September 14
Scripture focus: You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 (The Message)
I know a guy who loves to sharpen his sword and then use it aggressively. He has used this proverb to support his action. Personally, I think he might want to reconsider his choices in light of Cloud and Townsend's "law of evaluation."
Honesty is a good thing - but not if it is used as a weapon of harm.
Sometimes honesty hurts. But if it is used to harm another, we've moved from refinement to rage.
The law of evaluation helps us separate hurting from harming.
Every summer when I was a child I used to go visit my grandparents. I loved my grandparents dearly. But in all honesty, I was equally eager to play with my friends who lived next door. I would eagerly count down the days until I could pack my bags and head to Mama and Papa's (and fun times with great friends).
One fun summer we went to a pool -- something I had rarely experienced. While there, I stepped on a sliver of glass. When I returned home and showed my boo boo to my grandmother, she realized that the glass was still embedded and promptly sent me next door for first aid. I'm not sure why they didn't whip out their own pair of tweezers, but I suspect it was probably because I wailed when they tried. (Their vision wasn't what it used to be -- trust me on this, I rode with them in their big old Buick often enough to know this was a fact.) I trusted my friends' parents so much that I was willing to let them hurt me by pulling out the glass. I believed with all my heart they would never harm me.
When giving and receiving feedback, it is important to evaluate the situation carefully. Make sure that all parties can distinguish between hurting and harming.
The offending shard of glass was removed and I practically fainted during the process -- I am a sissy at heart. But harm was averted. Good friends learn how to hurt without harming. I wanted everyone to leave the glass in my foot, but I was too well loved by the grown-ups for them to allow me to make that call. Leaving the glass in would have been an act of irresponsibility and caused harm.
Sometimes willingness to learn from the sting of a hurt is far better than living with the consequences of a softer, gentler way -- which sometimes causes grave harm.
Recommended reading: Philippians 3-4; Psalm 88
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