September 13
Scripture focus: The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry, and a wise friend's timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger. Proverbs 25:11-12 (The Message)
Cloud and Townsend teach us that motivation is a key ingredient when it comes to setting boundaries. They warn us that without a proper motivation, we might end up making some poor giving and receiving decisions.
- When we say "yes" and then resent it -- we may be saying "yes" because we fear: loss of love or abandonment, others' anger, loneliness, losing our "good" reputation.
- When we feel guilty, we often try to perform and "be good" by giving and giving and giving.
- When we have received things with guilt messages attached, we may feel ashamed and burdened by the need to "give back."
- When we seek approval, we seek to please.
- When we have unhealed wounds, sometimes we over-identify with other people's pain, so we never want to disappoint by saying "no."
It's hard to give or receive a timely reprimand if we are driven by fear, guilt, shame, unhealed wounding or the need for approval. According to these boundary gurus, we will struggle with applying the "right word at the right time" principle of loving unless we get our motivations properly aligned.
"The point is this: we were called into freedom, and this freedom results in gratitude, an overflowing heart, and love for others. If your giving is not leading to cheer, then you need to examine the law of Motivation. The Law of Motivations says this: Freedom first, service second. If you serve to get free of your fear, you are doomed to failure. Let God work on the fears, resolve them, and create some healthy boundaries to guard the freedom you were called to." (p. 94 in the previously footnoted book on Boundaries).
Recommended reading: Philippians 1-2; Psalm 87
Click on the word comments below and join our conversation!
© Copyright 2009 NorthStar Community
No comments:
Post a Comment