NorthStar Community Daily Devotional

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World

Day 165 - A Sorry List

Scripture focus: Since we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ. Romans 3:23-24 The Message

People tell me things without realizing it. I've learned that we compile a sorry list of sins often unintentionally. What we experience as "normal" usually doesn't get evaluated as to its healthiness or not. People teach us about the badness of trans fatty acids and too many carbs at bedtime. But as a culture, some bad behaving is so bad, we don't want to admit it happens. So here goes. In case you didn't know - this is a list of shame producing abuses

Physical abuse - not just hitting, pinching, squeezing shoulders, and pulling hair. Locking a kid in the closet, throwing a child against a wall, withholding food or water - all abuse. Physical abuse goes beyond physical contact. Driving impaired with children in the car - that's abuse. Witnessing another's abuse is vicarious abuse.
Sexual abuse - more than intercourse, it can include fondling, touching, exposing self, etc. Taking inappropriate pictures, not creating a private environment in the bathroom, tickling excessively, even sloppy kissing. Any time we push past boundaries of personal space, we teach children that their boundaries can be violated - and we open them up to future suffering.
Emotional incest - When a parent treats a child like a spouse, that's emotional incest. Parents and children have a special and unique relationship. We shouldn't be having conversations with our children that are more appropriately had with other adults. Our children shouldn't be our confidantes and companions. Let your kids make their own friends!
Appearance management - when a key question that determines a family's behavior is - What will the neighbors think? - that's a problem. Caring more about what others think than we care about doing what's right may be teaching shame.
Virtual orphans - Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. It leaves a child feeling orphaned. And children have the amazing capacity of turning every situation around and making it their fault. Beware the shaming dangers of believing the lie that children are resilient, and all they need is quality time. Children need quantity time, and the quality time will appear at the oddest moments.

I hope that you don't have a clue about what any of these examples are like. But if you happen to relate to one or two or five of them, I urge you to add to your collection of beliefs this very key truth - Out of sheer generosity he (God) put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be.

Shame is not a terminal condition. It can be an opportunity for us to renew our view, and accept God's offer of help.

Recommended reading: 1 Kings 9 and 10 in the morning; Psalm 130 and Proverbs 17 in the evening