NorthStar Community Daily Devotional

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World

Day 155 – Almost an abortion

Scripture focus: …that’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:28 The Message

Sandra Wilson gets our attention in her book, Released from Shame, with this opening sentence – “I was almost an abortion.” Her first chapter recounts a riveting tale of woe that led to a case of toxic shame. I wish for Dr. Wilson an idyllic childhood; instead, she lived a painful, precarious existence. The amazing thing in this story is that God worked every detail in her life into something good. If you read the book, you’ll marvel at the mystery of this work. You also might recognize pieces of your own story in hers. What a blessing – to know that God is in the business of working good out of every detail in our lives of love for God.

Without God, her shame might have stymied her from ever finding her place in God’s story. Her suffering, which might have resulted in a burning resentment and distrust for God, others and self, has been used instead to draw her nearer to God. This drawing near process has transformed her. She is a capable and empathetic guide as she shares her experience, strength and hope. Our own spiritual journeys through the valley of the shadow of shame are informed and enriched by her experience. Don’t miss this crucial point – Wilson’s suffering qualifies her to aid others – not an idyllic childhood.

Shame is the feeling you and I experience when we feel in our deepest core that we are a mistake. It’s the kind of belief that gets lodged in the heart if a parent tells you that you were almost an abortion (and implies that they might have chosen poorly in not following that impulse.) Shame steals our hope. Guilt – the awareness of doing something wrong – at least holds the promise of restoration – if one can figure out the amends and restitution process.

Wilson describes it like this - “Shame is a strong sense of being uniquely and hopelessly different and less than other human beings. Shame is different than guilt. Guilt tells me I made a mistake. Shame shouts that I am a mistake. If my behavior is wrong, I can correct it and change. If my very being is flawed, I am without hope for change.” (pages 10 and 23, Released from Shame)

We have a decision to make – do we believe our feeling of shame, or do we entrust ourselves into the hands of our heavenly Father, a dad who tells us that he’s working out every detail of our lives – even the messy ones.

Recommended reading: 2 Samuel 20 and 21 in the morning; John 21 in the evening