate.
Once I was walking out of a store, and my son evidently watched me trudge across the parking lot. When I climbed in the car, he asked, “Mom, are you ok?”
“Yes, son, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Your face looked kind of stressed.”
“It does? Thanks for telling me; I was just thinking. I feel happy on the inside – my outsides must not match!”
He continued, “My friends tell me that I look stressed when I walk around – even when I don’t feel that way.”
“Huh,” I said. “I guess that’s why I ask you if you’re stressed when I pick you up from school. You walk out looking stressed. You and I must have faces on the outside that don’t always match our true feelings.”
“I asked my friends – should I look like this?” He makes an exaggerated happy face that could not possibly be considered an upgrade in facial expressions. I laughed. He’s a funny guy.
“Maybe we should think about why people see us differently than we see ourselves.”
“I guess.” He’s finished with this conversation. But I haven’t. I realize that I learned a valuable lesson today thanks to my boy. These kinds of lessons and more await us as we enter into the fourth step process.
Thought for today: Some of our persistent hurts, habits and hang-ups are annoyingly resistant to removal because we don’t see ourselves accurately. No wonder we end up confused about why others respond to us the way they do! If Michael and I are walking around looking grumpy, who wants to hug a porcupine? We’re walking around wondering why people are avoiding us while people are avoiding us because of the way our faces look while we’re walking around. Make sense? Step four will help us understand this stuff.
Thought for tomorrow:
Let a man examine himself. 1 Corinthians 11:28 NIV
April 1
Teresa McBean
April 1
Scripture reading for today: Judges 6 and 2 Peter 1 - pay special attention to verses 3 – 11 in 2 Peter.
Today we turn our attention to step four – making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. This step is going to require courage. Thankfully, God did not give his children a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and sound mind. We’re going to need His power, His love and the mind of Christ to take this next step.
I find that self-objectivity is a difficult task. It feels burdensome at times. But learning how to see myself accurately enables me to understand how others see me. Why should that matter? Isn’t other people’s opinion of me their deal, not mine? Well….not exactly.
From the beginning of time, God has had us in His mind, and He created us as relational beings. We weren’t meant to live in isolation. In fact, when Jesus was asked to name the most important commandment, He couldn’t do it. He names two: love God and love others (as you love yourself). Isn’t that fascinating? He didn’t command them to achieve world peace, end poverty or fight for the rights of the underprivileged. That’s not what He said. He said – love God, love others, love self. We love in the context of community. It’s all about relationships.
So it does matter how other people “see us”. How we relate to others, and others relate to us, will be a key ingredient in our ability to follow those two commandments that Jesus couldn’t separate.
Once I was walking out of a store, and my son evidently watched me trudge across the parking lot. When I climbed in the car, he asked, “Mom, are you ok?”
“Yes, son, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Your face looked kind of stressed.”
“It does? Thanks for telling me; I was just thinking. I feel happy on the inside – my outsides must not match!”
He continued, “My friends tell me that I look stressed when I walk around – even when I don’t feel that way.”
“Huh,” I said. “I guess that’s why I ask you if you’re stressed when I pick you up from school. You walk out looking stressed. You and I must have faces on the outside that don’t always match our true feelings.”
“I asked my friends – should I look like this?” He makes an exaggerated happy face that could not possibly be considered an upgrade in facial expressions. I laughed. He’s a funny guy.
“Maybe we should think about why people see us differently than we see ourselves.”
“I guess.” He’s finished with this conversation. But I haven’t. I realize that I learned a valuable lesson today thanks to my boy. These kinds of lessons and more await us as we enter into the fourth step process.
Thought for today: Some of our persistent hurts, habits and hang-ups are annoyingly resistant to removal because we don’t see ourselves accurately. No wonder we end up confused about why others respond to us the way they do! If Michael and I are walking around looking grumpy, who wants to hug a porcupine? We’re walking around wondering why people are avoiding us while people are avoiding us because of the way our faces look while we’re walking around. Make sense? Step four will help us understand this stuff.
Thought for tomorrow:
Let a man examine himself. 1 Corinthians 11:28 NIV
April 1
Teresa McBean
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)