September 24
Scripture focus: "...the number-one hallmark of Christians is that we love others (John 13:35)." (Boundaries, Cloud and Townsend, page 103)
During our celebration service series on boundaries, our community often resisted the concept of boundaries. One gentleman told me that I was speaking psycho-babble, and another suggested it was voo doo bible reading. I think the issue that creates such a stir is our firmly held belief that Christians should sacrifice in love for their fellow man. I totally agree that the bible teaches that point. The place where my feedback-loving friends and I diverge is on the issue of whether or not boundaries help or hinder our loving.
I agree with Drs. Cloud and Townsend -- boundaries help us love large.
Speaking strictly from my own personal experience, I can say that I am a better mother when I've had a good night's sleep. My children love to tell the story of going to school, opening their lunch bags and finding a unique treat. One child had three bags of chips and, another three cookies and three apples and the third child had three sandwiches. This gross example of parental negligence happened after a long and late night on the phone where I laid down my life for a friend listening to her sorrow.
I learned a lesson when the children threatened to call Social Services over the lunch snafu. After that incident, if a troubled soul can't share their suffering before my bedtime, it'll have to wait to be told. There are exceptions to this boundary, but not many.
Cloud and Townsend help us understand why boundaries are not Jesus bashing when they tell us that selfishness is an obsession with our own wishes but stewardship of our time and resources is a God thing.
Some days loving each other requires sacrifice. But if we find ourselves choosing to sacrifice every single day at the expense of our own health, we may be playing God. That's not a good plan.
Figuring out how to love others requires prayer, principles and perspective. It isn't about a set of rules. It's the ability to hear God's voice and step as he speaks. May we all grow in our love for one another as we figure out how to take better responsibility for ourselves.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Proverbs 3:5-8 NIV
Recommended reading: Esther 7 - 10
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1 comment:
"...the number-one hallmark of Christians is that we love others (John 13:35)." Can I add this "even when I don't want to." I never wanted to be or set out to be a Christian.It is from my community that I am learning what a Christian can be, not what I believe them to be. It is from my community that I am learning to love larger than I ever knew possible. It is from my community that I am learning how boundary less my life has been, while I believed that I was surrounded by boundaries. I can speak for my life that boundaries have allowed me love even when I did not want to anymore. I found myself at the end of my rope, looking at my child and thinking I just can not love you anymore. Look at what you are doing to your life, Look at all the help you have been given,look at what you are doing to your child, and look what you are doing to me. I then sat down with a couple from my community who loved me enough to tell me uncomfortable truths about myself. They said look at what you are doing to your child, you have no boundaries. Look at the harm you doing by confusing needy with real need.You have to trust that God will make things right, as their child is not yours to rescue until the time for rescue comes.Lastly they looked at me with love and grace and said" Look at what you are doing to yourself." They took to time to help me construct some boundaries, it was up to me to put them in place. I can tell you today that my relationship with my child is different.I love my child and my child is not responsible for my emotions, feeling or well being nor am I responsible for their's. I am not saying it is perfect, it is progress."Some days loving each other requires sacrifice". Blessing's All
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