Day 141 - Please listen
Scripture focus: Listen carefully to my words, let this be the consolation you give me. Job 21:2 NIV
The book of Job introduces the suffering of Job by informing the reader that it was Job's righteousness, and God's confidence in him, that put him in the bull's eye of Satan's attack. His friends miss this point. Instead of comforting, they confound him with verbal attacks and bad advice. Of course, this is easy for us to say - we have the book to inform our thinking. Those guys were the story - they did the best they could with what they knew. Approximately halfway through the book, Job asks for his friends to simply listen. I love Job's articulation of need: please listen to me while I suffer. Frank and Cathy hadn't listened to each other in a long time. Frank yelled and Cathy clammed up - neither listened. They were both so busy attacking and defending, they lost the ability to hear. As Cathy continued with her education and counseling, she came to realize that her silence was as unloving as Frank's screaming. Her friends offered wise counsel, suggesting that she take a risk, and ask Frank to listen to her suffering. Both Frank and Cathy now admit that his willingness to listen was a "God thing." Cathy eventually expressed to Frank her perception that he had become obsessed with fixing Frankie - and along the way had abandoned his commitment to the "us" in their marriage. She surprised herself when she realized that her problems with Frank ran deeper than disagreements over childrearing. Fortunately, she provided an example rather than just ranting away at Frank in an accusatory fashion.
"What about all the DUI's? The lawyer's fees? The bail bondsmen? We're in financial jeopardy for helping Frankie, but Frankie isn't helping himself. He's got a job and not a penny to his name - all his money is going up his nose, Frank, and you know this. But we keep bailing him out. You bought him a car - that he promptly totaled. And what about all those sleazy characters hanging around our house? I told you time and time again how intimidated and afraid I was of those young men. I begged you to do something. When you're working your second job at night (Frankie's problems have resulted in near bankruptcy for Frank and Cathy), I'm left alone at home with those thugs. You told me I was exaggerating, and that we needed to befriend Frankie's friends - a thing good Christian parents do! But these aren't Frankie's friends, these are his partners in crime! How could you even ask me to stay in this unsafe environment?" Cathy provides her husband with a tangible example of how he has failed to love her. He has sacrificed her on the altar of his adulation for his son. This violates God's biblical mandate to husbands - cherish your wives. He's also failing to love his son; instead, he's teaching his boy how to love things (drugs) and use people (his family). If Frank listens carefully to the words of his wife, he may realize he's been given a great gift - the gift of insight. Listening is a crucial tool that can expand our heart and increase our wisdom. Isn't it awesome that we have a God who is in the restoration business? Let's recall some of the "God moments" that have brought these two to this place:
great suffering resulted in brokenness that led to seeking by Cathy and hiding by Frank
God's response to Cathy's seeking provided resources that could help the whole family
Cathy's commitment to loving like God caused a crisis in the life of Frank, breaking through his denial
God provided moments of clarity and encouragement in the midst of their grief
God's people provided a community that listened, loved and led this family out of darkness
The power of God was revealed through the weakness of this family; transformation happened - uplifting and encouraging the community that had stuck like glue, loving like God, without any particular expectation of good results.
It's my prayer that God grant us the clarity to see his moments and movement in our own lives.
Recommended reading: 1 Samuel 24 and 25 in the morning; Psalm 116 in the evening
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