Day 164 - Get unadjusted
Scripture focus: Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:2 The Message
I sat cross-legged on the floor and asked my third grade bible study class what makes them sad. We were talking about feelings, and today's lesson was on sorrow. I asked about sad and got an example of mad. I'm not Freud, but I wonder maybe this kid really is talking about sad. He's just calling it mad.
"I feel really mad when my daddy doesn't come home from work."
"What do you do when you feel mad?"
He looks away and starts untying his neighbor's sneaker. I wait him out. Eventually he replies, "Well, I told my mom that I wished dad were home. She said I was ungraceful."
"Ungraceful?"
"Yeah. She said dad doesn't come home from work at night because he's working hard for us so that I can have a Wii."
"Ahhh do you mean 'ungrateful?' "
"I guess." Then he ignores me, and soon he manages to punch somebody in the face. Now a bunch of us are sad.
I suspect this kid has been taught the five rules of dysfunction. (Again, these are Wilson's rules found in chapter four of her book.)
1. Be blind to your own feelings and understanding of reality, be blind to mixed messages, be blind to role reversals.
2. Be quiet and keep secrets in public and at home. Don't discuss family pain.
3. Be numb to feelings and boundaries and desires.
4. Be careful, don't trust others.
5. Be good - don't inconvenience, disappoint, have needs, need teaching or training, criticize, lose, make a mistake AND always - comply, mention unhappiness, thrive on instability, chaos and pain.
This young boy isn't allowed to feel sad about his dad's absence. He's supposed to act tough and mature, suffer in silence and not make waves. Unpleasant feelings are shamed, and he's supposed to be grateful and good. He says he's mad, and I understand that. But I think he's also sad. Any kid knows they'd rather have dad to wrestle with than a Wii. He's also clever enough to realize that more might be going on in this family than just excessive Wii purchasing. I wonder - were you taught any of these rules? We need to start getting unadjusted to these naughty rules.
Recommended reading: 1 Kings 8 in the morning; Psalm 128 and 129 in the evening
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