NorthStar Community Daily Devotional

Day 166 - Shame sensitive

Having Heart In A Sometimes Heartless World

Scripture focus: God, you did everything you promised, and I'm thanking you with all my heart. You pulled me from the brink of death, my feet from the cliff-edge of doom. Now I stroll at leisure with God in the sunlit fields of life. Psalms 56:12-13 The Message

I have a bad shoulder. Eagerly trying to gain an advantage on the tennis court, I managed to strain a small muscle with big pain potential. Heat, ice, pain relievers, and rest eventually reduced the pain. But my shoulder seems vulnerable to re-injury. A history of shame creates this same sensitivity. Here's the deal - if you were shamed as a child, you'll be sensitive to shaming others. Unwittingly, we might be passing on our pain. Here are a few examples of shaming. Ask God to show you if you might be using these shaming techniques in an attempt to control others.

· Do you negatively compare one person to another?

· Do you say, "I'm so ashamed of you.", "I'm disappointed in you."

· Do you teach the biblical principle of respecting others, and misuse it by expecting respect to mean the same thing as always complying with another's request? This isn't respect. Asking questions, disagreeing, discussing, negotiating a compromise - all are healthy signs of respect. One can be exceedingly respectful without becoming a compliant robot.

· Do you praise performance but never affirm personhood?

· Do you teach the value of pleasing people over pleasing God? When we focus more on winning approval from people than approval from God, we're teaching a shaming, people-pleasing lifestyle.

· Do you misrepresent God - emphasizing his power and justice to the exclusion of his mercy and grace? When we use fear of God like a club, we're missing the mark. Culture has taught us that Santa only comes to good girls and boys; unfortunately, we've made God in the image of Santa!

· Do you trash talk yourself? Take a day and make a note of your thoughts. Do you berate yourself? Self-shaming results in self-neglect and abuse. Respecting yourself is as important as respecting others!

Sore muscles get our attention. Clues that we have a shame problem may be more subtle. If we are self or other shamers, our lives will lack the practice of strolling at leisure. People-pleasing, perfectionism, and high expectations steal joy. These shame-filled habits suck the vibrancy out of our relationships. We were created to stroll at leisure with God in the sunlit fields of life. If trying to figure out whether you have a shame issue is too confusing - ask yourself this question. Am I a grateful person? Do I love my life? Do I stroll at leisure with God in the sunlit fields of life? If not, shame might be standing between you and a big, joyful, grateful heart.

Recommended reading: 1 Kings 11 and 12 in the morning; Acts 9 and Psalm 131 in the evening