Week 20 - Day 134 - Scorning Shame
Scripture focus: Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame. Hebrews 12:2 NIV
"Jesus is a powerful example to us of how to resist shame and make room for joy. First, Jesus 'scorned' shame. He did not give it a stature which it did not deserve. Experiences of shame did not define who he was. He was not just the sum of the shame he had experienced in life. His identity and person were securely rooted in God. So, he was able to experience shaming experiences without internalizing the shame." Rooted In God's Love, By Dale and Juanita Ryan, p. 250. "Scorning its shame" Shame is that feeling that lodges in the pit of our stomach, a vague sense of unease, a conviction that something is wrong with us (that probably can't be fixed). Guilt is the emotion that triggers, "I did wrong." Shame says, "I am wrong." Shame creates an environment that nurtures unproductive suffering. If we feel like we're broken beyond repair - where's the hope? If shame triggers a feeling of terminal uniqueness (no one struggles like me), why would we ever reach out and ask for help? We feel helpless and hopeless - in that state, who looks for a solution? Jesus had every reason to embrace shame as he suffered through his trial, repeated beatings and crucifixion. And yet, he scorned shame. He refused to allow it to define him. Learning how to scorn shame is a great tool to add to our recovery tool belt. I don't suggest this because I want to boost our sense of well-being at the expense of acknowledging the reality of our mess ups. I realize that shame never propels us toward solutions, repentance, or restoration. (You have guilt? That's great! We should have guilt when we do wrong - but that's another issue for another day!) Cathy sought help because she scorned her shame; Frank resisted help because of his shame. (If you missed last week's devotionals, you may want to read them.)
Do people give you a lot of feedback? I certainly get tons! Last night my boys were on "You Tube," looking over the postings that people left commenting on the video that we have out there called, "The Physiology of Addiction." A couple of them are brutal. The "F" word is used. My boys were extremely upset by this criticism of their mom (very sweet) and suggested that I never look at the comments. They were pretty shocked when I told them that I not only looked at them, I appreciated them. "What? Are you crazy? This comment is terrible! How can you stand to read it?"
My reply? "I scorn shame." Here's what that means to me -
When faced with criticism and critique, mocking and denigration - we can embrace the opportunity to learn from the experience without allowing the cruelty to penetrate our spirit. I admit, sometimes that's a challenge. But when we trust the love of God and embrace his delight in us, who needs the approval of mere mortals? (I would, however, not invite a person like this into my "hut".)
At some point, if we're going to grow big hearts and become fit for grand adventures, we must grow up. When we're kids, everyone's opinion matters because we usually don't have a seasoned sense of self. When someone criticizes us, we don't have a mature filter to strain through the feedback and cull out the instructive information. Every dig feels like a blow to our personhood because we don't have much of a personhood to begin with. We're still trying to figure out who that person is staring us in the mirror. I love Neil Anderson's perspective, "If you've done wrong, you don't have a defense; if you haven't, you don't need one."
My experience with people is that those who love to critique the most usually aren't doing much else with their lives. They may not have what it takes to provide me meaningful feedback. God, however, does; he will inform me if I'm "wrong" without shame or condemnation; if I'm not, it's probably because God has saved me from myself and rescued me from my predisposition to mess up - that's to his credit, not mine. So why demand or even expect the world's affection? I already have the affection of the one who made the world!
It's my prayer that we stop giving shame more stature than it deserves.
Recommended reading: 1 Samuel 12 and 13 in the morning; John 8 in the evening
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