Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World
Day 160 - Binding Shame
Scripture focus: I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:18 NIV
Binding shame is Wilson's term for the unwelcome side-effects of childhood experiences that promote shame because of a youngster's limited ability to accurately interpret them. Children have limited choices. Perhaps that's why Jesus was so hard core in his condemnation of those who cause kids to stumble. According to Wilson, children can stumble into painful patterns of living as a result of unhealthy childhood experiences - and their resources for understanding these situations are minimal.
No family perfectly models consistent truth telling and adequate parenting. When families live in the land of denial AND are not particularly skilled parents, children don't have a frame of reference for explaining this craziness. Adults are the only interpreters of reality for children. And when we mess up - our kids end up screwed up.
I know a kid who is expected to "manage" the family household. Her parents tell me that this is good for her; kids should learn how to work hard. And I agree with them, sort of. But these folks are over the top! She's in charge of three young siblings, meal preparation, and laundry. Plus she goes to an academically rigorous high school AND plays several sports. Her parents regularly inform her of her "shortcomings" - and from their perspective, there are many.
No matter how great her grades, how fast she is on defense in basketball, or awesome her fast pitch in softball - this girl walks around with slumped shoulders and a sad face. She's on the verge of giving up. No matter who tells her otherwise, she is held in the firm grasp of binding shame. She never thinks she'll be good enough. I suppose that's why she thinks a little vodka in her sports drink helps take the edge off. She loves the way a tranquilizer calms her nerves. When her folks found out that she's self-medicating, they hit the roof! They blamed her friends for leading her down the path of partying. But these clueless parents are wrong. This kid isn't partying, she's trying to survive.
This gal has stumbled into some painful patterns of living. But she doesn't have to stumble on. She can listen and learn. Her parents may never "get it" - but that doesn't mean she's without resources. Jesus reminds us that God does not leave us as orphans; he comes to us.
One way to loosen the ties of binding shame is to become more intentional in looking for the various ways that God comes to us. He provides us with resources, good friends, and renewed perspectives. He reminds us that his ways are different from our ways - and sometimes even the ways of our parents.
I pray that today will be a day you choose to keep your eyes open - and notice the ways God is providing support and encouragement to you.
Recommended reading: 1 Kings 2 and 3 in the morning; Acts 5 and Psalm 124 in the evening
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