Having a Heart in a Sometimes Heartless World
Day 180 – Big feelings
Scripture focus: A right time to cry and another to laugh, a right time to lament and another to cheer, a right time to make love and another to abstain….see more about right times for big emotions in Ecclesiastes 3, The Message
In unhealthy families there is a tendency to limit the expression of emotions by labeling some “good” and others “bad.” Even Christians get into the act of emotional denial when they speak of anger as if it is a sin, or fear as if it is the antithesis of faith. Emotions are far more than alleged barometers of spiritual wellness. In fact, Solomon himself reminds us that big emotions are part of the human experience. Emotionally damaged folks sometimes struggle with matching an appropriate emotional response to an event. This is disconcerting, and sometimes dangerous. (Think about road rage, fits of temper over “small” dustups, bursts of physical violence, and even unexpected and seemingly illogical feelings of loneliness, depression, and anxiety.)
Sometimes I don’t know if my emotional responses or “normal” or “not quite right.”
I used to think this was “bad.” This shaming perspective didn’t improve my emotional wellness. Here’s what seems to be helping:
1. I make an effort to take my emotional temperature – and an awareness of a wide range of emotional responses. I’m working on truly feeling whether I want to cry or laugh – rather than worrying so much about the rightness or wrongness of the response.
2. I use theophostic prayer principles to guide my framework for my feelings. Dr. Ed Smith’s teachings suggest that when an event “triggers” an emotional response, it’s tapping into memories of when we’ve experienced this same emotion in the past. No wonder sometimes I feel like my emotions are “over the top”! I often ask myself questions like – what’s my first memory of this feeling? I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me and show me what’s really going on with me. I remember that when it comes to my reactions – a lot of times the issue isn’t really the issue.
3. I pause to prepare. I face my feelings full-force. I try not to run from them, or cover them over with crunchy peanut butter and chocolate.
4. I am a student of feelings. I read books and have conversations with others about emotions. It helps me not feel terminally unique – or alone. It allows me to stretch my viewpoint and deepen my awareness. I realize that feelings don’t determine reality – but they are very important. My feelings often lead me to long-harbored resentments or faulty beliefs that are messing with my mind. I respect feelings without letting them rule me.
5. I am learning new ways to respond to all my feelings. I am learning that when I feel angry, I can fully experience the anger AND not sin. I can be faithful and fearful. I can be weak and made strong by God.
I’m learning a bunch of stuff. How about you? Are your feelings a frontier ripe for further exploration?
Recommended reading: 2 Kings 11 and 12 in the morning; Acts 18 and Psalm 145 in the evening
In unhealthy families there is a tendency to limit the expression of emotions by labeling some “good” and others “bad.” Even Christians get into the act of emotional denial when they speak of anger as if it is a sin, or fear as if it is the antithesis of faith. Emotions are far more than alleged barometers of spiritual wellness. In fact, Solomon himself reminds us that big emotions are part of the human experience. Emotionally damaged folks sometimes struggle with matching an appropriate emotional response to an event. This is disconcerting, and sometimes dangerous. (Think about road rage, fits of temper over “small” dustups, bursts of physical violence, and even unexpected and seemingly illogical feelings of loneliness, depression, and anxiety.)
Sometimes I don’t know if my emotional responses or “normal” or “not quite right.”
I used to think this was “bad.” This shaming perspective didn’t improve my emotional wellness. Here’s what seems to be helping:
1. I make an effort to take my emotional temperature – and an awareness of a wide range of emotional responses. I’m working on truly feeling whether I want to cry or laugh – rather than worrying so much about the rightness or wrongness of the response.
2. I use theophostic prayer principles to guide my framework for my feelings. Dr. Ed Smith’s teachings suggest that when an event “triggers” an emotional response, it’s tapping into memories of when we’ve experienced this same emotion in the past. No wonder sometimes I feel like my emotions are “over the top”! I often ask myself questions like – what’s my first memory of this feeling? I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me and show me what’s really going on with me. I remember that when it comes to my reactions – a lot of times the issue isn’t really the issue.
3. I pause to prepare. I face my feelings full-force. I try not to run from them, or cover them over with crunchy peanut butter and chocolate.
4. I am a student of feelings. I read books and have conversations with others about emotions. It helps me not feel terminally unique – or alone. It allows me to stretch my viewpoint and deepen my awareness. I realize that feelings don’t determine reality – but they are very important. My feelings often lead me to long-harbored resentments or faulty beliefs that are messing with my mind. I respect feelings without letting them rule me.
5. I am learning new ways to respond to all my feelings. I am learning that when I feel angry, I can fully experience the anger AND not sin. I can be faithful and fearful. I can be weak and made strong by God.
I’m learning a bunch of stuff. How about you? Are your feelings a frontier ripe for further exploration?
Recommended reading: 2 Kings 11 and 12 in the morning; Acts 18 and Psalm 145 in the evening
2 comments:
Oh my gosh...what a concept. What are some books about feelings that I can read? How do I learn about the prayer technique?
I'm starting to feel my feelings...but I don't have any idea sometimes what I'm feeling...what to call it. I would love to learn some alternative ways of dealing with my feelings as opposed to chocolate and peanut butter. :-)
Thanks for sharing this. I can't wait to learn more.
"Theophostic Prayer Ministry" is Scientology in disguise.
A "TPM facilitator" (Scientology Auditor) leads the seeker (Preclear) through a "session" (same term as in Scientology Auditing) of "guided imagery" and "directed visualization" ("Dianetic reverie", "mockups" and "mental image pictures") towards "mind renewal experience" ("Clear") by dealing with past buried memories that may still be bringing you down today ("Engrams").
They claim that they seek to bring you to self-responisibility (Hubbard's "Self determinism") even as they keep you addicted to more and more "TPM Sessions".
They call each person's session a "case" (just like Scientology) and offer "training", "courses" and "seminars" (just like Scientology) in TPM Facilitating, which is simply Auditing without the E-meter.
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