Day 135 - Frank's shame
Scripture focus: Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. Isaiah 54:4 NIV
In last week's devotional, we peeked into the lives of Cathy, Frank and Frankie, hoping to see what we might learn. Did you sense in the storytelling the depth of Frank's shame? Frank felt shame over his son's behavior (in the mistaken belief that his son was a reflection of him - for good or ill). Frank felt humiliation as his community began to notice Frankie's misbehaviors. These feelings blocked Frank. They stood like a brick wall between Frank and possible solutions to his family's problems. Frank's defenses went up quickly when the baseball coach dared to suggest that Frankie had "issues." Frank heard this comment and thought the coach was saying Frankie was a bad person - and that probably meant Frank was too. How might the conference have turned out differently if Frank could have checked his shame reflex at the door (scorning shame)?
When the coach mentioned that issues larger than skills had informed his decision to not take Frankie onto the team, a shame-less father might have said, "Wow. I really want to try to assist my son in becoming a person of character. Could you give me some examples of things you saw in my son that concern you?"
If the coach included in his list things like - Frankie doesn't cheer for the right college team, Frankie prefers boxers to briefs, Frankie acts like a teenager - then Frank could have said to himself, "This isn't very helpful feedback. But he is the coach, and picking the team is his job, not mine."
The coach could have said - Frankie yells at his team mates, Frankie didn't stay for all of try-outs and made some lousy excuses to leave the practice field, Frankie dogs it during sprints, Frankie treats me disrespectfully and fails to self-correct when given feedback about his misdeeds that's good feedback!
Frank can now say, "Coach, I can appreciate how tough these decisions are, and I'll be working with my son to continue to provide him with opportunities to mature and develop his character. I hope next year you find Frankie's demeanor to be one you'd love to have on your team." Frank leaves with new information to inform his parenting; he's maintained a respectful relationship with the coach; the coach has been affirmed and encouraged - even in the midst of a difficult situation.
Frank could have looked at the situation differently. He could have remembered that feeling ashamed is normal and human but not healthy or helpful. He could have put his thought life in a serious time-out, and talked some serious trash to the voices in his head that sought to shame him. Isaiah 54:4 is a verse that I use to support my own spiritual trash talking. When faced with an opportunity to get mired in shame and humiliation, I choose to refuse to get sucked into this self-defeating mindset.
It takes a big heart to scorn shame. Get busy.
Recommended reading: 1 Samuel 14 in the morning; Psalm 108 in the evening
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